in the wonders of my mind💗.

I found a lighter, I know it’s not allowed to mention if it’s a method of sh but it’s genuinely not. I think it’s so beautiful idk

https://picallow.com/369041-2/?usp_success=2&post_id=369041&form_id=27

(tw for the link)

I lost it tho. they have so many lighters. like in every drawer, the one I had was the easiest tho

I’m not scared if anyone found it they can’t do anything it’s just a lighter Ill say I thought it was a toy or something 

I also found a bunch of cigarettes. they were on the bed I’m sleeping on everywhere and I wasn’t sure if it was a cigarette but I found the pack and it was

it’s my brothers birthday tomorrow and my birthdays in a week

before coming here I was at my aunts house for a couple of days and my brother called from her phone and he said he missed bullying me and that he has no one to bully :’)

https://picallow.com/369062-2/?usp_success=2&post_id=369062&form_id=27

oh and my dad called to, he wanted to tell me to make sure I don’t eat too much so I don’t gain weight

I literally saw him take a picture of me on a hospital bed like can you not and what’re you gonna do send it to the family group chat? 

I just think life goes by a little too fast to just sit around and be sad we’re all struggling just stop

I had a friend and after she thought I was dead she just completely switched up her whole personality

and I feel like it’s my fault

what if me being depressing all the time makes people feel forced to say something like I remember that one day I mentioned something I won’t say now but suddenly it’s like everyone just :’) well they left again right after but. 

I feel bad I complain too much and I obsess over small stuff in like all of my friendships and I mess everything up

I don’t know what to say because. I don’t want to think about anything bad right now. okay well of course I am but maybe typing it out would make it worse? 

I think it’s okay to be alone

i guess

im fine without people stressing me out

my second uncle (it’s easier to think of them by an order if that makes sense? I have 4 uncles) was mad at his daughter (my cousin) for not facing her problems (something about a lawyer test and she made it so that she does it past the time she was supposed to I think and it has a bunch of great opportunities if she makes time to study etc that’s why he was mad) and then I guess to release his anger? he started yelling and saying that my problem is that I’m shy and I need to face my problems and etc et+ cetdtc instead of avoiding them like his daughter. 

I’m not avoiding my problems. and I’m not shy either you ever think I just don’t wanna talk to you? 

actually. now that I think about it

"nervous or timid in the company of other people."

but still I don’t like the word and it’s my problem why do you care. go fix your problems? or talk to your daughter. he said he doesn’t wanna talk to her cause he’s mad at her.

iiiiiii um sound really mean :’) I’m sorry. *takes it back* I’m not mad at him. I’m not even mad at all I’m just being stupid

I think I’m done with trying to change myself for others

I am proudly myself/j

I’m so tired

it’s, 4:22am haha. I haven’t slept in a couple of days but it’s honestly not bad it’s sort of gotten easy if that makes sense

I’m okay tho. 

I don’t think I have time to be sad

it’s like idk. that’s sad but you’ll have to live with it. there’s no point in anything I mean it so much now

who expects bullying to stop, it’s not like you can just take it away it wasn’t just invented like everything else and it makes people k.ll themselves

I found the lighter :p

I genuinely want to light myself on fire and die slowly. or quickly it doesn’t matter. 

yeah well ofcourse the first part didn’t send :’)

I’m not gonna rewrite it but, ofcourse I didn’t jump tho I just sat on the pole thing for a while 

my internets so laggy here

I opened the door and for some reason even tho I’m sitting at the same place the internet works better. a cat (of another owner) walked in tho and it’s um :’) it’s eating my bag. I know it gets fed well but it’s been biting the outside of my bag the whole time wouldn’t they like realize it doesn’t taste like their food and stop? or wouldn’t they I mean louis would go around sniffing things and if he doesn’t like it he’d stop but it’s still biting my bag

someone else is still awake

it’s 5:09 am now.

I saw my blood go through a tube.

I suddenly really want to sleep :’)

I got my device from someone’s room and they’re sleeping now

it’s my device anyway I’m not a child to have my device taken away