in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
one was an hour after school detention ( I literally didnāt do anything- )
second was when I actually had friends(ikr itās wild-)and they made me stay after school until my full name got called in a microphone to go down to reception- where it pretty much got..a lot- but I didnāt care. It was just some random seniors and it didnāt matter
and now I just. Iām lost.
after school detention is horrifying.Ā
I was really new to the school and it was my first year of secondary where we had to find our classes- it was so much more complicated tho. it didnāt say things like "math" itād say things like "S082"-?
there are so many and the numbers arenāt even in order. thereāre 6 big staircases and some others and just the whole school is huge in general- when I was being introduced to the whole school it was so much I thought we were already outside it at some point because there was no possible way all that was still just one school..?
standards cards are so unfair. uniform, 'corridor conduct', makeup, missing equipment, late to lesson, swearing- I forgot the rest-
late to lesson in 3 on a standard card and if you get 5 teacher signatures thatās an after school detention.
It was- peaceful. today.
I came home late but no one cared. I used to come at 3:07 and my family would give me a whole lecture. thatās when I first tw shād but whatever.Ā
idk why I hate the idea sm tho. every time someone assumes I do I do anything I can to prove that I donāt. which- I donāt. :ā). it doesnāt do anything. for me at least.
that hometime sound goes off at 3:05 for non bus students but teachers still choose to dismiss us late either way.
I just hid for a while. In the english girlās bathroom- everyone skips there.Ā
I left pe at 2:50 cos thatās when bus students leave but pe teachers never notice because- they donāt memorize whoās bus ofc like what- and thereāre way too many of us to notice. 3sets in one lesson-
then I just. well first I went to my arabic class cos I forgot my water bottle and my teacher just threw it next to the garbage bin on the floor like really-
there was a little girl in her class :ā) I just said excuse me cos she was clearly distracted and I couldnāt find my water bottle- but she just kept looking at her ipad so I said nevermind-
i accidentally said "sheās so cute" out loud becauseā
im not horrible right now. I mean. Iām- Iāve gotten in such a bad state where I just canāt :3 I lost my voice- idk how it happens- I canāt smile and my eyes are half open. I just have a dead look to me.Ā
I love doing things for people more than anyone. I shut down but Iām not the type of person to shut down and "stop being able to love" or care.Ā
I just try. and donāt say itās enough I know itās not. (you werenāt gonna say that you donāt care Iām just talkative Iām sorry-)Ā
(Iām sorry-)
god how irritating can you get.-