in the wonders of my mind💗.

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_{I’m so tired.}

_{nvm I realized it was this whole forum}

I’m gonna go

I missed seeing you around. 💙 I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Would a new thread help? Or is the forums in general that are tiring? 

@mytwistedsoul

💙sorry I upvoted it but then guests came. I missed you too, I know you didn’t say that but I’m gonna act like you did because I genuinely did miss you. you’re so kind :')💙

you don’t have to💜idk I hate the way cups is changing in general and the things thatve been happening it’s just so unnecessary and cruel. in my side it’s just so crazy like the rumors and all that. I don’t have to talk about it tho it’s fine. It’s just something about this thread that hurts. thanks for being here soul💙you don’t have to but you still do it and you’re amazing for that💙

@iloveyouxx I did miss you 💙 I was just afraid if I said it I'd seem needy or - idk - clingy or too much. Or that I'm making it weird or make people uncomfortable 

@mytwistedsoul

awwe lol you thought about that :')💜you just reminded me of this one cups guy that would always go "heeyyyy nadiaaaaaa😊" and after that they’d be kinda weird and I told them that they made me uncomfy and scared eventually. but I blamed it on general anxiety and fear or male that I genuinely try to stop because I know they’re not all the same and I know it’s unfair but it’s all I’ve ever known and idk anyway, so then they started going "heeyyy (name)😊" ☠️☠️ right now that persons permanently banned. a commod friend told me that and some listeners saw his profile and said yeah it was a ban but idk who reported. it was really bad :') they honestly always got mad at me for that fear and made annoying examples and would go around telling others about it but they made it worse than anyone ever has before. but I don’t think it would’ve been weird💙I trust you more than most people so that’s something. 

@iloveyouxx Aww no it's ok to be sad. I mean I'm sorry that you are of course but I can understand why talking or even thinking about all this would make you sad. It's a hurtful situation. It's always ok to be how ever you feel. I'd rather you be honest about it then pretend to be happy when you're not. You never have to be sorry ok? 

@mytwistedsoul

your notification just saved me :P also sorry if this is rushed I’m scared my dads gonna come back. 

thankyou soul🩷 

@iloveyouxx Omg I could scream right now. I had this huge reply written up and the whole thing just poofed 

@mytwistedsoul

abusihubwjjhibaa I wish I could’ve seen that ugh I hate it when that happens😭that’s why I usually save my replies somewhere if I have to go or something so I could finish it off later

@iloveyouxx The sad thing is that I usually do save messages I'm writing. For whatever reason this time I didn't 

@mytwistedsoul

for me sometimes when I press post the whole screen just pauses and you can’t click anything at all. even the tabs and after a couple minutes it turns grey and leads to the log in page again

I honestly don’t know I broke the last ones horribly (both sides were broken off the like front lenses part and they were also cut through the middle tho-) and these were new since my eyesight got so much worse. according to the doctor :p my eyes are severely sensitive to the light and I have really bad dry eyes and my eyesight went down by 3. idk 3 what but 3☠️and I didn’t get those glasses a long long time ago so I basically messed up my eyesight really fast. and my family said that can’t happen to people my age and your eyesight only starts getting that much worse when you’re in your 40/50s. which idk I kinda doubt it :') because the doctor said while he put that light to my eyes through that big machine thing that the dry eyes and sensitivity to the light are because of too much screen time☠️ and he said usually this isn’t because of screentime of education but rather when it’s used on entertainment. he seemed really mad but it was probably a bad day :') but yeah this time I think I slept on them or something- I know I sound really careless but I just remember my dad found them somewhere and got mad but they weren’t broken tho one side was just a little loose but still not broken. 

it was 86 for me :0

ugh I hate it when people do that :') the same thing happened to me but I guess it never really stopped me. I’m quiet irl but I know I talk too much here. it’s so hard to trust someone again I’m sorry/gen😞

yeah thankyou💙I don’t have a phone either, it’s just my school tablet. and my brother has a phone and he doesn’t know I have a fingerprint on that :p lol that sounds bad. and I have a face id on most devices. my grandma has 3 phones my dad has 8 my brother has 2 my grandpa has 2. and they actually use them

no it’s okay :0🤍I don’t really matter lol really tho and helping even tho I’m probably not makes me feel worth something. I’m not gonna take care of myself :') and I know you say that but you really really don’t. thankyou tho🤍/gen

i'm so sorry to hear about your losses and the complex emotions you're dealing with. losing both your dog and your father so close together must have been so painful.😞it sounds scary. the relationship with your father sounds particularly complicated with the history of abuse and then reconnecting later on. :')💜it makes sense to feel conflicted about grieving someone who caused you pain and it's also valid to mourn the childhood you didn't have.💙 It’s a lot to handle on your own. it's a lot to go through just at all espe.cially when you feel like there's no one to turn to who would understand. i don’t want to just throw you onto something else. and you don’t have to thank me💜I really do like listening, thankyou for letting me🤍

💙💙you’re welcome :0 I think I already did that xD but it’s okay🤍

I didn’t sleep at all heh but it’s okayy💜thankyou💙

I’m sorry I know this isn’t replying properly but the person that opened this device for me is gone and I was meant to give it to them before they left and I’m not meant to have this and I’ve been so scared and trying to keep it open just to finish this at least- I sound really dramatic and I know I skipped replying to a bunch of stuff probably I don’t really remember. I’ll try and come on later and reread it but maybe you’d have to remind me :') I’ll try and remember tho. ttyl💙

@iloveyouxx It's sort of funny and sad that everything comes down to screen time. Which maybe it does - idk. The blue light maybe? Do you take eye drops for the dry eye? I've heard it helps because that can cause eye problems too. Idk I think some people are just more prone to eye problems and alot can effect it. I don't think having them break necessarily means your careless. Sometimes accidents just happen

@mytwistedsoul

I saw a video where this person took that mensa iq test and got 133, then for a couple of hours just scrolled through and watched low quality content, brain rot, it wasn’t for too long(I think it was 4hours)but they took the test again and it went down to 118. It is possible for it to have a temporary effect on cognitive function- I think it was interesting to watch lol :0 how they did in the test the second time could’ve been influenced by other things 

yeah the doctor prescribed them and I have to use them every morning and night. I take 14 types of medication a day :’) and some of them dissolve in water and some are in powder form and some are pills and some you drink and I honestly don’t take any of them. I have to but the idea bothers me and I know I should but I guess I just don’t want to :’) most of them say they’re for adults so idk why I’m taking them. maybe that works in some situations

also no I’m just really really clumsy I think😅🩷my brother doesn’t trust me with anything 

yeah and I guess it is my fault too😞I hate how gullible I am it’s just. unbelievable how idiotic and credulous you can be. I can be :’)🩷awwe me too lol ☠️💜 it’s okay I think it doesn’t affect me that much- I once saw someone say- (I don’t remember where btw-) "I’m not antisocial I’m selectively social. there’s a big difference!" and- same😁

he caught me on it but I just said I stayed up all night and kept it open from when he gave it to me. which is pretty impossible I kept reopening it every couple of minutes :p

loving and hating someone simultaneously can be confusing and emotionally taxing😞not having the time to grieve properly while taking care of all his final arrangements must make it even harder to process your feelings. if it needs some time to process than try and find some time💙? Ive never had someone that close to me go like that😞I know my imagination can’t be compared to the actual experience💜I can try and think about it and even that hurts and it definitely hurts so much more for you because it’s not the same😞I did lose someone a couple years ago and I kept begging my family before that if we could go visit because they were sick. we would’ve had to travel but even before they got sick I think since I was 6 I’d been wanting to go and I never got to, those plans you never got to fulfill can be especially painful😞

It’s okay to have regrets about things left unsaid and undone💙tw-? I saw a video basically explaining how the past can’t be changed and the more we think they’re the more we’re stuck but it’s still hard. I feel like it can’t be changed nothings gonna change from then when we think about it but it’s okay to be stuck there and need time to process it before looking forward. just my opinion tho💜the person in the video was nice. grieving is not a linear process. it’s what I always got told. allowing yourself to feel these emotions, even if it’s just a little bit at a time💙and it’s okay to go at your own pace💜

nfta but does this all take a lot of space in your head or is it harder to think about?                                                                    

I don’t think they think I’ll do anything bad :’) idk why they do it. awe thankyou :p💜I still think I’m stupid tho😅I know I depend thinking that on things that don’t define how smart you are exactly but idk

thankyou💙I think that was horrible but personal opinion I guess :p I’m trying not to downplay compliments anymore and I don’t think I’m doing great :D but thankyou💙

@iloveyouxx Sorry it took so long to reply back. I kept getting pulled away but I remembered to save it as I went lol. Not falling for that again 

@mytwistedsoul

@iloveyouxx No apologies necessary. There's no obligation to reply. I do worry sometimes because I've had people get pretty upset if I would reply to others and not them. Now it's just a "listener" friend. That's a long long story with that one lol

_{I’m gonna go again. I might come back if my dad’s late or if he leaves again but idk.} 

@iloveyouxx

i've run out of hearts/reached the heart limit but me sending hugs 💜

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@mytwistedsoul

@iloveyouxx With this particular person it's that I have to reply regularly to them. They don't hang out in the forums at all. To chat with them takes hours and it's hard to sit still that long. Not to mention having a conversation is me asking them questions and getting one word answers. It's just really draining. I have had people who got upset if I answered others first And others in general lol

@mytwistedsoul

;-; hours of that? what would you even talk about? is it for them :p what’s the point of talking like that :p and if someone just gets upset because you replied to someone else before them that’s just weird unless it’s important I’m honestly just confused tho😅

@iloveyouxx Well this one wasn't reply to very fast at all. I'm sorry about that. Idk I think the tags are screwy - which when haven't they been lol

@mytwistedsoul

it’s okayy and I know, it’s so hard keeping up with replies that way so I understand💙I just upvoted because I thought you didn’t get the tag- which- you didn’t :D

im gonna be honest tho it’s 3am- or almost, 2:53 am. and my dads definitely awake I can hear him on a call :p and- I’m being reallyyyyy risky xD😅because he forgot to take our devices. I surprise myself sometimes

@iloveyouxx Thank you. I try to keep up but yeah sometimes it's impossible. And when the tags are goofy it's even harder

I admire you're bravery! You must keep a finger ready on the close tabs button lol

It is a listener. He actually messaged me but not for me to talk to him about anything I'm dealing with. But for us to talk about things he's dealing with. It started when I had very few boundaries. I actually do feel bad for him tho because I know he's got alot going on but I suck at keeping up with people's expectations

Yes! They are fluffy cows! 😊 The horse's name is Danny. He's pretty cool and very friendly. The chickens are pretty friendly too and they like to be petted and will take treats from your hands

That teacher sounds like she should choose a new profession. 😕 Idk if people realize that things like that are what makes it harder for kids to go to them when they have problems later on. It's bad enough to get yelled at all the time but to mock someone is just really cruel

Hey that's great! I didn't know you could get medals on it! I'll definitely have to check it out on the laptop. Hey playing games is a hobby too. Anything you like doing can be a hobby I think

It takes me forever to type sometimes lol  I get sidetracked too easily at times

Thank you too for talking with me 💙

How's your foot doing? Is the pain alittle less now?

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