in the wonders of my mind💗.

my grandmas traveling next week

_{she feels like she burdens us. and she said that and I thought my grandpa was gonna tell her not to say that but he just said they burden everyone but just us}

_{she wants to live on her own again so that no one would have to feel like they need to take care of her}

_{my grandma went to the hospital yesterday with my aunt and she needs to be helped she can't even walk too much and she's so fragile I don't mean to make her feel however she does but I'm just worried}

_{my brother almost woke up :')} 

_{yeah he still hasn't woken up-}

_{I'm kinda happy with the time I got to have-}

_{It can get really bad if I don't have access to a screen for too long :')} 

_{I don't think I could just adjust to it}

_{I'm so slow today}

_{oh btw :') I remember how lonely it used to be here. and it still is sometimes and it used to really affect me seeing how others acted and were in other spaces and I just felt that much unimportant. and my notifications have been at 99+ with nothing but upvotes :P from this space because I crossed everything else out just to see :P💜and those little upvotes make so much difference for me🩷thankyou🩷not tagging anyone now tho}

_{everyones gone.} 

_{my brothers still here :') but still asleep}

everytime someone would ask me for something and I wouldn't have it I'd always feel so bad. so I started carrying things in my bag just incase :') 

_{and then others started telling their friends to ask me if they didn't have like anything.} 

_{he woke up gotta go}

_{my dad keeps trying to get me to go out with people. and he called the mom of a really really old friend and tried to make plans and ofcourse she’s really nice but she never called back and my dad was yelling that it was because they were scared of me. and that I’m the school’s freak.} 

_{and my aunt told him not to say that and she could’ve just forgot}

_{it’s all she could do tho he doesn’t stop.} 

_tw

_{when he’s mad he gets so scary and I though he was gonna push me onto the road.} 

_{I can’t do anything when I’m scared}

_{everything just slows down and I feel my heartbeat all over me}

_{is it just me that can "blur out my hearing" :’) because I’ve seen videos of people saying they could blur out their vision and they thought others could do it too. and most of the comments would say they could do it too so maybe that’s normal. but I can do that too and with my hearing everything goes "blurry" and kinda..background. and then there’s this faraway type of ringing.} 

a high pitched ringing :’) and the blurring is quiet but loud. I keep thinking of what it basically sounds like but it’s so hard to explain

_{I watched a 3 hour movie with my brother. 3 hours and 20 minutes and 6 seconds- ..} 

_{and I’m not gonna name it just because it’s probably also childish☠️}

_{it’s really popular tho. and then after 3hours it decided to go "To be continued.." and I thought it was a joke for some reason.} 

_{third parts coming out in 2025 :')}

_{dads here gotta go}

_{I’m trying to reply to something on cups but I don’t know what to say on one part because that’s obviously the part where I’m not talking about myself :’) and I don’t know how to support. I actually wanna look up that I don’t know if I’m just uncontrollably talkative or self centered or if it’s something else} 

"There can be many reasons why you feel this way, and it’s important to remember that it’s okay to seek help to understand and manage these feelings. Some possible reasons might include:

1. Anxiety: Anxiety can make you feel self-conscious and worry about how others perceive you. This can lead to overthinking your interactions and feeling bad about talking about yourself.

2. Low Self-Esteem: If you have low self-esteem, you might feel that talking about yourself is not valuable or that others aren’t interested in what you have to say. This can create a cycle of negative feelings and self-doubt.

3. Depression: Depression can cause feelings of worthlessness and guilt, which might make you feel bad when you talk about yourself. It can also affect your ability to engage in conversations about other topics.

4. Past Experiences: If you’ve had experiences where people have broken your trust or ignored you, it can lead to a fear of opening up and talking about yourself. These experiences can shape how you interact with others and view yourself.

5. Social Skills: Sometimes, difficulties in knowing what to say about others can stem from a lack of practice or confidence in social skills. This can make conversations feel more challenging and increase the focus on yourself.

6. Personality Traits: Some people naturally tend to focus more on their own experiences and feelings. This isn’t inherently bad, but it might require some adjustments in how you approach conversations.

Understanding the root cause of these feelings often requires introspection and, sometimes, professional help. A therapist can work with you to explore these underlying issues and develop strategies to manage them"

…….

_{I seriously need help}

_{my head hurts so bad}

_{I’m so worried}

_{I probably shouldn’t talk about it but if a friend came on and started apologizing for everything really late in their time zone-}

_{after being gone for a while} 

_{I mean I replied it’s not that horrible I wouldn’t just sit there and stare at the screen for stuff like this. and they apologized like 4 more times. I counted. in different ways. and I replied and idk what else to do I feel so weak and unable and idk in situations like this because all I can do is type messages, send messages, through a screen, on the other side of the world. and no offense words can help and all that but}

_{not right now. not for this}