in the wonders of my mind💗.

@iloveyouxx I did 💙 It surprises me at times that so many people can be so callous towards other people 😞 

@mytwistedsoul

huh :') I didn’t expect anyone to.  

I had to search that word up :P it makes so much sense tho. 💜

that’s true :0🤍you can tell a lot from the eyes.🩷at least I know I can. 

also I fell asleep I’m sorry- my eyes got blurry and I thought I typed that(and could post it)but I made a ton of mistakes but after that I couldn’t type anymore and fell asleep. :p then I kept looking for your post is page 70- I make things sound so complicated. 

@iloveyouxx I can be a little odd that way I guess when it comes to reading things lol. I can tell alot from someone's eyes too and their tone - even in text you can pick up tone sometimes 

_{dads still busy- he hasn’t even come in or anything- he hasn’t taken this device either- he’s been busy the whole time.}  

_{I’ve been chewing on this gum for almost 3 hours :’) I can’t *** take it.} 

_{I give up on myself.}

_{the thing is :’) um. I don’t feel anything. but I’m just crying. and I know it’s not just something in my eye but I’m just crying and idk why.} 

……………………

_{Idk what I have to do.}

I hear it in my head.

just echoing.

_{I feel like I’m the only one that doesn’t actually know what’s happening.}

_{I went through every one of the pages in this forum up until 30 something.}

_{I just feel like I watched myself grow up.} 

_{I just kept getting worse tho. my cringey younger self was happy at least. atleast I was happy. I couldn’t be happy now and I know if I wasn’t as stupid and naive back then I wouldve just broken. at least I was happy. but I’m still gonna make fun of myself. there was so much behind that smile that I could never see again.} 

I had to so much light and love in me and it just hurts so bad

_{every time I come on here I just hate myself even more because I just feel so attention seeking- I know I’m not at all. but I hate it when people do it. and then there’re those 7+ people meeting up to start that same predictable *** that everyone’s so used to. it’s so predictable. but I just come here to talk and I already know most of the time I’m just alone but I feel bad because- I’m just. wasting my own space. inhaling too much oxygen and my presence is already bad enough.} 

_{literally no one cares no one *** cares just *** get over yourself get up and move on no one’s gonna think twice about you and no one’s gonna stop you when you’re talkin sui and no one’s gonna grieve or hurt when your full name is carved into a gravestone}

@iloveyouxx 

I care nadia frnd 🩷 i wld hate to lose you 🥺

@iloveyouxx

i would care too. 💜 *hugs if okay* 

_{I feel like the way I talk is toxic to other people :’) because what if someone reads it and is like- oh :’) they’re right :’) but it’s just about me- really tho.} 

_{I think I’m almost out of flavorless gum :’)}

_don’t.

_{I’m so hungry. I’m so hungry but I can’t eat I won’t eat don’t eat just don’t just stop it I can’t do this I’m so tired I’m so hungry. I’ve went longer I’ll be fine. it’s not that hard.}

_{I’m so hungry.} 

at the beginning of the year I had a list of 28 goals. and I kept editing it until it went down to eleven. I haven’t made the smallest bit of progress in any of them.

_{there were so many times today where I could’ve been on cups :p like. I had so much free time. and so much happened. and I know on another day I would’ve just came here and talked all about it- improvement? :p i know it sounds dumb but to me cups is such a serious and valid addiction. if I tried to stop it I wouldn’t. I’ve never even set my account on break or deactivated it once(just cos idk. It’s kinda unnecessary unless you just- nvm I’m not gonna rant about this again) and I always come back. I always come back. cups is always in my incognito tabs- it’s never not there. but I just came here like twice to refresh the page and see notifications and that’s it :’) I’m honestly not that addicted to cups anymore. it used to affect me so much but it’s just a site. okay well yeah I’m sorry it is alot more than a site. it means so much to so many people and it’s helped millions- but I just feel like the way it affected me(atleast the negative part)isn’t worth it at all- when I see it just from that it is just a site. from the creeps to the attention seekers and liars and conflicts it’s just a site. there was that one person on here. I don’t really wanna think about them but they’re the reason I actually haven’t talked in rooms for months. and I cried a bunch and they just took so much thought in my head. "keeping you in my thoughts" literally never means anything if you say it all the time. sorry. but what the person did to the way I thought is something it’s just- no one’s ever changed my mindset and feelings and way of thinking and- myself- so much even irl. even my dad when he (/) and it leaves me numb and literally sui or my mom showing up 10 years later when I thought she was dead or my best friend going "you do you" when I was talking about wanting to *** km.s. yeah I ruined my mood. but not even they changed me like that person did. and I still think about them. I realize what it sounds like so no we weren’t dating and no I didn’t like them. they were only tagged in a couple of things. but one forum they replied to and I check that so often and go on their account and still. permanently banned. I know that code and my listener friend does too and even a commod. ……..why- I swear I was actually kinda okay before this :’) I *** myself up sm I swear-…. :’)}

_{I found out the *perfect* excuse for history :D}

_{just listen just listen okay…./lh}

_{so I’m gonna bring one of my empty planners right :D? (you’re not allowed btw and it’s not really meant to be possible but :p doesn’t matter :p I found them in my bag :p/ididnt) and I’m gonna tell him that I forgot my device for that day :D and how my other teachers didn’t care or we just didn’t need our devices(he’s not the person to really bother you about a dumb excuse)(oh and btw he likes me lol or atleast he’s much nicer to me :p cos he notices how depressed I always am. lol. I’m not even joking at school my skin actually looks grey. I can barely open my eyes and I just look so exhausted and dead :’) he keeps asking me if I’m okay but anyway) and then :D he’s gonna sign my planner :D my empty planner :D and that one’s gonna have 1 signature and honestly I’m never gonna need it for history again but if I do then that’s officially the history teacher planner :p he’s very likely gonna forget about it anyway. then he’s gonna remove my name :D and I’ll have to do it on thursday :D and then I’ll figure it out from there :D}

_{I’m not gonna have the confidence to do that :D.. ki.ll me :D}

_{btw this is sarcastic :D but I like it :D}

_{I hate mondays.} 

_{I hate everyday-}

_brb.- 

_{also I’m gonna have to go soon anyway cos my dad- and :’) my dad :D}

_{4:44 am :0}

_{guess what :D}