Isn't it weird how people come and leave our lives? I had a deep conversation about grief and people in a chatroom yesterday with my dear teen friends. 

When you look around and realise that everything will be gone one day? That everything you loved and cared for will leave one day or won't last forever? 

Or even the idea that one day you will be gone too. And people will feel similar/same ways you felt about loosing someone? 

It's so strange yet so scary. That nothings meant to last. 

@amiableBunny4016

🥺❤ *hugs tight*

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

hey ....its been a while... *hugs sun tight if okay* 💗

@amiableBunny4016

Yes hehe, life being all life-like or something.🥲 

*hugging back tightly*❤

(Nomming your "if okay" for the millionth time now sweet shining bunnyyy😛😂😭😭)

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

yeah, life gets busy hehe. lol. it can be all over the place sometimes. *sends sun friend some love*

Our vision of the world has become so distorted. 

i'm so done with all this.

with all this grief and ***. with this *** trauma. i'm so *** done with it all. *** end this. *** finish this trauma. i'm tired. 

@amiableBunny4016 I was just thinking about the same over the weekend. Grief compounded and multiplied to infinity. I don't even know if that's possible mathematically. It just seems never ending 

@mytwistedsoul

I agree tbh… :') it feels like a never ending void

@mytwistedsoul

its like i'm mourning so many people at the same time... dead or alive. and then i mourn myself... who i was, who i used to be, and who i am today. i dont know if it ever does end soul, i guess it stays with us for the rest of our lives. escaping grief is like hitting our head on a wall and expecting to get through the wall. this is what love can do to us sometimes... 

@amiableBunny4016 There's a lot of grief involved with trauma and life. Grieving what could have been - what can never be. Grieving all that was lost

to the people that abandoned me and were supposed to protect me, 

i hope your well. i hope your alive, or at least.. i hope your happy.

i guess loving me was hard enough, i bet pretending you loved me felt like *** on the inside but i guess its easier than actually loving me. You know, sometimes love can break you to the core, because the more you trust that someone loves you, the more you realise that your opening your heart to people. When you open your heart to people, they take advantage of it either in a good way or for their benefit and use it badly. 

i wonder what its like to be truly loved. or heard. or seen. i guess people like me, don't get to see such a fate. but its okay. i've learnt to accept my life and my circumstances. I hope you have too. i've come to understand that despite all the dark and crazy places I've been in my life,  the absence for loving myself or for anyone loving me has carved a hole in my heart, and slowly hollowed me out. But no matter what, people always leave some day. Whether its for the best or for the worst, people will always leave. I always find reasons to leave forever, run away where no one can find me. 

I don't want anyone to feel the need to take care of me. And so I just linger in places often i don't really belong. I just want to move on with my life, but I just don't know how. I bet you do too. 

But whatever you did for me, and whatever i did for you has become the past now. The past is gone now. If for any reason, you are hurt or feel horrible, i'm sorry. 

I hope you find peace one day. peace in yourself. but please, don't come back to me. Please don't come back to me when your hurting or when you feel like it, because i am nothing more. I am no more. Imagine i'm dead.

from,

your friend.

Lord Huron - The Night we Met

@amiableBunny4016 Congratulations on your award Little Bunny 💙😊

@mytwistedsoul

thank you lovely soul! 💙

(i have a feeling i know how has nominated me. i think it was you, tho i may be wrong lol 💙 thank you.)

@amiableBunny4016 Aww you're welcome but it wasn't me 😊 💙

@mytwistedsoul

@amiableBunny4016

peace in being alone.

i'm not the only child that has been unloved or abandoned.

there were many people before me and many that will come after me.

that will feel the same way. that felt the same way.

but there is peace, in your own comfort. 

you just have to find it.

"Letting people into your life is hard, but what is harder is letting them go. A piece of you leaves when they leave"

@amiableBunny4016

this is true 💙 i’ve always said it's like losing a piece of yourself tbh. letting people in is hard, like giving a piece of yourself away but letting people go is hard too. because then that piece is just gone :') 

💜

@mytwistedsoul

"if everything is better when you're dreaming

why are we so afraid to sleep" - i saw this in your space. this is so deep and so beautiful. your so talented at writing 💛sending hugs.

@amiableBunny4016 You're pretty talented at writing yourself! 💙 The things that you've written here - the threads - the poems - your replies to people have so much thought put into them

*sends big hugs back* 💙😊 

@mytwistedsoul

💛 thank you soul friend. Me really inspired by your poems :) 

@amiableBunny4016 😅 ty!

Does that mean we'll be seeing some of your amazing poems soon? 💙

@mytwistedsoul

um.. perhaps or perhaps not. long time since i haven't shared one. if I find a topic to write on or have an idea I'll try to share it lol 😅 idk. I'm kinda scared to share lol.

@amiableBunny4016 It is scary sharing things sometimes - well - sometimes all the time 😅 And it's something that is an of the moment thing. Something - somewhere - sparks a thought or the words fall together just the right way and then the magic happens. It's not something that can be forced 💙

@mytwistedsoul

sorry for late reply.  i got caught up in revision, yk exams and stuff. i'm going home later this week anyways.  yeah. um..idk there is always that voice of fear in my head with sharing poetry. i used to be so confident sharing it on here or somewhere else, but now i'm like... so scared for no reason lol. hehe. how have things been in souls world by the way? (no pressure to answer) <3

@amiableBunny4016 That's ok 💙 Nothing to be sorry for. You're going home!? Um - are you - are you ok with that? I mean - Idk what I mean - 😅

Aww Bunny I'm sorry to hear this about the confidence and sharing poems. Do you know what might be causing it? It's ok too if you don't. Sometimes things just pop up out of nowhere

Tbh - there's been some issues with pain. Which is normally handled but it's been worse the past month or so. Still carrying around the depression but it smother's the anxiety for the most part lol. Thank you for asking 💙

@mytwistedsoul

I would rather go home and see my brother alive, rather than sit and stress and think about how he is doing and what condition he is in. i dont give *** about mom, she has no power or control anymore, im not the same kid anymore. i dont keep my head down like i used to. 💛

idk... i just lost the passion for sharing it all. yk. like.. whats the point? either people will end up judging it, or they will like it. either way.... its some *** about my life. doesnt really matter.

i'm sorry to hear your feeling pain friend :( I can hear its getting worse recently. I know i can't really make it any better but me *sending healing beams if okay*.  💛 Yeah, i get the bit about anxiety and depression, at one point we just get used to it, and it becomes our comfort. 

Bunny :)

@amiableBunny4016 Has it been a while since you've seen him? I bet he's missed you 💙
As for her - well - she doesn't deserve you and I'm glad to hear that you're not going to put up with the BS from her

I can understand that. It does matter to me though. It just frustrates me because there isn't anything I can do to really help. I think maybe that's where I am some days though with sharing

Aww thank you *gladly accepts healing beams and sends big hugs*

I'm sorry you get the anxiety and depression part too - it sucks. I have no idea what it's like to be happy - Idk if I ever did tbh 😕

i miss living without the fear of being hurt or being used by other people. 

@amiableBunny4016 Because you're so used to living that way. The hyper vigilance becomes natural to you. Everything feels off without it - unnatural 💙 

@mytwistedsoul

 i need a hug. can i give you a virtual hug? is that okay? 

@amiableBunny4016 of course it's ok! *gives you a big bear hug* 💙 

@mytwistedsoul

*bunny hugs back* - (p.s. it was nice hearing your voice in the 7cups birthday video hehe 💙)

@amiableBunny4016 😅 I was so nervous I think it did and deleted it a dozen times. Sent it in and had that omg what did I just do moment 😳😅

It makes it more real I think. That the people here are real. I think sometimes we forget that we're dealing with real people when we're talking on screens all the time 

*hugs you tight* You ok with going home tomorrow? Maybe alittle nervous? 

@mytwistedsoul

im having a panic attack about going home tommorow..

@amiableBunny4016 Deep slow breathes ok? Maybe put your feet on the floor. It can help ground you. Right now you're safe ok? Right now you are safe 💙 

there is something about going home tommorow which makes my heart beat so much faster...