To Adalida (Journal collections)

Dear Adalida;

Did you missed me? You wasn't in your office the time I came... What do people do when community council holds a meeting that discusses a resident who happens to be a patient?

I feel so weird right now, it will probably be a bad idea to get in close contact with anyone, for their own safety.

I didn't made dinner last night, I wasn't expecting mom to come home that early, I had been spending myafternoon doing something that stinks.

Now I feel even worse.

I wanna cut myself again....

But my arm is already...

@Apeatrice

Mom is really jumpy rn. 

I thought ...

I don't know what to do.

Maybe, just maybe, the world will be happier without me

They say that sh is a addiction.

Didn't realize how much that is true till now. 

Headache making it hard to concentrate enough to write long posts.

But anyway, I think I gone toofar. Adalida, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said those nasty words at you. You and Tree and Love are those , off all people, the ones who has helped me the most during this hardship. I'm so sorry, Adalida . And Tree, I'm sorry, so sorry, but I don't share offline contact.

Some parts of me want me to go back to that system, the act and punishment system, which is kind of like, I done something wrong and than punish myself physically.

I beat myself up.

Maybe it sound funny, stupid or weird, but...

Darn, my sister is crying because my mom is teaching her to recite some cartoon. They make videos of them reciting them.as advertisers.

It gives me ...well.

Maybe I'm too honest these days, if I hadn't been, I wouldn't have lost you and Tree.

I associate punishment with the production part of my body...lol all the more reasons to k myself

@Apeatrice

Ok, no lie. I'm angry, angry at my mom who said she loves me and will be there for me. Angry at you for not being here, angry at Tree because I have no one else left, angry at myself because I made all of u go away