THETAJFTOJS II
Sigiendo desde aqui 5 of 5: The hypothetical equivalent to a journal from the old journal section - 7 Cups Forum
It is a weird thing when something goes bunk on my 'Archiver0' account, wherein I can access the listener account I tried making once which I thought long deleted but not the member account which I've been using for a while now but can enter through this rrreally old account, reactivate and continue my 7cups presence from here.
=~= All this b/c of how iffy the account deletion processes are and how this site seems to have an issue if you attach a previously used email to a new identity on here ?.
I hate medical experts will dish out recommendations for exercise but never really think twice beyond me telling them that I stick to a 140+ minute per week quota.
Like for instance they don't try to ask for precisely how long I've been doing that and grief do I want one of them to have cross through there mind that all non-bougie reality it takes painful self-pressure to sustain something like that daily for years on end...
PLUS actually factor in given my personality, attitude and mental health past how it's not really 'nominally wholesome' to be doing that, when your friggin likely socializing patterns really hampers 'the quality' of your practice.
Save your cold, bougie prescriptions or hippy-dippy like self-righteous after when you factor that and the f--g rarity of you actually seeing a non-athletic but not overtly obese or impaired or super talented under 33 yr from the inner region of this d--n city.
._.
*sigh*
it was one thing to be so f--g disappointed by the police and their f--g 12 yr responses to someone threatening my safety yrs ago..
it's another thing to be sore over not really liking non-mental health based doctors, to see yourself become the sort of person skeptical of non-mental health based doctor when for all the friggin systemic limitations it's still mainly covered by your regions citizen health plan..
._. >_< f---k please don't dismay at least anytime soon mental health ppl...it's why many wind up in pits of false hope like here
Much of my frustration or anger went away with badly timed nap I'm waking from
Developmentally speaking the 00's were a c--y decade for me but I recognize how the 'Frutiger aero' aesthetic would've been significant to my brother and my younger cousins as ''the aesthetic' which comes after the Y2K aesthetic and would've been present around us from around the peak of MySpace to about a a year before we reached the middle of last decade..
This video is appreciated by me for the video makers attempt at an aesthetic trend chronology at the very least from 2:19-3:36/19:10
The 2000s Vision of the Future - Frutiger Aero Explained - YouTube
`_` my reaction to this reminds me of the 'gameplay v. lore' memes (ex. Latin America Gameplay vs Lore - YouTube ), in that video essays like these bring up 'the lore', the thought processes and intentions which went behind the aesthetics and movements of those days but my memory of 'the gameplay' I did during those days barely factored such attributes and was mainly jarring and bitter an experience...
but somehow I'm to believe it can come to mean something more to a passerby on this platform whose not yet as senscence laden and 'chronologically gifted' as I am, and I can appreciate that..
..-_- I can't quite say that I'll appreciate seeing an aesthetic like Frutiger aero from barely 1/2 my life ago be revived again..keeping me from aging at a different rate, whether lower b/c it'll be a bit like a second chance in a familiar landscape or a repetition of what stressed me and a reminder of the horror of immutability when they're is functionally no f--g excuse for it other than d--y human attitudes and ideologies.
The wave which the podcast and Amazon's version of 'Critical roll' has made, has made me think that when it comes to reframed D&D popularity, Bennet 'the sage' White might be have a 'Record of the Lodoss war' video in the pipeline if he hasn't already made one.
Such a cool L.American Spanish dub: Record of Lodoss War - Kiseki no Umi (Español Latino) - YouTube
Went on pornography
(a) could..waste dozens of minute seeking a listener to go through the motions with for an hour before finally sleeping before my last day of work for the week or
(b) go to sleep, let the restlessness subside, tell myself I won't get screwed over at work or in my apartment for this deed, a very specific deed which happened in less than a dozen minutes and frankly I'd describe as 'vanilla' in terms of what I was exposed to, f--g gather my composure and go to work and a blessed day whence I may well be the only one in that privileged office space I'm in.
When I can take a chance to let a podcast or music play aloud
Note it's currently well past 2:45 am EST here
When your in a position to say maybe in self-deception as to how 'the simplicity of it' isn't merely what's recognized loneliness but you caved in to your fixation since you strongly felt that if you fell into this inevitability sooner than later you'd at least have one satisfaction in terms of controlling yourself on amounts maybe above 'a micro-dosing' but below 'a meal' let alone 'binging'
I'm still talking about pornography.
Mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ue714d1V6I
I hate my generation for having mostly fled out of this d--n city if not having becoming East side trash
___
I wonder if that rough fool with the hoop earrings and skateboard still works on the 4th floor of my workplace `_` ..=~= hated that guy
The self-loathing I have to think of my prepubescent self as a 'dumb animal'.
Gunship - Berserker "I was woken by the fire Reality shot me I'm falling off the earth with you We know this night is not for sleep We all go down in flames together You and I embrace in white hot clouds forever A perfect storm, we are blessed Just watch us float, drifting inside of it *** fading, murderized Head's getting heavy, it's time to dive Just as we start to get control Of this violent therapy Upgrading skins with you The absoluteness I consume We all go down in flames together You and I embrace in white hot clouds forever A perfect storm, we are blessed Just watch us float, drifting inside of it *** fading, murderized Head's getting heavy, it's time to dive Silver lining vaporized Floating embers from the sky Broken nose and spitting teeth Now I can tell you're into me We all go down in flames together You and I embrace in white hot clouds forever We all go down in flames together You and I embrace in white hot clouds forever"
In the de facto 70's disco apparently wasn't well liked/had mixed reception in contrast to the fandoms for rock scenes of those days *. In the early 80's there was an expected baseball match btw Chicago and Detroit teams which apparently got bizarrely interrupted by ppl with banners saying 'disco is dead' and some music media being damaged.
In sharp irony as the decade went on, the music scene of both those cities would take cues from the ethos if not methods of disco to transform dance music into the house subgenres which I find smashingly fun (to say nothing of disco's impact on early hip-hop, adjacent to increasingly electronica based funk music).
* a bit of overlap in Kiss's 'I was meant for loving you' imo though
___
Ppl are allowed to praise the grunge and alt-rock of the 90's (I can see where it's coming from but imo the sounds of it can feel monotonous kind of soon) but goodness forbid you mention nu-metal sooner than you would the pop or hip-hop scene of those days. This is a pity which makes me think that nu metal is the 90's disco in terms of being maligned even if it's fair to say that it was a valid form of early rock exposure for many adjacent to the ska, pop punk and emo scenes in the twillight years before post-Limewire downloading foundationally shook music production.
Not a nightmare but a bad dream involving being disrespected for being assumed to be taking sides in a strike for wearing a certain colors which I wasn't aware of the association of.
After shower, feeling better. Outdoor temperatures supposedly nice and still time remaining before work.
I intend to drop off some food into my apartment fridge tomorrow before intending to exercise
Restaurant food, rice, greens,eggs..
Leave also body wash,Gunplay set and take tooth brush from there
Still need to find backpack analogue
Exercise is either videos at parents or going to the place which I'm garnering reservations for. Biking would be nice if whether permits.
__
Do a few other appointment, maybe during a break week before circling back to counseling with someone else
