Scattered Thoughts
Thought it might be a good idea to have my own thread where I can think things out and rant without feeling guilty about invading other peoples spaces.
@ThePizza
Hey M - you've been in my thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Hey :) That about sums it up doesnt it. I laughed
@ThePizza Lol I'm glad I made you laugh. Haven't been doing enough of that lately - ya know?
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you. I know it's silly, but it helps a lot to know that another person in the world is concerned w my well being.
@mytwistedsoul Just realized this wasn't for me. But somehow popped up in my feed. So I'm going to attribute it to mistaken identity. Hope J and M are well, whoever you two are. And that you're coping well amongst this horrible pandemic.
@ThePizza Hey M - Have you seen this yet?
Twenty One Pilots - Level of Concern
@mytwistedsoul
Ahh thank you!! :D I did see it lol. I like it. It does actually make me feel more hopeful and upbeat. Looking forward to more songs from them (though I
@ThePizza It was funny watching them send it back amd forth when they live next door. And the baby :) Holy cow she's cute.
It is a nice upbeat song
I hope you're doing ok M. Youve been in my thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you J :) I
@ThePizza You're welcome M. Good luck with school. I hope it goes good. Its a shame everything got soessed up because .of this stupid virus
I thought isolation meant no need to meet people n no need to step out ,everything will constitue me n nonody to look at me. No need to seek approval ,nobody to call me ugly, not even d mirror.But...i forgot about d people who look after me, d ones at home, Why will a guy from outside love me, when d guy who gave birth to me doesn't ?When will my father call me his little princess?When will he be delighted to see me?When will he look at me with eyes filled with love n not anguish?
TW for mentions of s*lf h*rm
I don't really know what's going on with me. I'm used to feeling this way. This sort of hollow sadness. I feel like I'm missing something. I'm not sure what. I've felt this way since maybe around 6th grade. At least that's when it first started getting noticeable. 7th grade I lost someone very close to me. To cope with it, I became a very dramatic and toxic person. I was cutt*ng for attention and I was a pretty crappy person. I'm past that now. I just, don't know what to do now. I can't tell if I enjoy this quarantine or not. I don't miss school one bit. But being trapped inside is no fun. It constantly feels like there's a brick in my chest. It's heavy and sometimes it feels like the brick prevents my lungs from being able t expand to their maximum capacity. Everything is starting to get boring. I'm getting both closer and more distant with friends. How do I deal with the brick and this hollow sadness?
Happy Easter M
I hope your Easter is all it's quacked up to be ;)
Please help me. My mother is blaming me for sexual harrassment again. She blames me for all of my father's abuse. I'm so sick of it. I usually don't message her about these things because she has a habit of blaming me. I only did so because I didn't want to keep this latest incident a secret. I wanted to let it go as part of this Easter inner rebirth. My father got to her first. He knew I would be telling her about it. She excuses everything he does. He is perfect to her. To my parents, they are the innocents who "always" want what is best for me. I do not want to live with these narcissists any further. I have nowhere to go especially due to COVID-19. I don't want to even live. Not like this. Not if this is how I have to spend my summer and next semester with a father who torments me and a mother who blames me for it.
Any time anyone brings up their anxiety or depression, whether theyve been diagnosed or they just dont feel good, I feel the strong urge to tell them, me too! I have it too! I understand those feelings and experiences. And I feel like I come off so pushy and self centered but in my head I feel like Im not valid? When other people talk about that stuff? Idk. Like I have to prove that I associate get those feelings. Hard to explain
@ThePizza Do you think you feel that way because maybe they're older? Or that maybe they have more going on in their life? You are valid M - allways. If it bothers you or if you're depressed or anxious. These are things - what ever they are - that are important to you. It doesn't make what you're going through any better or worse. Do you know what I mean? You're a person like the rest of us and you're trying to find yourself and happiness along the way. I really hope this came out the way I intended -
