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Ni's Little Solace

User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers July 25th, 2023

Not sure why I am creating this thread exactly, and I'm doing this so late at night as well :') I just felt... like I should do this haha. I do have a one line a day thread although I... don't think I have felt so free over there to write as much as I wished. So I thought maybe... I should just make another thread, a diary perhaps.. where I can really be myself.. and maybe post pictures and quotes, literary quotes maybe... and poems.. specifically haiku hehe. Also vents.. thoughts and maybe letters :')

Replies are welcome as well <3 although please remember to stay respectful and kind.

*sending lots of love and hugs because why not*

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User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 17th, 2023

I just need to know what’s wrong with me

User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 17th, 2023

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e8b59b78-e9ce-4c47-9ce7-3da96868f703_1697562163.jpeg

8 replies
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 17th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers  *sits with you* 💙

7 replies
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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 18th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

💜

6 replies
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 18th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers Hey you :) How are you? 

5 replies
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 18th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I’m okay. 💜 Thank you :'3 How have things been in soul’s world? 💙

4 replies
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 18th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers I'm glad you're ok 💙 Things have been bearable here. Taking everything one moment at a time - thank you for asking :)

User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 19th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I’m glad to hear things have been bearable 💙 Sending massive hugs your way 🥺🫂 I’m always here for you if you need to talk about it a little more. 💙 

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 19th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers Thank you for the hugs 💙 I've been feeling like I could use - well - massive amounts of massive hugs lately. lol I hope you know that I'm always here for you too - for anything. I might not have any answers but I'm here - I'll listen - no judgement - ever 💙 

Sending hugs back 😊💙

User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 19th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Thank you :'3 I appreciate that so much. 💜 Sending more hugs your way 🫂

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User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 19th, 2023

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Me is tagging you to attack you with more koala-huggles 🐨🫂 lol

koala-koya.gif

Aaaaaaahhh, sun buddy 😭😭😭🤧🤧🤧 

3 replies
User Profile: Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Sunisshiningandsoareyou October 19th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers aww you da sweetesttt Niibuddy everssss, hug tags are my favorite tags always heheh! *koalahugglesss tightttt and doesn't let go* 🥺🤗💖

Such an adorable gif hehe!🐨🥰

milk-mocha-bear-milk-mocha.gif

2 replies
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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 19th, 2023

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

I love that gif! 🥺

1 reply
User Profile: Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Sunisshiningandsoareyou October 19th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers hehe me loves it too!🥺🥰🐨🤗💖

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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023
I hate me :)
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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

Yeah I’m crazy. I know. 

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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

:'3 

User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

84a1a5a9-9cdf-42ee-9d1a-7f059570e5fe_1697797616.jpeg

16 replies
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 20th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers I do this too 😞 self hatred is hard to deal with. Do you have an idea where it comes from? 

15 replies
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I don’t really know tbh 😞

I’m so sorry to hear you experience it too. Sending massive hugs your way 💜

14 replies
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 20th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers Have you ever tried to write about it? Or just start writing and whatever comes to mind you write down - mine usually starts off with feeling like im not enough or I'm too much and then it spirals out of control

*Sending big hugs back to you 💙*

13 replies
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Hehe yes I do write about it. I’ve been staying away from journalling recently :/ Like you said, it just spirals out of control :'3 I feel too afraid to write anything now. *sigh* It’s fine…

How have you been doing, Soul buddy? 💙🫂

12 replies
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 20th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers I'm sorry you have trouble with this too. I haven't been writing or journaling much either tbh. I think about it but then decide not to. Sometimes I just don't have the energy for it or I just don't feel like listening to myself whine or complain lol

I'm hanging in there - thank you for asking 💙 How are you? Gonna have a nice quiet weekend?
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I’m the same way lol. I think about it and think and think and think, but I just never do it. I guess we need to remind ourselves that we deserve our own love and care too. We deserve to take some time for ourselves. And it’s not easy, but… we can try :'3 

I’m glad you’re hanging in there. I’m not sure what’s happening right now 😞 but I’m glad you’re here 💙 and that you’re hanging in there. 💜 I really do believe in you. 

I’m alright, I think :'3 Thank you for asking 💜 Hehe I’m so glad the weekend is finally here lol. I get to sleep a little more 💤 I love sleep, hehe. Do Soul have any plans for the weekend? 💙

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 20th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers They say journaling is a good way for self-care but self care can be hard to do some days. It can be hard to find time too to be able to write. It's like all the words are there but they're locked inside. My favorite is typing out a big post for myself and then someone in my brain says to delete it all. Then I'll write it all over again and delete that too lol *smh* frustrating 🤪

Sleep sounds good! I hope you get some good rest in. Your parents don't mind you sleeping in? It's ok to not know if you're alright or ok. It can change really quick sometimes - especially if something happens 😞 one minute things are ok and we're cruising along and life jumps out in front of us 😬

This will be a quiet weekend probably - hopefully lol. There's some good spooky movies on and it's supposed to be cold and rainy here. I should go visit my father but the neighbor is busy and can't keep the dog company until Sunday - so I might go then. It's a pretty long trip. I wanted to get to the Renaissance faire this year but that didn't work out either - maybe next year

Catch some zzzz's for me 😊💙

User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Self-care can be so hard tbh :'3 I get that yeah. I’m the same way hehe. The words are inside me but I just. can’t. get. them. out. I do that a lot too. There are a lot of people in my head, I’ve been suspecting it’s DID but I just dk anymore. I feel too scared to learn anything about myself. 

I hear you, that must be really frustrating hehe :'3 Sending lots of love 💜

My parents don’t mind me sleeping in :3 Sometimes I sleep *too much* but we won’t talk about thaaattt, lols. I’m the kind of person who either sleeps too little or too much 🤪

Aww I really do hope it will be a nice, quiet weekend for you 💙 How do you feel about cold, rainy weather? :'3 I really hope you can go to the Renaissance faire next year 💜 It sounds funsies. 

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 20th, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers Sometimes the learning and knowing is just as scary as not learning and knowing. With not knowing we can pretend things aren't happening. It causes problems eventually though 😕 but I think I kind of preferred being blissfully ignorant. Or to just think I was crazy - nuts. For alittle while I thought schizophrenia - tbh I kind of hoped for awhile - because there's meds for that. I was diagnosed in 2019. Now - idk - it's just hard

Maybe you could just start to look into things slowly? Alittle here and there. Or check out the teen chat they have for it - if you haven't already - ask some questions. The ctad clinic has a channel on YouTube that is really good

There's a thing called too much sleeping? No way! 😯 The too little sleep - I'm a member of that club lol. Makes for very very long days. I'm glad your parents don't mind you sleeping in though 😊

Cold rainy weather sucks tbh. But I've been telling myself it could be worse and it could be snowing. Which it probably will in another month or so. At least right now I'm trying not to let the rain get me down because then I don't feel so guilty about not getting things done outside. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons 😊 What's it like in your part of the world? 
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

That’s true :'3 Being blissfully ignorant is fun but eventually it’s just not fun anymore :/ I just feel so scared. I’ve been trying to accept… that I might actually be a system but just the thought of it feels too scary. Idk. 

Aww 😞 how do you feel about the diagnosis? I can’t really get diagnosed/seek professionals where I live. Tbh even if I could my parents wouldn’t let me see a professional lol. They don’t take mental health v seriously :'3 *sigh* anyways…

Idk I might. I have a buddy on cupsies who has DID but they seem pretty busy on their L. I’d just hate to bother them about it. I seem pretty reluctant to talk about this even though it’s something I struggle with every single day :/ The things we struggle with every day seem to be the things we don’t want to talk about. Or maybe I just think that and it’s not really true. Idk anymore. 

Oops that became a little rant of mine. I’m sorry about that :'3 Seriously. 

I’ll definitely check that channel out 💙 thank you so much :'3 I appreciate that. 💜

No, now that I really think about it, there’s no such thing as too much sleep 😅 Yay it’s nice to know I’m not the only one in the club lol. I just can’t seem to sleep well except in the weekends. How do you usually deal with not being able to sleep? :( other than the tea hehe 💜

It does, it really does. I hope the weather gets a little better there 💜 we don’t get snow here. I’ve never actually seen/touched snow in my entire life, lol. Maybe someday though. 💙 do you like it when it snows over there? :3 

Spring and summer are awesome, but spring doesn’t really exist here 😅 We’ve got our merciless summer sun and then the biting cold of winter. That’s pretty much what it’s like here lol. Except it doesn’t get *too* cold. The weather here isn’t amazing but it isn’t horrible, either. 

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 21st, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers Acceptance is the hardest part 😞  Tbh I was scared - well terrified is more like it and in denial for a long long time. The denial and lack of acceptance made it worse. Even now some days when my head is quieter I think - maybe it was just a fluke - a phase 😅 but then something happens or someone says something. For the longest time I was embarrassed - mainly here. I would find things written with my name that clearly wasn't my writing. One of my others writes the poems on the gloaming thread 😅 I have to admit I still get alittle nervous talking about all this - bad sharing experiences here 😕


It's a real shame your parents don't take mental health seriously. I kind of remember you mentioning that before. The good thing is that one day you'll be able to make your own choices and you can do what you need to for your mental health and their thoughts on it won't really matter

The reluctance is totally understandable. DID is meant to hide. Ourselves - the past - the trauma. Sometimes our parts don't want anyone to know they exist - even to us. They might even think that they're the only one - that the life the have is their life alone - does that make sense? They can fight against the idea of therapy and letting someone know them. A - we don't need help sort of thing
You're welcome to ask questions here 🙂 I'll answer them as best I can. We're still very much a work in progress but learning as we go I guess. The a hard part is trying to remember everything we read and hear from therapists and reliable people

I go until I'm exhausted. Some nights I can fall asleep as soon as I lay down but then I'm awake 4 hours later. Other nights - are hard. I used to go for walks but - I don't go far from the house lately

The snow is pretty to look at and sometimes fun to play in. But it sucks when you have to clean it off everything lol 😜 I'll have to post pictures when it snows here

Not too cold sounds good but the hot hot summer doesn't sound too fun. is it humid too or just a dry heat? Has it ever snowed there? 
Lol 😅 I'm sorry this is so long! 
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 21st, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I hear you 😞 It really can be so difficult to accept it :'3 That’s so relatable. Some days my head is quiet and then someone says something lol. Other days they just won’t stop talking. Ever. Our littles come out a lot but my family’s used to seeing that. They think I’m just acting.

I’m the same way. I look at something I wrote but… I didn’t really write that. It wasn’t me, it was one of them. There are huge inconsistencies in my handwriting too, because sometimes I’m writing and then other times someone else is. Does… that… make sense? :'3 hehe. Idk. 

Aww it’s okay to feel nervous talking about it 💙 that’s completely understandable. I feel pretty nervous talking about it too. Sending so much love your way 💜

it is a shame 😞 and hehe yes I think I’ve mentioned it before :'3 it’s hard to not mention it on an emotional support site. Idk. I really hope I can see professionals someday. 

The truth is I don’t remember going to so much trauma. There are bits and pieces of things I know have happened but I can’t remember them entirely. And yeah that makes sense dw 💜 Sometimes they like to think… or they just think it’s their body, it’s their life. 

Hehe I’d hate to bother you with the questions. 💜 I’m still so nervous about it and just so scared… even the thought of it’s just… overwhelming. Right now I’m pretty sure I’ll be looking into it a tiny bit… just now and then… *sigh*

I’m so sorry 😞 I get up a lot in the middle of the night too :< Sending huggles your way 😞💜 

I think snow is so pretty too. It’s never snowed here, ever. Ouh I’d love to see the pictures :0 if that’s okay with you 💜

The hot hot summer here is *not* fun *at all.* it can get really humid here during the summer, yeah. Not fun :'3 lol. Does it get very hot there in the summer? 

Aww nuu there’s no need to be sorry 💙 I love long messages/long posts lol. 

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 23rd, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers Aww it's good the littles get to come out though - even if your parents think you're just acting. It's pretty clear they wouldn't understand anyway 😕 


Yeah handwriting here is a big difference between us too.Then there's food like and dislikes and clothing preferences - music and movies. Were you alittle freaked out reading what you didn't write? 

Aww you wouldn't be a bother at all. 💙 But there's no pressure either. Just wanted to offer. I totally understand being nervous and scared. And overwhelmed - because omg what if you're right in your thinking? Once you know you lose that blissful feeling 😕

I'll post some pictures of the snow when it comes. I used to like to share pictures of things in my world more often but got - shy about it lol. It's shame I should just send some to you on some wind gust or something 🤪

It can get hot here. A few years ago it was in the triple digits with the heat index. Which I like heat but that was a bit much tbh lol

*send you lots of hugs and much love* 💙
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 23rd, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Hehe yes. It used to freak me about before :'3 before I started learning more… about… things :'3 They wouldn’t 😕 yeah. But it’s fine 💙 

Food, music, movies, shows, clothing… we disagree so much lol. I was definitely freaked out but it was a gradual sort of freaking out. Like… wondering why my handwriting looks so different here, and there :'3 and all that. I’m still figuring things out, and learning..

Thank you so much 💜 I appreciate that so much 💙 How did you first feel when you learnt more about… all this… if it’s okay to ask? :'3 And yeah, that blissful feeling just… vanishes :/ Some days I just try forgetting everything I’ve learnt about it and I pretend they’re just voices in my head, I tell myself it’s nothing crazy, it doesn’t mean anything :'3 *sigh*

Ouh thank you 💙 but there’s no pressure to share the pictures 💜 I get that hehe :'3 we can feel shy sharing things like that sometimes, and that’s okies 💕 no worries :3 

That’s awful :< Too much heat can be pretty overwhelming sometimes hehe. I like warmth too but when it’s *hot* and when it’s just *too much* then… it’s just too much 😭 lol. Thank you for the hugs and love 💜 Sending lots of love and huggles right back atcha 💙 

User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul October 23rd, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers No it's not fine but there's not much you can do about it 😞 And you're still taking things into your own hands by looking into things and doing your own research. A lot of people start their journey that way - a lot of people do even with a therapist. That way you're not "uneducated" and can be your best advocate 😊 

At first - idk. I thought alot of things. Even possession. A lot of disbelief.  Alot of fear. Thought the shrink was full of it. He said he talked with someone else - what the heck did that mean? Of course he spoke to someone else - they don't have just one patient. Then he explained better. Told me he couldn't see me anymore but recommended someone else. That guy was horrible. Eventually found the one I see now. It's a big deal finding someone that you click with and is helpful. We'd be lost without him - especially in the beginning. The more I learned - the more things made alittle more sense. It helped me understand the loss of time and some belongings. It helped me understand why the deeper darker things - the nightmares and flashbacks. The lack of memories 😞

There was an issue with someone here - it made us all feel unsafe sharing much of anything. Or if I start to sharing I'm stopped - because - who cares or nobody needs to know lol. That experience messed everything up for along time. Alittle over two years 😕 So I'm trying to find my way back to before 

Lol I couldn't have said it better 😂 when it's too much - it's just too much! It makes it just miserable to be outside those times even being inside the ac doesn't help much when it's that hot but when it's in the minus digits in the winter the hot stuff looks appealing lol! 😂 
*sending hugs and love back* 💙

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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 24th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I’m sorry for the late reply :'3 Well… that’s true… I haven’t been doing that much research recently. Just too scared. I’m just tired. Idk.

I thought of possession too :'3 it scared me even more. Fear and disbelief certainly sound familiar to me too 😞 I am sorry that guy was pretty horrible :< But I’m glad you’ve found the right person who is helpful 💙 like you said, it’s a big deal finding someone you click with 💙 I’m so glad to hear it helped you understand so much more 💜 Your journey gives me some more hope, honestly. Thank you 💜

Aww I’m so sorry to hear about that 😞 I care 💜 Seriously. Sending so much love your way 💙

Hehe so glad to make you laugh 😛 and that’s so true tbh. In the summer we want mercy 😭 and in the winter we want warmth. 

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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023
I’m just trash :) 
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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

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6 replies
User Profile: RakyTacky
RakyTacky October 21st, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers

But when I think about you, 
I think of someone who's true, 
And no matter how much you go through, 
I love the fact that you'll always be you, 

You're someone that nothing can waiver, 
Anything that tries will only make you braver, 

And you're too far to hug, so I'm on my phone,
Just to remind you that you're not alone, 
I'll always be looking out for you in my drone,


And so... I'm on my phone, cus only a few moments ago, I thought of you...

5 replies
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 21st, 2023

@RakyTacky

‘I’ll always be looking out for you in my drone’ that cracked me up lol 🤭🤭 You write so well, raky tacks. Seriously. 

How have you been? :3

4 replies
User Profile: RakyTacky
RakyTacky October 23rd, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers

thankuu lolll, I'm glad you laughed XD.
Anywayssss, exams coming up soon, im soo nervous lmao. theres just a lotta things that seem like no matter how many times i learn it, i wont be able to fully grasp the concept. So i'm just studying hard and doing my best, i wanna make my parents proud yk? Other than that, things have been going well, a few random bouts of sadness and loneliness, buttt I always manage to get out of it. 

What about you? How're you doing??? temme everythinggggg

3 replies
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 23rd, 2023

@RakyTacky

hehe yes. Aww good luck 💙 I’m sure you’ll do well 💜 I believe in you. So proud of you for studying so hard :3 you got this! 

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling lonely and sad 😞 But I’m glad to hear you managed to get out of it hehe 💜 I hope you won’t forget your feelings are valid too, and it’s okay to feel sad sometimes 💙

I’m fine 💙 thank you for asking :'3 

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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 20th, 2023

I feel so much but at the same time I feel nothing. 

4 replies
User Profile: RakyTacky
RakyTacky October 21st, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers

feeling numb moonie? 
Well that was 12 hours ago, how're you feeling now?

3 replies
User Profile: LoveMyMoonflowers
LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 21st, 2023

@RakyTacky

I honestly don’t know :'3 I’m sorry :/ 

2 replies
User Profile: RakyTacky
RakyTacky October 23rd, 2023

@LoveMyMoonflowers

I wish u da best moonie, you've got dis in da baggggg

1 reply
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LoveMyMoonflowers OP October 23rd, 2023

@RakyTacky

thanks… 💜

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