@LoverOfTheOcean personal space

So I actually feel alright atm. Idk telling my ex I don't want contact for a while has made it easier to let go I think. (Relief, what's that part of? Happiness?) Also been talking to someone new. But I don't know if that's like, too fast? We wanna meet up and that is making me slightly nervous though (fear, right?) Also have an online friend now, on 7cups, and that's been very nice. I feel less alone. Also bought tickets to a concert and that made me happy. Even though it's in December, I've got something to look forward to.

And than my parents are having a discussion about the same thing for the millionth time. My mom ends up crying. I bet she feels attacked. The way my dad talks, it's like he wants his way, it's like he has an angry voice or something. He probably doesn't mean it like that. But idk. I kinda feel upset now, now that my mom is crying and doesn't, I was gonna say talk about it. But while typing this, my mom and I hugged and talked a bit about it. I know how she feels. I hope she thinks about herself more. She deserves to feel accepted and be happy. sadness

When you start crying over something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, but you see a loved one upset. Is that part of being a Highly Sensitive Person? Or is it because I've been in that situation many many times and just know the feeling?

Idk why but kinda have a knot in my stomach... Maybe because there's flashbacks of conversations with my ex and just seeing his face or maybe I'm already nervous for my date on Sunday or a combination of both. I hate it that there's days that go really well and me just minding my own business and than out of nowhere those thoughts. I hate it. (So we got fear, sadness and anger over here)

Every now and than I use this facial hair removal cream for my upper lip and every time after I use it I remember why I shouldn't. There's a bit of my upper lip that's irritated now, it's really annoying. And it looks stupid, because there's this red irritated stripe on my face now. And it also didn't even work properly... (More anger and disgust)Note to self: do not use that hair removal cream stuff, it's no good.

At least I got two concerts I'm looking forward to in the next week. (Joy) But also a bit strange, because I was supposed to go with my ex to one of them. Maybe that's the knot in my stomach. (Not sure how to categorize this feeling, maybe a combination of sadness and anger or just bad or something idk) And than there's stress from a load of stuff I have to study and make for work, and some of these questions are asked in a way that doesn't make sense. And looking up an answer takes so much time. (Part fear, but also bad)

I just realized I haven't even told anyone about my date. Maybe tomorrow?

Also hoping to get the house I applied for. Though my current position is 17, so 16 people have to turn it down before I get a change which is stressful and makes me sad as well. Because I want my own place sooo bad. (Joy but also sadness and anger)

I had been through such bad situations of life I let everything go , tackled all the tough moments and feelings and anxiety alone. I just held my job with me and that's what keeping me safe and let me live. I didn't share my feelings with family or friends, have been enduring with restless mind since a decade. Now time has arrived for me to think how I should spend the rest of my life. Will I be able to move on alone till the end.

With no faith in love , will I be able to find my life partner Iin my midlife. This is kind of mixed feeling and it distracts me a lot .

I cannot see what I shared just now

Ty

Okay so I didn't know how to tell you this since you're gone (?), but @neo27 I hope I can reach you with this message. Sorry for not responding to your last message. I can understand that must've been painful after everything you've been through. I was going to answer, though I didn't really have the energy to message anyone really at the time. And I realized I should've told you that. So that you wouldn't make any assumptions. But I didn't, and I'm sorry for that.

I had therapy today and my therapist gave me a tip that I thought was really good and thought maybe you would like to hear it too. It goes: don't fill in for someone else. As in don't try to think you know what someone else is thinking. I know it's easier said than done, but I thought it was nice. If you get this message, I just want you to know that I'm still here for you if you want to talk. I might not be available 24/7, and I might not respond in the time you would like me to, but I'd still like to talk to you. If you still want to of course, if you don't, that's fine to. I just want you to know that everyone struggles with their own problems and most are more focused on themselves (me) because of their that. But that doesn't mean you're alone. 💙

Overall I feel alright ish. There's some waves of thoughts that make me feel sick (about ex)(disgust), but those are getting less, I think. Usually have them when I pass his home. Which doesn't happen a lot, but still happens sometimes. I have been talking to someone new though, and he seems really nice and sweet and we're gonna meet up next month. So that's good.joy

Have a busy week ahead. Lot of work and gotta make assignments for work as well (basically homework). And should clean one of my new plants, cause it's got some sort of bug on it. I've come to learn that being busy is listed as part of bad feelings in the wheel of emotions It's giving me itches all over when I think about it or see it (disgust?). Also have this rash/itchiness on my belly. Not sure what's causing it, but might be the new laundry detergent. And the last wisdom tooth that's trying to get through has been bugging me all day. Or well, I think it's trying to get through, just not in a very successful way... buy annoyance is anger

Today I helped my best friend move. I'm very tired, but happy I could help her out. (bad, but joy)And I think she and her fiancé are grateful for the help. The tiredness already started at like 3:30/4:00 am when I woke up. Than saw a spider near my head which terrified me, (Fear)and I couldn't fall back asleep for as long I could see it. Which was like, maybe, an hour or two later. So that was not helpful.

I'll try to sleep now. Tomorrow is another today. Goodnight💙

When you get hit with intense sadness all of a sudden. Can't sleep, my mind wanders off. Wanders off to my ex. Part of me still misses him, even though he hurt me bad emotionally. And I don't want him back. I just don't think he realized how much it all hurt me. That's what bothers me most. When you tried communicating in your own way, and than being told that it's not enough. Or not in the right way, for them. It just makes me feel so alone. Because whatever I did, whatever I tried, it was never good enough for him. And than he'd get upset or maybe even angry and that made me feel even worse. Like it was all my fault.

Right now I'm experiencing those past feelings again, having flashbacks of the moments. And it hurts, and it sucks. I don't understand how someone can move on so easily after a breakup. How someone can pretend to be your friend, pretend to be there for you, pretend to care for you. But giving false hope during. Telling me you love me after going to a concert, while we were trying to be friends after the breakup. And than later on telling me, "it was because the concert gave you so much serotonin, it was a spur of the moment". And always telling me from the breakup on, telling me you weren't for a relationship. Only for you to be in one again a month later, after the last time you told me that. You've hurt me badly. I feel used. I'm angry, and sad.

These moments make it so hard to move on in some way. Like I'm trying to focus on me, on what's in front of me. Only for my brain to go back to what used to be. I know time will heal, it's just hard atm. I do believe the part that misses my ex is getting smaller and smaller. But it can be tough when everything you do, everywhere you go, somehow reminds you of him. I'm not gonna say that I'm not grateful for meeting him. Because I am grateful I got to learn, even though it was a tough lesson. And still is.