In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ3wpjdYMqk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wh2J_mcrl0
@mytwistedsoul
Every single one speaks to my soul...
@TheLastSoulBender :)
@mytwistedsoul
Ty...😶
Citizen Soldier - Would anyone Care * warning - Sad song* And no I'm not in crisis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gyANphz_Kk
Unsecret X Suton - Wild
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GIbJi5XMv4
UnSecret X VO Williams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViUVolsWwEA
Ghost Machines - We Bring The Fire
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvNL8bZg7H8
Hidden Citizens - Ready For This
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdaPD9vvSq4
Hidden Citizen - Built in Our Bones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCiToyWJpeo
Sam Tinnesz - Fight On
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exmecS0NE2A
The Hu - Wolf Totem *just because*
@mytwistedsoul
I feel so lucky to have friends with great tastes...now I'm going to listen to quality music...
@TheLastSoulBender LOL! You gotta have tunes :)
@mytwistedsoul
Right on 🤗😀😁😁😁😁
Very good music...you put me in a bad dilema since I cannot chose a best😶 they are all soo good...
(I am blessed to have friends...)
Ain't it funny how the right words never seem to come - at the right time - the right place - even they even come at all
Head's been a busy busy place - memories - flood sometimes. It feels full - ya know? Just full. Thoughts of grandparents - loss and grief. Tbh - there were many tears spilled last night - restless - unable to sit still and relax
Time is in - Idk - sometimes hours pass and I have no clue where they went. What was done in that time - if anything
Headache - Hands are shaky today - and there's some anger - frustration. But yet - Idk - emptiness - sadness. Idk - how can feeling so many different things - leave you feeling so hollow? So empty at times - so wrecked
Intrusive thoughts and urges and intrusive thoughts about urges - good grief
I've been working on somethings - I finished the little bird finally - a few things need finishing touches but they sit - waiting. Started something new a few days ago but it isn't going as I planned - which - Idk - when that happens - sometimes I just want to throw it away or toss it in the burn pile. The main body of it is ok - beautiful wood in fact but the details - suck
So - funny story - sort of - You have to watch Kodie - her back end is really loosing strength so there's concerns about the steps - going down is easy you just hold her collar - kind of think of it as holding her hand lol. But going up - she gets to the last few steps and you can tell she's having a hard time - so hands on the fluff butt - just to - Idk safety first - yeah? It happened today and - she stopped and turned her head to look at me and the look on her face - OMG - Like watch it buddy - getting alittle handsy there - I apologized lol - Idk sad though because while she may not be in much pain - there's reality - reality sucks. It really does -
God this post is like a rolller coaster ride - we laughed - we cried - a good time was had by all - well ok most - something tells me the dog didn't like it
@mytwistedsoul
Words are finnicky arent they? Its cool that youve been able to continue work in the shop. Hopefully once you work on this new project some more the details will start to come together. :)
And Kodie— lol! Who says dogs arent intelligent?
@mytwistedsoul
When your hands are twitching put them into mine...sitting across each other on wooden three legged stools...
I admire you for worrying and caring about your woofs....that is music to my soul...
I think in another world we would have shared a wooden toy store with wooden toys by our hands...
Don't worry Soul, such is life...
When your hands are shaking, grab hold of my hands..
There's always that one person. That one who just can't let something go. That just has to say something. Oh but we have to play nice don't we?
What no one knows and no one can see
is how the thoughts tie you in knots
or tear you apart at the seams
@mytwistedsoul
so true
So I figured out how type and delete work here lol
Maybe next lesson will be how to leave the words there - type without the delete
Woohoo!
*don't hold your breath lol*
Hollow Coves - Moments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQSD3mzvSuw
Wildfire- Michael Martin Murphey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc3OnSQc48s
Take Me Home, Country Roads - Lyrics - John Denver
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jzd7b88RYt0
Don't ask -
Guess I've been avoiding these. There's cobwebs in the corners. I've been trying to understand somethings and it seems the closer I think I'm getting - the more confused I feel.
I think there's alot I'm trying to avoid thinking about. Had an incident last Saturday - I think it was -that made me need to step back. Thoughts - were alittle twisted and demented and someone was trying to convince me that we should be a - Idk - a guide to someone else in the afterlife. So this other person wouldn't be alone. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? It kind of scared me tbh
The thoughts scatter so fast and easy some days. As soon as it pops up - its gone only to be replaced by a new one and it goes like that for awhile. Other times I'm not there at all. Times when I'm so restless I want to rip off my skin and times when I'm so tired I just want to lay down where I'm standing
There's been alot of times I'm here and I write only to delete it all and leave again. I do the same with other people - members and listeners - I'll start to write and decide I sound like an idiot - so I close it. Sometime 4 or five times lol- A listener - there are other people they can help. I'm not sure if it's that I feel I don't need it or that I don't deserve it. Maybe it's because I'm not sure I can explain - why waste someone's time?
A couple times I've gone to bed in my room and wake up somewhere else. Apparently sleep walking was once an issue - I hope it's not starting up again
Caught my reflection in the mirror and some times I just dont like the face I see. It's - Idk - a feeling of disappointment - maybe? Shame? Sometimes it's hatred and you get urge to break the mirror - Idk - maybe so the outside looks as broken at the inside. A matched set -
Idk - sometimes it feels lime your mind has a basement and you've only just scratched the surface. The monsters you deal with now - are nothing compared to what lurks in the darker depths. In the areas where the light never shines
Idk - suddenly I just feel tired - yeah
@mytwistedsoul
oh my... twistedsoul. it looked like alot to handle within a short time.
aint easy for you and must been mentally trobing.
i dont have any recommendations. but at least hope that you can share your concern regards to sleep walk to your closed ones living with you.
at least someone is aware to keep a lookout for you when in need.
please take good care of your mind, body and soul. and lastly to be gentle with yourself.
@mikenai Thank you for the reminder Mike - I sometimes forget too :)
@mytwistedsoul
Don't mention. Sometimes all we need is just gentle reminders from time to time.
Who knows perhaps one day yourself myself may just benefit from being more aware of it.
Take care eh?
@mytwistedsoul
Rough days huh? Me too
@mytwistedsoul
*sitting here with you* and also sharing this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftm2uv7-Ybw
@mytwistedsoul
If I may, too much thinking was in my detriment too since it led to inactivity of erasures for the same reasons you mentioned. Maybe come a time when you will not overtgink and just act, the heck with all questions and self doubt...
Of course there are people interested in you and your turmoils and the rest is irrelevant...most importantly you write for yourself..."nothing else matters"...