In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
@intelligentWheel627 Hey Rinny - How are you?
Just wanted to check in with you
@mytwistedsoul
Hi! It was so thoughtful of you, you made me smile! Thank you. :)
I'm not really sure how I am. Sometimes I'm sad, thinking about the painful stuff, going over the memories again and again, trying hard not to fall in the darkness again.
At other times I'm more hopeful. I roll up my sleeves to start living again but end up standing in the middle of the mess I'm in, in a Superman pose, without a clue where to start, lol.
The day before I flew kites and watched a gorgeously orange sunset at the beach. That was healing.
How are you, Soul? I've been thinking about you from time to time. I'm here for you too, just so you know.
@intelligentWheel627
Ehm... intruding... sorry...
Just wanted to say that I love to imagine you in that Superman pose... You do have a Superman inside you Rinny, a Superman that you can try and summon when the darkness wants to come back.
* hugging you *
@admaiorasemper
That's a wonderful idea! You could try it with me! Two Supermen in their Ferraris. We could pull off a few tricks, who needs the brakes?! ;)
I was looking for you, V. I'm glad that you found me first! The forum world is complicated and confusing. I think I was tagged somewhere but I didn't have the time to reply immediately and then I lost the post. Somewhere. I must admit that I'm technologically challenged. 🙈
I'm sorry for writing wrong things in the wrong places and littering other people's threads with my blah blah. 👀
*hugs you back tightly and doesn't let go until she's counted to twenty five*
@intelligentWheel627 Hey Rinny - It's ok to not know how you are - alot of times I don't know either.
That sounds really nice - flying kites at the beach and watching the sun set. I got a laugh out of the superman pose - I finished it up with sound effects lol - da da da da da DAH!
Um - I hope the gif's ok with you. I'm sorry if it isn't - if it isn't please let me know so I don't do it again.
I'm - Idk either lol. Thank you for asking though.
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
"Artistry"
I let every thought
Thread a weft of yarn
Weaving through the warps
A tapestry of us
If I make my arms, the home you seek
If I sway my brush, would I capture thee?
If I hang your scars, in a gallery
As a work of artistry
May I clear your slate and wipe your conscience
Lay it on another shelf
I'll be anything you ever ask
I'll take your memories upon myself
If you keep my thoughts and thieve my wisdom
I will find another shell
I don't ever want to be the selfish reason
You don't ever find yourself
I felt every thought
Claw the strands apart
Weaving into knots
A travesty of us
If I stay my arms, and I pull your sleeve
If I snap my brush, would you trust in me?
If I trace your scars, with the broken piece
As a work of artistry
May I clear your slate and wipe your conscience
Lay it on another shelf
I'll be anything you ever ask
I'll take your memories upon myself
If you keep my thoughts and thieve my wisdom
I will find another shell
I don't ever want to be the selfish reason
You don't ever find yourself
Watching the needle thread through every pore
She told me shading made everything more
Beautiful but I don't see it at all
I'm more deranged than before
Standing in paints as it pools on the ground
Colours of empathy blending with doubt
Witnessing everything melting around
Until I drown
May I clear your slate and wipe your conscience
Lay it on another shelf
I'll be anything you ever ask
I'll take your memories upon myself
If you keep my thoughts and thieve my wisdom
I will find another shell
I don't ever want to be the selfish reason
You don't ever find yourself
May I clear your slate and wipe your conscience
Lay it on another shelf
I'll be anything you ever ask
I'll take your memories upon myself
If you keep my thoughts and thieve my wisdom
I will find another shell
I don't ever want to be the selfish reason
You don't ever find yourself
What don't you like about yourself? How 'bout EVERYTHING? It's ok though - it really is
@mytwistedsoul a feeling I understand all too well, is it ok if I sit with you too?
@mytwistedsoul
* sits here quietly * i am sorry i cannot find words today
@mytwistedsoul
I'm here, too if I may. * keeps a hug ready in case you need one*
sometimes maybe we ask the right questions - maybe the wrong ones. idk
anxiety - wow rock rock side to side. mind wants to go blank
hands don't want to cooperate
sshh
theres a memory elusive i try to pushcloser but you just can't reach it4
it's so blurry no clarity to I t can't see
it taunts and then fade
nervous
What's on your mind J?
Probably be easier to say what I'm not thinking. I'm npt thinking waffles. Well ok I wasn't. - now I am. Yeah I know make jokes. Deflection
Emotions hit pretty hard at one point. A break in the Levy. I can only lock this sh*t down for so long before it starts to leak out. Freaking radioactive toxic sh*t these emotions. Healthy? H*'ll no - I know it isn't but.I can't seem to stop doing it. Either lost on the grey or numb. I can feel it coming on sometimes - that slow slide into nothing. Functioning? Meh - could be doing better. I know I should fight harder. But d*MN I am so freaking tired - but so restless. Your skeleton wants to escape it trapping. Urges? Oh man - even now - it's there.
I'm drawn to darkness - the darker more morbid side of things. It's not something I show alot or to alot of people. But sometimes it slips out too. Do I feel that way ? Honestly? Yes - some days I do. I can honestly say there's day I don't want to be here anymore.
D*mn I still miss the feed. Seemed so much more private. Able to hide things better. Lost my invisibility cloak - hell I'm not even sure where the unicorns are. Probably looking for C.
@mytwistedsoul every single one of these I understand, thinking of you (you can tell me to stop posting if you want to, I will understand)
@crimsonLime6525 I know you understand and I'm so sorry that you do. I wish you didn't feel the same. It so confusing isn't it? The emotions - how you can go from being so empty and hollowed out one moment and so overwhelmed in the next moment. It's kind of what the time turns into - moments. Not hours or days but moments. It sucks - sorry. It's frustrating.
I don't mind at all that you're here Lime. I'm happy to see your name here.
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts