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In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
@mytwistedsoul
What you wrote has so much meaning for me...like asking a friend to write down my thoughts...so much truth in there that applies to me like a glove...
@grillme Hey Bones - man - I'm so sorry you feel this way too - it's reassuring in some ways to know I'm not alone feeling this way
@mytwistedsoul
My whole life was hit after hit after hit some more...took them, hit rock bottoms, basements of rock bottoms then put my knee down and rose again time after time or floated to the surface...this time as I told Jenny I was afraid it was going to be my last one, the one when I'll say finally "I'm done", "another one bites the dust..."...everything you wrote has deep meaning for me...
You're weak on the surface
You speak when you're nervous
And all the wrong words unite in your head
You can't stand the space in your bed
So you shake in the darkness
You break like an artist
And all your big plans are small the next day
You can't wait to throw them away
You perseverate
And the truth might be a million miles away
Hide your secrets, disguise your weakness
And lose yourself inside your busy head
Burn your bridges and leave no witnesses
All alone inside your busy head
Your busy head
You sleep in the moment, but dream like a poet
And all your good grace, like faded tattoos
You spend your days in wait for bad news
So you perseverate
And the truth might be a million miles away
Hide your secrets, disguise your weakness
And lose yourself inside your busy head
Burn your bridges and leave no witnesses
All alone inside your busy head
Going nowhere fast enough to tell a lie
Give yourself an alibi
You've been gone lately
Stand upon your peace of mind
You're bound to fall if you take your time
'Cause we're all waiting
And you can step alone into the abyss
Find a home on the edge of it
And be defined by its presence
By its size and its message
You can move along through the dark
And when you wonder where you are
You'll be proud of your weakness
So, busy head, just keep breathing, no
Oh, busy head, just keep breathing
Oh, busy head, just
Hide your secrets, disguise your weakness
And lose yourself inside your busy head
Burn your bridges and leave no witnesses
All alone inside your busy head
You're all alone inside your busy head
You're all alone inside your busy head
your busy head
Noah Kahan - Busyhead
Let me become what I want
You won't believe what I ponder
I saw the world through a notch
Somewhere within I uncovered
Everything that I once was
Dwelling beyond my subconscious
I saw myself as a god
That's when I realised I wasn't
When I asked how you colour the sky
And you told me I already knew
When I asked could I see through your eyes
And you told me I already do
Oh then why do I feel like a fool
Tell me there's a path to take
Where I'll know
I will get another day
Tomorrow
If you could just elaborate
I'll follow
Cause I don't know if I'm awake
Let me become what I'm not
I don't decide what I ponder
I saw the Earth as it was
The moment I fell to its aura
There I erased all my thoughts
Teaching myself to discover
Everything I thought I lost
Hiding right where I left off
When I asked how you colour the sky
And you told me I already knew
When I asked you to see through my eyes
And you told me you already do
Oh then why do I feel like a fool
Tell me there's a path to take
Where I'll know
Everything will be okay
Tomorrow
If you could just elaborate
I'll follow
Cause I don't know if I'm awake
I'm unsure if I should ask
But I question everything that I see
I venture into my past
Reliasing that it's in front of me
I sit with hands in my lap
Piecing together these memories
I left you where I began
Knowing that I'm what you used to be
Jacob Lee - Conscience
@mytwistedsoul
Beautiful...you open horysons to me....chose a beautiful poem I like the repeating part. alot...
@grillme It's actually a song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMifErFhiog
@mytwistedsoul
Open the eyes of those who do not know...
@mytwistedsoul
I liked the part with the deep water and the bubbles and sparkles of light...brought back memmories...
I like to enter your temple, feet and sword dragging, in the silence of the halls I hear suffering, anguish, pain and much more yet I like to come to your temple for here I belong and in silence and tranquility, drop down my sword and know that quality selected poetry and songs are here for me and the string of my soul...
I shall always come to your temple myfriend since I feel my soul likes this place alot...
@grillme That was beautifully written - I pictured this world weary knight - exhausted from the daily battles
You're always welcome here Bones - a seat for you - yeah? A place for the broken and shattered souls - the cursed spirits of the world. A place of peace and belonging
@mytwistedsoul
Indeed it is Soul, indeed it is...and that's why my soul finds peace in here in belonging to this temple of yours...
I wonder whether she knows that I think she's perfect
I wonder where the time goes in an eternity
I wonder if I let go, would she return to me
Sorrow is all I see (All I see)
I try to breathe, but I never seem to find the will to take one more
Stay with me (Stay with me)
And help me breathe 'cause I, honestly
I've never needed someone more
Wicked wicked tears - god off and on all day - time to get a grip J
Judge me not by my scars - or by my wounded mind.
Look not at my tattered soul or my fettered spirit
Gauge me by my heart - innocent and pure
My heart is mine and mine alone
How it wants - always - more
On my mind -
I wonder sometimes if there is a tear in the seams of reality as I sit and watch other peoples world rip apart
In the secrets of my mind - in the eye of death defied - I saw the world with all it's wonder and soon discovered it lied
Another day when it seems all the words are there - forming complete sentences - and then they're not. Scattered. Sometimes though - it's like there's a padlock on them and I don't have the key
RQ - This is all on you - all of this. You did this. You spread poison - you're like a plague. A sickness spread by the smallest contact. Are you f*cking happy now?
Speak your mind or bite your tongue
Headache
Anxiously depressed or depressingly anxious
A million little triggers and they're ready to blow
@mytwistedsoul
Good morning myfriend...let them blow the triggers, maybeit will give you a moment's respite from the tension and ill being...it is your temple so you can release your deamons if you wish...
https://youtu.be/qYS0EeaAUMw
I came to my sanctuary for a bit and say hello...
@grillme Thats a good song - thank you for sharing it Bones. I'm glad you stopped in to say hello - How are you today Bones?
@mytwistedsoul
I'm OK, Jenny taught me to say I am OK whenever someone asks me how I am. OK is good...
@grillme It's ok not not be ok though Bones. I mean it's great if you are truely ok - but it's ok to say you're having a bad day as well. Just - be honest - ya know?
@grillme Can I ask - well - maybe not - I'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding with your friend Katz
I'm sorry if I overstepped
@mytwistedsoul
No, not at all😊, people who care about each other are like that, everything is fine in that respect😶. Thank you for caring about us🤗
@mytwistedsoul
You never overstep Soul, you are my friend and you have unlited acces into my twisted soul...
@grillme Just kind of worry about you sometimes - ya know? I know you're going through a tough time too. There's alot of people here who care about you
@mytwistedsoul
It is a good thing to worry about people that mean smth to you...gives you a purpose, and meaning in life, an emotional anchor to care about others even though you cannot help them but just the mean smth in the drawers of your mind and soul...it is normal to care about others...
Erata...😔
@jennysunrise8
I often find myself in the position to kneel and convey my sorry...such is the nature of human interaction, as long as we are together in one place we are due to step ona tail, toe or ego...
Today I have upset my angel Jenny by saying on this thread that she taught me to say OK when people asked me how I was doing. I wish it was that way but it was a thing invented by me having an issue with the word OK as with the letter q for no reason at all...
All in all, Jenny, my guardian angel never told me to use OK to mask my feelings, she would never do that and whomever knows her knows I am a bastard for making that up.
I was just acting childish as usual and hurting people in the process...😔😔😔
You have my deepest sincere appologies Jenny for saying smth you never said...😔😔😔
@jennysunrise8 No more from you I believe. You read.... nothing more.
@grillme How humiliating.... for you. Why would you do this?
@mytwistedsoul
I am sorry Soul...please never be mad at @Jennysunrise08. It was not humiliating for me, just tge right thing to do by her, since things tgat are not true are hurtful to other people. Jenny is a very good understanding person and she did not deserve that from me. I am sorry that because of my I cluttered your thread for a bit but I had to make my appologies where my mistake occured. It was not humiliating, knowing when and what I did wrong and saying sorry for it is essential to me because many times I may hurt people without willing to do so, without thinking since I am a bit "st...d" and do not think things through before writing and how it may affect others and I have to be careful with that. I am begging you, please don't be mad at Jenny because she does not deserve that. She is a wonderful person willing to help and understand everyone, it was my faul for overreacting and blow it out of proportion...I am sorry she got to be the victim of my reckless writing...please don't be upset with her since I look up to her and she helps me so much and others too...
Once again I am sorry for the clutter in your thread, my fault again, I should have stayed away from ypur space...
Take care myfriend, have a good winter day and don't think bad about Jenny since she is a wonderful person...
@grillme
There is another reason for him to be upset with her. And he is allowed to feel upset with anyone
Im sorry if this comes off a little strong. I dont have anything against you, and it is responsible of you to try and own up to your actions.
@grillme The problem isn't in your cluttering of a thread. The problem isn't that you drug Jennysunrise08 into it. The problem is that you came in and preyed on someone's empathy and sympathy for you. Something that was readily given to you, despite past conflicts. This is where the question of why comes into play. Why would you feel you have to this?
As for Jennysunrise08, she seems to fail to understand and respect peoples boundaries and has an incessant need to explain and defend herself for while continuing to do so. Another past conflict.
@mytwistedsoul
I wish I had tge answers to question why? I am deeply sorry, It was not my deliberate intention to prey on empathy or sympathy, just to conect and talk, but if you feel it was my intention I can only appologise and say it was not, whether you believe me or not....humans try to connect with each other, I like to think we share and not prey, but if I took more than I gave and did more harm than good yet again I an truly sorry since it is hard many times to think things through and overthinking leads to inaction and isolation. I promise I will not enter your thread or your friends threads and not contact you and jeep to myself...
I am sorry for causing you distress and being a bad person wherever I go or do...I hope I did not do much damage andyou will be able to get over my wrongdoings one day...
I am sorry, deeply sorry...😔😔😔
First you gotta know
How to play the victim
Hate to tell you so
But you repeat the symptoms
Like an aftershock
And I only want to make it stop
But you make it
Stronger as it grows
Revel in the friction
Stop before you blow
Or damage our division
No, I'm not too shocked
But I only want to make it stop
Got me shaking at the sight, oh
Got me quaking in my mind, oh
You're tripping over every fault of mine
You're breaking open every single time
It's never black and white, no
Going seismic out of spite, oh
I never know if it's your fault or mine
You're breaking open every single time
Faultline
Falling off the charts
Burning all your bridges
You don't wear a scar
While I'm the one in stitches
And I don't know why
You point the finger every time
Got me shaking at the sight, oh
Got me quaking in my mind, oh
You're tripping over every fault of mine
You're breaking open every single time
It's never black and white, no
Going seismic out of spite, oh
I never know if it's your fault or mine
You're breaking open every single time
Faultline
Faultline
Faultline
Faultline
When it's gotta end
Whatcha gonna say?
You've been seeing red
And there's no one left to blame
When it's gotta end
Whatcha gonna say?
You've been seeing red
And there's no one left to blame
Got me shaking at the sight, oh
Got me quaking in my mind, oh
You're tripping over every fault of mine
You're breaking open every single time
It's never black and white, no
Going seismic out of spite, oh
I never know if it's your fault or mine
You're breaking open every single time
Faultline - Starset
On my mind -
Too much and nothing - does that make sense?
Took forever to fall asleep and woke up in a panic. A mild one but still - shaky
Headache - just not a migraine.
Some impatience
Alittle depression - ripples - the big wave is behind me - waiting to catch me
Burden of the Sky - Blame my Creator
Flight Paths - Downpour
Silent Theory - Sticks and Stones
On my mind - Naked we come
Naked we leave
We are the jail
We are the key
Kudos and well dones all around from Doc Z - well for most of us anyway
A and I for not harming this week - even though there were times we wanted to
K - for taking that pause that he hated so much - even if it didn't make him feel better - he still took it and wasn't as out spoken as he usually is
Logan - for kind of losing his cool alittle and admitting that he's hurting as much as the rest of us. He does so much - I admit it - he's the more responsible one
So alittle sad - alittle anxious - kind emotional - What's new - right? Took alittle longer to get home then usual because driving was kind of a b*tch. Just alittle disconnected and we're supposed to tell Doc Z when it's like that. But he won't let us leave if we are - so liar liar - pants on fire. Took the dogs for a walk once we got here - just to kind of settle down abit. Even ate lunch
Kind of feeling alittle good about being able to help someone more then I thought with something I thought might be kind of stupid
Fairly good all in all - no one died - didn't burn the house down and no one needed bail money lol