In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

@Dawn04 LOL! Yeah my brilliance is blinding

@mytwistedsoul *puts on sunglasses* Ah much better!

Over whelmed- not sure what I should do. Everything I feel says to just leave. You've darkened enough doors J. People getting into trouble. For stepping in - me not being clear enough. Idk - I'm sorry. This is why - There's a reason I've been isolated for so long. Given the labels I have been - called the names I have. There's a sad truth to it. I am no good.

No replies please - it's not worth it

@mytwistedsoul Well you may have to slap me for disobeying your no replies........but you are worth it and I am an adult who made a decision with reasonably sound mind. If I do get in trouble - doubtful considering all the rest I've stated in forums - then that's on me, not you.

@NoneTheWiser Thank you Wise

On my mind - holes in the soul - cement makes it too heavy - hard to move

No words - isolate

Idk - leave it alone J

@mytwistedsoul

Hey

@sunshinegiraffe123 Hey Sunshine

@mytwistedsoul

yay! 😀

@sunshinegiraffe123 Yay? Having a good day?

@mytwistedsoul

Kinda...

Ig not really...

but whatever

On my mind - Gotta love a good clicker game

Do dogs change colors?

Your overruling of my objection has been denied. Your denial of my overruling your objection has been eaten by the kraken
All hail the kracken

Close your eyes - Identify

Onions

All the things I don't say

Broken - shattered

None of it matters

It is what it is. Right?

Muddy thoughts. Time lost

Hands are shaky

Angry - anxious

I'm convicted with out a crime.

This hell wasn't my choice

You made me - but I wasn't worth it was I?

I'm sorry

It hits out of no where - the aura - the migraine train is on it's way

Makes it hard to see - had to stop what I was working on. Makes walking back to the house difficult. Drama king Pita cat breaking every few feet

Mind your stress J - Always with the reminders

I try - I really do - to watch the stress but man I an anxious SOB

I thought I knew who I was

At that time in my life

But you knew a weird piece of me

We

Anxious - holy sh*t Batman

Holidays suck - just realized no Doc Z on Friday

Trying to breath - calm it down - we're at a 20 - I need it at least a 10

Had a headache before - now there's an aura too F**k me

@mytwistedsoul

i feel ya

On my mind -

I feel so scared - all the time. I don't know how to make it stop.

Emotions are starting surface again - too much crying

Confession - there has been harm - just not the usual

I'm sorry - Idk why - just sorry - over and over in my head if I say it a million times would you believe me

@mytwistedsoul I wish I could give you a thousand hugs reading this.

@Dawn04 Thank you - I'd just settle for one tbh - from a real living breathing safe person.

@mytwistedsoul Trust if I lived anywhere near you, I'd definitely give you a hug! And then sit with you and let you talk as long as you wanted. Plus got sent some fudge (will tell you in chat if you're curious) and would share some with you!

@Dawn04

hi

@sunshinegiraffe123 Hi?

@Dawn04

Hello!!

@sunshinegiraffe123 Do I know you?

@Dawn04

In what way?

we have talked before on this thread ..

@sunshinegiraffe123 I don't remember you, I'm sorry.

@Dawn04

so that means we can't talk?

@sunshinegiraffe123 Not on this precise forum as it's not mine.

@Dawn04

do you have one?

@sunshinegiraffe123 Yes

@Dawn04

oh

@mytwistedsoul

Its okay to cry. Crying is neutral

I believed you the first time you said it. You do not owe an apology for this— for almost anything (I dont think you owe an apology at all but I dont want to speak black and white so definitely).

I hope you are safe. Try to eat something? Sitting with you

@ThePizza Thank you M - in all honesty it's hard to do ust black and white - there are so many shades of grey. It makes it harder to know what's right or wrong.

I heard that evil is silent
I know my demons stay quiet
Until I ask for compliance
That's when they claw and they riot

Jacob Lee - Guidance

I confess, I'm always afraid Always ashamed Of what's inside me I confess, I'm always afraid Always ashamed Of what's inside my head And I can't breath And I still feel But not the way I want to I'm on the edge I don't know how I can escape this nightmare

Red - Confessions

Am the liar that's been pushed in your head
The great deceiver that's been raised from the dead
I'm the demon you wished for when no one was there
I'm your murderer telling you nobody cares

Burden of the Sky - Solace

Five Finger Death Punch - Inside Out

Silent Hearts - Stranger

From the Ash - Shadow and the Stain

The Dead Rabbitts - Dead by Daylight

Heart of a Coward - Isolation

I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze
I'm not sure if I should say this, fuck, I'll say it anyway
Everybody tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
I don't know if it's a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah
I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressin' or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
Yeah, it's not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit everyday
And it's probably 'cause my demons simultaneously rage
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I'm a popular, popular monster

I think I'm going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze
Every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace
I'm in a race against myself I try to keep a steady pace
How the fuck will I escape if I never close my case?
Oh my God, I keep on stressin', every second that I waste
Is another second sooner to a blessing I won't take
But my therapist will tell me that I'm going through a stage
Yeah, it's not a fucking stage, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Motherfucker, now you got my attention
I need to change a couple things 'cause something is missin'
And what if I were to lie, tell you everything is fine?
Every single fucking day I get closer to the grave
I am terrified, I fell asleep at the wheel again
Crashed my car just to feel again
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I'm a popular, popular fucking monster

Yeah, here we go again, motherfucker, oh

We're sick and tired of wondering
Praying to a God that you don't believe
We're searching for the truth in the lost and found
So the question I ask is, oh, where the fuck is your god now?

'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I'm a popular, popular monster

I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster

Falling in Reverse - Popular Monster

@mytwistedsoul

Great song

Depressed - the weight of all this - crap - whatever you want to call it - is too heavy
It's weighing me down - pushing me deeper each time it shows up

The slightest thing seems to set off crying and I get so angry about it -
Keep hearing grow a pair - man up - weak

Don't want to think - dissociation has kind of become my friend

Too much over reacting - I'm kind of afraid it's causing some alienation of people
Kind of don't care though either. I want people to hate me

Idk what to do with myself

I feel - selfish but trying to be mindful of others
Tired of feeling like I always have to defend myself

Constant vigilance

Could go on and on - but what's the point? The farther we go in - the deeper we dive - the more the light is lost - the more we find things that we deal with - those land mines - ya know? Hidden in the shadows waiting to take us out. You start out at a brisk walk - the first hit staggers you alittle.But it's ok - you're still on your feet. Yay you! The second one hit's harder - now you're limping - the third hit - makes you limp worse. The fifth or sixth hit drives you to your knees - the seventh and eight hit - crawling - by the tenth hit you're just pulling yourself along anyway you can. They say it doesn't matter how many times you fall - as long as you keep getting up. I think - I need to just lay here for awhile. We'll stare at the ceiling fan - rub some dog ears and maybe just spend our energy on breathing - because at times even that feels like it takes too much energy.

*ya know - if - IF - they wouldn't have poofed the feeds this wouldn't get as long*

Mmm - mind blank

@mytwistedsoul

i dont think your overreacting all feelings are very important they exist for a reason thats important they mean something lead somewhere and crying too it means something the criticisms about the crying that its wrong to do it that it should be supressed most likely are very old thoughts not new " your mind is filled with old thoughts mostly someone elses old thoughts " thats a true saying all of it exists for a reason protectiveness anger sadness and everything else - i hope some kind of feed is brought back i know that would help a lot it still makes me frustrated knowing it could have been replaced at the same time with something else with just a little thoughtful planning and consideration of peoples feelings but didnt happen and no details when a replacement will happen making people unsure of it but i miss it too i was just starting to get into the feed id like a feed back too <3