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In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

mytwistedsoul November 7th, 2019

With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.

A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.

While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.

2870
mytwistedsoul OP November 12th, 2019

If we're just surviving - just existing - one breath at a time - it's not really living is it?

Ghost, I see you standing there,
Don't turn away, I want you to stay,
Ghost, what's your name?
Why so surprised? I'm interested...
You're just a soul that blends into the crowd,
I hear you so loud no one else hears a sound,
You reach out your hand no one else feels a thing,
And I'm just a stranger who could be a friend...
You could have been so great,
I won't let you slip away,
Is there any hope for us left,
Even a Ghost needs a friend...
You could have been someone,
But you let them into your head,
I want you to know this instead,
That I see the light in your chest...
Ghost, Where you from?
I can take you away, so far away,
Ghost, I'll make sure they all see,
The kind of man, that you can be...
Open your lungs & inhale my words,
I see in your eyes a reflection of hurt,
The book in your mind hasn't come to an end,
There's always a page, that hasn't been read...
You could have been so great,
I won't let you slip away,
Is there any hope for us left,
Even a Ghost needs a friend...
You could have been someone,
But you let them into your head,
I want you to know this instead,
That I see the light in your chest...
Your heart, it beats, forever, forever, we see,
I will believe, that there's a Ghost in me...

Your lungs they breathe, forever, forever, we see,
I will believe...

Jacob Lee - Ghost

mytwistedsoul OP November 13th, 2019

On my mind - angry - depressed

Cold out - a balmy 11 degrees this morning

thoughts are all over this morning - tumbling - competing - only to disappear as soon as I try to hold them

Who can find a proper grave for such damaged mosaics of the mind - where they may rest in pieces? Read this is a book - has been stuck in my head since

mytwistedsoul OP November 13th, 2019

I quit doing the path activities - what's the point? None of it matters - it has no place to go anyway. No feed to post it to

mytwistedsoul OP November 13th, 2019

She tells me what I allready know - what I allready believe to be true

1 reply
jennysunrise8 November 13th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

thats why they exist at all because a part of you believes them the work is all not believing it anymore ⛅

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mytwistedsoul OP November 14th, 2019

Really agitated tonight - two different types

Too many thoughts - can't sit still

Pacing and rocking - dissociating - stupid freaking OCD sh*t starting

If I don't reply - it's not personal - good chance there are no words - sometimes I'm just really stupid

Seen alot of double standard here. People called out for saying about liars or called out for a reference to idiots. But someone calling everyone sensitive snowcones - nothing. Not that I've seen so far. Injustice - insincerity

Reading between the lines - knowing what I'm thinking is wrong but unable to stop thinking it

I'm tucking away more then I'm letting out

I feel the pressure inside building - building

Trying to honor someones request to be gentle with myself - I just really hate my hands tonight
But I did eat

Panic-stricken, handle business, not a joke, yeah
Manners missing, travel different, no control, yeah
Time to listen, time to zip it, keep it closed
My description, highly gifted, take some notes, yeah
Lack of interest, why'd you visit? Hit the road, yeah
I'm kinda twisted, so keep your distance, be a ghost
Yeah, see I'm inventive, but quite the menace, you ain't know?
Well then I'm offended, let's jog your memories, here we go, yeah

NF - Leave me alone (A)

Sam Tinnesz - Wolves (K)

1 reply
ThePizza November 14th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

It's okay to not have words. I feel the same way.

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mytwistedsoul OP November 14th, 2019

Talking to the mirror like I

mytwistedsoul OP November 15th, 2019

What's on your mind J? Head wants to blow up - so watch your step

How often do you choke down your words because you know that what you're thinking would only hurt people. What do you do with that? What do you do with the words you can't say? I'm so full of everything I'm pushing down theres no more room left - things are spilling out

Concern - worry - anxiety - anger

Random thoughts - Shut the f**k up

Calm yourself

Its not personal

Don't need your permission

BE nice

Stop acting like such a f**king child

Idk - I really miss my f**king feed - Yes still - GGRRRRRR!

Face is hot - hands are cold - think constructive - not destructive

Don't touch me - for the love of god - just please don't - you will get bit

I'm done - no more - Time out - no more changes - no more changing things - I can't take anymore. Yeah I am one of the sensitive f**king snowcones. I've got a hazardly built house of card here - held together by gum and spit (ew gross)

Had tried to replace the f word with something different - but firetruck takes away the punch the usual f word has - so f**k it - flag it delete it - DON"T CARE

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme, <-------------- this bloody thing has been stuck in my head all bloody day
No more yielding but a dream, Shakespeare of all things. Shakespeake! Jesus jumped up palominos
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

5 replies
jennysunrise8 November 15th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

its definately not good keeping things in even if your just writing it down in a paper notebook or on your computer somewhere its good to get it out and not keep it in but you can write more here in your thread than i think your allowing yourself to write theres nothing wrong with cursing in your own thread in general support subcommunity some subcommunities such as trauma i know has some rules about not saying cursing or showing extreme emotions (i think) but expressing anger in your own diary here thats what a diary is for expressing emotions including anger its ok for you to express anger here in your space in general and you also have a TW at top ;) its ok if anything does need edited it will be just write and try not to worry about it .... also i love that poem ! yes

reddotonblack November 15th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

You have my hand myfriend in turmoil and what helped me through many of mine was your ending "be gentle with your mind and your thoughts..."

You have my hnd here myfriend...😔

calmLake1999 November 16th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

Hi, I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I can sit with you for a while if you'd like? I believe we still have a Harry Potter marathon to complete, if your up for it. I'm here for you if you need anything

Gracey November 19th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

I dont want to overwhelm you with lots of writing. Just a quick message to say you are important in this community ❤

1 reply
mytwistedsoul OP November 19th, 2019

@Gracey Thank you - I don't feel that way - but thank you

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sunshinegiraffe123 November 16th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

always here for u

mytwistedsoul OP November 18th, 2019

How pathetic we must seem to others. How weak we must look, to people who don't understand. Pathetic sensitive snowcones. Some people are so quick to judge who is lashing out and throwing a temper tantrum. Come live this life little suck up. Then we'll see.

11 replies
sunshinegiraffe123 November 18th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

SCREECHEs

10 replies
mytwistedsoul OP November 18th, 2019

@sunshinegiraffe123 Shall we screech together sunshine? Perhaps it will make us both feel better?

9 replies
sunshinegiraffe123 November 18th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

sure

4 replies
mytwistedsoul OP November 19th, 2019

@sunshinegiraffe123 On the count of 3... Ready? 1 2 3!

SCREECH!

Perhaps our screeches will join and let the whole world know our frustration

3 replies
sunshinegiraffe123 November 19th, 2019

@mytwistedsoul

SCREAMS

2 replies
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sunshinegiraffe123 November 19th, 2019

Yes Ik this isn't my thread...

How come normal not on the spectrum people dont get told to mute everyone in the room when they arent supportive but the minute I say Im on the spectrum and some things are hard for me , I get told to mute everyone in the room