Hey again
@SneakySnakeBoi @Jefferythebunny319
@Princetomyanxiety @BunnyLovesYou
Cups did something weird and it says I don't have permission to reply to the thread, and idk what to do so I just made a new one.
Please do not post in this thread unless you have been tagged above. This is a space for only those who have been mentioned. Thank you!
@AvyIsKing @SneakySnakeBoi
Lol I forgot how much people just don't care about me. Like I knew how the school looked yesterday, yk fire alarms hanging from the ceiling, not even listening. Lol. I hate my school.
@Iamspoons
*hugs*
@AvyIsKing
Sorry it took me a bit to respond, I've been in real classes, I'm in a study hall now. I'm gonna go up to the office and ask if I can just have it changed
Sorry periods changed. I'm in lunch now
@Iamspoons
nice
@AvyIsKing
Half the people in my art class are ***. RN I'm sitting at a table with 3 boys. They're all chill tho. I think I'll be ok in this class. It won't be as bad as last year, when half the people were only there cuz they needed the credits.
And there's only 9 kids in my Latin class, and three of them aren't in my grade, and I consider three of the ones in my grade my friends. So that leaves two other people, who are ok but not my first choice.
@AvyIsKing
Hey hey hey hey hey hey bestie I got my computer now. Do you wanna do matching pfps. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Yaaaaaay
I might be extra hyper rn and idek why. I had it back yesterday but rn I'm typing this with a giddiness that I can't properly convey online
@Iamspoons
sureeeeeeee sorry ive been in crisis
@AvyIsKing
Oh gooshness. Are you doing ok ish now? Sending so many hugs *if wanted*
And I don't want to yk appear to make it about me and not care about you, but if it would help you I've got a couple stories about today if you want to, like, distract yourself.
@Iamspoons
*hugs* today was gonna be it but I never got to say bye to my one friend...
Stories are always loved
@AvyIsKing
Omg that sounds absolutely devastating. I honestly have no idea how I would respond to something like that. Take all the time you need.
@AvyIsKing
So I have several stories I'll start with the ones I remember first and go from there.
So last night was the first time I had had access to utube in a while and I just, kinda sorta ... stayed up till like 2. I almost fell asleep in multiple classes. Lol
My family went out for dinner tonight and the tables were a little crowded so a guy bumped into the back of my chair with his and said "sorry sir". Eeeeeeee sir. I mean that was his default tho cuz he did the same to the waiter later. And he only saw the back of me. I wasn't binding, probably wouldn't have made a difference, and had my hair braided so you could see the undercut. And on some of the filters my friends like to mess around with on, one of the social medias idk, and one of them was like give you a beard, and I looked so masc, one was anime and it constantly made me boyish, the anime is what i want to look like irl. Umm so the point of that run-on sentence was that my face shape is apparently masc, the glasses I have RN are probably helping with that.
The point of that ramble is sir = yes.
And then we went out to get Italian ice right after. I usually get one of the ones that mixes the ice cream and flavored ice, and I usually get chocolate cream with whatever fruity one strikes my fancy. This time someone, my mom or the young lady in the window, makes a mistake and mine is vanilla instead. vanilla sucks. Mom comes over and says idk who made the mis hear or mis speak but it's vanilla. Do you want me to go back and get you one with chocolate?" And I'm like "... no it's ok, I'll have vanilla". Bad Choice. I should have said yes please, but I didn't because I'm a people pleaser. Got it from my mom *finger guns*. Lol
Ummmmmmmmm. I'm making a mug in art class and I need to use the roller but there are so many people there that there's no space for me. And I go to wait next to the table and waited for like the next three turns cuz I'm a pushover, see paragraph above, which sucks cuz then class is over and I didn't get to do the thing I needed to do. Arrrrg.
I'm gonna make this mug in honor of you cuz I can't physically send it to you. What colors do you want it? I mean yellow would be a predictable choice, but maybe you want me to do something for your friend?
I think that's it for rn. Ily
@AvyIsKing
Hey, how are you doing? I was worried I might've missed your reply because I fell asleep almost right after I posted those stories and only woke up like an hour ago, but you haven't replied. Are you ok?
@SneakySnakeBoi said they'll be on later, if that helps. She said she wanted me to check on you again.
@Iamspoons
Hey. Sorry I've been cleaning my room all day. I'm really really not okay and I'm in a really really dark and bad place rn and I kinda just wanna be alone so I've like abandoned my phone. I'm just done with everything. Yellow is great.
@Iamspoons
I love you
I love you too, I love you so freaking much ydek.
You're not allowed to die, you need to make sure I post the thing, and you need to see the thing I need to post.
***. I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier, I might've been more help then. Now all I can do is yell at you to not do something that you've probably already done.
***
@AvyIsKing@AvyIsKing
@Iamspoons
im not dead
only because idk anatomy
@AvyIsKing
Omg. I'm so glad you aren't dead. I'm still shaking but I think that might stop soon.
Don't you ever do that again. *** that was the scariest *** thing.
@Iamspoons
im really *** sorry.....
To be completely transparent I did try and I did like plan on going through with it.
My plan wasn't to scare you and for that I'm sorry
@AvyIsKing
No, you absolutely shouldn't be sorry. I know what it's like to be on your side of this event. And I know I will probably never be able to know exactly how hard it is for you. I'm just really glad you didn't leave us wondering like I left people wondering when I tried.
I'm just really happy you're still here texting me and not dead.
Come have a sleep over with me in the rainbow room?
_@iamspoons
ok warning tho im a mess
@iamspoons
So I'm still a friggin mess.
Mad at myself for last night.
And it hurts.
And I flicked up my back doing gymnastics
And my friends mom sucks and I'm just like
*ugh*
@AvyIsKing
Sorry I didn't see this earlier, been doing chores
It's only natural to be a mess over what's been happening these past few days, id be more concerned if you weren't. I hope your body stops hurting so much soon, it's not fun to hurt physically as well as mentally.
*** I gtg have dinner, I don't want to do that. It's gyros they're icky. And also my spot at the table is in the process of getting clean which means it had to get worse first, so I have absolutely no space.
@Iamspoons
Oh no :<
I wish I wasn't a mess, after today I need to be back to normal. No more disaster avy. I need to be normal
@iamspoons
lol how?
i had some weird dreams last night, but im in a good mood!
made hot chocolate and a banana
@AvyIsKing
Lol you made a banana. But tdh I'm glad you ate this morning, I haven't eaten yet. I will in like half an hour tho don't get mad at me for not eating.
What kind of dreams, I hope not nightmares.
Also just in the normal monthly way.
@Iamspoons
e a t
n o w
i made a banana yes :0
idk why the pen pineapple apple pen song came to mind
i had to eat cause meds
my moms mad at me for no reason
and idk just weird dreams
@AvyIsKing
I'm in school, my lunch time is next period. I can't "e a t n o w"
Mhm, it doesn't really matter why you ate so long as u did.
Math is kicking my *** *** . I hate algebra. Why can't I just take geometry again, I liked geo. *** cramps and gym at *** 8:30 in the *** morning.
Also I have the humor of a *** 15 year boy, cuz the boys in my homeroom are *** goofballs and I'm laughing, and I don't want to laugh at them. So I try to just turn off emotions but that didn't work. Lol "are you a *** camel with that hunch in your back"
@Iamspoons
lets trade. i loved algebra but geometry is kicking my butt and chemistry was hard af and if i don't get all the questions right im grounded
soooooo
imma be grounded i guess TvT
my mom is like oh ur grades are slipping
i went from getting a 240% on my chem assignments to a 160% (extra credit work through the program i don't need to do) and i need to get all the questions right on the math application (quiz) i do everyday
its just a lot of pressure
@AvyIsKing
Oooo yes lets trade. I haven't had chem yet.
Do you want to hear something embarrassing. I forgot we have a period between 7 and 8 because yk 7 to 8 is the logical progression but nooooo we gotta make it complicated. So I went right to 8th and kinda stood there like "I think I'm in the wrong class" and the teacher was like "yea period 7.5 (it's called wsh, for warrior [our school mascot] study hall)" and I was like "ohhhh ***"
@iamspoons
Thats just weird ðŸ˜
@AvyIsKing
Hey, sorry. I was hanging with my family. 😑
I just experienced gender disphoria. My mom said "I have to drive the girls Wednesday" referring to me and the person I go to epac with(idk if I gave her a name). And I felt sad. Like wtf.
@Iamspoons
Ew
I gave myself a black eye
@AvyIsKing
Oh nuuuuu. Why? How?
I was feeling male for a bit but now I'm back to being gender apathetic.
Also I just wrote a severely angsty bit of just rant. And then posted it. On Ao3. Idk if you know what my user is. But if you want, you can try to find it and read it. There are lots of things that could be triggering tho, keep that in mind. And just before you get concerned, I am in a completely safe mindset now.
Ily