Can't do this alone

@barncat

@barncat

@barncat

@barncat

@barncat

@barncat

still working this app out, i dont live with my parents , i feel alone, i need to talk to feel normal but idk how with this pandemic

Pondering why I cant move ahead and on with my life. Stuck in such a big rut- wake up too early and ruminate about getting up and facing the day. Seem to have fallen back into a swing shift hours pattern- feel best in the evening- and horrible in the morning. Tired of it- but taking the first step is daunting.

Perhaps it is better to spew my worries out rather than hold them inside. Days and days of struggling to move ahead. Discouraged after reaching out for therapy help only to have few contacts this time around. And getting a "constructive criticism" suggestion during one of my darkest days. Not helpful. Who to turn to now. Feeling more and more isolated as tourists come streaming into my community- triggering neighbors to stay away. None of it makes sense to my new persona. How I loved seeing strangers in the past- but now am running the other direction.

Preparing for more pet losses- brought my barncat home today. She was a pampered housecat until several years ago- moved into the barn with the horses nearby. Loved it- was a great mouser- and had the whole place to herself. Unfortunately she is a senior cat- fluffy longhaired who couldnt keep herself groomed. The joke is she got a shave and a haircut- not funny cause now she looks very old and sickly. Deteriorated after her grooming session- and now aware she has a tumor on her jaw- vet didnt discover it until follow up after haircut. Why is it so sad when our animals age and fall ill. At least she can have some special treatment until her time comes- probably very soon.