Can't do this alone

I havent written in my paper and pen journal for quite a while. I did help to organize plans and thoughts for the day. I guess need to find it once again. At least it would be an improved start for the day.

@barncat I feel the exact same way. I have no advice to give. All I can say is you're not alone and we're all here t he each other through. Just knowing there's a safe place to express our feelings is a huge help.

Hard to believe it is Febuary. REally looking forward to spring.

Wow another week gone by- time to reflect on this weeks events- or plan for another one. Positive is got out more- dragged myself out of the house a few times. Good to have an acupuncture session- really helped that day. ANd dropped in on the vet to look at my little dog's eye. Had a quick shopping time- and back home to my safe place. Find it hard to go out - not my previous feelings at all. Then had a farrier appt on Wednesday. It all seems so long ago today.

Finally realizing the isolation will be slowly changing. As more are getting vaccinated in my community- we are all venturing out. Still wearing masks and social distancing, but feeling hopeful.

Feeling a little worn out after a busy day on the mainland. So many uplifting encounters with strangers. Met a lovely "older" lady simply walking my dog. Been a long time since felt like connected to a kindred spirit- and hope to talk with her again. It was so refreshing after over a year feeling isolated on the island. Then took my new little dog to the dog park for the first time- since he is older all he wanted to enjoy were all the new smells. But what fun visiting with other dog owners.

Writing this post today in gratitude of my husband. Often relationships are trying and challenging. But yesterday and today he rose to the challenge and is leaving to deal with an off island problem. I appreciate his committment to our material possessions, that often feel they own us. Hoping the situation will start to find resolution.

Often feel I am really alone in my relationship. Priorities are different, and even though he does the most of the responsiblities it feels as though I am the one who needs to initiate any changes. It has exhausted me for the past 20 years- to the point I have lost a lot of my own personal initiative. How do I pick myself up daily and move forward- feeling like I am pushing a boulder uphill all of the time.

Feel like I have dropped into the dark hole again. Just as I was crawling out of it. Just dont have the resilience to push through new problems. Actual tangible projects that need to be coordinated. Lean on my partner too much because somehow he can cope with everything slowly. It makes me feel inadequate- which really hasnt been my role for most of my adult life. Being retired has thown me for a loop during the pandemic. Cut off from new relationships and community activities. Leaning on my animals for emotional support- not really their role though.

yeah- got an email from a friend who wants to meet up for burgers. Really miss hanging out with her- drifted apart during the pandemic. Also had a dinner over at a friends house couple weeks ago. So wonderful to visit at someone else's home- we were all vaccinated so felt safe.