A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
@IsayUncle The doctor called and his blood sugar was high but he is not diabetic! So we just need to get more exercise and change our diet.
@Psalm139
THAT IS WONDERFUL! I am so happy for you and for Bently too....
@Psalm139
i I know you're busy with your evening family schedule but I told you I'd check with you when I got home. I am still so very happy the way things worked out for you. Congrats!😃
@IsayUncle Just sitting outside the church waiting for the kids now! Hope everything went well for them! They were all nervous of course. I just had to drop them off at the door, which was a pretty nice arrangement for me!
@Psalm139
NP. You're welcome and I'm glad I was home. And I'm still super glad everything worked out, yippee!
I'm kind of excited for you and the kids, with the TKD in the youth groups. So much possibility of positive reinforcement and growth. Exciting conversations. I think it's a great direction and hope that it is a new, social dynamic in your home. The kids will do awesome because they must be very thirsty little sprouts, wanting to quench the natural necessity of social interaction. I'm really impressed that you are getting out of your comfort zone for the kids and doing this. To me that makes you an awesome mom. I hope they liked the youth group last night, that would be super.
I'm actually worried about you because it will be very hard for you to watch your kids get attached to another dynamic and other people. While they are working on their social skills and growth you are actually going to have to do the same thing for yourself and them too.
Anyway great job on moving forward and I'll talk to you later. Have a great morning.💚
@IsayUncle Hi! Sorry I didn’t reply this morning! I got distracted and ran out of time! How is your day going? We have been talking a lot about me this week. I know your routines were going well but is everything still going well?
@Psalm139
Do you fear your kids having the same social anxiety as you and if so, what steps can you do to push them past their comfort level and learn to adjust better? I hope that didn't sound condescending or judgmental, it isn't meant to be. I'm just excited that you're taking these initial steps in a good direction and I know it will be hard for everyone at first but in the long run, maybe pretty amazing. Not having any children myself, I cannot fathom the complexities and sacrifices of trying to do the right thing without doing the wrong thing. Anyway, I hope some good fruits come from the seeds you're trying to plant.😊
My routine is is paying off. I was actually able to sleep all morning after my bus run with Peace of Mind. It was awesome. Of course it's never ending but I'm on top of it now and that makes all the difference in the world. I was able to take a couple days to go work on the dump truck without feeling like I was getting behind on things, so that was great. So all that's going real good and I'm looking forward to tackling my next project.
I'd like to share with you how sometimes the smallest adjustment can make the biggest difference. (Also bragging a little bit on myself too. Lol.) I do hope you take it to heart though, as you go in a new tougher direction with your kids. My smallest adjustment has to do with doing the dishes. I'm not a conservation fanatic but I could never stand to run the cold water long enough for it to get hot just to do a few dishes. So I would always wait until there was a good pile of dishes and then I would run the water until it got hot and and washed the dishes. But then I would always get behind. What I finally decided to do was to save my gallon jugs and then when I wanted to wash a few dishes I would run the water into the gallon jugs until it got hot and then I could wash the dishes and I could use that water in the jugs for filling up the coffee machine or the dog water dishes, do some cooking and etc. and it wasn't being wasted. So now I can wash my dishes anytime that I want (and I do 3 or 4 times a day - fast and easy peasy) and if I just have four dishes to wash I could do that cause I'm not running that much water to to wash a few dishes. That small adjustment has made a huge impact on me working through my day.😃
if you end up doing some TKD, ask the instructor if there's a podcast about the mental discipline of TKD not so much about the sport or the exercises but the mental disciplines. I think that would be real interesting to listen to. I don't know anything about podcasts but I looked into them the other day when you asked me about the Christian podcast. I realized I got a little bit to learn about them. You probably like somebody to talk to you about the Christian podcast huh? Sadly, I probably wouldn't take the time to listen to it too much because I feel like I'm on solid ground in that area. I probably will listen to a few from time to time though. My first step would be to learn how to access podcasts. (You can help me with that if you want to.)
As you wind down your very busy evening, I hope you get a chance to relax and rest and have a good night. Talk to you later.💚
@IsayUncle I definitely don’t want to cause my kids to feel isolated but I also don’t want to make them miserable. I don’t think it’s necessary to be around people every day but never going out obviously isn’t healthy.
Taekwondo went really well tonight and some of the parents stayed to watch so that’s what I did. They all really seemed to like it. Even Makennah said she doesn’t know rather than she hated it! Jax got scared and came and sat on my lap, but he’s 5, so that’s ok.
I don’t know how to make the kids less like me, more social… I guess taekwondo and church are a good start. I’m not going to force anything but my goal is to get everyone out at least once a week. So if Makennah doesn’t want taekwondo and youth group, she can just go to church with me. I’m planning to get the boys in a midweek church program or start taking them for this Wednesday afternoon activity time at the library.
All this will definitely be hard for me at times but hopefully I will get used to it and it will get easier.
I think your idea for saving your water in a jug so you aren’t wasting it is awesome! I have mind blocks like that too - like not wanting to use up my toilet wand refills or mop pads or cat litter or whatever. Thinking of saving money but really just not doing things as often as I should because of it.
I will look up a taekwondo podcast. I use audible for mine but you can also use Spotify. Both have an app and you need to sign up for a free account. Then you can just search for whatever podcasts you want. Tell me if you need more help.
Well I’m tired. Physically and mentally. It’s been good to get out but it’s also exhausting. It’s frustrating that it has to be so important to be in the world. But whatever. It is, I guess.
@Psalm139
I really like this post. I'll have to get back to it a later though cause I'm running a bit behind schedule this morning.😊
Have a good morning.
@Psalm139
The reason I like this post is because there's so much going on. And it seems to me you dealt with it amazingly. At the end of the post you said you were physically mentally tired and how exhausting it is to get out like that. That's exactly right. It is exhausting. (Not just for you, for most people) I hope you were able to get rested up and reflect in a good way what you did accomplish. It was pretty good.
I have an account with Amazon Prime and YouTube but not Audible or Spotify. I just checked out YouTube and they got some podcast stuff going on not really sure how to search it or get to it yet. I noticed Google has some podcast stuff going on too. I like learning about new things like this and how they come about in an ironic way always makes me feel thankful I guess at some level. idk learning about podcasts is my new adventure and it's thanks to our conversation. Gotta love it, I'm weird like that.... All that sounds so stupid but I'm leaving it in there anyway. Lol.
Well, I hope you have time to absorb what you went through and are able to take a little bit of a break before your next round with the world. I can totally understand how frustrating it must be to you to deal with the world. Especially at some level you don't have the choice because you gotta care for others too. 💚💚💚
I hope you're having a good evening. I'm glad it's Friday, I'm back to the house work this evening then tomorrow work with the kids again.
@IsayUncle Yesterday was hard. Rylee and I were having a good morning and did yoga and a taekwondo stretch video together. We were talking about what our schedule should be like with the new activities and I brought up all the appointments we have the first week of February. She has a well check with labs and a dentist appointment. She started crying and said “this is the type of stuff that makes me want to k*** myself”. I tried to talk to her but she was so upset and I was getting worked up too. I get suicidal when I get really overwhelmed too. She was saying “I can’t do this” and crying uncontrollably. I ent to my room for a few minutes and heard the front doors shut. She had gone outside without a coat and without telling me. Eventually she came back in crying and shaking vans ran to her room. I followed her and held her. She said if anything was wrong she wouldn’t want to do anything about it and I would make her so she would just have to kill herself. I held her until she calmed down and then asked if she wanted to watch a show with me because I wouldn’t leave her alone until she was ok. I moved all my prescriptions to my room. Even the Tylenol because I used ibuprofen from our bathroom to OD when I was a teenager. It was really scary. My mind gets that way too and it’s hard because her anxiety for appointments is so bad she doesn’t even want to be on medication. I was already drained from being out. I couldn’t even write all this to you yesterday. Last night I told Justin and he yelled at me and said I wasn’t going to pressure or guilt him into taking the kids out because he let me homeschool but he never said he would do that. And he said that’s why they are all depressed. Because we don’t go anywhere. But I was the same way as a teenager. And I went to school, church, youth group, etc. No tablets. It isn’t because of that for her. And he said doctors just want to get you on medication so you are dependent on them for the rest of your life. He’s working today. I’m not going to talk to him about it anymore.
This looks like a good video to explain Spotify: https://youtu.be/HMJZobMa4y4
@Psalm139
I was hoping you were just just recuperating but I'm sorry to hear about this emotional bombshell. It's hard when everyone gets overly emotional and and just sees problems on top of problems. Sometimes we just need to step back and ponder or think about softer solutions. It doesn't pay to think about what could of, would of or should of been done. It's way too normal for people to sling accusations and for us to equally feel insecure because of inadequacies when emotions are high and problems are hot!
Slow everything down, bring your house back to your center and restart your weekend. These hard things still have to be addressed but try to do it at your pace and not being pushed to and fro by others. I think it's important to be solution minded and not anger or guilt motivated, if that makes any sense.
Do whatever you have to do to slow things down so that the cloud of anxiety within the house is reduced. Sadly, we can't calm others down by insisting or demanding. We first must find our own logical reason to be calm and relaxed. I know you don't think you can do that and you might think I don't understand anxiety, but I do understand; but I also know that you are strong enough to be calm, tamp out the fires and bring your house back into order.
We'll talk about things in more detail later if you want to. I'm really sorry your daughter got this stressed out and feels this frustrated, but it can be worked out.💚
@IsayUncle
I'm going out but will check posts when I get back. (The last post stating this went to the wrong reply, sorry)
@IsayUncle I guess I just need to be quiet and just deal with things myself. That’s why I need you. Thank you for listening to me. I hope everything is going well with your students today. Sorry for all the drama this week.
@IsayUncle It’s ok. Rylee’s ok today. She’s like me so she can get really low and then it will pass and she’s ok. It’s just hard to help her because I know nothing I can do will make it go away. Justin’s at work but will be home soon. How is your day going?
@Psalm139
That's good, I'm glad to hear that about Rylee and stuff. Thanks for letting me know everything is OK. You guys are outside right now waiting for me to come and give them some directions. I just came in to start some tacos for them. We went in cleared out a shed for somebody and ended up with a bunch of junk to put away.
I know you can't talk much after Justin gets home and you doing the family stuff so touch base when you can OK.
@IsayUncle I made tacos for Justin today too. I imagine you have finished working by now? It’s dark here. Justin got home a while ago and talked to his aunt on the phone and then went to take a nap. I guess I should get the boys a bath tonight and get Treyton to shower, pick out clothes for all of us for tomorrow. It’s super cold and snowy here. What are you doing tonight?
@Psalm139
I had a little longer evening than usual. My job this evening was to help my partner unload some junk out of a new shed that they just bought or used should I should say. That was in another town so by the time getting all that done and then going back to get my car it's like it's late. I didn't make the boys clean the kitchen because it was just getting too late so I got that mess to deal with in the morning. I just packaged up the stuff that needed to go in the fridge and that's that. I'm tired.
What am I doing tonight? Not as much as you.😟 I'm Going to bed..... 😃😴 Lucky me. I hope you do ok this evening and sleep well. good nite💚
@Psalm139
I bet you were pretty exhausted last night too. Yesterday was just a whirlwind of a day. It was mostly used doing stuff for other people and so it kind of used up a big part of my weekend. It made me think how you do this on a regular basis.
You've been through a couple of big whirlwinds yourself this week. Do you think today, you'll get lucky enough to be able to breathe and relax a little bit? I hope you don't get no bombshells today, two of them back-to-back and almost three it's pretty tough. That did remind me about Bentley not having diabetes.😊 something to smile about in all this confusion.
I hope you have a great morning with a cup of coffee and a fresh start to the day. Let me know when you're up and about and woke up a little bit.
@Psalm139
Oh-oh spaghettio, where did M go? You having a bad day 😟 or just taking a break😊?
@IsayUncle I actually took the kids to church. It went ok. Rylee didn’t like the Sunday school part because there was a really hyper girl in her class. Bentley was being really bad in the service. Justin didn’t want to go and I couldn’t get Makennah up either so it was just me and the four kids. I was super tired when I got home and took a nap. Jax fell asleep too. Then we tried to go to taekwondo but it was closed because of the snow. I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed like we were so busy and the house is a mess. I might take the boys to their Wednesday night kids group but we will see since taekwondo is Tuesday and Thursday. Justin said he will go next week but we’ll see. How was your day? Sorry if I worried you!
@IsayUncle Thank you for understanding why I didn’t message earlier yesterday. My brain was just too overwhelmed to think about anything. It wasn’t because you aren’t a priority to me. You definitely are! I just have to do these things for the kids and I am sure it will get easier after time.
Did I tell you about Jax? I shared in church yesterday during Sunday School praise reports about Jaxons bladder issues and surgeries and having to use catheters. Then over Christmas he started being able to pee on his own! A silly thing to be excited about, but not in his case! He has been able to go ever since. The doctor still has me taping in the catheter at night and I’m sure he will have testing to confirm his bladder is working but it seems like he is maybe, possibly going to be ok! I don’t know that I ever told you about that because I really wasn’t sure it would last and it’s kind of a tmi subject for some people, but after all he went through for the past two years, it’s pretty exciting!
No big plans for today, just going to try to do the normal Monday stuff. School, cleaning, dinner. Rylee helped me almost catch up on the dishes last night. I have a headache but hopefully the coffee will get rid of it. Time for my Bible podcast! I hope you are having a good morning 💛💛💛
@Psalm139
Congratulations are in order, that's awesome about Jax and I don't blame you for waiting to see how things went. I truly hope they keep going in the right direction. That is absolutely wonderful, thanks for sharing. Like wow, that's big stuff!😃
I hope your day went good. Mine went OK except I found some weed in a backpack on my bus and that's complicating things a little bit for me. There's extenuating circumstances where it is not the students fault, it's more of the parents fault so I didn't turn the student in but I did talk to the parents. It could get me in trouble though if I don't report it to the school. Everything else is pretty normal so not much to talk about.
Talk to you later.
@Psalm139
Hi M, It's just raining here so I guess we'll have school today. DRAT's! I hope you have a good morning. What are your plans looking like today?
@IsayUncle Sorry about the trouble with your student. It sounds like quite a risk not to tell your boss. I hope everything works out ok. Do any of the other kids know about it? How did you end up finding the pot?
@Psalm139
Your post gave me smiles for miles. Getting out in the cold and all.😃 I believe it'd be hard to find anything much cuter than a little tot learning how to kick and box and do exercises and stuff like that.
What another great post from you, I'm still smiling. I'm sure it'll be tough to keep up with it and it won't always be sunshine and roses but it sounds like it's been one heck of a great start. It was also kind of a blessing to find other home schoolers.
Teaching the kids to like each other, it's really a great advantage. That attitude is what I was wondering if there was a podcast about. When I looked up podcast for Taekwondo I saw several competition related podcast and exercise related podcasts and new statistics and moves and stuff like that. I didn't listen to any of the podcasts but that's what it looked like they were all about. That's why I asked you to ask the instructor if there was a good podcast about the philosophy of Taekwondo. There must be because all winning is done in the mind (look at me being all corny ha ha)
I got lucky today. School got called off at the last minute. I have spent all day on one of those piles of paperwork that is filled with office to-dos, like writing down phone numbers and recording passwords. Contacting businesses and making personal phone calls, updating charts and information. Just one of those piles of paperwork where each thing it's kind of a pain in the b*tt and can take a minute or an hour for each item and that's why it piles up like that. It's not part of my routine stuff yet so it gets backlogged put on the back burner. I did goodgetting it cleared out and it feels good. I still have some more to do so I drank some caffeine charisma and I'll keep at it.
I did tell my boss about the incident on the bus, that wasn't really the same thing as telling the school and getting the girl into trouble but it covered my bu** and I called the grandmother who's the girl's guardian and told her too. I'm sure it's gonna cause a big fuss in the house but that was the best thing to do.
I'll bet your kids are way ahead of other kids in the school system academically so it does make absolute sense to balance some of that out with social ability.
Be careful with your emotions in this new environment and if you can; just absorb, without getting too attached OK?💚💚 (being thoughtful and caring, not judgmental)
I'll check back later to see if there's any updates but if not; you have a good night and tell me all about it tomorrow.😜💚....
( ....tomorrow will be Awana for the two little boys - in your post - is "Awana" a typo?) 😕
@IsayUncle I’m glad you got the day off to do some catch up. And that you told your boss so it won’t come back on you if it becomes a bigger thing. That’s what I was worried about.
@IsayUncle This is what Awana is for Jax and Bentley’s ages - https://www.awana.org/us-curriculum/elementary/sparks/
@Psalm139
That's really good that you actually decided on a schedule for Taekwondo. And the Awana organization looks pretty awesome too for children. It's a lot all of a sudden but I think it's a lot of good good stuff... maybe hard, but good. And we can never have too much good in a day or a week. 😊.
I know your husband works hard at his job everyday, probably pretty stressed, and often preoccupied and needing time to rest when he gets home just to get ready to do it all again the next day. How is he responding to these extra activities?
@IsayUncle Justin doesn’t care that we are going out. He seems to like the extra time by himself. And yeah, it is a lot at once but change is hard so I feel like If rather do it that way than gradually add more and be in a constant state of confusion and anxiety over new things being added.
@Psalm139
The roads were too icy to drive the buses again this morning. I took today and just slept all day and that just felt great. I didn't mean to wait this long to get back to you. I hope you had a good day I guess you got Awana this afternoon or evening for the kids. 👍
I got some tasks to do this afternoon but I feel pretty good about them. For some reason my batteries went dead on my pickup truck and on my tractor. I thought the kids might have left the lights on on the tractor but I don't know why the pickup truck went dead. It's broke down anyway but I was gonna use the battery from the pickup truck for the tractor and then just charge the tractor battery. So that's what I gotta go do. Charge tractor battery, then tomorrow or the next day charge the truck battery.
I can understand Justin enjoying the free time to himself. I think anyone would like that. You really need some of that yourself too, I don't know if you ever get a chance to get any. But when you said he doesn't care what the kids are doing or what you all are doing, I thought that was kind of sad.😟.
@Psalm139
Good Morning, Back to a normal day for me. Now that I got my routine and rhythm within some manageble parameters, it is time to tackle another goal. That is to finish my workshop and storage area buildings.
How did Awana go yesterday? I know with these classes and schooling you must be tired. Going easier on the schooling doesn't mean it's easy for you so make sure to get the rest you need.
I hope you have a good day 💚.
@IsayUncle Sorry about your truck and tractor. That’s frustrating! It’s awesome that you got to catch up on sleep though! I’m only slightly jealous, lol!
@Psalm139
Hi M, we had another NTI day today but with a stupid twist. Students were able to stay home but staff was supposed to come in including the bus drivers. So we just came into the bus garage and did nothing for four hours. Just yackety yak. Made me mad wasted my day.
Intake? Is that like his first appointment? I guess that could be pretty draining, just worrying about things like that but you got this! 💚 That's awesome that Bentley and Jackson had fun at Awana last night. It must be very helpful if they are willing and eager.
I didn't really do anything all day, just being off kilter and wasting time. Thanks for commenting on my routine, still doing good there.😊
I hope things went good with Trey and you have a good night. 
@IsayUncle Intake went well. Trey didn’t really talk so idk how therapy will go. We will see I guess!
That is super annoying they had ton come in for four hours with no purpose!
@Psalm139
Hey M, I ran across this thread I'd like you to check out if you have the time. I made a reply to it, to the thread in general but it was AffyAvo's reply that prompted me to write mine even though I didn't direct my reply to AffyAvo if that makes sense. It's About anxiety and I thought you might like it.
@IsayUncle I’ll read it!
@Psalm139
I hope your Taekwondo went good yesterday. I forgot to mention that I think you're right, it would be crazy for you to take Taekwondo. Crazy Awesome! I hope you follow through and take the classes. It seems like it would fit into your yoga, help with anxiety, healthy exercise, and meld with the kids. I really think it's an awesome idea, I hope you do it and more importantly; that you like it a lot.
@IsayUncle I actually did do taekwondo last night! It was a pretty intense workout, not at all like yoga, though I definitely think they could complement each other! I was super nervous to tell them I wanted to try it but it was fun doing it with the kids instead of just watching. I’m surprised I’m not more sore than I am after all the kicks, planks, walking lunges, leg lifts, lol.
@Psalm139
This is one collective reply to the few posts that we had going on. I don't remember how old Trey is. You said he didn't talk much, maybe next time he will.
Glad you read that article and do try to calm yourself down. I did like that article I think it's a good direction to go to try to feel less anxious all the time. So I didn't mean to say yoga was the same as Taekwondo, but you worded it correctly. They can complement each other, which is pretty cool. You brought to reality though, that Taekwondo is a lot of work. It always sounds so cool but the hard work is a reality huh?😬 Lol let's see how it goes for you, you gotta stay in it to win it. ha ha. Pretty proud of you too for pushing past your nervousness and giving a shot that was really good.💚
That's about it for me tonight. I'm not doing much of anything but just winding down and getting ready for bed so you have a good night and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
@IsayUncle Treyton is 12. I think getting out should help him a lot.
*push myself
@Psalm139 
Good morning,
You should be legitimately tired and I think that is a good tired to have. I hope you were able to rest good and start your morning in a good mood. You have done a lot this week to be proud of. Don't forget to take some time this weekend to unwind, (decompress) reflect, and relax some if you can. 💚💚. Have you noticed the difference with the kids and stuff yet at the house I mean.
12 years old is a critical age. Hopefully, this asserted effort has a good and positive effect on him and I'm sure it will!
My big project this weekend is the work on my shelter storage and workshop area. When I get some time I'll send you some pictures. I'm not going to work the kids this weekend. I'd like to have this time to myself just a focus and stay diligent and really try to have my shelter completely usable by Monday morning. Of course I got a few routine things to do, clean my floors, do my laundry and I wanna make a good chicken dumpling soup.
Talking about food, have you seen the shredded chicken crust recipe on YouTube. People use it for a pizza crust but I think it would be good as a snack or for other things too.
So, what are your plans for this weekend? I hope you have time to make it to church, it's a great place to reflect and recharge. Other than that what else do you have going on? Probably not too much with all this cold weather. I saw you guys just had another hard cold snap. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that weather anymore, sorry you do...... How have you been feeling lately, with your anxiety and the winter depression? I hope it hasn't been as bad as usual and it's nice to remember the spring is not too far away and we can see camping trips on the horizon.😃
@IsayUncle Good morning 💛. One good thing about being busy is not having time to think as much! So I think that has helped me a lot. I did have a while yesterday where I was feeling down and overwhelmed and questioning if I am taking on too much, if it is sustainable. I hope it is.
The kids are practicing taekwondo at home which is cool to see. And I know they appreciate getting out. No one complains when we have somewhere to go. I am behind on house stuff so that’s stressful. Hopefully today and tomorrow I can find some energy to do the dishes and clean up around here. Having a messy house affects my mood.
This weekend we just have taekwondo today and church tomorrow. No other plans besides resting and catch up work.
I would love to see pictures of what you’re working on when you get a chance! It will be good for you to have some time to yourself to focus on your projects. Let me know how it goes!
I haven’t seen the chicken crust recipe! Do you remember I’m vegetarian? Lol. I do cook meat for Justin but he doesn’t do low carb or anything. I’ve seen cauliflower and sweet potato crusts though. I will probably make regular pizza today or tomorrow. We’ll see how motivated I am and how hard class is today, lol! I’m kinda nervous.
Check in later if you can 💛
@Psalm139
Good morning,
What a good post.💚 I was just getting ready to go outdoors. So when I come back in I'll talk with you some more, but I know you're gonna be busy today too so stay at it.... Or rest if you can but either way, feel good today.
I did forget you were a vegetarian, oops & sorry. I know you eat super healthy but I did forget you're a vegetarian so.... too bad...... no crunchy crispy chicken crust for you! lol.
@IsayUncle How was your day? Did you get a lot done?
Rylee, Bentley, and I went to taekwondo this morning. It was fun! Jax woke up with a sore throat and fever and hasn’t been feeling well and Trey’s foot hurt and Makennah’s legs were sore so they stayed home. We got our uniforms today and are officially signed up. Then I canceled fubo ($85) and audible ($16) to offset the cost.
Now I’m just hanging out and watching tv but I still want to get some cleaning done!
@Psalm139
|July 5 2021 - Sept 19 2022: (CDL) | Sept 19 2022 - Sept 24 2022: (Regroup) | Sept 25 2022 - Feb 01 2023: (Find Rhythm) | Feb 03 2023 - Current 2023: (Keep Rhythm - Build Workshop Area)|
Hi M, I actually had a pretty crap day yesterday. I had no energy to do anything but I tried. It was all
so lackluster and pointless for the day, not pointless for the long term. The reality of things is that I must lose weight. I think my age accounts for 50% of my low energy or low stamina. I believe the other 50% loss is from being overweight. I'm drinking way too much caffeine and taking one of those energy pills everyday which also has caffeine in it and common sense tells me that is not a good or sustainable direction to go at my age.
I'm at a point now where I must admit food is my addiction. Like an alcoholic or a smoker I have tons of reasons to keep working with and eating food. even though I knew my weight was part of my demon yesterday, I just kept eating and snacking all the times I came in to rest, and that was a lot. Just the idea of restricting myself makes me wanna go get something to eat and think about it.
That's enough about me for the moment. I keep a journal so I had the dates for goals that I was trying to set. You have said earlier post about hoping Taekwondo was sustainable. I wanted to show you my dates because there were times I wanted to give up and I didn't think those were sustainable either. There were many times and many reasons I wanted to quit but there was one big center reason I kept going. Remember, whenever we start something or get excited about a new idea, it is easy to maintain it but as it loses its charm and romance, the hard work and disciplines makes it harder to maintain. What kept me going through the hard work and disappointments?
What kept me going was a deep sense of wanting. I wanted my CDL and I wanted my rhythm because I knew I did not want live without them or with the regret of giving up because I knew they were building blocks of my foundation. It wasn't easy and there were many times I couldn't plow a road to continue so I just put one foot in front of the other so I didn't lose the path.
I feel like you're Taekwondo and the church groups are wonderful foundation blocks for you and your family. If you are talking about it being sustainable from a money perspective, that's understandable. But the extracurricular activity and not the activity itself seems to be the topic of importance so I'd like to encourage you fight to stay on that path when you think it might be too much. Maybe not blaze the trail, but put one foot in front of the other until it all becomes a part of your new week or your new schedule. Even if it has to be less often but still in the direction and goal orientated.
How did you get your husband to stop the fubo? Was that argumentative or agreeable?
I really hope I'm not coming across as all high and almighty. I lose a lot of friends because of that. I think my head is in this place of critical thinking, not criticizing thinking but critical thinking like deep reality and what actions to take for myself and that bled over into our conversation. I could have deleted it but I truly hope it helps.
Sorry for such a heavy rant 😕, I do hope you have a good day today.💚
@Psalm139
My inability to function continued until about 1:00 PM today. I did no tasks and I did no routines. I wallowed in inactivity, watching TV, eating, sleeping.
I decided to do my meditations and that helped me figure out what was going on. The caffeine the naps the TV constant noise in my ears was all something that was needed to keep me going and keep me motivated as I tried to conquer my routine. They were all mechanisms keep me distracted and moving forward.
Now I realize, those things in themselves are the deterrents and distractions for me moving forward. I think what had me so overwhelmed was I didn't know what to do with that information or how to get rid of those deterrents. I felt like I was entitled to all those little rewards but they are only rewards when when I accepted them as rewards. Now I see them as deterrents. They are overwhelming distractions and even though I won't get rid of them completely, as to keep balance, I am gonna reduce my dependency on them considerably.
I used to meditate an hour a day, sometimes two hours a day. I did that faithfully for about a year or two when I was at one of my absolute bottoms about 10 years ago. I am not at an absolute bottom now, not even close to it. But meditation is so effective to clear the mind reduce the overwhelmingness, find the peaceful solitude and strength along with clarity of direction.
Wish me luck! 😊
I hope your day went well, I didn't hear from you but I hope that was because you were productively busy or just plain old resting. 💚 I just wanted to let you know I'm back on track so that wasn't too bad of a shut down. I hope you're doing OK and you have a good night.
@IsayUncle I am about to go to bed. I went to church this morning and came home and took a long nap. I’m sorry you didn’t get as much done as you wanted. It’s good that you can see the things you thought of as rewards were actually distractions. I can relate to that for sure! I’m glad meditation helped you! How exactly do you meditate? Especially for long periods of time?
@Psalm139
I'm really glad to hear you took a day to yourself. You needed that a lot I think.💚. We'll talk more later and catch up on things. I know you have been through a lot (with all these extra activities and church) so take as much time to yourself as you need to unwind and regroup. You will need every nook and cranny of time you can find to recharge your batteries. I totally understand that so make sure you take that time to take care of yourself, OK?
My big topic is going to be my weight. I'm 306.2 this morning.
ttyl 😉
@Psalm139
Good morning, 💚
I think things finally caught up with you, didn't they? If that's the case, that's OK. That's what's supposed to happen so our bodies can recharge and our minds can regroup. I'm just assuming you are exhausted so resting and regrouping is the natural flow of things so don't get anxious about things and enjoy your day even if it is slower and a bit out of control. It's OK.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be surprised if you're being a powerhouse and can't find a minute to spare. That would be great (sort of 😕), but exhaustive too. I would say, go get.em! But remember, Rest Recharge, Rest, Recharge.... You got this, you are A OK.
We'll talk later 💚. Be good today!
@IsayUncle I am very tired. Taekwondo didn’t go great yesterday. It was ok for me but I a felt like the instructor wasn’t smiling as much and so of course I am thinking about going to the classes he doesn’t teach. Bentley and Jaxon did junior champions at 4 but then were both not participating in the main class so I he had them sit and watch. Trey hurt his foot and Rylee hurt her ankle. Plus Rylee is stressed because she has those labs and appointment today (dentist tomorrow). Makennah did well at taekwondo. I’m proud of her. She is not coordinated or flexible so taekwondo is harder for her but she is keeping at it.
So today I have to take the girls for labs. Then back to take Trey to therapy. I have to participate today for a “social history”. That will be interesting. Then the girls have their yearly check ups. Rylee will be anxious until those are over so hopefully the day goes quickly. With all that going on I am not planning on getting much school done.
Also, the house is still a mess, dishes piled up.
I think it would be good for you to focus on your weight loss goals. Sorry for not getting back to you yesterday. There is an organization called “overeaters anonymous” you might look up. They have in person and online meetings. You seem like you’re pretty hard on yourself about it but a lot of people use eating as a coping skill. And it’s hard to manage food issues because it’s not like you can just stop eating!
I hope you’re doing well. Thanks for being patient with me. I had time to respond but sometimes it’s hard to do anything when my mind is so overwhelmed and tired. I’m sure it will get better though💛
@Psalm139
OMG, that's a lot! I don't wanna start a conversation because you have a lot going on. I hope the kids injuries are not too bad. I totally understand 100% having the time to write but not having the mind space . That's why I kept reminding you to rest relax rest relax. I'm good and my mindset is you find a groove with these extra activities. I'm still here.
I did lose 1 pound yesterday and I love your idea about overeaters anonymous, I think that's gonna be a game changer for me. Thank you. I was thinking about doing something on this site but this site isn't geared a lot towards solutions as much as it is towards understanding and acceptance. Overeaters anonymous was a great suggestion towards getting her done. Thanks again
💚💚💚
You have so much going on today, when you're done you probably just fall over on your face. So have a pillow ready. I hope all your appointments go good and some of this stuff gets thinned out by weeks end and things are a little bit easier for you.
Don't worry about responding, we'll touch base later 😊.