A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
@IsayUncle Good morning ☀️
@Psalm139
hehey, better late than never lol. I've had a pretty productive 2 days. I'm very close to having my routine tasks all up to snuff. Maybe tomorrow if I don't work my second job. Anyway feels good to see the light at the end of the tunnel if it doesn't crumble before I get there. Ha ha.
The big question is, how did you make out today? Did you start your schooling with the kids? I hope it went well as you work your way back into the groove. Either way I hope you have a restful evening. ttyl. good night.
@Psalm139
Hi M. I bet you're very busy. Are you doing OK?
@IsayUncle I’m not really but I don’t want to talk about it here. Sorry. Hope you’re ok.
@IsayUncle I’m sorry 😞 I hope you had a good weekend.
@Psalm139
Awww M, I do not know what you sre sorry about. I'm a friend and I know It's hard to quence our needs in this format but I hope you know I try to be a good consistent friend. If I hurt your feelings, it's usually because I say something stupid or awkward or weird. Never would I purposely dismiss you or put you down. You have helped me out way too much and have become a very good friend to me.
I'm glad you came back and said hi. I wanted to tell you I think I conquered my routine demon. I just finished making up my financial sheets for 2023 and it's like, I'm ready to start the new year with things in order. I know I'm always gonna be be behind but I found some order. And you were there through the whole process, so thank you very much.
Can you share with me what's going on? You know I hope you were on some wild crazy adventure even if it was an emotional roller coaster and out of the ordinary or whatever. It's always good to get things out of your system and then regroup and get things going again.
Catch me up to date if you wish to, but let me know if things are OK at home. You had me a bit worried.
And ps...... we do not have to chat every day..... just stay in touch if you want 💚
@IsayUncle I like it when we talk everyday. I have just been struggling in my head, knowing my thinking isn’t right and I’m being too sensitive and not wanting to put that on you or really even put it out there for anyone to read. I’m ok now though I think. The weekend was pretty good. You have been a real good friend and I don’t want to lose you so I don’t want to be too much so sometimes I think it’s better to keep things in my head.
@Psalm139
I know what you mean about keeping things in your head and not wanting to put it out there. They say it's best to not keep things in your head but I don't agree with that all the time. I know what you mean about not wanting to put down where everyone can read it. Were you able to talk to anybody or get it somewhat worked out? I am glad you are feeling better.
You can test the waters with me a little bit if you want about being too much. I have a post I've been wanting to show you but I'm afraid it'll push you away. So you see, I'm also afraid of being too much sometimes.
@IsayUncle And that’s awesome that you got some things caught up and your routine is going well! I am working on mine still but Rylee and I are lifting weights a little and we are going to start doing yoga on alternate days too. And school has been going well too. Jax read a few words today! His attention span isn’t great but he knows most of his sounds and understand how to blend so I think he will be quick to teach.
Im sorry for not being around sometimes. I know you have ups and downs too and I don’t want to make anything harder for you. You haven’t ever said anything weird or bad or anything like that.
I hope you have a good morning 💛
@Psalm139
Good for you about the kids and the exercise and that school is going well.😊. It's OK if you're not around sometimes and sometimes I'm not too. I think it's pretty normal to take a break from certain things and get involved with other things. It doesn't mean there's anything bad or wrong with that. Even if we feel like there's something wrong with it there's not, it's OK.💚
is Rylee your oldest? I'm really glad to hear about the yoga and the exercise. Doing it together like that seems like it would be more enjoyable, so that's cool.
It's good to see you again, I hope you have a great day and your worries are lessened.
@IsayUncle You must have been up super early today!
Rylee is my second oldest (14) but she and I are very similar so we do a lot together. It is nice to have her to work out with. And we are just doing 20 minute workouts so it doesn’t mess with the rest of the day too much. I think I will do yoga today because lifting makes my muscles tight. And it feels good.
You can show me your other post. I’d like to read it💛 The only thing I struggle with with you is when you don’t message like usual. I say I struggle because it isn’t your fault, it’s my own issue. But I a worry it’s my fault or you don’t want to talk to me anymore, or I a did something, or whatever. So then I withdraw sometimes because the thoughts and emotions are a lot and I know they aren’t fair or valid or justified so I don’t know how to get past it. And it sounds stupid and ridiculous so I don’t like to talk about it because I know it shouldn’t bother me.
@Psalm139
Thanks for sharing, I think everyone feels a little bit jilted when they don't get a reply to a chat or a post. You shared enough with me for me to know that you are extremely sensitive to rejection so for you, not getting a response it feels like rejection and of course you're gonna have your feelings hurt more than some others. I don't know for sure but I think there's a lot of folks out there that get to feeling like that so it's not abnormal. How you deal with it can be very discouraging. I think you're a super strong person and that rejection is your kryptonite.
Just remember, people really rejecting you, you don't need them in your life anyway.
But on the other hand your "sense of rejection" is what you're struggling with. (meaning, when somebody is not rejecting you but you feel that way) that can be overbearing and crippling because you probably have a constant feeling of rejection. I'm not saying that's what's happening because I really don't know but I hope it's something to think about in your quest to conquer this beast.
I hope I didn't over speak and thanks for sharing💚😊. Have a good day, an easy minded day perhaps with a busy body but a restful mind.
@IsayUncle Yeah, I get what you’re saying. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it is real or perceived rejection I guess. And if I have to sit with that feeling a while before finding out it wasn’t ( like if someone ignores me and then shows up again later). sometimes it’s just hard to move past the feeling and get over it. To convince my brain that it’s ok again and I can trust them. And then if it happens enough I just go into protective mode and don’t even want to risk it anymore.
@Psalm139
Yeah, rejection either way, perceived or real messes with our heads. It messes with mine too. I've told you before I've been alienated by everyone important to me. But I'm careful not to go too deep into it because my philosophy could alienate you too.
My blessing is also my demon in some warped sense of reality. I consider myself a problem solver and when it comes to mechanical things I'm pretty good but it took me way too many years to realize that I was a miserable failure of it when it came to people. I never realized people suffered and could not figure out a direction to go.
You and some 7 cup philosophies really help me along, so I figured I'd keep at it until it doesn't work any more. 😉 And to answer your question, YES... It is possible.
How's your day going so far?
@IsayUncle I’m not doing that well, honestly. Idk what happened exactly but I’m just messed up again. Thinking about my brother and feeling stupid and worthless for messing that up. And I probably need to take my anxiety medication more like you told me. I’m just so tired too. Justin was being mean last night. First because I told him I wanted to go to church and then he was yelling at Makennah and so I told him to stop so he yelled at me again. It got pretty bad. How is your day so far?
@Psalm139
Oh Man, that does sound super stressful. I'm really sorry. I was wondering about your faith. (I think it's important to have that form of support) With the psalm username and i saw a cross on your wall with a kitchen picture and you went to a convent or retreat years ago. I wondered if you are a devout practicing Christian. It sounds like you are or you want to be, why did your husband get mad about the church thing?
@IsayUncle Yes I’m a Christian. Clearly a very imperfect one. Justin is too. Are you? I grew up in the Assemblies of God church. As an adult I have mostly gone to nondenominational churches. We haven’t gone since Covid though and I don’t like going alone but I don’t know why he got so mad. Me said I can go wherever I want when he’s at work…
And then Makennah is just a do the minimum and get out of it if you can type of kid and she is usually still doing her work at night because she doesn’t listen to me all the time. And when he yells at her she yells back which just makes it worse because they go back and forth. And I’m not supposed to say anything I guess. I just wanted them both to stop.
Tonight wasn’t so bad. We dropped the van at the shop so hopefully it can be fixed. That’s what I drive. And then I did Bentley’s school with him and Justin went to bed early. I’m just hanging out now. I might go to bed early.
I hope you had a good day. Sorry for being moody.
@Psalm139
Moody is real, so that's ok.😊. I'm glad the argumentitve temperature went down and things were better later on in the day. 😊Hey look at you, two smileys.😊... Whoops there's another.
I don't know what happened to your van so I don't know how bad it is but I know you need it so I hope they fix it and it doesn't cost too much money.
I believe in God I was raised a Catholic, I followed baptism for about 15 years with my first marriage. I don't know if I'm a Christian because I believe in one God and I think he is interpreted in many different Way's throughout the world. I definitely do not adhere to organized religions but I don't think they're wrong or do I criticize them. I believe they are an essential part to humanities existence. Mostly I follow Buddhist philosophies but I do not follow the Buddhist religion.
I'm back at it today, bussing and trying to keep my routine caught up. lol💚. It must be hard with the family dynamic, kids and husband all day long; to be able to find quiet time while you're working. It's a whole different world than my easy squeezy home environment. But I hope you find many good moments in the day. And you get good news about your van.
@IsayUncle Have you ever read the Bible? I think you would like it. Especially the books in the New Testament by Paul. There are online Bibles if you don’t have one. I’ve been trying to get back into reading mine.
My case manager at the shelter was catholic. Did I ever tell you about her? I was horribly attached and she was actually pretty mean. But I went to her church with her (with all the kids) and, well maybe I already told you.
Justin says the same about organized religion. But then he quotes the Bible and sort of preaches to us and prays out loud. And when I brought up church he said he would want to go to a Bible study but it would be hard to find one that would challenge him. Lol.
Anyway…
@Psalm139
Hi M, I think I would be frustrated too with somebody that just left the conversation. That doesn't even seem right to me.😟
I've never read the Bible from cover to cover or even studied it in depth except for when I was a child and going to summer school and also as an adult when I was going to church. But I never studied it so that I could quote passages out of it.
So my side work has been nothing for a couple months because of the winter weather and the holidays etcetera. That's been great for me as I still try to regain my balance with work and with routine. the biggest reason i went into the partnership anyway was to get the equipment. Work should start picking up here in a few weeks or so and by then I hope my routine is rock solid so I can plan other work without getting mired in personal neglect. I do work everyday on the bus job except for bad weather or holidays.
The school kids, my after school project, and cooking eat up all of my extra time. I made it to aldi's the other day and they had mushrooms on sale for $1.49. I bought a whole flat, came home slice them on my mandolin, quick sauteed them, frozen in stuffed sandwich bags. I took the time to do all that because I love mushrooms but they are almost$3 at my store and I never, or seldom get a chance to go to aldi's. It's too far away. And then I also bought a ham which I boiled today but now I gotta carve up and package for the freezer. I saved the ham stock for soups so I gotta bag bag those up in one quart bags and freeze them. So you see, a lot of unexpected extra time in the kitchen. And I do that all the time because I like cooking lol.
Also while I was in Lexington I went to the Asian store got my noodles spices and sauces that I don't get a chance to get anywhere else. And then to the middle easten store to get bular wheat and other goodies..... Food at the moment is definetly a yoke i choose to bear at the moment. LOL.
I hope your day went well.
@IsayUncle My day wasn’t bad. Tomorrow is our light school day so I am looking forward to that. I made Justin a hello fresh dinner tonight. I just tried it because I had a really good discount and was getting tired of making the same things. He really liked it.
But he got a text from his mom’s social worker that she has skin cancer and is having surgery next week in MN. So I’m not sure if he will go or all of us or what. We hardly see her because she is schizophrenic and lives in an assisted living home. We saw her after his grandma’s funeral and she kept calling him by his brother’s name. She is very sweet but just doesn’t really understand what’s going on. So anyway, I’m sure Justin is upset about it, but he’s taking a nap. Doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. So I guess that’s what’s going on here.
I’m happy for you that you have had time to cook and you got a good deal on those mushrooms! It’s good that you are getting a break from all that side work too…I was worried about you being too busy and expecting so much from yourself. It just seems like a lot with the bussing and the work with your students and extra jobs. And you help people a lot too. And then your routines around your property….it makes me tired even thinking about all that.
@Psalm139
Yeah those delivery meals seem pretty cool. That's good that he liked it.
I'm sorry to hear about his mom. My ex and I both had siblings that suffered severe schizophrenia and were both in homes too. Her younger sister, me an older brother. My brother died about three years ago and her sister about four years before that. I used to visit them frequently but they lived an hour or two away from where I lived. My ex wouldn't visit with me often. She hated her sister for messing up her family and for the way she would treat her mom and dad.
I hope the skin cancer isn't serious and if and when you guys visit it's a good trip and a good visit.
@IsayUncle Good (late) morning 💛 Yeah, schizophrenia seems pretty hard to deal with. Justin says she isn’t herself anymore. It happened when he was a kid. Eventually his dad divorced her. He has a lot of trauma from all that. And he is one that avoids things to deal with them. So I’m not sure how it will all work out. He seems ok for now.
Today is my easy school day so I’m getting a late start. I’m going to try to clean some too. Do you have any plans for the weekend?
@Psalm139
Good for you on your easy school day.😊 we need those and I bet the kids enjoy them too. I'm sorry your husband has to deal with those circumstances though, it's tough.
Last week I told you I was caught up with my routine and I thought I was, I just had a couple other things to get squared away but alas I was unable to be completely done. So freaking close. So tonight, I give it a good push because tomorrow I will be busy from the morning to the evening. First working on a dump truck and then working with the kids, dinner time and done. Boiled ham and made a potato salad so I'm ahead of the game there.
Then hopefully by Sunday I can literally have my routine 100% caught up. That's my goal. But I do bargain shop for cost and I have stuff to cut up and package for the freezer. I buy my bacon by the 10 pound box. It used to be$29.99 so that was$2.99 a pound. Now it's $39.99 so that's only 3.99 a pound and it's good bacon. It's all miss cuts but they're full pieces, sometimes thick sometimes thin but with a delicious smoke to them. I package them in 1-2# packs and freeze them... bacon for a couple months. 😃😜👍
What plans for you guys this weekend?
@IsayUncle How was your night? Did it go as planned? It’s super hard to catch up on everything and stay caught up, isn’t it? I feel like even if I get everything done it does take long before I’m behind again.
@Psalm139
Good morning M,
That's too bad. It sounds like he's busy and going to church will take a big chunk out of his time.
I have a question for you, please don't take it the wrong way or get upset. It's meant more for reflection and for me to understand you a little bit better.
Do you like your isolation? There are a lot of advantages to it. I can understand the anxiety you feel about getting out and so from that perspective it's easy to say that you like your isolation. But that's not what I'm talking about. When I'm asking you do you like your isolation, I mean have you learned to like the noncommittal part about it? It's more comfortable and a lot easier than dealing with people? Would you like to change that part of your personality or do you like it just the way it is, for the most part?
That's nice, getting a new Bible. Is it the King James version? I noticed that about the Catholics and the and the Pope too. It seems like they can change the rules of the religion as the times change or something, IDK. I believe all (established) religious texts are great books of knowledge, philosophy and wisdom. Like everything else in this world, it all depends on how they are used. For selfish gratification or for altruistic means. They are geniously written in a manner to be interpreted by different individuals under different circumstances. But there is a profound balance there. Like the verses that say, an eye for an eye, or turn the other cheek. Which do you do? I think this is the time when a devoted person would pray for an answer, and how to move forward or act. whereas a selfish person would insist one verse or the other to validate their actions.
Now who's babbling on?💚
it sounds like you have a nice normal weekend coming up. Hope you enjoy your podcast and new Bible, you never did tell me too much about That Lady that was in charge of the home or whatever except for the fact that she was mean and you were glad to get out of there. I didn't realize you become attached.
Enjoy your day and wish me luck on my routine lol😜
@IsayUncle I slept in a little today, lol. I hope you’re having a good day so far. Almost time to pick up your students now I think!
Yeah, I don’t want to go to church alone. I did when we were younger and I actually had a friend that I would hang out with, but then he cheated on me with a girl from work. And I’ve always felt that those two things were connected somehow. Either because I wasn’t home or he thought I would be ok without him, or…? I don’t know but that’s what I think of when I even consider trying to do something on my own. Plus it’s a lot more stressful because I have to talk to everyone. If he’s there I can let him talk.
I understand your question about being comfortable in my isolation. I definitely prefer it. If it was just me I think I would be completely content. But with the kids I feel bad because they become isolated too. I want them to have opportunities to get out and make friends. If nothing else, we have a library. I could take the little ones there. And we could go for walks. Or maybe a midweek youth group. I’m not sure yet.
My new Bible isn’t KJV, though I really like that one for memorizing. It’s so pretty. It’s a newer translation I haven’t had before. The New Revised Version I think it said. It’s the one the Father reads from in the podcast. I really like how he reads with expression. I have Bible audiobooks but I alike listening to him more. And I wanted the Bible he uses so I can follow along. I will hide it from Justin though because it says Catholic on it.
Yeah, my caseworker. She was very strict and mean and I was afraid of her at first. But I guess because I was so bad (emotionally, crying all the time, very depressed) she forced herself on me. She would make me sit and talk to her for hours. And I would cry so much, I hated it. But somehow over time the attention she gave me started to change how I a felt and I started to need her. And looking back it was the classic BPD favorite person situation, though I didn’t realize it at the time. I felt like she favored me and my kids and I felt special to her. And when they tried to move me to a new caseworker I cried so much they let me stay with her. But the unhealthy part was that I would do anything make her happy. I bought her coffee and waters on my food card and I almost divorced Justin because she wanted me to. She called me her daughter. I don’t know if she was manipulating me, knowing why I was so attached, or if she was clueless. She made comments about her son liking me and how he loves kids. And one time she commented that she was “trying to arrange a marriage” between us. I actually had it in my head that I would marry him just so I could really be part of her family. The favorite person thing can really mess with my head and make me act crazy. Like I will do anything not to lose them or make them happy.
Well that’s a lot to put out there but maybe you will understand me a little better. My brother was my first fp after her and that’s why I got so bad with him too. It’s probably the worst part of being borderline for me. And no medication can control it. But anyway. Lol. Have a good Saturday 💛
@Psalm139
As expected I had a whirlwind of a day. I went to work on the truck and then one of the kids was wishy washy about come on you're not coming to work and that just messed up the start of the afternoon for production. He was actually over a friend's house who runs a church for the needy. when I say friend, it's just someone I met doing tractor work when they bought the property to do a farm-church type relief program.
I just realized when I use the word friend a lot, you think I have a lot of friends but that's not really the case. I would consider most of my friends just acquaintances who are just a tad bit more than that. But most of the time it's not like we're close friends. In person I would hate to introduce them to someone else as an acquaintance, I would say, this is my friend so and so. (but I really know very little about them and they do not play a role in my day-to-day life.)
Anyway, I was absolutely exhausted by the end of the day and we did not get done what I was hoping to. It was actually kind of a hard day. I'm glad I got today going on though. Today will be a day for celebration because......... I will absolutely have my routine tasks up to snuff and done all at one time for the first time ever. I didn't make the kids wash the dishes last night so I have to do that and clean the kitchen. And then just sweep and vacuum the floors. It's almost unbelievable. My mind will be able to be free to think about the next project without being loaded down with, "I have to do these other things first".
I hope you were not too disappointed about me not commenting on your post because it was definitely very nice in depth and insightful post. I should have checked the heart to let you know that I read it but I was gonna come back with a short commet and then the day to gained a life of its own. I really did enjoy the long post, it wasn't too much to put out there or anything like that. You got a lot of stuff going on or HAD a lot of stuff going on.
FP stuff is really deep. I can only imagine the complexities and the enhanced disappointments you experience with broken relationships. But at the same time, it's kinda weird because you find a friend or somebody you like and the FP stuff tries to turn them into something more than what they are. Like turning a friend into an obligated keeper of your emotional stability. Am I close to understanding it correctly and does my thinking make sense? Anyway, I hope you and I are good and you never really get too mad at me because I enjoy our friendship.💚.
Yesterday was actually a beautiful day outdoors. I hope you did have a good day! And of course, I hope you have a great day today. I'll I'll keep an eye on the posts today, let me know how you're doing.😊
@IsayUncle I think you understand what happens when I have an FP. That’s why I don’t have any friends (even acquaintance friends) in real life, and haven’t in a very long time. It just doesn’t work for me. And like you, most (probably all) normal (non bpd) people think it is weird. My brother said the same thing. It’s painful because I always care more than the other person. There’s really no way around it. I either don’t care at all or I care way too much. Enough about that though.
I figured you were very busy yesterday. I was worried that you thought I was crazier than you thought and maybe you wouldn’t want to talk anymore. But I’m trying tea hard to be normal so I don’t lose you too. When I split it isn’t mostly anger, it’s just that I can’t take the rejection anymore after a while. It hurts too much. Like I told you before, I know that sometimes what I feel isn’t what the other person intends to convey, but it is still very real to me. I value your friendship too. Thank you for saying that 💛
It sounds like you’ve had a busy and productive weekend! That’s good! Is your day going well? It must feel amazing to have everything caught up! I’m not there, but I’ve been doing better lately.
I’ll talk to you later if you have time💛
@IsayUncle not sure you saw this post so I am commenting on it. You sound like you are doing really well today💛. I just did a workout with Rylee and I put the laundry away. I would love a nap. Maybe when Justin gets up to watch football.
@Psalm139
I just did see these two posts. Kind of a bummer because I'm ready to go to bed now. But I wanted to clarify something. When I said the FP thing was weird I meant it must be weird "for you" to deal with. It's not like anything stupid weird or a weird way to be. (it is what it is, that's all) I think it could be a very weird dynamic (as in tricky for the sufferer) to have to deal with is what I meant.💚 so I feel for you because of that.
And I did finish my floors so for the first time everything is done at the same time. Yay! You played a big role by helping me stay constant. And listening to Me and my boring routine lol. Thank you so much!
Sounds like you had a pretty good day too, so I'm happy to hear that and I hope you had a chance to get your nap. Good job on the couple chores you got done, yeah.
Goodnight 😴 Sorry I didn't see your posts earlier, I was looking forward to talking to you a bit today. The notifications aren't working properly. They used to go to the post and today they were just going to the page and so I was scrolling down. I saw where you supported my comments but I didn't see your posts. I just figured you were busy. Anyway all's good!😀 ttyl.
@IsayUncle It’s ok that you didn’t see the posts before. I was getting a little worried and didn’t want to bother you but also didn’t want you to think I didn’t respond to your posts. I know sometimes the notifications don’t work right though. I’m really happy for you that it seems like you had a good weekend. I had a pretty good one too. My anxiety has been a little worse the past few days. I probably should take my medicine I guess.
@Psalm139
So, it's 9:30 AM and basically, I have been in the kitchen this whole time. I had a good set of leftover compliments to make a good egg casserole. So I cleaned the kitchen from last night and then dirtied it up again with mushrooms spinach ham, potato salad (I actually mixed leftover potato salad into the egg mixture). A dozen eggs later and a large baking sheet; I got myself some delicious egg squares for the freezer. And now I'm almost done cleaning up that mess in the kitchen too.😜
How's your morning going, what are you doing today?
We have a dreary rainy day here which makes it good for working indoors. I've been watching Vikings vahalla on Netflix while doing my kitchen work.
@IsayUncle Oh and yesterday I was very productive but today will be more of a rest day. I’ve never heard of the show you’re watching. What it is about?
@Psalm139
I didn't see this post a minute ago... I just wrote a longer post, not seeing this one. The Vikings is a fictional series that follows the Viking story with a historic storyline. The Vahalla series is a spinoff from the original series that ended a year or two ago. Mostly about the battles with England and a huge part of the story is about converting the Pagan Vikings to Christianity. Valhalla is like the Viking heaven. It's historic but sometimes pretty violent so probably be cautious with the kids.
@Psalm139
I do hope you're having a happy Sunday. I just finished taking a nap and then getting cleaned up and dressed for the day. All I have to do now is sweep and vacuum my floors in my routine list will be 100% completed for the first time ever.
I hope you are having a good day and quietly celebrating with me. My routine list is not a packed schedule or a to do list. My routine list we're just things that I felt were vital to completing every week in a timely manner. And even though I was able to keep them up throughout the weeks, it was not in a timely manner.
The only things that are on my routine list is my laundry, my floors, clean kitchen, and my bookkeeping. My bookkeeping is time consuming because I keep track of every receipt and I log everything down so that I know what my financial situation is every week. Nothing else is on my routine list. No shopping, cooking, no repairs, not working, nothing with the kids, no extra errands, anything like that.
My routine list consisted only of those four things I mentioned earlier. But all that other stuff kept me from getting my routine stuff done. But now that I'm 100% caught up, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to maintain my routine easily throughout all other distractions.
You've been with me and helped me throughout the whole process so you are integrated into my success so put a smile on your heart and find a happy today. 💚 I hope your doing well. (PS I better not celebrate too soon.... I haven't done the floors yet.)
@Psalm139
That was kind of a bummer yesterday, not seeing your post earlier. But it sounds like we both did have a pretty good weekend so that was very good. Hopefully, that carries over into today.
It's gotta be hard trying to balance your medication against your tiredness. Just don't give up on it. Sounds like you're well aware of the situation and you need to take it on a regular basis if you're not going to do it at the scheduled times. Being aware of how you feel is a big key to keeping the balance. If you have to find your own consistent schedule. That's probably hard to do because emotional distress is not on a consistent timetable. That's why sometimes we need natural alternatives to dealing with our emotional distress.
Today sounds like a pretty nice day planned for you. It might be good for you to get out and exercise your social tolerance levels. ( and maybe not😟, but hopefully) It'll be good get the Wellness checks done and healthy to get out and get some fresh air. I hope all that goes good and you do not have a stressful school day.
ttyl💚
@IsayUncle Good morning 💛. Yeah, I’m sort about yesterday. I suspected you may not have seen that message so I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.
@Psalm139
Yeah I just got back from bussing. I don't know too much about the Virgin Mary and the Saints and stuff like that but I agree with you 100% about the intention of the heart towards godliness is the most important thing and the actions too. I think the Priests the Popes, the Saints are all considered like conduits to God. And probably Virgin Mary too. IDK.
That's great the van is fixed and I hope your doctor's visit went well. It would be pretty cool if you can make every doctor's visit a little bit better then the last one just a little bit, just a little different point of view, little more focused on destressing, like learning tricks to hold the anxiety back for a few seconds or a few minutes or longer if you could. I bet you already do that a lot as you try to deal with it so kudos for getting out there in the mix of it.💚. I do hope it went good and I know you're glad to be back home. (and I hope everything checked out good.)
Today is actually kind of weird. Even though I have tons of stuff to do, the fact that my routine stuff is all caught up is leaving this void as of what to do next. That routine stuff was such a priority that I just pushed on that and then anything else that I could get done I got done. But now I can actually plan a plan to get something specific done which is great but really weird for me to be able to do that. I like the possibilities. This afternoon I'm just gonna try to sort some deeper paperwork and log some contacts information and etcetera stuff like that.😜
I hope you have a great calm evening after your somewhat stressful schedule.
@IsayUncle So I got all of us ready and scraped the windshield and drove to the doctor’s office and waited in line for ten minutes and checked the boys in and it was the wrong day - again. I think I told you I took Trey to the eye doctor on the wrong day a few months ago. I even had it on my fridge and phone calendars wrong. So I guess today was a dress rehearsal and tomorrow will be the real thing. I feel pretty stupid. But the boys were nice about it.
@Psalm139
PS. I forgot to ask, did you learn anything about Virgin Mary?
I was also wondering have you ever ate or cooked bulgur wheat. I'm cooking some now, I love it.
OK Cya.
@IsayUncle No, I never have! What is it like?
@Psalm139
That's a bummer about your appointment. It happens all the time, you're looking at the wrong day or the wrong date and once you write it down, or put it down, it's there and then it goes on your calendars and on your fridge and etcetera etcetera. It does happen so don't feel too bad about it but it really messes up your day and waste your time. So I'm sorry about that.😟.
A good practice run you might say. I really like your system for appointments. Even felt calming for me to read so good job on that. I hope your weather is OK today and driving is easy. That's super cool that you guys got the van in good running order. Well, you got this today so good luck and hope all the Wellness checks go good.😊
What I did with my extra time was starting to clean up my file cabinets could keep them updated to the new year. I've learned I don't need to keep years and years of paperwork and bills so I just go through the files and get rid of stuff I don't need. What makes the file cabinets more orderly and makes me feel better to go into them. Some stuff like medical records, warranties, and maintenance records, I do keep but all the other stuff is just clutter. And you were right or are right, it does feel good to relax the mind. Even though I was working on a project, it was nice not to be stressing about it.
I discovered bulgar wheat last year and I really like it. It cooks like brown rice, kinda looks like rice, but it doesn't stick together like rice. It's got kind of a nutty flavor to it but also has a real nice mouth feel to it. I found it's better to cook it a little less and just let it stay in its own heat covered for a little longer. It makes for a great side staple in the fridge because it's so versatile you can just about mix anything with it to make a side dish or a main dish. A big plus for me is when I do eat it it seems to keep me filled all day long and I seem to have more energy. IDK, it might just be my imagination but not the fullness part. It is very common or normal for bulgur wheat to have very skinny vermicelli noodle pieces in it. I don't know why they do that but you'll see bulgur wheat with vermicelli if you go to buy it.
Yum Yum on the banana bread and that's great you're getting the kitchen cleaned up a few times this week. And yeah, it is kinda hard for a lot of people. I forget the name of that woman's website you gave me but remember what she says, a clean kitchen sink. Lol but it's true. I hope you got a good night's sleep and feel good this morning.💚
@IsayUncle Good morning! You’re off bussing by now I’m sure. I’m drinking coffee and just finished listening to my Bible podcast ( you should try it, you might like it too). I need to get ready now. Might workout with Rylee first if she’s ready.
@IsayUncle *A Slob Comes Clean is the blog/ podcast by Dana White
@Psalm139
I am, how did doctor visit go?
I'm pretty tired so I probably won't talk much but I had a good day I'm just feeling a little brain dead right now. I like bulgur wheat better than the couscous and quiona. I've had those before and I like them a lot too but I like the bulgur wheat better. And vermicelli is just a form of very thin pasta, like spaghetti.
Those hello dinner sounds like a lot of fun. It's pretty smart to expand them with additions. 👍 on the red onion discovery, that's awesome.💚
@IsayUncle Today went pretty bad. The boys just talked about how they don’t go anywhere and don’t have friends and Treyton’s depression screening showed moderate depression so the doctor told me to call and make him an appointment to see a counselor. I did. I have to take him for his intake on the 2nd.
Then we got home and the doctor called to tell me Bentley had something wrong in one of his screening tests that might indicate diabetes so now we have to go back tomorrow for a fasting glucose test. That’s probably the worst part. I hope he’s ok.
Also I called the taekwondo place here because I felt so bad the boys sounded miserable talking about not doing anything. Which is true. Especially in the winter. And they don’t have friends, so that is true too. But idk how I will handle all the extras. A weekly therapy appointment for Trey, taekwondo 2x a week, and youth group. I already had told the kids they could do that.
And then Justin asked how the appointment went and I told him what the boys were telling the doctor and he yelled at Bentley and said ‘doctors aren’t your friends. You can’t tell them your personal business’ blah blah blah and made him cry. So I didn’t even tell him about Trey. He thinks therapists are “mind rapists”. That’s what he said when I stalked to him about going to therapy myself. So I’ll have to make his appointments during the day.
I have been home since before 1 but couldn’t even write anything before now my mind has been all over.
I’ll try to talk tomorrow. I’m trying not to completely fall apart over all this.
@Psalm139
Holy cow, that really is a lot to absorb in one afternoon but remember you don't have to absorb it or fix it in one day one afternoon or even one week. I'm really sorry all of this is happening but it's good you found out about all this stuff ahead of time. Kind of like a stitch in time saves 9, or warning light on your engine before the engine blows. So I know it seems like a lot and more than you can bear but have faith and don't think it all has to be fixed today. Everything has a way of working its way out and we just have to help it to go in the best direction possible.
The worst news is the possibility of diabetes.
The best news is the Taekwondo and possibly a youth group. I know the interaction for you might be tough but the the possibilities for the kids to interact with others and be filled with accomplishment and satisfaction is extremely encouraging. You get that going good and support it strongly and I think their happiness will more than ever support you immensely. (hopefully, the possibilities of hope and strength outweigh the burden of the yoke around your neck. You can do this part and it can be very good.)💚💚💚💚
We'll talk a lot more about all of this, if you want to, in the days to come. You made it this far with these kids through thick and thin and you are not gonna let these curveballs knock the wind out of your sails. We'll talk more later OK, Relax and have your coffee and try to accept the next steps. Have faith and goodness in your heart and everyone will be OK.
I'm sorry your husband inflames things when it seems things needed to be cooled down and understood; but that happens often when people are confused and scared and they don't realize it.
@IsayUncle Good morning. Thank you for what you said. It was perfect💛. I do tend to think I have to fix everything all at once. I am an all or both type pets though, so in some ways I kind of do have to do that. But I guess it will just be back to day to day. One day at a time. I had to think like that for a long time with Jaxon. It was overwhelming to think of dealing with the catheters and appointments and procedures and everything all at once, so I had to think of it in short bits of time.
@IsayUncle I hate that I can’t edit my own posts, that was supposed to be “all or nothing person” not whatever about pets! My phone isn’t as smart as it claims!
@Psalm139
All or both kinds of pets huh? Lol, I did get your correction. I wish we could go back and edit our post too.
I'm glad my words helped you this morning and I know you got a busy day but I'll still be keeping an eye out for you so that you know I'm here in spirit if nothing else. Yeah i I forgot that you have to deal with a lot more a lot more snow than us. I think you just got some more the other day didn't you, like yesterday or something. anyway, be safe.
I'm guessing Bentley has to fast this morning. I really hope it was just a false positive yesterday and everything is good today. Fingers crossed and prayers aloud.
I feel better after reading your post because I think you're right, we have to take things as they come a little bit at a time and that gives us some time to adjust adapt. It's good that you're looking at it like that, sometimes not easy but a good approach. And hopefully, things are not gonna be as hard as they seem right now.😊. I hope the kids enjoy their youth group.
Stay focused and don't worry about replying. But you can if you can and when you want. 💚
@Psalm139
I just finished my morning run and I'm gonna be home all day until my afternoon run. So if you wanna talk and have the time I'm here and I'll check back here often. I think it's OK if you fall apart a little bit and don't feel like talking but I wanted to let you know I'm here if you do wanna talk or vent or scream or whatever. I'm all ears, I'll just listen.
@IsayUncle We just got home from the lab. They said I should hear within a couple of hours. I don’t know if we will have to go back if it is positive for diabetes. I haven’t really done anything else except yoga and my Bible podcast. I probably should eat, I had a banana. We stopped and got a few things after the blood draw. A few snacks and craft things for Bentley. Just waiting now as I can’t really focus to do school and can’t miss the call. What are you up to today?
@Psalm139
That's good.... you got that that step done. There's nothing you can do now and I wouldn't even try to do anything else but rest and wait for the doctor.
I'm still cleaning out file drawers. (Important records box) - (Want to keep box) - (And burn pile box). I'm almost done with all the drawers that I use on a regular basis.
Wanna chat any before i go to work? If not please share the results if you feel like it. thx.
@IsayUncle Sure! Are you around?
