A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
@IsayUncle
And so even that failed.... Arrrgh! Time to lay down. No more chores for the moment.
It really pisses me off that these big tech companies make things almost impossible to trick, conive, scheme some kind of financial or manipulation advantage over a laymen just trying to make it through the day. My ambition is out the window!
NOTICE: I HAVE NOT DONE THESE SIMPLE TASKS YET! And the day is slipping away with virtually no progress anywhere!
340am-355am: Clean kitchen
Sometimes a 15 minute task is very hard to get done!
@IsayUncle Ah I'm sorry. If you can afford it, you could probably get a good deal on a phone right now. Those automatic updates are annoying. I wonder if the new updates aren't even compatible with your phone. Maybe you could go to an at&t store and see if they could help?
@Psalm139
Thx, The phone is back to working but the google voice won't install yet. I will have to deal with a new phone as the final solution. We'll see. So close now but so much time wasted.
@IsayUncle Were you able to figure it out? How has your day been otherwise?
Justin is sorting boxes from the basement and its stressing me out. I hate having stuff everywhere.
@Psalm139
My day is crap because of the enormous amount of wasted time. But I did get google voice sort of / half way working.
Is the stuff still in the basement or upsairs in the living area? That would be totally stressful. Can you help him box things up or is it a one man job kind of thing? I'm sorry you have to deal with that mess.
@IsayUncle I'm glad you got things working. Sorry it took so long. I guess we are both having frustrating days. Justin doesn't like me to help with his jars. I just hope he gets it put away by tonight.
@Psalm139
good nite m
@IsayUncle good night
@Psalm139
Good Morning. I have today and tomorrow off. School day and election day.
Yesterday sucked but I'm still on my goals and accomplishment quests. Whenever You talk about Justins jar collection, it seems to be with a sense of dislike. Does it irritate you for some reason. I'm curious what kind of jars he collects or is it bottles? (Did he get them put away?)
You seem to be short in our conversations. Is that because I'm still trying to help other people too by posting in the goals and accomplishment thread? I know effects you in a negative way but I'm hoping our posts don't get corrupted from that confusion. 💚
A NEW DAY... WITH YESTERDAYS BAGGAGE!
The important thing today is to get rid of the failures and inadaqucies of all the yesterdays.
FOR ME, I CAN DO THIS BY PERSEVERING THROUGH A 15 MINUTE TASK
AND THEN ANOTHER...... AND THEN ANOTHER...... and so it goes.
11/07/2022
@IsayUncle I'm sorry I seem short. I guess part of it is that I feel guilty. Because you said that you didn't have time to post in both places and you wanted to post on the other thread. But then I said I would just go away so you stayed. And then last week when you barely said anything it triggered me again, just thinking maybe you didn't really want to talk to me. But I'm ok with you posting your challenges on the other thread. I've been better the past couple of days. I just don't want to bother you and sometimes when I am depressed I just can't formulate anything to say and if I do it is so negative that I think its better to be quiet.
And yeah, his jars and insulators drive me a little crazy. He has so many and he doesn't put them away and we pay a lot to store them. He also gets mad if anyone moves them so I have no control over it.
What are you doing today? Feeling better?
@Psalm139
Glad your feeling a little better, I am too but still stressing with my chores and jobs.
I think I can clarify about not having enough time to post in both places. Remember when we first met we were posting on 2 or 3 different threads and it was kind of a pain in the butt and following all of that? You remember?
I didn't want to start that all over again and since you and I have this space I was hoping you could still follow my other posts and if you wanted to support, acknowledge or involve yourself... you could do it from this thread. So then I wouldn't have to double my responses to you.
A one stop shop you might say. With that said, I would love it if you helped other people on my other threads with your kindness and insights and also a way to temper your own inhibitions a little at a time. (Just wishful thinking). And not think I'm getting away from you, all my stuff is still there for you to embrace and follow. It's just me sharing my day.
I really hope that lifts your spirits takes a bit of a load off your worries. 💚😊
I'm doing housework today.
@Psalm139
Good
Morning M,
And so now, what did I say? 😟 (I'm sorry if you had another bad day because of me.)
I think you are looking for that ONE person to raise you and YOU alone high on a pedestal. To be the most important thing in the world to just one person. To feel loved, important and irreplaceable, regardless how you treat them when you disagree with them. It is in your brain so bad it feels like an illness and it surely could be but it is irreversible so you don’t have to be depressed for another 20 - 40 years.
I know you don't do it on purpose and that's why it is so hard on you. (and others can't understand)
I was hoping to show you, that you don't have to throw away all the lesser friendships people try to build with you. You can keep them and keep looking that for that ONE person to raise you and you alone high on a pedestal. But still embrace others in the meantime. Every person on this planet wants to have same relationship with someone. Most don't but still have happy lives with other interesting people around them. There's too many selfishly moving parts from all sides for everyone to have that desire filled.
I
promise you; we'll continue working through this if you wish. If you need to
throw me away for a while, I'd be sad but would understand. I'll still be here to
talk more later if you want to.
Maybe fiqure it out so you and your brother can be friends again. If it was easy to figure out, you would have already done it.
“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”
“In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.”
“Reject your sense of injury
and the injury itself disappears.”
Peace and Love, 💚💚💚🙏🙏🙏
@IsayUncle It's not really the way you are thinking. Its kind of the opposite. I'm not good at having multiple friends and I've thought of trying. Maybe getting a listener or talking to other people on here. But I just want to talk to you. But its hard for me to feel that way and then have you wanting to talk to everyone/anyone. So I just don't know what to say or do. And I didn't really understand your message yesterday. You want me to talk to you on your other thread with everyone else? I don't know.
@Psalm139
Please be paitient with me. I am not good of expressing my heartfelt concerns.
You can just talk to me. You don't have to talk to anyone else. You can read my other posts so we have more to talk about if you want but you don't have too. And no, I don't expect you to talk to other people on my other post. That was just a suggestion to encourage growth away from ths thing that causes you much anxiety and sadness.
Why do you want someone to only talk to you and not anyone else? (I know why but do you want to fix that or study, or understand more or just accept it as your lifelong quest?) I mean why does it have to be that or nothing?
You are a beautiful womans with tons of smarts and very responsible by taking care of so many. I understand for just once in your life you want someone to take care of you and make you the most importsant thing in thier life. It is your desire and there is nothing wrong with that. But you should find happiness in the meantime because you are amazing and life is amazing and you have many many years and moments ahead of you to feel these other wonders.
At some point was not Justin that person? Did you have that feeling once or more in your life and then it got gone and dissapeared.
I'm glad you wrote back because if nothing else you deserve to be happy and I'm here for you, maybe not exactly what you want but still a friend if you want one.
@IsayUncle It's not that I don't want you to talk to anyone else. I just don't really want to see those interactions because I will compare them to ours and then think you don't need me because you have so many others to talk to. I don't like to talk in depth to random people and I have ups and downs a lot. I don't want to explain that over and over and I don't want to hurt anyone. You can do whatever you think is best for you and its ok if that means talking to other people. Sometimes I will get quiet and whatever but it will be ok.
@Psalm139
Hi M, In my last post when I said you seem to be short in our conversations, I wasn't implying angry or hateful but more sad and/or depressed. I was wondering if I was adding into your feelings of abandoment and if so, what can we do about that?
@Psalm139
I'm good and we're good if you're good and we don't have to talk about that stuff for a while. I had a long disjointed day and I'm pretty tired right now.
Good nite 😴
@IsayUncle Ok goodnight. I'm sorry.
@Psalm139
Good Morning. 
New days, New possibilities! Have a great morning and have an awesome day. Same ole crap, fresh ideas and good morning energy.
@Psalm139
So is this what happens to all your relationships? I thought people left you because you thought you had a bad way with people. I hope you're ok. We can still be friends and you can still look for that one and only. Don't be so sad or discouraged. Work through it, I can't give you what you're looking for but I really can offer something better, I think..... Or do you know exactly what you are looking for, You have told me a couple times and i know I'm not that but normal friendships are amazing. try it, you'll like it. You'll be ok and whenever you want to talk, I'll be here.
I gotta go spread some gravel before it gets too dark.
@IsayUncle I still want to be your friend. I don't know how though. You seem to know what I want but I don't know. I do know that I don't know how to be normal friend. I told you I don't have any in real life. So can you tell me what is normal? What should I say and do or not say/do to be normal? I can't help how I feel but I will try to control what I say and do. Unless it's too much and you don't want to. Then that's ok. I won't bother you anymore.
@Psalm139
Good Morning, 
It's really good to hear from you. I was going to check in on you in a few days.
I was thinking about our friendship and it feels like, to me; you were looking for an intimate relationship while I was trying to nurture a mutual friendship. And there is nothing wrong with that. Except it made you feel bad. (And we're hoping to feel good as much as possible).
I don't have a lot of answers for you because I'm still trying to figure out why I still alienate people from me too. I think friends are happy when other friends are happy and succcessful. Intimate relationships can lead to jealousy and control. (I think that's normal for everybody) So again, I don't think it's necessarily wrong.
I think honesty is a builder of friendships/relationships while excessive expectations can be destructive. (Intimate or Mutual... don't matter).
But mostly, Friends want thier other friends to have awesome days and be there when possible. (but sometimes, not always) 💚
@IsayUncle ok. So you just want a casual, talk whenever and hope the other one is happy sort of friendship? That's fine. I can back off. I shouldn't have told you how I was feeling, I was just being honest. You are right that I was wanting a closer friendship. I just don't have time to have many casual friendships and maybe I feel more comfortable talking with just one person. But it's not all about me and I've been fine without anyone before, so it will be ok. Have a good weekend. See you around maybe!
@Psalm139
It'll be ok, I know what what you mean about not enough time. When you do have time to talk with a friend, I'll be here. I don't want to be pushy about a the value of a casual friendship especially when you know it is absolutely not what you want or need right now.
I do hope you stay in touch and we talk soon. I'm really sorry this is so frustrating for you. I want you to relax and not think you have to throw our friendship away while looking for what you need. I'm sorry it's not easy for you but you'll do fine because you are strong. If I don't hear from you for a while I'll be checking in on you from time to time.... Is that OK?
@IsayUncle yeah that's fine. But if I don't respond I'm probably just not on here anymore, so don't feel ignored if that ever happens. I thought online friendships might work for me since I can't do it in real life, but maybe I just need to accept (after trying for over a year with several people) that I can't do this either. That's ok though. I hope you find lots of good people to talk with and good luck with everything.
@Psalm139
Awww, M. I think I have a pretty good question for you. But I have to respect your decision to stop trying and you really have now idea how sad that makes me. Not angry or upset, just hurt and sad because I did think we were good friends. We sure had some good talks. 😊💚
And if you do leave..... I'll still be here. I'll let you rest for a while and then ask my question later. Of course you won't have to answer but hopefully it helps you navigate things as you approach getting older. That's important.
@IsayUncle I'm confused though because I thought you wanted to mostly stop talking. Right? I would try to stick around for that but I don't do anything else on here. I do appreciate you being a friend the past couple of months.
@Psalm139
Well, good morning. I wasn't expecting that. It is cold, wet and rainy here today and I was thinking about how the winter brings us down a lot and was hoping you were going to be ok. I never said I didn't want to talk to you..... I'm not sure where that came from except I know you were upset because I was going to post in other places but that never meant I wanted to lose you as a friend and a source of support.
The question I have for you is..... What do you think the differences are between the following types of friendships.
Casual--
Mutual--
Intimate--
False--
And What do all true friendships have in common?
I haven't changed any, Still boring and sadly Fighting the chore and task monster.... taking a rest right now and watching warrior nuns on netflix. What are you doing?
I hope you can find s good space today. I'm feeeling ok.
@IsayUncle I've never heard of the term false friend; a mutual friend I would think would be a friend shared between two people; a casual friend is someone you talk to or see occasionally but are not super close with; an intimate friendship is someone you are very close with. Of course I am the farthest thing from an expert in friendship. So my definitions might not be right.
@IsayUncle Why do you always say you are boring? I don't think that way at all. I like talking about regular day to day things with you. I'm sorry if my moods affect you. That's sometimes why I'm quiet. I don't want to say anything bad when my head isn't right.
@Psalm139
I say I'm boring because I don't remeber things so I cannot carry on a conversation about anything frivolous or entertaining. I don't remember peoples names or past activities so I can't have general light hearted conversations about other peoples activities if too much time goes by.... So all i ever talk about are tasks and trying to build self-worth. I have not relaxed in many many years. I'm almost there now maybe.
@IsayUncle You're not happy today, are you? Did something happen?
@Psalm139
Everythings good. Thx for asking. I've just been pushing hard on my chores... and I did ok. How did your day go?
Good nite
@IsayUncle I'm glad you're ok. I had an ok day. Very unproductive though. I decided that I will try to stick around even if you just want to go back to posting on the other thread. I looked back and we have been talking since late July. So that makes sense why I got attached (for me that is normal). But I will try to lower my expectations because what you said about that is true. I'm trying to lower my expectations in life all around - with everything and everyone. I just get into routines with people and things and when things don't work out (or I get used to things and then they change) it triggers me I guess. But you shouldn't have to deal with my issues. So I'm sorry. Good night.
@Psalm139
Good morning, 
You were honest when we met and when this episode happened I just wanted you to know.... it was ok... I knew you/we had to figure our way through it and it was important.
But today I'm back to chores. Actually I should be able to get to a good place today. 😊. It's been cold and wet for 2 days but it felt kind of good working indoors. I save all my paper waste as burnables. Today will be a good day to fire up the burn barrel, little risk of forest fires with all the rain we've had.
@Psalm139
I'm dragging butt today. How's your day going?
@IsayUncle I'm ok. My anxiety is pretty bad because we are moving stuff from the basement to the storage unit and everything is everywhere. I hate it. I am donating a lot of things just because I don't want to go through this again. What are you up to?
@Psalm139
I get that. It's a real pain in the butt. I think that stresses most people out so I think you have plenty of company there. When it's done and sorted you will hopefully feel a lot better. If you don't have storage space, donating and regrettably throwing things out is the only choices you have most of the time. I don't know about you but I think it takes way too much extra work to sell stuff. (Unless one is set up for that already).
I'm still just trying to get the basics of domestic chores done. I did get my recyclables and burnables sorted and completed. I should've gotten so much more done... I have no ambition. It's all so monotonous and boring.
But I do have a purpose and I guess that's why I keep trying.
That sounds like a bit of fun.
Today I'm trying to finish a letter to my niece before work. It's a complicated apology letter I'm trying to simplify. She's isolated herself entirely from the family and I think a lot of that has to do with the adoration the family holds for her sister.... and so it's not that simple but I want to apologize for any role I played in that scenerio.
It is my first step to reinitiate ties with my family after two years of isolation myself.
@IsayUncle Wow, that sounds complicated. I was wondering if you were going to see any family for the holidays. I don't know yet if we will be going anywhere. We've only ever gone to see Justin's family though. Otherwise we will be home with the kids which is busy enough. I haven't been talking to my sisters for the past few months. They are the only family on my side that I have been close with in a long time. Why did you isolate yourself? You have at least one sister that visits, right?
@Psalm139
Did you have a good day today?
I was raised by a strict disciplinarian to the point of phisical and emotional abuse as it would all be looked at today. being the baby of 7 I was osticrisized by my siblings because they felt i was showed favoritism. Raised with grave inferiorism, I became a people pleaser and a non complainer. Being a non complainer and evrything being my fault I had to perservere and get ir right. As an adult that turned into no excuses attitude and gett 'er done. now with a generation of emotional distressed nieces and nephews, my lack of empathy and understanding labeled me as arrogant and making no excuses and doing it my way and only my way to get it done made me egotistical.
My ex sold all my bad qualities to my family for her own sympathies and gains.
I realized my grave loss of all those I held dear and accepted thier faults but thet judged mine harshly so being a problem solver I've been working on myself for two years with no need to interact until i could admit my faults and forgive the faults of those i care about.
And thanks to 7 cups and people like you i have found my peace so now its time to move forward with confidence and no expectations, just hope.
Let me know what you think of my apology letter (If you don't mind reading it) I'm unsure of it.
Dear,
I don’t know where to start for such a large apology except to say I’m sorry. There’s lots of things I’m sorry for but mostly how my actions and responses made you feel. No matter how I want to justify my words and actions, none of that will compare to the sorrow I now feel for the way I’ve made you feel in the past when you tried to share your feelings and emotions about your sisters’ actions.
I understand you do not interact with the family much and I wonder if that is because of your sister or your own choices because of an effort to be independent.
I do not want to impose on you or open up old wounds so I hope to be brief but concise. My biggest apology to you are the times I made you feel like I was choosing your sister over you. The most recent and probably the most painful was your arrangement of your father’s celebration of life. You tried to talk to me about your father’s funeral and all I said, was that I was glad you and your sister were not arguing and you did good together to send your father off as you tried to tell me she did very little to help and I just said I was glad you were getting along.
And throughout the years we had the same type of conversations and I would just stick my head in the sand. So, you know, I did the same thing to her when she spoke of you too. I ignored the truth and I am so sorry for that. I understand now how much that must have pained and hurt you. Please forgive me.
I have always loved you dearly and now understand the significance of your isolation wherever your sister is implanted or present. I’m sorry I did not understand so much earlier and so much better. My lack of understanding has nothing to do with you or your sister. That rests solely on my shoulders and the pain my inadequacy caused you hurts me every time I think of it.
I’d like to make amends for that as time moves forward if you can see a way to reopen that door. My heart will remain open to you for all time with no expectations… just a little hope.
I have also isolated myself from the family for the past two years and a lot has developed in that time. I’m sure a lot has developed for you and your family too.
I know much has happened and grown for both of us over the past few years but this letter was not intended to talk of these things. I would love to reconnect in a much more supportive and understanding manner.
But I guess the first step is for me to apologize for my past actions. I do this with sincerity and love.
If you are reluctant to contact me, I will understand but I leave the door open always. I have phoned you, Snail mailed you and will email this letter to you and that will end my intrusion if it is unwelcomed.
The holidays are upon us so I’ll take this time to wish You, and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving an amazing Christmas and a Very Happy New Year.
All my love,
I do hope you are happy and all are in good health and spirits.
@IsayUncle I think it's a very sweet letter and she is lucky to have you as her uncle. Did you send it? How many nerves and nephews do you have? Were you close in the past?
I think its great that you are ready to reconnect with your family. I don't know if I ever will. Maybe with my sisters, but no one else really cares anyway. I might try once more with my brother because with him I know its my fault. But he didn't respond last time so he probably isn't ready to talk again. Other than my three word message in September we haven't talked since late May.
@Psalm139
Good morning, What did you you do to your brother? I know that I am not important to others but if they are important to me their welfare concerns me. I have realized most people are consumed by they're own trials, tribulations, failures, head games and/or mental illnesses. And then we have to work and survive the physical exertions of the day and then the day is done and we do it all over again.
My obsevation is that people in general (My situation is not general at the moment) but people in general do not dislike us/others as much as we feel disliked because of the lack of attention. People are consumed with survival and I say this because it has to be considered when others do not reach out to us.
I don't know what happened with your brother and some of the division was obviously created by you because you feel that way. But like with my Niece, if she does not respond now, I know she also may have numerous troubles of her own that are more pressing than our estranged relationship.
Does all that make sense...? I can write her off, but instead I choose to be hopeful to be supportive and interactive again one day.
I have numerous nieces and nephews, with grand nieces and nephews. I wanted to be the greatest uncle ever but my Ex's deep rooted jealousies corrupted every effort until all that was exposed were my inadaquacies (And those were mine alone.... to blame no one else).
@IsayUncle I get what you're saying, but I guess I feel like when my mom died, none of my extended family tried to be there for me or help me. One aunt bought my half sister a ticket to Bolivia to rescue me from marrying a guy there just a few months after my mom died, and my mom's sisters have reached out a few times over the years, but I really needed them at certain times and where were they? My dad's side has been nearly invisible. So maybe they care but not enough to act. I don't know.
My brother.... I thought I told you a little already, but basically when we started talking he was working a part time job and applying for a full time one. So he had lots of time for me and we talked a lot. We talked on the phone a few times too and it was all good at first. But then I started getting attached and if he wasn't responding I would get upset and this kept going on a few months (cycles of ok and then not) and he was probably frustrated because he would just respond less and less and that would make me more upset and then I just had a really bad episode and told him he obviously doesn't care blah blah blah and if he didn't respond I would leave him alone. And he didn't. So we haven't talked since then.
Hi M, you did tell me a little about your brother and after reading the rest here, that is what I kind of thought but I wasn't really sure. so now I understand better. Do you do anything to try to understand those episodes. You and I almost fell victim to that. (I'm really glad we didn't 😊)
That must have been a hard time in Bolivia for you when your mom passed (I'm sorry) and you getting ready to be married. Were you in love or was it an arranged thing. How old were you. Did you tell me before your mom passed away when you were 14 years old?... or am I mistaken (Sorry)
@IsayUncle Yeah the whole thing with my brother I wish I could erase. I started talking to him the month after Jax had his big surgery and a very stressful year. I wasn't on medication yet and was at a mental and emotional breaking point. I didn't realize I would get that bad though. Talking on *** and being able to see that he was online and read my messages and ignored me and seeing all the pictures of him and all his friends having fun. And then he told me he was seeing his mom in Iowa but didn't have time to see me. And then the last day we talked he said he was busy and I felt like I really needed him that day and I just felt constantly rejected and I was always upset and couldn't eat and just wanted to hurt myself all the time. It was bad. But I just wish it hadn't gone that way somehow.
Anyway..
My mom died two weeks before I turned 17. I graduated high school a year early a few months before she died. My stepdad was my legal guardian and he let me go to Bolivia. I stayed at a seminary there and ended up meeting a guy. This was two months after my mom died. I wasn't in love but I liked him. I think I just wanted to run away from everything. I didn't really belong anywhere or with anyone. Sometimes I think they all should have let me be. I don't belong here. Third world countries are so much more simple.
Sorry to hear about the trouble on your bus. I hope it gets figured out soon. Do you still have your helper?
@Psalm139
Good morning. (😐book) is horrible for most anyway. With your anxiety trigger, it's expceptionally bad for that. I'm sorry you and your brother fell victim to it's bad side. (It is so easy to feel slighted on (😐book)... for anyone and everyone) most people react the same way you did but probably not as intense. I'm sorry your brother is having a hard time getting past it too but maybe a snail mail approach might work (If it's even woth the effort right now).
I woke late and can't talk much right now but I hope you have a good day. 💚
@IsayUncle Yeah I don't think he understands at all. He's a very social person with lots of friends. Constantly going out. He still plays hockey at 58. His wife posts most of his pictures. He probably just scrolls ***. He said he never talked to anyone on messenger before me. But anyway, I finally deleted my account. Not just deactivated. I transferred my pictures and its gone. I just don't want anything to do with it anymore.
I hope you have a good day. Talk to you later!
@Psalm139
Heeeey, How'd your day go today? 😊
My bus moniter turned out to be a heavy handed bossy bi*** . Not at all what i wanted on my bus but the kids asked for it because they were getting stupid and so .... just a very tense situation and then she reported my faults to my boss so now just a rat too and on and on.... I told my boss get her off of my bus! hopefully tomorrow is her last day on my bus.
@IsayUncle I'm sorry about the trouble with your monitor. It sounded like it might be helpful to have her. Will they give you a different one?
My day was ok. I had an appointment with my doctor and he said I can take my anxiety med 3x a day at 5 mg instead of 2x at 7.5mg which should spread out the affect more. He is nice and said he struggles with anxiety and depression too and actually bought a light box to help. I don't have to go back for 3 months now.