A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
@Psalm139
Good Morning, 
How much are you cutting back on your coffee?
With my healthier eating I'm finding the neccessity of lots of coffee and and my daily energy pill not being so important anymore. I'm not chronically tired as much. Reminder, do you cook brown rice good?
GREAT JOB on getting the hutch painted. YAy! 😃 I bet that'll feel good to use!
I'll help a friend clear her house and then do maintenance work on tractor today. What is your day like.
@IsayUncle Sorry I forgot to answer about the brown rice. I actually normally like jasmine rice so I haven't cooked brown rice in a long time. Really it isn't that different other than the fiber content. So if you are eating lots of veggies you should be able to stick with that if you prefer it. The brown rice will have a harder texture. Minute rice - boil in a bag, or frozen rice that you just microwave in the bag will give you an idea of how it should taste. You are probably doing it right. Its just different.
As for coffee, I am trying to only have about two cups of my strong coffee a day, but I drink cappuccinos in between, lol. So I'm doing it gradually. I really need the caffeine too! What energy pill were you taking?
I am taking a b vitamin twice a day and alternating days of vitamin d and iron right now. I do think I feel a difference in my energy.
Justin is talking about switching jobs to a second shift one. They made him basically a lead on his job and he doesn't like the extra responsibility. So my schedule might change again. But we will see. He would be out of the house from 2:30-11:30 instead of 5-3:30 or 4 like now.
Not sure on plans today. Hopefully get the kitchen and bathroom reset for the week and put my books back on the hutch and fold laundry if Justin does it.
Have a good day!
@Psalm139
Thanks for about the rice. I do freeze a lot of stuff and I never thought about freezing bags of rice. What a great Idea!
I take the Stackers (Swarm). One of those with one cup of coffee always got me through but even doing that once a day was too much and I should never have been that depleted; so this healthier eating is a blessing. I still do the pill and coffee on a regular basis but it is a totally different dynamic.
@IsayUncle 
These are what I'm talking about. Good to have on hand for when you're tired too.
I looked up the stackers. You probably shouldn't be taking those. They don't look good for you. Do you drink enough water? I need to work on that.
Hey M, I wrote the following early this morning but didn't want to start your day of on a serious note. I know you got traumatized a few days ago and I'd like to understand a little bit better, why. I hope that's ok. you said it was ok to talk about this more if I wanted to.
AND you don't have to write on my other threads but if you wanted to say something "here" about what I write there, that would be nice too.
Hi M. There is a lot of self-doubt in this earlier post/paragraph (Please clarify things, if you can. Thanks).
I will talk more about it if you want but my thought process probably won't make sense to you anyway. I hope you find some other people that are more stable and can help you more than I can.
1.
“I will talk more about it if you want”
It’s important if YOU would like to talk about it more. It could expose vulnerabilities
you might not want to. I’d understand that.
(An elevated level of trust from a trusted friend could be helpful here). Do you want to talk about it more? (I'd like too)
2.
“but my thought process probably won't make sense to you anyway.”
Why do you think it wouldn’t make sense to me? Do you think I am unable
to understand OR is it too hard to explain. OR perhaps you’re not ready to
share that with me yet.
3.
“I hope you find some other people that are more stable”
We are on 7-Cups…. Do you really think I’m looking for more stable
people to talk to? YOU are extremely stable. You know and do exactly what you
need to persevere and continue to move forward every day.
4.
“and can help you more than I can.”
Does it make you feel bad if someone helps me more? OK… take a dollar.
You give me .50 cents and 5 other people give me .10 cents each. Now, I’ve been
100% helped. Would you rather not give me your .50 cents because other
people were giving me advice too. I respect you and your insights and am kind
of sad that you wish to exclude yourself if I find other people to help me too.
I know about your fears but friends usually try to find a work around before saying they’ll probably quit.
5.
“it just makes things more difficult emotionally so maybe it’s better to
just stay in my head.”
I don’t think it’s better to stay in your head but I agree it is a
whole lot easier because then there are no personal vulnerabilities being
exposed. It’s about trust, I think.
Would you like to work through some of these things while we are friends. Am I friend to you? OR something else because you might still be in protection mode. It’s ok to talk about these things. (((HUGS)))
@IsayUncle I will answer all your questions but I don't have time now. I'm sorry for the past few days. I would have apologized before but I didn't think you wanted to talk about it. I do consider you to be a friend. I just think you may become frustrated with me if I try to explain things. I never meant you couldn't talk to anyone else but it seemed like you wanted to go back to posting to everyone instead of only to me and you didn't have time for both.
@Psalm139
OK Friend... We have plenty of time. I had to share my concerns and I'm glad you were ok with that. Good friendships are like tea bags and hot water. The tea bag gets itself into a bit of hot water but the water doesn't kick him out until things cool down for a bit. After steeping on the matter for a little while they emerge together with a wonderful flavor.
You don't have to specifically answer all those questions (you could if you want) but now you know you can be safe with me and the details,,, you don't have to speak in vauge references and I do listen and will question that which I don't understand.
I may only have time to post on goals and accomplishments at times but i still want you to stay involved and I'm not going to desert this thread. And so hopefully we both feel better about it. (This would be the steeping time i think). 😉
I think you may become frustrated with me if I do not understand. But we try and we do not pass judgement. Just hear and try not to fix unless other insight different viewpoints are welcome Ok?
And thanks for responding.
Good Night 😴
@IsayUncle When I was talking to my brother and I got "bad" like the other day, he would say I was being ridiculous and tell me to just pretend nothing happened because it frustrated him and he just didn't want to deal with it. So I guess I am afraid you will react like that too. Its hard because sometimes I'm almost normal. But when I get triggered by something I can get really bad and everything feels very intense and desperate and final. And how I think or feel is true because nothing else makes sense...Anyway I'll write more in the morning.
@Psalm139
Good Morning, I'd really like to hear more about it. It's really hard when people just don't get it AND the words to express it are very hard to find and put in the right order. 💚
I guess we're both off to the races again today. I'm wishing you a great day.
@IsayUncle So 1. I feel ok talking about it but I said "if you want" because I don't want to annoy you.
@IsayUncle 2. I think you will think I'm just making excuses or could choose to see things differently. I don't think bipolar has the same type of symptoms so I don't think you would relate. I guess its hard to explain too.
@IsayUncle I feel very unstable sometimes. You don't see how much I cry over things like what happened the other day. Its hard to feel safe. And if I start to feel unsafe I want to run.
@IsayUncle 4. It is hard for me to see you talking to other people the same way you talk to me. It makes me feel like you don't need me because you can talk to anyone. And maybe you like them more. I know it sounds immature and insecure. But if I'm not important or needed then I don't see the point of putting myself through the pain. I can see it coming. The eventual abandonment. I know you will say that will never happen. But how many times do you want to have this conversation? Everyone gets tired of me.
@IsayUncle I think you might see how I'd think it would be better to stay in my head. In real life I couldn't see your other relationships and compare them to our friendship. That day when you said you were going to post to the other thread again I heard "You aren't enough. I'm going to post over there so I can talk to more than just you.". Then I saw you talking to other people and I was just quiet because to me you had said you were done with me.
@Psalm139
Thanks so much for sharing and being honest. There's lots of stuff going on but it's all ok.
Is it ok if we talk about these throughout the the coming weeks? (In bits and pieces) 😊
@IsayUncle Yes. I know its a lot. How is your day going?
@Psalm139
Going Good. Pretty tired earlier but worked on a dump truck.... then took a nap. I now have 2 students doing some mundane tasks - untying tarp knots - teaching them to save ropes, strings and ties for later use. I'm off to work on the tractor now.
How's your day go? Do anything good?
@IsayUncle My day was kinda blah but ok. I just got some cleaning done so that feels good. Have the students gone home now?
@Psalm139
sorry, didn't get back yesterday. They hadn't left and we worked late.
Good morning though. Blah is ok when it is OK lol. Have a nice day today. I'll be busy again with bussing and tractor work. By the way, the kids love working at my house. It's a good thing.
ttul 😜 have a great day!
@IsayUncle I'm glad the kids like working at your house. It seems like you enjoy it too. Sounds like you have a good day planned with your tractor work. Just another day for me. I've been working on decluttering to make cleaning easier for me. Have a good day.
@IsayUncle Is everything ok? I hope you aren't mad at me for anything I said before. I wasn't blaming you for anything. I'm sorry for being difficult. I know it was really bad timing too since you were also struggling. It seems like you are doing better. Are you?
@Psalm139
Everythings great between us. No worries there. I can't wait until we have some time to talk about the things we've been discussing. I wish We could sleep all day long and then wake up with enough time to finish everything else. haHaHa... dream on.... Some magic spell or something.
I was busy all day and now going to meet a student and gaurdian to talk about my project Mondays.
SSS (Sorry So Short) but I am doing better, thanks for asking. How about you?
@IsayUncle Ok thank you. Sometimes its hard to tell via messages like this and I've been anxious about it. I'm happy that everything is ok and you're doing better. I was kind of off today, but ok. It sounds like your Monday night program is going well. I think its awesome you take the time to do that.
@Psalm139
I totally agree about this posting form of communication. i think It's awkward and uncertain at times because the timing is off and it's hard to sense the context of things. I'm really glad you are ok with things too. (I still want to talk about those other things though) Sorry to hear you were a bit off yesterday, maybe today will be better. 😊
I started my day at 1:15am to finish the dishes, fold the laundry and in general get house chores caught up. The students have used up my monday and tuesday thus far and will use a pretty good chunck of the rest of the week as I try to put a comprehensive mission statement/package together for the parents of other students that are eager to join in. There are a lot of logistics to deal with for the parents and coordination of projects. (I'm glad I just work mondays with them... but the logistics of it all is filling my hourglass with sand quickly.) Monday project days are set and that feels good to have that as a set routine! (Ta-Da!)
Have a good day today and let me know how things are in your neck of the woods.😜
@IsayUncle I hope you got enough sleep! Make sure you take care of yourself too!
The more you talk about all you are doing the more I see how different we are. I could have an idea like that but could never accomplish anything because I couldn't talk to people the way you do. I contemplate cancelling appointments because of my anxiety and for a long time didn't even go because of it. I wish I could be more like you. I do talk to the checkout people and smile at strangers in public or wherever I am but mostly I just stay home.
Anyway, I'm glad you don't struggle like that because it makes it very hard to work or do anything. It seems like you're busy but check in later if you have time.
@Psalm139
Hi M, Yea pretty super busy with my two jobs - Students - And all the paperwork (kids)-(side business)-(regular every day). My routine is forming itself into very busy week days. Especially with the side work like the septic system we're doing this week. And then, shopping, cooking, cleaning.
It must be hard to live with an insecurity that causes you to isolate yourself to an extreme. BUT I've learned regardless of whatever our bubble is, we can excel at something that benifits others and you have been doing it for so many years, you may not give yourself enough credit. I could never maintain a group of people as efficiently as you have managed your family.
With that said, would you like to learn how to socialize better or do you like the safety of the isolation too much.
@IsayUncle Its not that I like the isolation. I just can't get out of it. It is just too hard to go out or be around people when I don't have to. Even going outside is hard.
@IsayUncle
I didn't word that correctly. Sorry. Is there a sense of safety in the isolation? it makes sense to me that there would be but I don't have a clue. I know you get very anxious so it seems to me it would feel safer to stay inside than to build anxiety by going outside. (Maybe safer is the wrong word.....?)
@IsayUncle Yeah, it probably is about safety. And just avoiding the feelings I get when I leave. I've thought about quitting my medicine just so I wouldn't have to go to the appointments.
@Psalm139
Good Morning,
It's Thursday already YAY! I go bussing -Septic tank install - Bussing and then home. Uggh.
I hope your day is looking better than mine.
PS. Why even play with the idea of quitting your appointments. Didn't you tell me you get to feeling real bad without your medication? I don't understand, unless you just know you're going to feel bad but can't care enough to keep perservering. It must be monumentally hard for you if you're talking like that. I'm really sorry to hear that. To that extreme, there must be other options to continue your medications.
@IsayUncle Its the anxiety that makes me want to just get by without medication. I have so many appointments for the kids that I can't skip. But the medicine helps so I keep going. I am starting to feel the winter depression coming on. Where everything feels worse with the cold and dark and blah. I don't know how to stop it. I have been taking my medication and vitamins.
@Psalm139
I think i can understand that. The thing you need it for is the same thing that tempts you to stop going or trying or doing. PLUS you add in the reality of so many appoitments and it must be like ...... UGGGGH, enough already!
I'm glad you're taking it regulary now, really comforting to hear. You know, we've been talking about routines and I'm sorting my most important ones out to do with no fail. It seems that (YOU) your appointments should be put on some sort of "No Fail" routine list because you know what happens if you backslide. (Just saying... (((HUGS))) You're good, I know it.
How is the new split dosage working for you?
I had a pretty satisfying day, All work - No play but the students behaved and I got in a groove with the side job and my home stuff doesn't have me squashed this evening... so alls good. 😜
How did your day go? All schooling, no play? You feeling ok. The kids excited about halloween?
@IsayUncle That's nice that you are getting into a routine. It sounds like things are going really well for you this week. I haven't been doing that well but I'll be ok. I went to my pre-op appointment and did school. Picked up Makennah's glasses.
@IsayUncle I feel better today. Emotionally, anyway. Sorry I've been kinda quiet. Just in my thoughts I guess. How was your night last night? What are your plans today?
I have so much I need to do but so little motivation. Maybe I can get it done today and over the weekend. All I have for the weekend is grocery shopping and donations drop off.
Are you still doing well?
@Psalm139
Thats good you feel better, emotionally anyway... Every little bit helps.
I just worked all day at two jobs and gotta go back tomorrow on my side work. I'm tired but I'm ok.
@IsayUncle What is your side job? Do you have any other plans for the weekend or just resting? How are your food changes going? You seem less happy today...or maybe just tired from the week?
I've had a headache all day today but otherwise ok. We didn't do school but I got a good amount of cleaning done. We are trick or treating tomorrow night. Tonight I'm going to try to get a few things done but no to do list to make me feel bad.
@Psalm139
I find my work schedule pretty exhausting. Of course this is all brand new so I'm going with the flow. What I'm doing is now all spontanious, so like you, no list. LOTS OF PAPERWORK! and some more tractor maintenance.
Right now, bring in the groceries and put a picnic roast in the oven to cook all night. YUM. Doing ok with eating but wish i had more time to shop and cook even better.