A Quiet Space for Psalm139 and IsayUncle (Please do not reply or respond. Thank You)
This space was created to get away from crowded threads in hopes of more in-depth conversations between Psalm139 and IsayUncle. Please do not join the conversation unless you are invited. Thank You in advance for understanding and complying. Have a beautiful day!
@Psalm139 @IsayUncle
Goood Morning, I woke late but I hope you have a great day! I heard your show was awesome a couple years ago but never watched. Super glad you had something to look forward to. (Maybe not much but I like it when I have a good series to follow. ๐)
@IsayUncle I didn't make it to stay up for it lol. I guess that means I've officially trained myself to be exhausted by 10 pm. Now on to get to 9 pm. Rylee and I will watch the show this morning though. We did her algebra last night so we don't have to start until 9:30.
Did I tell you we are going this weekend to see (and stay overnight) at Justin's parents house?
Have a good day๐
@IsayUncle How is your day going? Mine is ok, but so cold. Justin still has the window air conditioner in and so we can't use the furnace yet. Brrrr.
@Psalm139
Yea, it's getting chilly for sure. It's a pain to get to my furnace because of all my staple shelving Which is movable but has to be unloaded. I have to get to it to change the filter. i neglected it last year so no choice now but to do it. My heat is electic but I keep a little buddy propane heater in my room so I don't usually have the whole house on, but I live by myself so I can do that easy enough.
How are you feeling about going to the in-laws?
My loan is moving forward but will take 3 weeks to process..... uggggh!๐ But forward movement is goood so it's a great opputunity to exercise calm patience.
@IsayUncle Sorry you have to wait on your loan. I don't understand why everything has to take so long.
How is everything else going with work and the bus kids and your dogs? What was the meeting about that you went to?
So you use a space heater? Be careful with that. We have used them too but they can be dangerous, especially if you use them while you're sleeping. We don't own any anymore. We will just have to go without heat until Justin gets the window air out and turns on the furnace. It isn't horribly cold yet. Its just crazy how fast the temperature changed.
I'm not super excited about the in law visit but I know his dad wants to see him and the kids. I just get nervous for anything like that. It's not because they aren't nice. Its just me. I just don't know how everyone will do. Hopefully it all is ok. Justin will probably just talk to or hang out with his dad a lot and leave me to talk to his step mom or watch the kids. I don't really like that but it's just what he does.
@Psalm139
Electric space heaters are a 100% more dangerous than propane space heaters, So I feel pretty safe but thanks for checking in on me. Do you think the visit might be an inheritence surprise? That would be real nice just so you could get that uncertainty monkey off your back. Or do you not want to think about it. I think it stinks he just doesn't tell you whats going on even if he has to wait for all the lawyer crap and stuff. It would just be good to be in the loop. I hope that what this visit is all about. 
@IsayUncle Yeah and I hope they don't talk about the inheritance because it's so stressful to me with everything I will have to do because of it.
How has your morning been so far?
@Psalm139
Oh Oh...Spagetti O's.... You OK?
Good Morning M, 
@IsayUncle I'm ok. I tried to reply a few times last night but Justin kept talking to me and I was so tired. I actually went to bed at 9.
I didn't know propane heaters were so much safer but that's good. The ones we had were always electric.
How is your day so far? I'm sorry about last night. Justin doesn't actually know I talk to you so I couldn't talk while he was there and he stayed up later than I did. I really did try to respond a few times but it just didn't work out.
@Psalm139
Please don't ever worry about that. I would love it if you two could chill together sometimes. I kind of thought he probably didn't know but that's ok, you need an outlet too. He goes to work and that is kind of an outlet for him too.
I had an active day and now going to backhoe the lot some more until dark. sorry I can't talk much either. ๐ it's O-Tay Butwheat.... (Little rascals)... older than you i think. LOL
@IsayUncle Thanks for understanding. I was worried about telling you he didn't know because I thought you might not like that.. I bet you are already in bed. I'm getting tired too. I hope you got a lot done today and we get a chance to talk a little tomorrow. Goodnight ๐
@Psalm139
Good Morning, It's all good M.
I've been going full steam with the students and the loan/partnership arrangements. I haven't had a lot of brainspace left in the evenings either. Kind of burnt out but things are going in a good direction. We have officially partnered up so now I can get back to my organiztional plan..... Things have gotten back into a mess again. With leveling my lot too, it is taking up a lot of time.
I guess you will be making arrangements for the In-Law jaunt. I hope that goes smooth for you and you can find more of a gentle space instead of anxious ground. I know a lot of that is not in your control but some of it is and I hope you can kick butt in the chill department! ๐
Be good M, and we'll talk later. Have a great day ๐
@IsayUncle
Yeah, you've had a lot going on with your property and the loan and the partnership with your friend. And then of course your job and the extra work you do with the students too.
It's good that things are finally starting to settle and you can get into a good routine. I've been working on that too. I have my school days into a pretty workable routine until about 1-1:30. Still working on getting into a solid routine with Bentley and Makennah.
Jax is just so smart. I only did formal school with him a few times and last night I wrote down the sounds and words he learned and he remembers almost all of them - a, o, d, c, green, yellow, yes, no. He also knows the word cute (Rylee taught him that a while ago) and I taught him cool. He types those words in on his games. And he asked me how to spell "I'm 4 lol" so he could type that in. He can also read numbers to 100 pretty accurately and memorized some facts. I think I'll have a break teaching him.
I am not excited about the visit but I will bring my medicine in case I need it. I don't always take the anxiety medication when I'm out because it makes me tired but it will make me chill if I'm anxious.
So basically I'll be able to talk in the morning and then Sunday evening but I'm not sure about the time in between.
Anyway that was a long message lol, I hope you have a good day. I'll talk to you later I hope๐
@Psalm139
That's great about having the kids schooling mostly lined out into a good routine. And watching Jax excel must feel pretty good. It's awesome you have those good moments, I think they are so valuable. It sounds like the schooling is helping you too, finding your center a bit. That's freking great. You'll get things sorted for Bently and Makennah.
I've been leveling my lot for a storage shelter and I almost have it done, but will still have to work on it until dark. We're supposed to be geting some rain Saturday and Sunday so I would Love to have the lot finished tonight so I won't have to try moving wet dirt to finish it.
Then I have to help a friend move on Saturday or Sunday, depending on the weather and also bring a couple students to the flea market for work clothes on Sat or Sun. depending on the moving date. so I'm going to be pretty tied up too this weekend too but I am still going to try to reset my routine again. The little bit I did a couple weeks ago was really encouraging so it is something I'm looking forward to pursue. (Which is good) ๐
I hope your evening is good and you pack enough chill pills but end up not needing any because good stuff happens. ๐๐ (It's Possible!)
๏ปฟI'm trying to be ok but a lot of the time I'm not. I wish I could sleep a lot of the time. But since I can't, routines help. That way I can do things I need to do without having to think about how I feel.
I'm trying to build my routines around morning and night. In the morning I still want to add things in but I usually just drink coffee and wake up from about 7-9am, do school work the kids from 9-2:30. Then Makennah is supposed to be doing her school with me but she hasn't been cooperating so we will have to turn of her internet until she does. Then make dinner. Then break until bedtime around 9 - put in Jaxon's catheter, brush his and my teeth, and read for 10-15 minutes with him and Bentley. And go to bed. That gives me between 5 and 8 or 9 to clean, rest, watch tv, give the boys' baths, etc. But I need to plan that time out better so I get more done. And also structure my morning time better. Sometimes I'm motivated and sometimes I'm not.
I deactivated my social media accounts and am not talking to my sisters. I have this idea in my head that if I disappear maybe my brother will ask my sister about me. He never responded when I said I missed him on the 5th, so it's been almost a month. I know it's my fault. I was really bad with him and he probably just wants to pretend I don't exist. Did I tell you he is about your age? He turned 58 in May.
@Psalm139
So it sounds like 9am - 5pm is pretty set in stone (Is that Mon - Fri?)
Set in stone is good because it is a constant, of course with the exception of Makennah and Bently muddying up the waters, but you'll get that figured out. 9-5 is a solid start for a good routine I think.
I just stopped in for a moment so I'll ttyl. I gotta go level my lot. ๐
@IsayUncle Did you make some progress? Its getting dark here.
@Psalm139
I just came in and it is dark here. I didn't have enough time to do the finish grade but almost. It'll be ok if it rains now so thats good. I'll be able to see where the runoff is and where the puddles form. Then finish grade it when it dries some, So all's good.
How's your evening going? (if you can talk and if not, that's ok) Either way I hope you are having a good evening.๐
@IsayUncle Justin is doing laundry and I'm just hanging out. When he gets home I'll have to fold it and put it away though.
I don't really understand what you mean by finish it. But I'm glad you got enough done to be content with it for now. You are helping a friend move tomorrow in the rain?
Oh, and to finish it means make it nice and smooth, slightly tilted in the desired direction for water runoff
@IsayUncle Oh ok, that makes sense. Do you like shopping? Anything else planned? Are you feeling ok? Less overwhelmed?
@Psalm139
Yea, less ovewhelmed but wish i wasn't obligated this weekend but these are loose ends that always feel good when competed so i'm just going with the flow.
Hw 'bout you?
@IsayUncle You do so much for other people. I think that's awesome, really, but maybe you take on too much sometimes? Do you think? I am afraid to make commitments because I never know how I will feel that day. I am a little better than last weekend since the jury duty and appointment stress is done. But now I have the money stuff to deal with and the visit this weekend. It always seems to be something.
@Psalm139
Yea, i've been taking on too much but with the kids it is a learning curve so I think that is my biggest hurdle now. Manage and tame that into a routine. And of course, promises made six months ago always pop up when not expected... but promises made (moving)..... ugggh.
like you said, it's always something but some things are a lot bigger and more stressful than others and that's the case with the inheritence so let everything else be little and insignificant to a degree. We just have to keep pushing but it always seems to be something and would be so nice to float away..... or go camping....
@IsayUncle Yeah. I'm sorry you don't have time to rest. I kind of feel like that too because we are leaving tomorrow so it will be emotionally and mentally exhausting. I really need the time at home too to catch up. I'm sorry, I'm not very encouraging tonight.
and something else too. We don't seem to give ourselves enough credit or satisfaction for ajob well done. Like we forget we did some big project that took a lot of our time... like painting a kitchen. We should feel good about things like that for a longer time so other things don't take up so much brain space.
That's it for me kiddo, good nite. Good luck folding! ๐ด
@IsayUncle Ok, goodnight ๐
LOL, we can do this! ๐@Psalm139
Yea WE BOTH needed the time home JUST to catch up. I agree. My house is a disaster again. I wish I had both of these days free just to do what I felt like doing, to get things sorted at my pace. But Alas... it's not to be so I'll just do something untill it is time to go.
Dog medication - Wash dishes - Clean kitchen - Get dressed.
Blahhh & Uggggh but must chug-a-chug-chug. 
Sorry I'm not very uplifting but we just do the best we can. ๐. I hope your morning goes super smooth and the drive is just Wonderful
@IsayUncle How is your morning going? I am just waking up again. I was up for a while in the night with a headache. Kids are taking showers, then I will. I think I'll make a list of the things I need to get done around the house and split them up over the next week and see how that goes.
@Psalm139
You must be at the inlaws by now. Don't worry about replying. I left at 9am and just back at 5pm. I only had one student but we had a much bigger day than I planned. It was all good but I'm pooped now.
I hope you have a good evening, a nice day tomorrow and a pleasant, safe trip back home. ๐
Good nite ๐ด
@IsayUncle Good morning ๐. I'm here at the in laws and it sounds like we will leave in about an hour. It went pretty well. My mood was pretty good. We played cards last night. Have you heard of the card game "golf"? It's fun and the older kids were having fun. Jax was sitting with me and Bentley was watching videos while Justin and his dad watched a movie together. Now they are on the porch and I'm drinking coffee inside with the kids, but I made sure to go out and talk and be friendly earlier this morning.
Sounds like you had a long day with your student yesterday. What did you do together? Clothes shopping the entire time? What are you up to today?
I think we will be home before your bed time tonight, so I'll check in with you later. Have a good Sunday ๐
@Psalm139
Ahhhh, I loved your post. Good stuff!๐
So Cameron had a day of errands. Not only did we get clothes but I went to a supply house and picked up materials for building dog houses, then wal-mart and then pizza at a real pizza house. It was a good day. All he did was talk about girls, trying to hook me up and thinking he was hooking up up everytime one looked or talked to him. He fell in love at a gas station with a girl, monster truck and she asked his name.... OMG.... Hilarious! ttyl
I hope you had a good ride home.
Good Nite๐ด
I finished my lot. ๐. Now for a storage shelter. Start that tomorrow with the students.
@IsayUncle That looks great! Good job! That's funny about Cameron. Sounds like a typical teenage boy, lol. You said he was trying to hook you up too - Are you looking to get married again someday or do you like being on your own?
I have so much catching up to do with cleaning. The laundry isn't even all put away yet. I might try to get a little more done tonight but I'm just so tired. Justin said I was good though so that counts for something.
Goodnight ๐
@Psalm139
Good morning and thanks about the lot.
It seems you and I have run a parallel schedule of sorts. We both have managed some pretty big hurdles but now have to regroup, get cleaned up, sorted and caught-up. Breath and then face 1 or 2 more challenges while stabilizing our routines again. I am also behind and have to get caught up. We can do it. ๐
I'm glad you two got along good enough that he enjoyed your company and took a minute to compliment you. That does mean a lot. Myself?... I'm done with marriage but would like a couple of non-jealous girlfriends to be productive, adventerous and intimate with...; one day. ๐
So now my new challenges are: 1: Figure out how my new partner and I are going to fit together with our time and work schedules. 2: Repair my Van and Trailer to transport my tractor effeciently to jobs. 3: Build additional storage shelter. 4: Service my tractor. (Loooong overdue, Not good!). 5: Get pumpkins for the students. BUT the most impotrtant thing is to establish a routine again and do all these things after my routine objectives are met and completed.
I hope we both have a calm but productive and fun Monday.
@IsayUncle A couple of non-jealous girlfriends? Lol. Have you seen the show sister wives? I know it isn't the same as what you are wanting, but that's what I thought of when you said that.
I think you are right about us having parallel schedules. I still have to deal with all the inheritance stuff whenever the check comes. But other than that I just have eye appointments for the kids (3 days because they wouldn't take more than two at a time) and a med check appointment for me.
Today will be school and catch up day. I need to catch up on dishes, put the laundry away, clean the cat areas, clean the bathroom, and vacuum. That's quite a bit so we will see how I do!
I'll talk to you later!
@Psalm139
A man can hope right? LOL. Never saw that tv show.
We'll get back on track, i'm sure. bummer about that extra day used up for the eye exam.
do u know what ttttm means? too tired to talk much.. sorry. just brought the students home and i am bed bound! good night. I hope your day went good.
@IsayUncle I called 911 tonight because the fire alarms went off so Justin has been yelling at me and lecturing me because he said it was fine. One of them said carbon monoxide so I just wanted to be safe. The house is still a mess so I didn't want to call. He was telling the firemen I don't listen to him and I was stupid and stuff. He usually only says that when we are alone. Anyway, that was my night.
@Psalm139
I'm really sorry to hear about the drama. BUT SUPER GLAD you are a strong enough woman to do what was right. ๐. Really Good Job! (Even with a dirty house... still a good choice๐)
The drama and the volitility of the situation will probably drag into the morning some but don't let it ruin your entire day. It's passed with the exception of someone fanning the flames. You were on track to getting the house cleaned and schooling the kids so focus on that and truely have a good morning.
I'm sorry you live with someone that tells you you are stupid. ๐. Don't believe it and always dance like no ones watching. Put a dance in your mind and move to it today. Just breath and know Justin just wanted to be respected and heard and got his feelings hurt. You did the safe, right thing as any good mama bear would do.
@Psalm139
P.S. I do know how bad it feels when someone tries to diminish and belittle you in front of others. I think mostly it is usually the the others insecurities that causes them to diminish themselves a little bit every time they do that. But I do know how much it hurts you and I'm realy sorry.
@IsayUncle Yeah I think I will probably be in trouble for a while because of it. He was really mad that I didn't listen to him. He said when "they" gave me control of the family (because he was using meth), everything got worse. Maybe it did, but I didn't lose the kids. If I didn't do everything they said they might have taken the kids from me too.
I'm relieved that you think I did the right thing. I thought you might have thought he was right and I overreacted and I shouldn't have just listened to him.
And Justin generally is a lot nicer than he used to be. He says "what the f is wrong with you" quite a bit but he doesn't disappear for days and he hasn't called me a b in a long time. Yesterday he was so mad though. He makes these really cold, mean eyes like he hates me and I don't know what will happen. I just wanted to make sure the kids were ok.
Anyway, I slept late so you've been up for a long time, sorry! I hope you are having a good day. I think my day will be ok, at least until he gets home๐
@IsayUncle Just ignore all that I said. I know I shouldn't say things like that about my husband. And it's usually my fault anyway for not listening or being too emotional or impulsive or sensitive. And he takes care of us and really who else would take care of me with five kids. So I need him and I need to just do better. I used to not even talk back and I guess over the years I just got too comfortable questioning him. And I know he hates being disrespected and I can be difficult. So anyway, I'm sorry for complaining. He really isn't that bad.
@Psalm139
You just missed my reply... we must have been typing at the same time. No problem M, it seems he is trying too (from other things you've said) and you need to vent so I'm very ok with that.
@IsayUncle Things are ok. He's golfing tonight so he won't be home until 6:30 or 7. I'm just going to try to be quiet and hopefully it will be ok. You're sweet to let me vent but I know it isn't fun to "listen" to. And it probably isn't even fair to him. I know he thinks he is justified in everything he says and does and when I say he was mean or anything he says I deserved it. I can be a brat sometimes, so maybe it is. But last night I was only trying to make sure the kids were safe.
I have only really been with him so I don't know if how he acts is normal but I know that my issues and emotional instability and everything is hard for him to deal with too. So anyway, I'm sorry. I just don't want you to be annoyed or get tired of me.
I hope your day went well. How are your routines coming together?
@Psalm139
Honestly M, I've taken on too much and I'm staying exhasted. I'm not eating good and that makes it worse and I'm just trying to ride things out again. It's ok...
I'm glad you got things sorted in your head the best you can and hope things get back to a good normal as soon as possible. ๐
@IsayUncle I can see that you do that. At least to me it sounds like too much. I could never do all that you do. I did want to ask you - am I part of that? Something you've taken on that stresses you out? It's ok if I am. I can see you have a good heart and try to help people. But really if I stress you out, I don't want to.
@Psalm139
My ex and I had the same scenerio. It's really wiered how we stopped or didn't listen enough or feel each other enough to be gentle and lift each other up. She wanted me to lift her up but wouldn't accept the way I tried to do it because it wasn't what she needed and vice versa with me, she'd say something trying to be supportive or helpful but it wasn't and I would take it as critisism, SO Yea.... I Get It. Vent anytime!
@IsayUncle The internet has been off tonight so Justin is already in bed. We didn't fight. I didn't talk a lot though. Didn't want to risk it. Still kind of emotional but ok. Goodnight. Ttyl.
@Psalm139
It sounds like you both did not want to fight or talk about. That's more a good thing than a bad thing.
I'm glad it didn't continue.
Please don't feel insecure over this. It's over! The kids are safe. You had an argument... so what, it happens. Don't doubt yourself, stand tall, walk tall, Breath. Be peaceful and have a fantastic morning. 
@IsayUncle Good morning. I hope you're day is going well๐