How much authenticity?
There is this classical question in psychotherapy and other helping contexts. How much authenticity should I solve the helper?
I'm a psychologist and my mindset is highly influenced by Carl Rogers. Carl Rogers said that there are three necessary and sufficient conditions for therapeutic change:
- Empathy: understanding another from their own shoes.
- Positive unconditional acceptation: accepting + valuing the other as someone who has something unique and positive to contribute to the world.
- Authenticity: being true to yourself and the others, in what you do, feel and think.
With these three things in the therapist, change will naturally emerge from the drive of the person to be a better version of themselves.
This framework confronts us with the following question: If I don't like the person I'm helping, should I tell that to them? What should I do if not? For example, you are tasked to help a violent adult, but you despise violence.
Or a trickier situation, you have been months helping this person, you have a good relationship with them, and then they reveal something that you don't like at all. For example, they reveal how they treat their partners, they are deceitful and manipulative. Do you tell that to them? How much you say and how?
My take on those problems is that authenticity is necessary. If I escape from being authentic, it's going to come back to me later, for example, by being conveyed through non-verbal language. I would first be cautious and explore the topic further. Maybe if I find the whole picture I can empathize with this specific person and circumstances, in any case, I would add eventually: "There is something important I think I should share with you. Not doing it makes me feel like I'm betraying you. Would you listen to me?" and if the answer is positive I would say something on the lines of "I have had bad experiences with [topic] so your words awaken in me unpleasant feelings and I think it's unwise and useless to hide them from you" and then the conversation will go on depending on the personality and reaction of the helped to those words.
But I'm more interested in your opinions: what do you think? What would you do?
@IagoParis I'm no psychologist, but showing kindness, love and support. Building relationships with clients are all extremely important. However if someone tells you they are a threat to themselves or other people, then actions need to be taken. So yes stick to your principles, the truth needs to be told in order to help that person fully ❤❤
@IagoParis
Your approach aligns well with Carl Rogers' principles, emphasizing the importance of empathy, positive regard, and authenticity in therapeutic relationships. It's clear that you value honesty and transparency in your interactions with clients, which can be beneficial for building trust and fostering growth. In situations where you find yourself struggling with negative feelings towards a client or their behavior, it's crucial to approach the situation with empathy and openness. Your suggested approach of first exploring the topic further and then sharing your feelings in a non-confrontational manner is thoughtful and considerate. It allows for an honest conversation while also respecting the client's feelings and perspective. Ultimately, the goal is to create a safe and supportive environment where clients feel heard and understood. Your approach demonstrates a commitment to this goal while also honoring your own values and boundaries.
@IagoParis
I really believe in being authentic and showing genuine kindness in our relationships with clients. Carl Rogers' ideas about empathy and honesty really resonate with me. If someone says they're a threat to themselves or others, it's crucial to take action to ensure their safety. Your approach of talking things through and sharing your feelings in a respectful way is thoughtful and aligns with these principles. It helps build trust and creates a safe space where clients feel heard and supported while staying true to your own values.
@IagoParis I definitely see where you’re coming from
I agree with you a lot, I believe that being authentic is important but to stay morally right whilst being authentic is what is truly important in my opinion and to stay true to your feelings :)