@MusicCandy @SadMe70 New place to communicate

Hi! I had a wonderful visit with my mom. We took 2 mile walks on two of the days, which got me a little more back into exercising. We did a little shopping, went out for lunch, did some stuff in her yard. It was relaxing and so nice, and peaceful!

I did more exercising this week, and my diet was pretty good. I have had an upset stomach on and off all week, so I have not drunk much alcohol either. Still bleeding, three weeks now, counting the period the week leading up to the surgery. It's really getting old!! I had a good checkup with the surgeon this week. He said the tissues are healing and look good, but I will probably still bleed 2-3 more weeks, ugh.

Mom lives in PA, a little far for a day trip (though I did it once when I was younger!), but the birthday lunch today is in Baltimore, about 2 hours away. My boys will be there, and my sisters, and an aunt.

I took a walk yesterday on my own and the weather was beautiful! I am glad you are getting out there as well. I like my exercise videos I do in the morning in my bedroom, but walking outside in nice weather looking at trees or flowers is even better. I agree that it is uplifting!

Did Rachael's transportation get set up? I know that will help you out a lot. The grocery store sounds nice! We don't have something like that here. Years ago there was a very small one that had non perishables only, and it was fun to go see what they had that week. I went to an Amish store near mom's and got fresh raw milk and a bag of spinach. I made yogurt with some of the milk and it's delicious. I used the spinach on my salads and the bag stayed fresh all week, unlike the bags I get at the store that go bad in a few days. I asked mom to try and get me another bag since I will see her today.

I hope your week went well, my friend!

UPDATE from yesterday's birthday lunch: I am going to be a grandma, of twins!!!!

Well, congratulations - which one of them is the happy couple? I remember you telling me about a wedding in Powhattan, but I don't remember when that is. Tell me more!

I had the craziest week. The driving class I signed up for and pd a deposit ---was cancelled , not enough people I guess. I drove 40 miles total, in early AM rush hr traffic to get there and then they told me that everyone had been notified.. not me! I called the company and the guy said the instructor had called me, but that was not true. I did not get a call, text ,e-mail or VM. I was mad, i had cleared the whole day. I texted them back saying that I had not ben notified and that I was "not feeling blessed". The name of the school is Blessed Driving School. They said I could do it online, but I was pissed off at that point. I signed up for another one near my house that is more expensive, but he assured me it would not be cancelled. Then my dental check up was cancelled, the hygienist was sick and no one else could do it. I try to keep up with cleanings too with my bridge work, it is important, Next week, I'm working OT, so I hope they can squeeze me in soon. Enough of my troubles. I can't wait to hear more of your wonderful news.

Got a patient now but not a bad work night so far. i hope you are enjoying the nice Fall days. We should get our walks in anyway.

Hello my friend. Just a short note this week. Two weeks after my younger son and his wife made the big announcement to my family about the babies at my mom's birthday party, he came by last weekend to tell us they are moving to Korea in January, before the babies are even born. He has signed a five year contract for a job, and this has all been in the works for a while because he was supposed to have started this job already but asked to postpone until after the holidays. He is going to rent a house and her parents are moving in with them, so they have known about this plan whereas we were all blindsided. I am feeling so many things - betrayed, anger, heartbreak. I took down any pictures in my house with her in them, the announcement they made with the two ultrasound images, and any Korean things they have given us. I just can't bear to look at them. I have not spoken to him since then. I have to wait until I am able to be calm and not say things that will burn bridges, and I am not able to do that yet.

I also have a cold and am physically wiped out. I missed a day and a half of work this week, and have done no exercise. On the plus side, the bleeding from the surgery finally stopped this week. Between the physical and emotional turmoil, I am just existing day to day.

Hello my friend. My family is falling apart. I continued to avoid my son and DIL, but my husband called my son and told him to contact me. He ended up coming over yesterday to spend time with us and play some games. He saw that I had taken down everything related to her, but left his pictures up and got angry. He also had two letters with him, one that each of them had written to us. I thought it would be acknowledgement of our pain, but instead it was all about how they are hurt that we have not expressed any happiness to them, how I took down the ultrasound pictures of the babies on my FB page, and then the next day disabled my account. Everyone else is happy and proud for them except his parents. I could not even believe it. I cannot bear to look at pictures of the things that are causing my pain, or other people's happy posts on ***. He felt that I should have taken his pictures down too then. My husband became furious and they argued for several hours while I cried. My husband's uncontrollable rage took over and he said and did horrible things. My son left and I don't know if he will ever speak to my husband again, and I am still shocked that he was actually mad at me. My other son is also mad at my husband for how he acted yesterday. I don't know how we will get through this.

Hello, work is actually what kept me from completely falling apart. My mind stays busy most of the time that I am there, constantly interacting with people, very little time to sit and think. My husband, on the other hand, already had nothing to do and sat around brooding anyway. He did go back on the stronger med that was helping control his outbursts for several years. He had gone off it a little over a year ago because it was causing him other problems, so I did not force the issue before despite how the rages had come back and I was not sure how to cope with going back to that. The VA is supposed to approve letting him see a non-VA therapist on their dime since they cannot provide that service due to staffing shortages, but we will see. I keep praying that the meds will control the outbursts as they did before, and he can get regular therapy to deal with his many past issues and help him act appropriately with our children, so that maybe they will give him another chance.

I sucked it up and sent an apologetic email to my DIL and got a nice note back. My son and I went walking on Thursday after work and it was pleasant, and he thanked me for the note to his wife. It was clear that accepting some blame for something that I don't feel is my fault at all was the only way forward. That just makes me more angry, but that's how it is (I plan to re-examine this later when I can be more objective, and maybe truly accept some blame in my heart). I said I would like to take them shopping this week, as I had planned to do before the move announcement.

My older son, who was hosting us for Thanksgiving, along with his fiance's dad, cancelled that dinner, not surprisingly, leaving all of us at loose ends with no family to spend the time with despite it being one of our last chances to all be together. But, thanks to the little germ factories at school, I am sick AGAIN anyway. I started coughing a lot towards the end of Friday, and by Saturday was full on sick. Sunday and Monday were horrible, but I started feeling somewhat better yesterday. Fever is gone, less coughing so my throat is less sore. My husband just started getting bad yesterday. So, I would not have been able to go to any family dinner tomorrow anyway, and I had to cancel my shopping trip with my son and DIL for today. I also had to cancel my dental implant this past Monday, which I am so mad about! It was perfect timing to do that without having to take any days off for either the procedure or recovery. I am rescheduled for MLK day, which I have off, but if I am in too much pain the next day I will have to use more leave. Grrrr!

My son's fiance has a surprise party scheduled for my son in about three weeks, for finishing his master's. That would be the next time we would all be together. It is out in public with other people, friends of my son and presumably some of the fiance's family. I am hoping we can all go to that and that my husband will behave with the help of the medicine. I can't imagine what they told her dad as the reason for cancelling Thanksgiving dinner. It's embarrassing to think about.

Meanwhile, I had only just gotten back to exercising for a week or so after my last illness. I have barely moved this week and am not eating all that well. I cannot seem to get my health together! I am trying to psych myself up to wear a mask to work again, at least until Christmas break.

I had big plans for this week off, partly fun stuff and partly things that need to be done around here, and nothing at all is getting done. Between physical illnesses, surgery, and emotional struggles, I feel like I have just been getting through day to day for a while now. I hope to have some better news for you sometime soon!

I am so very grateful to have you in my corner, willing to listen and sympathize, and let me wallow. Thank you for your prayers - I think my family could still use them if you would be willing to continue.

I have been too wrapped up in myself to ask about you. Please let me know how you have been and what you have been up to! Thank you, thank you, my friend.

I forgot to say the other day, yes I have talked a lot with my mom. She understands our view because she is hurt by it too, and also feels she may not see my son again or ever meet the babies. I also had to tell her about what my husband did. She knew he yelled sometimes but has no idea of the scope. She did not call my son during that same time period when I was avoiding him, and also took down the baby pics though he does not know that. She has talked to him now and they are supposed to go visit her next weekend.

Hello , my friend,

I have been on the lookout to hear how you are doing. I 100 percent understand if you are too emotionally spent to even try to write about the pain of what you are going through. If you check in, just know I am saying prayers for you and I truly hope you are hanging on to whatever sliver of hope there is. i'm feeling somewhat exhausted too - several friends in health crises and Rachel's sister had a disappointment with her trying to get her Master's. .She got within one point of getting an A, which was required for her to stay in the program at University of Richmond. she had gotten a C before, so they told her this was her last chance to stay in a B average or get dropped. she appealed to the professor, but no exceptions. I feel so bad for her , I know she tried her very best and she was in tears and doesn't know what to do next. She needed 5 more courses to finish. It seems like they could have given her a chance to do some extra credit for that 1 point from a 92.3 to 93.

Everything else just seems pointless. Fiance is decorating the front yard with Holiday stuff instead of cleaning up the back yard. I really don't care much about Christmas. Rachael does, and I try to keep things light and happy for her. Write when you can, but don't feel pressured. 😞

Hello my friend, well this does not seem to be the merriest holiday for either of us :(

I am getting along with my son and DIL by forcing myself to be as numb as I can. I know when they actually leave at the end of next month, the departure itself will send me reeling. As far as the babies, I have started going through the motions of what I would have done with joy if they were staying. I went to see an ultrasound this week. I tried to look at it with interest rather than let myself get emotionally into it. They are 20 weeks so pretty small, but I was able to see some features. I also met them to go shopping for maternity and baby clothes, and I ordered some additional baby stuff online. The clothes in the store were so cute, and I thought about how fun it could have been to be shopping in that store. That was the first time I saw her, and it was also a wrench to see her now visibly pregnant, to know I've missed that first part of the pregnancy and will miss the last part when she is really big and I might have been able to feel the babies kick. I keep pushing those feelings down, figuring I will have plenty of time to sob and yell and feel terrible after they are gone, and for the next 6 weeks to spend what little bittersweet time I can with them.

Last night was my older son's party. My younger son came but not my DIL. It was the first time he saw his dad. My husband spoke to him alone and apologized, and told me that my son said he hoped his dad would get the help he needed. My husband was disappointed that was all he got, and not that our son loved him. I don't think he could have expected more. There were 20 other people there in our party, plus the general public in the arcade, so I was not so worried about a blowup there. I am more nervous about Christmas day, just the six of us at my older son's house.

I am headed to my mom's on Sunday. I was supposed to go today and then tomorrow was to be the get-together with my sisters, etc. but they have covid so we are postponed or possibly cancelled. I personally would be fine with cancelling, as I have no holiday spirit at all. I did not do cards, tree, decorating, music, or make a craft for gifts for my family as I usually do. I am just muddling through feeling sad.

I am also still not feeling well physically. I am mostly better from what I think was the flu during Thanksgiving week, but I can't totally kick it. I am still coughing and feeling very tired. Yesterday was my first day I started to feel it lifting, which is 3 weeks sick. I don't remember having anything hang on that long before. My mother suggested it is my age...

So the combo of physical and mental health is not great right now. Plus I have been too weak to exercise for weeks, and my eating this week has gotten especially bad with the treats. After I get back to mom's I will have another week off and hopefully rest up enough to be fully back to normal. Then I will have a big project for the new year, getting myself back to where I was. I am wearing my mask to school, and wore it at the arcade last night except while eating. I imagine my immune system is not the greatest right now.

Well that is quite enough about me!

I am so very sorry about your daughter and her master's. It seems awfully harsh to cut her off when she was that close to an A! I don't understand why they would not let her do some extra credit to get less than one point. That is heartbreaking, especially has she is so close. I will say a prayer for her.

I am also sorry to hear about your friends with health crises. It seems like there have been so many since this pandemic started, with people getting covid on top of other health problems, people unable to see loved ones because of covid. My friend recently passed away from a brain tumor. Two of her sons were my sons' ages, which is how I knew her. Seeing the four children at the viewing was so sad. The oldest and youngest were taking it particularly hard. The oldest boy, with whom I have never even had a full conversation, hugged me tight and long, clearly desperately needing comfort even from someone he did not know well. It was heart wrenching. I try to tell myself that my problems are so small compared to what so many others are going through.

Thank you for continuing to be there for me, even when I skip weeks at a time. I have had so little energy but I am hopeful that I have turned a corner now. I will pray for your daughter, and hope that Rachel will be the one among us who has a truly joyful holiday!

Goodbye for now, from your grinchy friend.