Things you remember of the loved one you lost
Let's imagine we are sitting in a circle around a campfire at dusk.
There might be darkness out there, but we are together, sharing our stories, and the fire brings us light and warmth.
Someone asks "What things you remember most vividly of the loved one you lost?"
Questions:
- What things you remember most vividly of the loved one you lost? Might be a character trait, a situation, a habit, an anecdote, or any vivid memory that comes to your mind.
- How have you been feeling these days?
These questions are optional. You can add any comments you wish, as they come to your mind.
I look forward to your answers!
And I wish you all the best!
Marcelo.
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This piece was first posted as the Grief & Loss Check-In of August 1st, 2023
1. The thing I miss about Gary, was his witty remarks and his wickedly funny timing for saying really off the wall things. As well as what I miss about Jared was him calling me randomly updating me about his life...
2. Im still managing through it day by day
@PhoenixButterfly97
Hello, Butterfly!
Thank you very much for coming to this check-in to share your experiences and feelings.
It seems that what you miss most about them are things that made them uniquely them, and unique things they brought to your life.
Like Gary's outlandish sense of humor, and Jared's random confiding phone calls.
Each in their own way showed they completely trusted you.
Gary knew he could say absolutely anything in your presence.
Jared was always eager to tell you all about his life experiences.
It sounds like they were both amazing and very special to you.
While you might be experiencing much pain and grief, it is very positive, I think, that, in the middle of all the sorrow, you can recall good things they gave you that you enjoyed and made you feel well at that time.
It's a wonderful way to honor their memory to remember those things that made them so special, so valuable, and so intensely lively people who brightened your life.
Thank you again, Butterfly!
I hope to see you again soon.
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk it would be my aunt i remember a doll i still have it a purple doll she gave me a beautiful and lovely doll just like her
@Lovelysweety
Hi, Lovelysweety!
That's such a beautiful memory!
That doll is more than just a doll to you,
it's a symbol of your aunt's love.
It sounds like your aunt was someone who cared for you deeply and showed that through the gift of this doll.
Treasuring your purple doll is a beautiful way to remember her and keep her memory alive.
His distinctive voice—non threatening but assertive and strong. No doubt something he perfected during his decades in court and working with clients. His generous nature. Kind, brown eyes. Witty and blunt. Loved by many. Missed so much.
@spicyavocado3788
HI!
Thank you for coming here to share your memories and feelings!
It seems that you have a deep sense of longing for the things that made him so special.
Like his truly remarkable presence. His distinctive voice, must have been a source of comfort and strength for you.
The fact that it was both non-threatening and assertive suggests a unique blend of qualities that not everyone has. It might have conveyed reassurance and a benign authority.
It sounds like he had a profound impact on your life and the lives of many others, leaving behind a legacy of love, strength, and generosity.
And those kind, brown eyes, they must have been windows to his generous and compassionate soul.
There's something special about someone who can convey warmth and understanding through their eyes, and it's no wonder you miss that connection.
It's heartwarming to hear that he had a witty and blunt personality. Those who can combine humor with honesty, people who speak their minds and aren't afraid to be themselves, leave an indelible mark on those around them. His authenticity seems something you cherish.
And the fact that he was loved by many is a testament to the positive influence he had on those fortunate to know him. His memory will continue to live on through the hearts and minds of all those who had the privilege of being a part of his life.
It's nourishing, I think, to cherish these beautiful memories of him. They express the love and connection you shared.
His spirit lives on through the impact he had on your life and the lives of others. Cherish those memories and keep them close to your heart.
I hope that coming here to honor his memory and express your loving emotions might help you cope with your grief.
In this sense, I encourage you to post in this community as often as you wish.
Thank you for coming to share!
I hope to see you around here soon.
All the best!
Marcelo.
I remember the softness of my grandmother's hands - not just the gentleness but the softness of her skin. The gentle way she would run her hand down the back of my head when she would walk past or place her hand on my cheek
I remember the comfortable quiet of my grandfather. The way he would smile when he teased my grandmother
I remember the sound of heavy paws on the stairs behind me as one of my dogs would follow me up to bed and the conversations we would have because she was such a talker ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Hi, Soul!
How wonderful memories of your grandparents!
How your grandmother expressed her love for you in a way you could feel intensely without words.
And your grandfather seems to have been a reassuring presence. Like wherever he was he made it a safe and comfy place where you felt cared for and at ease. His gentle good mood might have added to this comforting atmosphere.
Your dog seems to have been such an amazing life companion! It's so sad that they live shorter lives than we do. It should be the other way around.
I can imagine how enjoyable and soothing it might have felt talking to her in bed. The ultimate comforting experience!
They are our best companions, I think.
Thank you for coming here to share these beautiful memories!
See you soon around Cups!
@HealingTalk They were good people and I'm gratefully for all they did for me and the love they showed me. I wish I could have had more time with them
@mytwistedsoul *hugs Soul tighttt*❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou *hugs* ❤️ 🍦🍕
@HealingTalk
My father had a horrible temper. He was once so mad at me that he tore the grill off his own Lincoln town car.
@Gettingbettertoday
It sounds like you have some complex memories and emotions tied to your father, someone who for sure played a significant role in your life.
It's clear that your father had a very bad temper, and that memory you shared about him tearing the grill off his Lincoln must have left a lasting impression on you.
Those moments of anger and frustration can be quite frightening and can shape our perceptions of people in our lives. Those perceptions are valid, you don't have to fit into any specific mold of how you should feel about him.
Everyone has flaws and imperfections, including our parents. That might not be entirely their fault, but aggressive behavior by a parent can be very hurting for a child and leave scars that endure for our whole life.
Healing from those scars is the work of a lifetime.
I wish you the best in your healing path.
@HealingTalk
My relationship with my father after i was 12 was business only.
@Gettingbettertoday
I am sorry for that.
"Business only" sounds like the kind of distant human relations we have at work, not in the closeness of a family.
The question posed above is about "the loved one you lost".
And among all the people you have known in your life, you chose to answer about your father.
So maybe you loved him and still love him anyway.
My parents shunned the convinience of an electric rice cooker because they wanted the scorched rice that sticks to the bottom of a traditional rice pot on the stove. The rice cooker is so precise that nothing gets burnt, but in Iran and in Japan (my parents' countries of birth), scorched rice is considered a dish on its own right and they loved it.
To this day, I cook rice thinking about that and about them. I don't know very many people who would get as excited about burnt food sticking to a cast iron pan or a clay pot as they did.
@ScorchedRice
This is such a lovely, authentic and original story!
Scorched rice even became a significant part of your identity, as shown by your username and your continued practice of this family tradition.
Feeling that you belong to a larger and forever-living tradition is a big part of it, I think.
Your parents cultivated this tradition which might seem small, just fun, or a matter of taste, but it does honor a cultural heritage you and your parents are part of.
The "imperfection" of the scorched rice that sticks to the bottom of the pot and might have a raw crispy texture, and nutty, toasty, smoky taste seems to me like an appreciation of life by embracing authenticity over perfectionist (represented by the precise cooking machine).
Your parents' enthusiasm for burnt food sticking to a cast iron pan or a clay pot reflects this love for authenticity and their ability to find joy in the simple and unconventional pleasures of life.
And so do you.
As you continue to cook scorched rice, may it serve as a reminder of their love, a connection to your heritage, and a source of comfort and strength in your life.
Thank you so much for sharing such a lovely and authentic writing!
All the best to you!
See you around here soon!
Marcelo.
There are many that I still miss. close uncles, grandparents, father, mother, I came along later so they were all older.
Uncle 1, camel cigs and coors beer, funny, always made me laugh, grandpappy 1, old spice and wood, father, smell of cattle, secure in the knowing that he fully was "dad" you know? Ah his voice, smooth, sweet, low, full of love. mother, ben gay and pumpkin spice, her kvetching while I was getting patched up,
Father, oh to set with him at a small cafe in a small town, just off the main street, to have a cup of coffee and a piece of home made pie. Been 42 years now and I still miss the old f-rt.
@bestOak2002
It's wonderful that you have such vivid memories of your loved ones.
Remembering the little nuances, such as your uncle's love for Camel cigarettes and Coors beer, allows you to keep his spirit alive in your heart.
The scent of old spice and wood that was synonymous with one of your grandfathers brings back cherished moments shared together. The aroma of your mother's ben gay and pumpkin spice, combined with her lovingly reassuring presence while you were getting patched up, is a precious memory that will forever hold a special place in your heart.
Lastly, your father's familiar scent of cattle invokes a sense of security and love, while the reminiscence of spending time with him at a small café, savoring a cup of coffee and homemade pie, is a beautiful image that continues to resonate with you.
It's lovely and inspiring how you cherish their memories in such evocative and authentic ways.
I hope that while you still miss them much, these memories might comfort you by bringing them back to your memory and your heart in such evocative, authentic, and lovely ways.
His laugh. I’m grateful our son has the same laugh.
@Veegee1
It's wonderful how you could find comfort in his so loved and familiar laughter. A connection that lives on.
It is heartwarming to hear that your son has the same laughter as him.
Laughter has a unique way of connecting us to the people we love, even after they are no longer physically with us. It serves as a reminder of the joyous times we shared with them.
Hearing your son's laughter may help you feel a sense of connection to your loved one, as if a part of them lives on through him. As he surely does, because we do inherit significant traits from our elders and people who were close to us in the past.
Thank you for sharing something so beautiful!
I look forward to seen you around here soon!
@HealingTalk There was this one time when my sister was doing homework on the computer, and she was singing, listening to 2000s music. We used to tease each other a lot, so I saw this as an opportunity to mess with her. I started recording her from the stairs; she was on the second floor of our house and my camera could easily see her without her noticing me, and she was facing the other way, I could also see what she was doing on the computer, her looking through the comment section of the YouTube videos and so on.
She didn't have the most angelical voice, but she was giving all of her energy to each song, gesturing, dancing and all, so I could not help myself and started laughing, and that's when she noticed me. We both started laughing so hard, she got up and told me "stop with the humiliation" and hit my phone playfully.
I don't really remember what happened after that, since I stopped the video, but I love to remember our time together with that moment. That's who we were, even if we sometimes fought, we were just two sisters having fun being with each other, complaining about our mom and "joining forces" or whatever we thought we were doing xD And most importantly, supporting and loving each other.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day she had the stroke that killed her on October 3rd, so I'm thinking about her a lot. Sometimes it's really painful to watch that video that was recorded with so much fun, but I still love listening to her voice, her singing, her laughter, our laughs together... Even if it reminds me that I will never hear that in real life.
@laumarie6
Hi, LauMarie!
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your sister. It is heart-wrenching to go through such a painful experience, especially on this anniversary of the stroke that took her away from you. I can only imagine the void that her absence has created in your life.
It is often in the midst of our sorrow that we find solace in the treasured memories we hold close to our hearts. Your recollection of that beautiful moment with your sister, as she immersed herself in her homework while singing 2000s music, is truly heartwarming.
The playfulness of teasing each other, the infectious laughter that filled the air, and the shared bond of sisterhood - these are the moments that make our lives richer and more meaningful. Reflecting on them allows us to keep our loved ones alive in our hearts, continuing their legacies long after they have departed.
Though revisiting that video may bring forth a mix of emotions, including pain, it is important to recognize that it is natural and even healing to experience a range of feelings while grieving.
Your sister's voice, her laughter, and your laughter together are precious reminders of the joy you both shared. These memories are a testament to the love and connection that will forever reside within you.
Through your memories and the love that continues to exist, her spirit lives on. Embrace the joy and laughter that you shared and find solace in this bond that nothing can sever.
As time passes, may the pain of your loss gradually be replaced by a deep sense of peace and gratitude for the beautiful times shared with your sister. May you find comfort in knowing that she is always with you, guiding you, and enveloping you in her eternal love.
Thank you so much for sharing these lovely and touching recollections on this significant date!
With deepest sympathy and warmest wishes,
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Thank you so much for your reply, Marcelo, it made me shed some tears... But I think they're mostly happy tears. I haven't wanted to think so much about what today means because I cannot fall apart while I'm at work, but sharing this memory and reading your words gives me some peace.
By the way, I left you a message because I'm curious about joining the Grief & Loss team, I'd like to know more about it.
Thanks again for your reply and for this wonderful thread you started.
@laumarie6
Hi, LauMarie!
I am glad my answer reached your heart.
Maybe it's about finding a balance between dwelling on our feelings and staying productive.
But these are very special days, so you are allowed to incline the balance towards the "feeling" side, and you might give yourself permission for that, even at the cost of some loss of efficiency.
You might tell the reasons at your workplace and everything will be fine.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
Stay in touch!
Marcelo
Yeah, maybe I just need to let myself feel everything... I'm a very sensitive and emotional person even when I'm "ok", so I guess I tend to restrain myself because all of those feelings don't always fit every situation I'm in.
And not at all, thank you so much for your words for all of us. ✨
I miss how he could accept anyone with open arms and an open heart. He could really light up a room and bring joy to anyone he met. He was so so funny and goofy. He was so easy to talk to, about anything and everything. He really took it in, without just waiting for his turn to talk. I wish he would have talked to me too, about the things that bothered him. I wish he knew how much he meant to everyone.
@aardenvark
It seems that you miss him deeply and that his presence had a profound impact on your life. It's understandable and loving of you how you miss so much someone who brought joy, acceptance, and laughter into your world.
It seems that he could embrace others unconditionally. That his open arms and open heart created a place where people could feel seen, accepted, and loved. And that his way to brighten a room and bring joy to others' lives made him truly special. Remembering him in these moments of happiness might surely bring some solace and warmth to your heart.
One of the most cherished aspects of him seems to be his sense of humor and how much he made others laugh. Laughter is truly healing, and it seems his humor and goofiness left a lasting impact on your life. The ability to find humor even in difficult situations can be powerful. Sharing memories and stories of his funny moments with others who also hold him dear can be a beautiful way to honor his spirit and find solace in each other's company.
It might be bittersweet to recall that he was so easy to talk to about anything and everything, but he didn't talk much about the things that bothered him. His ability to actively listen might have created a safe space for you to express yourself and feel understood. It is natural to wish that he had shared his own struggles and concerns with you. Maybe he had his own unique way of processing and dealing with his emotions, and didn't need to open up so much.
It is clear that he had a profound impact on the lives of many people. He brought joy, love, and acceptance into the world, leaving behind a legacy that will forever be cherished.
In honoring his memory, you can carry his spirit within you by continuing to spread the same warmth, love, and acceptance he embodied.
Remembering his impact and sharing stories of his kindness can also inspire others to do the same, creating ripples of positivity that extend far beyond his physical presence.
Thank you for coming here to share your memories of his wonderful qualities, and for honoring him with so loving and beautiful words!
