Grief & Loss Check-in: Sept 16 - Sept 30
Hey everyone. Welcome to the check-in for the second half of September. Here, in this thread, is a safe place for anyone grieving to come to and share. Grief is something we all have gone through and experienced at one point of our lives. It has many forms; and there is no wrong and right way to grieve.
@YourCaringConfidant my grieving is a bit silly I know, but it still affects me. When he was born he was just the most adorable baby boy, that night I got to hold him in my arms and kiss him all night. He was so beautiful. But the next morning we were both taken to the torture rooms 😞 I watched him for in their hands. I couldn't protect him. I was scared I was only 11 years old.😞 I just wish he was here.I wish I could hold him one more time. If I my love was enough to save him, he would of never died
@YourCaringConfidant😭😭😭❤❤😭😭😭❤❤ thankyou so much ❤❤😭😭😭❤❤ that's the best message. Thank you ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 I'm so sorry for what you've been through and still are, your story brought tears to my eyes. As a mother of two, I think since mother love is so special and unique and it's born in exactly the moment your baby starts to live in you so your grief is not silly, it's completely valid. I've lost several babies just a few days after they were even in my belly and it was one of the hardest things in my life. I can't imagine losing them after they were born.
The fact that you grief so much your little sun who was only able to be with you for this short moment is the proof of your mother love. Unfortunately the more we love our kids the more we suffer to see them hurt, it's the definition of parenthood. I wish for you that your soul heals but always remembers and cherishes the love you got ❤️
Sending hugs if okay ❤️
@mish3l ❤❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ thankyou
How are you feeling - I forgot my pills at home so my insomnia gets the better of me. It's 3:00 AM here, I slept 4 hours and can't sleep anymore. I have pain but it's mostly phyzical pain. But the mind comes right after the phyzical sometimes, the day before yesterday I got hit by a depression/grief/anxiety wave train but I'm okay now I guess. More or less. The grief is always there. I'm trying to learn to live with it.
What do you miss most about the person or pet you are grieving - I miss the sense of humor about my grandma. I'm not sure what I miss about my aunt, she wasn't very close with me but I liked her, I just wish she didn't pass in that hospital due to the Covid she didn't believe in and vaccines she didn't want. If she got them maybe she would still be alive. Both of them passed away so angry with me. I wish it was the other way.
And I miss the voice of a singer whose concert I attended a month before his suicide. Yeah, it's weird but it's just how it is. My mind is blocked and music hurts me instead of healing me now.
What are some of the ways you are taking care of yourself as you are on the path to heal - I get as much rest as I have the possibilities to get these days. I have two kids and a hard week awaits me next week, there won't be much space for resting so I'm a bit afraid how it will be in the end but I hope I'll be okay.
@YourCaringConfidant thank you 🥺❤️❤️🩹
I’m not sure if I should put a TW on this.
Topic: Unaliving
It comes to my mind often. What if we would have gone over to his parents house sooner? We were planning on going by just to drop in. Let’s grab happy hour first, we thought. Two days before Christmas, we were excited for everything to come. We were already planning to go over tomorrow for Prime Rib and shrimp cocktails. Why were we having fun at the bar when he got that dreaded phone call? We didn’t sense it in the air that our entire lives were about to change.
But with that one phone call, they did.
“Why would he do this? It makes no sense!” those were the words and cries filling the house when we arrived. Devastated. No one expected it. There was no note. No signs. We were just left with holes in our hearts, like the one he intentionally put into his.
I wish everyday that we knew he was struggling. I wish everyday we could have somehow prevented this. Christmas will never be the same. Watching the Super Bowl will never be the same. Seeing my best friend’s mom (my second mom) will never be the same. I lost a very important father figure that night. And I just hope he was/is proud of me. I hope he’s happy and at peace now.
@spicyavocado3788 My thoughts are with you as you are grieving the loss of a very loved father figure. I can't imagine how you must feel and I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one to death is hard enough... but to lose a loved one at the hands of themselves, that in itself, brings a whole other level of pain.
I'd like to give you a lovingly reminder that what unfortunate event happened is not your fault. It was no one's fault. Please try and release it. This burden of guilt should not be yours. No one could have known what was too happen. Sadly, sometimes life is hard to live and it can become too much. While sometimes there can be signs, sometimes they may not be visible. What happened was beyond anyone's control. The holidays will be approaching right around the corner but I would like you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. ♡
Thanks for being here ,🌶🥑. I do hope that one day you are able to heal, release the guilt that you carry, and find peace in knowing that he no longer has to suffer with whatever consumed him. Please take care if yourself. ♡ Sending a great big hug your way.
Fortunately, my old furry feline pulled through. She's been eating food on her own, playing with the puppy (rather reluctantly) and venturing outside when she's had enough of the puppy. She's also been coming up to sleep beside me late at night.
@Enthenia Awww, I'm so happy to hear that about your 🐈. Playing with the 🐕 and cuddling up beside you seem like good signs. Thanks for sharing with us a sweet update. ♡
@YourCaringConfidant You're welcome! I was so glad that she made it through the weekend.
@YourCaringConfidant
I lost my cat last feburary and i had been pushing it away and not really processed it. I'm only just now processing it and I feel horrible. My cat has been in my life since I was 6 and I'm 19 now, that's most of my life. It's just so hard to accept that she's dead. I don't know how to even begin to deal with it and take care of myself properly. I haven't had to deal with a big loss in a long time.
@YourCaringConfidant Hi. Thank you for this. I hope it's ok for me to share here since my loss isn't a physical one but an emotional one.
I am feeling very sad.
I miss the fact that I had her in my life or that I thought I did. She was my best friend. I really love her. I wish her happiness always. Although I know we have grown apart and what happened between us has probably changed things in a permanent way, I know what I felt and feel for her, the love inside me remains. I am grateful for that though I still feel so heartbroken and worthless, 'cause I can't help feeling it's my fault that people go away.
I am feeling better today than yesterday though 'cause I slept better and I wrote a lot of my feelings down.
Thank you for this thread.
I wish everyone's doing better and I hope you are all healing day by day.
@YourCaringConfidant
Desiree, you are awesome!
An angel, a poet, a counsellor, and a visual artist, all in the same person.
Your posts are the most supportive I have ever seen.
How blessed those who came here for support!
@HealingTalk Your kind words just touch my heart, ohhhh myyy! ♡♡♡ Xoxo. I'm only limited on what I can do and so I just do what I'm able. Thank you for being such a great leader, supportive, and encouraging. I feel the same about you with how you engage about in the community. 🙃
@YourCaringConfidant
It's just fair to recognize your talents and contributions. You are very powerful in this medium. It shows that you care, take the time to think about each person's particular issues, and prepare a very specific and thoughtful answer. Many even with tailor-made artwork so well thought and designed to be consoling and healing. People feel very touched and comforted.
I'm new at this but am in great need of support within my grief.
Hello, I am four years into my grief journey after losing my dear Husband Curtis to an undiagnosed heart disease. ARVC. he was 30, and had one of the most positive and contagious personalities ever. We have three beautiful daughters. At the time of his passing, I was 6 months pregnant with our now 3 year old baby girl. It was what felt like the most robbed and worst nightmares of my life. To this day, I still think of him and try to keep his memory alive for our girls especially our little Skylar Rae whom did not get the chance to meet his sweet face. 💔 Some days are we definitely harder than others even years after....however I've realized that I am healed enough to be able to speak about and share my grief journey to others without breaking down after the first few words. Although still heart-wrenching, I try to keep a smile on my face when speaking of his memory and know that he's still looking down onto us, his family and especially his daughters ❤️ September 21st, 2019 will forever be a sacred and very sensitive date for us. But we have learned to find a way of keeping the happy omens alive and sticking together. Curtis Ray Posey ♥️
@resourcefulSkies1991
Four years into your grief journey after losing your dear husband Curtis, it is genuine to still feel the weight of his absence and the impact it has had on your life.
Curtis seems to me that he was an amazing, outstanding caring person, who brought so much joy and positivity into your life. His untimely passing left a huge void that is hard to describe. Losing someone so young who we love so deeply must feel like such an unfair robbery of our happiness and dreams for the future.
The fact that you were pregnant with your youngest daughter at the time of his passing might have added an additional layer of pain. That he would not see his new daughter. And it must have been very challenging to reconcile the joy of bringing new life into the world with the profound sorrow of losing Curtis.
It is beautiful to see how dedicated you are to keeping Curtis' memory alive, especially for your three daughters. Your efforts to speak about him and share your grief journey with others show your admirable strength and resilience.
By talking about his memory and smiling when you do, you are creating a safe space for his legacy to live on. Your youngest daughter may not have had the opportunity to meet him, and all of them lost his amazing and caring presence during their childhoods, but through your words and actions, they will come to understand the impact he had on your lives and the love he shared with all of you.
There might be extremely difficult days, even years after the loss. It is important to acknowledge and honor challenging emotions when they arise. Allow yourself the space to grieve and lean on those who offer support. Be patient with yourself and give yourself permission to experience the full range of emotions that come with grief no matter for how long.
Despite the heart-wrenching pain, you have shown remarkable strength in finding ways to cope with your loss. The fact that you can now speak about Curtis without breaking down after the first few words is a testament to your healing, that you can "feel the feelings and do it anyway". It is a sign that time has allowed you to integrate your grief into your life.
September 21, the day of Curtis' passing (a few days ago so you might still be very moved), will forever hold a sacred place in your heart. It is completely understandable that this date brings a flood of emotions and triggers memories that can be both painful and sensitive.
You might find solace in the happy omens that surround you, like signs that Curtis is still with you and guiding you from wherever he may be. These signs can bring comfort and serve as a reminder that love transcends physical boundaries.
As you continue on your journey, know that your husband Curtis will always be watching over you, his family, and especially his beloved daughters. May his memory continue to shine brightly in your hearts.
The thoughtful, evocative, moving and inspiring text you have written here, so carefully, with so much love and emotion, is a beautiful way to honor Curtis' memory, telling all of us what a great person he was.
Your story has touched my heart, made me admire greatly Curtis, and you too, and wish all the very best in life to you and your daughters.
Thank you for such a great contribution! Your example of love and endurance enriches our lives.
I remain forever at your disposal.
Again, all the best to you and your daughters.
I look forward to seeing you around here soon.
Marcelo.
Marcelo,
Thank you so much for your kind words.
@resourcefulSkies1991
You are welcome.
I hope you find some comfort these days in that your husband would be so proud of you, of how loving and loyal you are, and what a great mother of his daughters.
And I wish you that you and your daughters find some moments of solace and peace in these very significant days of mourning.
@YourCaringConfidant
@PhoenixEris
Hi, Phoenix!
I can sense the longing in your words as you remember your brother and the special moments you shared with him.
Memories have a powerful way of connecting us to the ones we have lost. The moments you spent with your brother laughing and bonding during those late-night encounters, hold a special place in your heart.
It's heartwarming to hear that you cherish those memories and that they bring you so much comfort.
And it's great that you have recognized the need to prioritize your own well-being. Sometimes, in order to heal, we must distance ourselves from toxic environments and take care of ourselves first. Your mental health matters and you deserve to find a supportive and nurturing space to heal.
During times of grief, it's not uncommon for people to seek temporary relief through unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol. I am relieved to hear that you resisted the urge to fall back into old patterns and turn to drinking. Your strength in making that conscious decision honors the memory of your brother and the bond you shared. He would be proud of you for prioritizing your well-being and finding healthY ways to cope.
There may have been times when you felt like giving up, such as considering dropping out of college. Your brother's spirit lives on within you to give you strength. He would want you to persevere and thrive. The bond you shared with him serves as a reminder to stay resilient and determined in the face of challenges such as the temptation to drop out of college.
Your brother's untimely passing has undoubtedly left a void in your life. However, through the memories you shared and the lessons you've learned, you have the power to heal and find hope. In this sense, take care of yourself, honor your emotions, and reach out for support when needed.
Your brother's spirit will always be with you, guiding you towards a brighter future.
And this Community is also here to support you in the difficult moments you might face.
You are not alone in this.
I wish you all the best in your life!
See you around here soon!
Marcelo.