What has been your biggest life challenge?

my biggest challenge is me own

there's a few major challenges in my life that i overcame and made me a far more resilient person:

1. escaping a bad family upbringing
2. facing what i suffered from the 1st point and asking for help
3. standing up for myself and my disabilities - this included letting go of the shame of having a disability and realizing that it's not my fault, and i deserve accommodations
i know there will be more challenges as life rolls on but i am open to the universe and accepting of its unpredictabilities. it allows me to better endure the unexpected and at times uncontrollable

@tommy

Suffering shock, stress, heartache and grief this past month.

@tommy

I was 16 years old when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (sever depression) and anxiety disorders. My world crumbled. Not because I was sick. Not because the meds I was taking turned me into a zombie. It was because I was abandoned. No one cared to ask me how I was doing. My father had no idea I was sick. Even if he knew, he still wouldn't care. He lacks empathy. He was one of the reasons I was sick. My mom wanted me to stop receiving medical treatment. "Meds will destroy your liver" she said. She was more concerned about my liver than my mental health. She didn't even want me to see a psychiatrist. I had to insist. There were days/nights when I'd experience extreme physical pain. The pain killers didn't help. I had to wrap my hands with a belt to relief the pain a little. Instead of asking why I was in pain or informing my psychiatrist about it, she'd yell at me "are you in pain, now? Why? What's the problem? Why are you in pain? Probably thinking of stupid things. That's why you feel pain". It was horrible. 

I knew I was very sick, but I also knew that if I received the right treatment and emotional support, everything was going to be okay. I was very optimistic. But my brother said that I was stupid and crazy because, according to him, no one admits to be mentally ill. Apparently I was the only one admitting that and being positive about taking meds. He said I was stupid for having anxiety attack. 

My aunt (my mom's sister) belittled my experience. She and her family made fun of me. She said I was doing it for attention. I was pretending to be sick. I was too young to have anxiety attacks. Her children were the ones who should had experience anxiety attacks because they were older than me. Life for me was easy, but not for them. I didn't have problems. She saw me having a panic attack in front of her. Instead of taking care of me, she said "why are you behaving like that?". Eventually I found out that she's high in narcissistic traits and that she had emotionally abused with me for almost 2 years. 

My best friend said that I looked fine. I wasn't sick. I had to stop taking meds. 

Things got really hard for me, so I wanted to end everything. My other friends were mean to me. They started blaming me. Calling me selfish. According to them I had to think about my mother. 

In other words, I had nobody by my side. No one asked me how I was doing. No one gave me hug. No one gave me a kiss. No said that things were going to be okay, beside S. She was nice to me.

I always thought that I had a good support system. But it turned out I didn't have a support system at all. The worst part is that I had always been there for those people. 

Now I have become a shadow. I have no friends. I talk to nobody about my life, my problems. I support myself. But sometimes it gets rough. Sometimes I need a human soul to listen to me. I'm cynical. I trust nobody. Everytime I try to open up to someone, I end up being hurt because they don't validate my feelings. 

It's okay, though. I no longer need someone to help me. I'm self sufficient. Until it gets really hard and I long for someone to be there for me. However, it's merely a fleeting moment. I am alone and I'll always be. It doesn't hurt anymore. 

@tommy

My biggest challenge includes::

1. Dealing with blackmail and exploitation: The emotional trauma and helplessness is too much.

2. Self-doubt and self-blame: am Struggling with feelings of guilt, shame, and worthlessness, which can be rather overwhelming.

3. Emotional regulation:am Managing intense mood swings, anger, and frustration, it's really exhausting tbh.

4. Trust issues: I have difficulty trusting others due to past experiences making it hard to form any relationship with people.

5. Self-care and coping mechanisms: Finding healthy ways to cope with stress, anxiety, and emotional pain.

6. Feeling trapped and overwhelmed: Desiring escape or a break from the emotional weight am carrying.

Sorry it's too much 🥺🥺

Identifying my core beliefs in hopes of discovering my purpose in life. 

Moving house 3 times in a row after problems with people I was living with.

@tommy rebuilding myself image and discovering my purpose in life. Accepting myself and living on my own terms.

@tommy

This is going to be specific, but I think I was around sixteen or seventeen in school. This school was the first school where I didn't feel like an idiot and the teachers actually took time to make sure we understood what we were learning. I had straight A's and was a perfect student. And then one day I went to class and I wasn't feeling too great. Everything was too loud and too bright. In the middle of the lesson I just got up and left, I had a really bad panic attack and I didn't know what to do. 

This was the beginning of the school so I still had hours left to go. After a couple hours of panicking I simply went back inside the class acting as if nothing happened. My teacher wasn't angry but confused and concerned. After school was over I was so worried the teacher would think less of me or that I'm crazy. And finally finding an adult that treated me respect and care, the last thing I wanted was to give them a reason to treat me like the other teachers treated me before. So, I waited for her outside the school and told her what happened. She had to go home, but said we'd talk about it tomorrow. 

I barely got any sleep that night. The amount of courage for me to talk to someone about that, much less a teacher. I went to school the next day, jittering and shaking. My teacher came down to the class, calling me outside. We left the class and she sat me down. She told me to relax and said that I needed to stop working so much. That I should take breaks instead of working through lunch. That I was a good student but I needed to take care of my mental health. To be more social and talk to people. Then, we went back to class and continued on as normal. The next day I wrote the teacher a poem, because I'm better at writing. And the day after that the teacher wrote me a poem back. I smiled for a whole week, grinning from one ear to the other. 

I faced two of my biggest fears and got the greatest return I could ask for.  

@tommy my most difficult challenge to date is self esteem and self talk. As we all know, we are our own worst enemy. . I struggle every single day with believing I am good enough for anything/anyone and how I speak to myself about it.