Work issues, burnout, dead ends
The last thing I want to do today is go to work. I have to force myself to get up and go every morning. I think of what I need to do every day, have a plan and know what I want to accomplish. Within 10 minutes of walking in the door, I'm done. The weight of that place destroys any motivation I had and it's all I can do to get through the day there.
I used to love my job. I had purpose, learned new things and felt it was a place I could grow and make a difference. It was all a lie. The last 3 years have been a waste. A waste of my time, effort, talent, kindness and everything else I can think of. And I have so little left.
There's a dark cloud that hangs over that place. Lies, secrets, negativity, indifference and toxic. I'm surrounded by people that want to fail. Want to drag everything around them down. Verbal, psychological and emotional abuse is rampant.
I need to get out. I've been trying. A year ago today I started looking for another job. I'm still looking. I'm so incredibly burnt out with what I do for a living. I can't see myself working at the same type of job again. So starting over is even more daunting.
If this is what it took for you to find the limits as to how much you will tolerate then this was not a waste. These experiences are often what it takes for someone to 'grow' and find the circumstances where they will be better appreciated and their skills can be put to use.
But pay attention to this... If there was more focus on oneself and the work to be done it would not matter what other people do or say because their pettiness would be nothing of concern. These negative behaviors are just silly, this can be observed but why observe such behavior that can effect one's mind negatively? There is a mental barrier that can be built so no matter what someone does or says negatively it would have little to no effect. When one changes themselves in this way others could not help but to see. It is a choice to be interested in negative things, negative things weigh people down simply because they are interested, this weight is carried voluntarily.
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@BodhisattvaKuato
I normally would agree with you. However, there is a great deal more to this than I will ever post here. It's impossible to simply quietly do one's job in my situation. I will say that all the silliness was easy to ignore until it began to directly affect me personally. This is far more than just a toxic environment. But if posting things here helps me sit back and laugh about it, then I will do so.
It was never said to ignore and be quiet. Speak but honestly and truthfully like right now. It is possible to change ones attitude towards their experiences, this is all. People voluntarily carry weight, this is true. All of those toxic people are doing this and this effects others.
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@BodhisattvaKuato
Interesting. I've spoken honestly and truthfully to the best of my ability. But when the truth is spoken to the very people that generate the lies, it only serves to bury the truth even further.
You can not make people care or change their priorities. No amount of attitude change or different perspective will change the facts.
There is no need to change them. Speak the truth because it is right, not because there is the desire to change them. There is no way to bury the truth because it is always there, it is either known or it isn't. People who try to put out the inextinguishable try in vein. There is also no need to talk to these people knowing the kind of energy that comes to them. It is best to talk to them only when necessary, use the energy one has wisely. There is a way to adapt, be that light in the dark they need. Since they are so horrible be that person who isn't like them.
There is an obvious desire to resist these people, this is unnecessary wastes energy in self defense. If one resists an apposing force greater than their own there is bound to be a struggle until these people can be handled with greater ease. The greatest threat here is thought itself. They have thoughts that one does not agree with and this causes a reaction and an immediate response to set straight and or put up a fight psychologically.
When a person is in the habit of lying, let them be liars. It brings nothing good. There has to be lies for there to be truth, without the suspicion of a lie there is no search for truth. Be that person who tells the truth.
Be the honest in the sea of the dishonest and the confident in the house full of those who are not. By fighting their ideas one becomes them, they are combative in a way. By being the mature, honest and decent one becomes the figure they need as an example.
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@kayleebee
Sounds a bit like my situation at work. I was thrilled to get my foot in the door (after losing my position of nearly 10 years because of the pandemic, fruitless job searches, and then lied to about the job on one of the first companies that showed a genuine interest in me) but now it seems that everyone has it in for me. I apparently said things where the wrong people could hear and I got a write-up. I'm under monitoring now. I actually just came back from a week of jury duty but the entire atmosphere seems to have changed.
Only one person actually acknowledged that I came back (actually two but she works in another department). They want me to be amiable but not spend too much time talking (yet there are plenty of people who talk way more than I ever did). I'm supposed to be respectful but I get the feeling the sensation is only one-way.
For me, I'm just trying to ride out the storm. Get the learning I need and then move on. I am disappointed about it because the location is close to home and I thought that after that stretch of looking for work and not finding anything, I actually found a place where I belonged again. But there's favoritism, and all the other things that go along with a corporate office apparently. I guess whatever I said was against the wrong person which is why I'm getting the "treatment". I want to leave on my own terms so I will deal with it until that time comes.
There are opportunities out there. Sometimes they happen in ways we least expect.
@Enthenia
Sounds very similar in some ways. I hope things get better for you soon and you find something else quickly.
I've been searching for just over a year with no luck. I can't afford another pay cut if I want to keep my home. There's nothing else left for me to cut or do without so I must stick it out and keep looking. I was lied to as well from the outset. I work in a specialized field and being tied to this company has destroyed my professional reputation. Nothing like getting called to a meeting with clients who want to know why we're months behind on projects and the only person that can answer those questions doesn't show up and won't answer their phone.
@kayleebee
Yes that sounds frustrating. I don't have those sort of difficulties but it seems like we're both dealing with double standards.
I actually did a video interview for a position that's been open for three months. Didn't notice that until after I finished the interview. It's in the middle of town which I'm not crazy about but hopefully one of the fishing lines I've put out will get a bite.
Time to head in for another day. Trying to be positive and keep in mind this is not forever. Just keep my head down and do my job to the best of my ability. Hoping last week's search for something else will prove fruitful. Start a new search today.
New job opportunity arises. Hopeful but no expectations.
Spent the last few days shaking my head at incompetence and saying nothing. Chased down a lot of things for nothing. Why was there a hurry when we are already a year or more behind on some things and these will not even start planning until 2024?
Scene in the parking lot yesterday... seems one of the neighbors was offended by a certain employee's racist foul mouth. Heard the ruckus and stayed in my hole.