Vent (tw - sh anxiety and depression)

TW - sh, anxiety & depression

SO i didnt think i'd do this but like i feel like with family issues im rly drained. i relapsed after not sh for ages. my dad basically kicked me out in february since then ive been living with my mum and its like my dad all over again. for context without too much details my dad was emotionally abusive and very narcistic and controlling and rarely liked me. he would say he loves me but his actions didnt portray that my mum ive also realised is pretty much the same. ive been screaming at them both to hear me and not make things about themselves and what i do that upsets them when im talkin about their behaviour. since february ive been trying to feel better but things have gotten worse my dad blocked me and so did one of my little brothers without hearing my side. i also got removed from the family group chat only my sister is still talking to me. i realised its a waste of time trying to talk to my parents but im still angry ive started getting triggered by everything and lashing out. and i want to be an independent young adult but right now nothing in my life is going according to plan. i already hate myself and life and everyone is making me feel that way too even when they say they are being real and honest because they care about me. i have my hobbies and friends irl and online but like i still feel like i have not one person or thing that gives me constant support cause everyone deserves that right? plus i also think i may have autism and adhd plus my friends with autism have given me examples why they think this. i think trying to get diagnosed will help as i always feel different and like an outsider to everyone 24/7 and it will help me get to know myself more and manage my mental health. i have started writing poems again though and picked up art too again and fashion again plus ive got started up on antidepressants from my gp (after months of rarely or not at all doing any of these things). i am trying despite me having little to no energy but i feel hopeless. i came on 7cups as a last resort since im rarely here and i came back and i feel like all my friends (old, new and current) on here have dissapearred and plus i feel ignored and not genuinely heard by everybody even helplines. i'm so exhausted (if anyone has questions please feel free to private chat or sometjing like that as i dont want to go into too many details on here, and if anyone reads/listens/replies i appreciate u <3)