Unloved
I feel so unloved, like the pain of being alone in this world is too too heavy on me
How do I keep going?
I'm just so overwhelmed, I've been crying daily for like 3 days now
I lost it, I'm not doing anything good, I'm lashing out on others.
Whenever I try to make a friend I end up being selfish, and I hurt them
I can't make friends, but I still need them.
I've been alone almost all of my life, nobody cares about me, how do someone like me function without any of the important feelings that everyone gets? love, kindness, joy, enthusiasm, passion, ambition, humanly connection with others, nostalgia (As I never had good childhood memories, never went to any parks, zoos, oceans, traveling for fun, cinemas, or any of those places that are memorable memories for people in their childhood), and hope.
I just wanted a hug for too too long, ever since I was a child, but nobody gave it to me, and now I'm a broken guy reaching adult age, and I will be blamed for my trauma as if I chose this.
Unloved by parents, siblings, and everyone else who starts to know me hates me, in one way or another.
2 failed relationships, 1 blocked me, and one cheated on me
I tried making a friend here, and I ended up hurting them, and now they dislike me.
I wonder when they'll either block me, or use me for being too weak, I just don't think that they'll treat me any well after being this vulnerable to them, especially when they have issues themselves that could lead them to using me, or hurting me, and I understand that.
I'm already a failure of becoming a man, and even a human being.
Just a narcissistic who pretends to care.
And I don't know what to do.
Don't even have money for therapy, and I'm too broken to even go into this journey of college and jobs, I can barely survive while I'm with myself.
I literally wrote this an hour before a final exam that I barely studied for, I didn't even know what was the subject till I checked it last night.
People say that men can show their emotions, but that is a pathetic lie that gets told, just to pretend that we're equal, but nobody actually cares when a guy shows their emotions, unless they have a good amount in their bank account, or I guess a fancy wolf cut, or a six pack.
I feel you. Ofc it’s hard. You just feel like coming back into the same pain. If nothing else, then venting, space’s always here for us.
@sensitivePal85266 so sorry for you. I am a girl and can totally empathize with you. And I also firmly believe that males should be allowed to freely give vent to their emotions. This masquerade of detached machismo which society forces males to don, is absolutely unacceptable and condemnable. We are all humans and all are equal. Everyone has their emotions and sentiments and woes and everyone has the right to express them and receive love and support in return, regardless of gender.
Also, I pray you find strength and love and succour very soon. All the best.
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate that.
The whole thing with "Men can show their feelings" thing is controversial, and sadly people like my ex acts like it's important.
When I was vulnerable with her, everytime she seemed annoyed, non caring.
Especially on the day she cheated, after catching her, she offered to get on a video call somehow, which was something I usually requested from her yet she never does it.
I gave her an almost unbelievable second chance, asking her to breakup with the guy, and all she said was "I can't make a decision because I don't want to regret it"
I cried in front of her twice on cam, breaking down in tears, and what did she do?
Lay her head on her pillow and close her eyes, her face never looked uglier in that form.
She always said the thing about wanting to be treated nicely, and that she prefers to be with someone who expresses his emotions instead of a cold guy.
Yet her actions proved otherwise.
I don't understand how humans have the ability to cheat at all.
It's just not human.
She could have ended the relationship, I would have let go after she says her reasons.
Or atleast do the bare minimum of apologizing, and breaking up with the guy.
But no, apparently it's the "Nice forgiving bf"'s fault, and that I'm the one to blame for her cheating.
I can't believe that it wasn't a nightmare, everything about it felt like a dream.
Unbelievable.
@sensitivePal85266 She was a cruel girl indeed. So sorry for you. Tbh, even my love life is on the rocks, you see. The guy I love has blocked me since 6 months now, and is just not listening to my apologies. He is that typical unemotional, macho boy, which sucks. And I am the typical clingy, crybaby, lovelorn girl who is begging for his love. Anyway.....I apologize for digressing, I wish you luck with your love life and hope you find a devoted girl soon.
@sensitivePal85266 I don't know if this helps or not. I read your post and I was motivated. You're experiencing all this and going through pain and you got up. You got out of bed and your post helped me get out of bed. Thank you.
Well I've been failing more than succeeding to do something as simple as that, but I still did not stop trying to do it.
The breakup(That I ended myself by blocking her due to the cheating), and the amount of friends that abandoned me this month is a lot to be honest.
Even one of them is someone I blocked too, because they acted hostile to me, and I don't tolerate that anymore.
It took me some strength to do it.
I thank my ex for making me learn my mistake, of knowing my right to not be treated badly, nor tolerate anyone's negative actions towards me.
I will keep trying to find a good friend, and a good partner.
Yeah, it's too risky, and I will go through more pain, heartbreaks, and suffer a lot of betrayals, and disappointments.
But if I stop searching for them, I would never know if they were good.
I created boundaries for myself, a good friend or a partner would never disagree with that, or call me selfish for it, they would accept me.
And that's why I will never stop my search, and you shouldn't too, if you feel like you need a friend, or a partner.
If we don't suffer trying to find a good human connection, then we don't deserve them.
I'm not good with money or anything, but as an example.
You don't get rich overnight, you try and try, and it could take years, but you'll get there.
Same thing with finding a good friend/partner.
Enjoy the journey of pain, it's what will get you to find them.
And when it comes to self care, my suggestion is to prepare a couple of things to do for the next day, and after you wake up, you take your phone and you hide it somewhere around the house, like in a far drawer, the kitchen, or another family member's room.
That will make you do the things you wanted to do which are healthy for you, like studying, reading, praying, all that.
Delete social media apps, and remember.
Block those who harm you emotionally, you don't deserve to stay with toxic friends.
@sensitivePal85266 Step by step, don't give up!!
@sensitivePal85266 In life, you will have ups and downs, it is human nature. All, anyone can do, is to keep on going, no matter what, life gives them. You can always reach out for support here at 7cups. To keep on going, one must find their inter-strength. So try to find something, you're good at, and enjoy doing. Tough times, sometimes brings out our inter-strength. I hope this helps you some. Have a blessed day.
@sensitivePal85266 I believe that we all have different Perspectives on loneliness, some people tell you to love yourself before trying to get people to love you, maybe you see that loving yourself means caring about your well-being and trying to be content, but I think it is also about accepting your feelings, whatever you feel, regret, grief, sadness, loneliness, loving your self is about finding peace, and peace doesn't always mean happiness, it can imply embracing that storm inside of you and accept it as it is , you may want to let go of that burden but also you can keep it, but at the same time no matter what you choose, you should try to move forward by finding something to do, to improve your position, there are some things that should be done, as for loneliness, you must ask yourself, why do you expect receiving love from others, how is it important to me? Does this loneliness affect my life in a bad way? And how is that? Amidst the loneliness you need to decide whether you really need people to love you or you are enough, if you can live without them and stay healthy, if people close to you support you, not emotionally but at least in other aspects why don't you then expect nothing from them? Like why don't you expect forgiving yourself and understanding yourself, loving yourself, since it doesn't necessarily means to be content but to accept it , connections bring more responsibility that's why you feel sad when it doesn't work, I think it is better to take responsibility for yourself first untill you find inner calm and then little by little find someone who truly cares and understands people, you don't have to receive love from everyone as long as you have a stable relationship with them, a relationship that doesn't burden you much or gives you expectations, just simple connections untill you find someone you resonate with, it could be yourself, since no one ever can really understand you or care for you as you do to yourself , This is a fact, we can never truly understand what's going on inside the person in front of us , that's why be easy on yourself, be patient and believe that you will find peace some day and that we all struggle at some point, we all get hurt by our surroundings but maybe forgiving will lessen the burden, others opinions don't matter if you never intented to hurt them, it is up to them how they think and behave, at least you can feel less responsibility toward them that way,never forget that. So just understand yourself first, and your perspective then you will find a solution . I am sorry for talking much, don't take my words to heart because we don't have the same experiences. I hope you will find your way soon.
