@intuitiveEast6300 I see your self esteem in a corral. It’s like an agitated horse running around in circles. Climb onto the fence and wait for it…when it comes around, jump…jump on its back. Hold on tight, don’t let it get away!
Does that image sound like what you’re trying to do? Wrangle your self esteem?
Maybe try this instead. Set a timer for maybe 15 minutes. Sit quietly. Close your eyes. Nothing to do, no tasks to conquer. Breath naturally and pay attention to your body as you breath. Pay attention to the in breath, to the out breath. Relax your body and just stay in this moment. If your mind wanders, gently redirect it to your breath. Again relax.
When the timer goes off, set it for another 15 minutes. Use the same technique as mentioned above and again let your body relax. Then repeat something silently like, “I’m ok, everything will be ok.” Say it to yourself just a few times. Then keep focusing on your breath and being relaxed until the timer ends.
Maybe this exercise can change your relationship to your self esteem. It’s no longer agitated and no longer stuck in a coral. It’s out in the meadow far away. It’s calm. It stands still or walks slowly or eats hay on the ground. If you sit quietly it eventually will make its way to you. It’s standing near by now. It recognizes you as a friend. You can walk right up to it and pet it. If you walk away it will gently follow . If you’re tired it will let you climb on for a ride because it knows you’re not there to whip it, not there to tame it, not there ride it to submission. Your self esteem is your life long friend now. You respect and love each other. And sure, your self esteem will get spooked by a loud noise and whinny and stand on its hind legs, and you’ll grab it’s rains, you’ll speak soft words, and it knows you, it trusts you, and it calms down. It’s your best friend. You’re gentle with it and it’s gentle with you. You love each other and respect each other and it will never leave you.
You can journal or play music or go for a walk. Those are all good things to keep you healthy, but your self esteem doesn’t need you to do those things for it. It’s already your friend.
I hope the imagery wasn’t too silly. I hope this helps.