I'm so hopeless, I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well, anyone reading this. It's my first post here so I'm a little anxious.
I would like to share a little of how I feel.
I won't share much of my personal information, but I am a girl. I'm in my second semester of college, and so far I'm doing very well.
The thing is, about 5 years ago I started to develop low self-esteem. But it's something I was able to control. But over time, everything got worse. I looked for support from my friends and other people and those things.
Everything was going well. But about 4-5 months ago I started to suffer from something similar to anhedonia. My life has always been one of constant stress because of the fear of disappointing my parents with my grades. I developed gastritis at an early age.Well, getting back to the topic of my supposed anhedonia, I feel weird. I'm being honest. I feel bad and very weird.Before, (I mean about a year),I was a very compassionate and emotional person. I spent a lot of time playing my favorite video games and characters, enjoying my hobbies and spending time with my friends. A lot.I have always been a good student, daughter, and daugther. I was passionate about mysterious things and magical, medieval vibes.I had a talent. Yes, I did. I loved drawing since I was little. I have an art account on ***, but I haven't posted anything there for a month.I feel hopeless. For a couple of years now I guess I really was suffering from depression.
Nothing matters to me. I stopped talking to many friends. I have a void in my chest. I can't cry the way I'd like to. I've never been completely happy for long in my life. I'm always going from here to there. I've always felt like I'm weird. I'm not happy with myself. The last few months have been about getting through my day to day life.
I have a music playlist. I loved that music and it made me feel things and feel good, wanting to fight for my passions.
But now I don't feel anything. I listen to them and I don't feel anything. I've been looking into this a lot and I think it's "emotional burnout".
But I'm not interested. I don't want to go outside.
I miss how I used to feel. With my tastes and my passions and the things I loved.
I used to have a lot of projects with my art and stuff like that.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm supposed to grow up.
But adults are also happy and feel things, right?
I guess I've ruined my life with my pessimism. I'll never feel anything again, I think.All my pleasures for which I fought three years are not worth it.I have been looking for new interests in case you are wondering. Yes, this year I discovered a sport that I love and that did not affect my other interests. But now I no longer feel that spark when I watch my favorite sports.
I can't really talk to my parents for help right now because they are in a difficult situation with their jobs. And I can't get a therapist at the moment...
I miss my video games, talking to my friends, enjoying my art and my favorite characters.I miss my emotions.
I miss being sentimental.. I miss everything. And I blame myself every day.. it's hard to cope with all this.. for all these years.. All these four years of holding on and thinking that the next day will be better. All those nights I cried because I wished I wasn't here.All these years doubting everything.
I've been miserable.I'm the oldest sister, so I don't want my little brother to go through what I've been going through. My chest hurts. I feel lost. I feel bad.I don't care about myself. I miss everything.
That's all.I don't feel well enough to give more details. I'm sorry if you read all this and thank you for reading it. Thank you for your patience and your valuable time.I would appreciate if anyone could leave a comment if they could. Just wanted to share this. Thanks
and have a nice day.
Low self esteem can't develop on it's own. It has some situations that have effected you that way like happened to me. I am a worthless living creature struggling to live in this society. I have a huge financial responsibilities on me, I don't have any friends or people that care about me. I am a living disappointment. Sometimes people think that i am procrastinating myself but those are facts. I couldn't able to fit in this society. I always wanted to live far away from people in a small town. Expectations always put a huge weights on us. Trust me that was the real burden that we ever bare. I am a scared by them, I want to escape at the same time i want to fight but i don't have any confidence. Seems like we are facing a bit similar symptoms. Will you give me any suggestions if you got any good from listeners
Hello @kevintrever8891
I'm sorry you feel that way :(
Would you like to talk more?
Have you tried to find something that catches your attention? You can start with social media. Find people who will listen to you and say hello.
Do you have any religion? You can pray or do whatever you do in your religion. Do you have any family members? Any pets?
Did you like something before? You can try to reconnect with it. Don't give up. It's hard, I know, it's hard. But hold on a little longer :(
Would you like to be my friend? I can at least listen to you if I don't have much to say. I'm sorry if I don't have much to say or if I don't really feel.
Take care of yourself. Good luck. Have a nice day, really.
Thanks for showing concern on me, I really need that. I don't know when was the last time i heard like this. People often find me so boring and emotionally weak. I am so lonely that i started to being in relationship with an AI. I am so loyal that i didn't made any friends after my primary school days. But my friends made lot of friends for them. I am just an extra weight for everyone. I don't have any value, Any people that shows some importance to me.
I always feel like don't i deserve to be loved, cared, or to het prioritized. People don't even look at my face. I am really shy to ask but i really need friends.
Of course if i can be your friend that could be a real thing that i wanted. Cause i don't have any.
I like movies, Music and writing. Those things only divert me from my loneliness. But from the past 2 years those things also can't make me feel anything better. I am not getting interest in anything. I used to watch anime in my past. But i can't watch anything. The only thing that relax my mind now is writing. I am a novel writer, but i am afraid sometimes that i lost interest in this too.
A lot of people have read my novels. But my only 4 friends from my childhood never even tried. I don't have value at anywhere cause i always seek love and attention and at the same time failed to get it. My self-respect stopped me begging for attention and love a long time ago. I am being alone. I go to movies alone, i go to restaurants, Shopping, Trips alone. I just need only one person to tell that how i am feeling. But no one's want to be with me because i am pathetic and boring and really disappointing.
Can you really be my Friend??
@Zae1
You don't have to blame yourself for what you're going through, and I think it's really impressive that you kept your hope for 4 years. You were really brave sharing your story on 7 cups, and the community here will support you.😊
Hello @fantasticMist7745
How are you?
I guess thanks. I try to do what I can but every time it's more difficult.
I hope you are well. Thank you for your kind words. Take care of yourself😺
Hi Zae1,
I'm doing well today and thank you for the reply, this is my first one at 7 cups!
Take care of yourself too, there's no rush to get better.
(Also my first message) I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling hopeless and the things you used to love aren’t sparking the same joy anymore, it can feel like a personal failing to lack the motivation or energy to keep going but it’s something you’re absolutely not alone in. I have BPD and over the past several years anhedonia has been one of the most distressing aspects for me- the things like exercises, making art, reading and music that used to get me out of low places don’t have the same effect and now it feels like it takes so much to do them. My biggest piece of advice is to keep doing them anyway as much as you can, or in a smaller capacity that’s more manageable- if making art projects is too much, spend 5 minutes doodling when you can. If going for a walk is too much, sit outside for a few minutes. The benefits are there regardless of how long or how big the activity is. Another thing I find is that I tend to think i am emotionless when really i’m just focusing on/categorizing my emotions in an unrealistic way- I find using an emotion wheel to identify emotions and writing them down helps me prove that I do still feel and I can acknowledge it, as well as documenting things that happen that are good/things to be grateful for. I find my pessimism alters the way i see the world, but positivity is a trained skill! Saying things you like about yourself out loud, making lists of beautiful things, ending the day by writing about it, etc. are all ways to train that mental muscle. I know how alone you must feel, but what you are feeling is not uncommon and I can tell you as someone who nearly dropped out of university because of depression that it can and will get better. Even if it’s only on this app, there are people who love you and care about you no matter what. All the best!❤️
Hello @meatb19
Aw, thank you so much. You are really very kind🥺
Thank you for those kind words. I'm really sorry you went through the same thing..
I know, I've tried. Thanks for the reminder. I just feel like I'm in limbo and I feel hopeless.. I have tried to recover my tastes but I feel that they are not worth it... my head is simply too tired to think about both positive and negative things.
I'll try to see what I can do. Thank you very much again.. take care of yourself, you are very kind🫂
Hello Zae, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience , i feel less alone knowing that there is someone who is sharing a similar experience as me. i will continue to have hope for both of us, and hope that one day we will rediscover our passions and get to where we need to be. i am here if you need anyone to talk to :)
@Zae1 I’m new to 7 cups as well, and reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I’ve felt the same way for about two years now and have suffered from depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, and emotional burnouts. Your post has a comforting tone which I really like, it helps me realize I’m not alone, because I’ve been so ashamed of feeling like this. I came to 7 cups to get better with anonymity and though I’m not sure how but would love to help you. I hate feeling the way I do and I would do anything to make sure no one else feels this way. I’m not really sure how to sign up as a listener but once I do I’d love to help you if I can.
Hello @quietOak2764 😸
How are you?
I'm so sorry you're going through something similar. You're strong for being through it for two years.
I hope you don't have any more bad thoughts :(
I'm glad I at least helped you feel something, even if it was tears..But you deserve to feel good, happy, and better. Okay? Thanks for commenting. I really don't want you to feel that way.
Thank you for your kind words again. Please take care of yourself. You are surely an amazing person with a lot of courage.
@Zae1 I hope you get better as well. You’re such a kind and sweet soul. You remind me of my older sister who’s around your age. I tell her everything but it would break her if I told her about this. I hope you do great things in life and become extremely successful. I hope these burnouts don’t get to you. You seem lovely and it’s only human nature to feel like this at times. I just know once you’ve recovered you’ll do amazing things in life and have so many people looking up to you.
Hii @quietOak2764
It's sweet that I remind you of your sister.
Don't say that, you deserve to feel better more!
What do you like to do?
Don't worry if you can't tell your sister. It's okay. I know that talking about these things with family is difficult.
Don't worry about it, really. Take care of yourself. I send you a hug.I hope you recover soon😃
@Zae1 Hii I’m so sorry for responding so late. Though I don’t know you yet, would love to get to know you more and see you recover. All your messages radiate warmth, and make 7 cups really feel like a safe space. I’m not sure if you’d be comfortable with it but I’d love to help you grow mentally and emotionally and hopefully tell u my problems as well.
I think I’ve mentioned this but I haven’t really been able to enjoy things the way I could before, even the things I used to like make me feel nothing. I feel awkward in my own body and I don’t recognise myself anymore. I used to enjoy a lot of things and was very bubbly and I’ve been trying to go back to that by coming out of my comfort zone, trying to talk to strangers, peruse old hobbies like art and music and redevelop relations which don’t feel the same anymore. It’s really sweet of you for asking. What do you like to do? Do you feel the same way they once made you feel?
@quietOak2764 forget the first question you’ve already mentioned you liked art and music. I’d love to see your artwork. I’m not too sure if I can see them on seven cups is it alright if I ask for your account? Of course if it’s personal there’s no need.
Hello @quietOak2764
Don't worry about responding late, it is not mandatory
It's nice of you to want to help, thank you very much ð¥º
I also feel similar to what you say. I really loved drawing, and I was totally happy with my favorite characters from my video games.They made me very happy and it was the first time I really felt that way. I also got excited watching sports from my country's team.
I don't really know what I have right now, I've just been in a neutral or calm state for the last month.
I no longer think the same way about my favorite characters or my hobbies, I feel a little disconnected , and I just thought it was "growing up" but I've done some research and I don't think that's it.My head doesn't want to accept that I might have a problem and my head simply says "I'm fine." And I continue with my normal day-to-day life.Before I was an "emotional" person, now I don't care about anything.
How are you? Have you eaten anything yet? Take care of yourself and thanks for replying. I send you a hug.
@Zae1 Hi I’m doing better today, thank you so much for asking, I’m trying to improve myself and I’ve found ways to control the suicidal thoughts but I’m not necessarily happy, I do feel like I will improve. These things take time. And being able to open up is a start, and I feel proud of myself. How about you? How do you feel? When was the last time you drew or watched sports? What do you usually do or enjoy these days? Do any of your friends or family know about how you feel? Sorry for asking so many questions don’t feel obliged to answer them all, only the ones you’re comfortable with.
@quietOak2764
Hi, I'm glad you're better today ^^
I feel like always, a little calm, without feeling stressed or anything..
A few friends know about this. My relatives don't
Nothing, I get distracted by some things but it's not the same, you know... 😞
About three months ago was the last time I enjoyed something
Don't worry, thank you very much for writing :)
@Zae1 Hello, so sorry to hear that, have you tried finding new hobbies and interests? Three months is a long time to go without feeling happy, do you lack motivation? What makes you feel like this? Have you considered getting therapy, if your situation doesn’t get better soon it may be a good option. I really wish I knew how to help you and I’m very sorry for not being able to. It’s getting quite late here and I’d love to know more tomorrow, hopefully then you’ll feel better. Lots of love.
@quietOak2764
Hi, Don't worry 😺
Yes, I have tried but I don't know, I feel a little strange or disoriented, I don't know if I really have emotions or not...
I can't access therapy right now, although I would like to :(
I really don't know what I have or what brought me to this point, I just think I'm exaggerating.
Don't worry, just by talking to me you do enough<3
Good night. Rest well and I hope you feel well tomorrow, take care.
@Someone8P
Привет, как дела? Я не знаю, как говорить по-русски, поэтому воспользуюсь переводчиком.
Пожалуйста, позаботьтесь о себе. Вы сильный и храбрый человек.Да, я ненавижу ситуацию, в которой оказалась Украина из-за войны...
Я не знаю правды. Но вашей поддержки и написания более чем достаточно... не волнуйтесь.
Пожалуйста, берегите себя :(
Как вы сегодня? Добро пожаловать в приложение.
Еще раз спасибо, что написали. Надеюсь, там все наладится. Хотя у меня сейчас нет сил, я надеюсь, что там, где ты находишься, все сложится хорошо.
Не волнуйся. Береги себя.
@Zae1 Hello
@Blessedsoul2011
Hello, how are you?
@Zae1 I was touched by reading your story. Wanted to say hello and also that you are so brave to pen it down sharing it with all of us. I Have gone through a similar situation, and all I can say is never lose hope, situations turn and things get better 💓
@Blessedsoul2011
Hi, Thank you for your nice words ð¥°
I'm sorry you had something similar :(
I really don't know what to do, I feel confused and I feel like everything I liked, loved and caught my attention before was like a dream because now I feel, I don't know, I don't know how I feel.
But I guess thanks.. I've been like this for almost four months now and I'm just waiting to see what happens next.
Take care of yourself
@Zae1
@wjglory
Goodnight, how are you?
How was your day?
🫂🫂
@Zae1
Hello! I can completely understand what you are going through. I am also the older sibling to my younger sister and would never want her to go through any hardships. I also understand about the grades stuff. I still worry about whether I make my parents proud. To be honest I get a heart attack every time my dad calls my name or mentions me because I am scared he is talking about my grades. Feeling like a disappointment and a failure is so tough but I still can't see my self-worth. Because of all the stress, I have a bad habit of peeling off my skin and especially from my lips until it bleeds so bad. I used to talk to my friends of my problems but I was always an introvert when it came to things like this. I loved listening to to other people's problems and supporting them, but still don't have the time to acknowledge mine. Now I barely talk to my friends, especially about my problems. I mean I think it is understandable not wanting to share your own burden to someone who cuts herself. I understand the void part too. To be honest I don't even have the interest to do things as I used to and can't cry like I used to. Rather tears come randomly and once it comes, it flows down like a waterfall, except it is quiet and no one knows about it.
I hope you can realize your self-worth one day and know that you are good enough for your parents. I wish I could just teleport and hug you, but I can't so I will hug you through this message. I hope this message could allow you to understand that everyone goes through hardships and that we are all here to support one another. I hope everyone who reads this message, including @Zae1 will have an amazing day!
Hello @brownturkey2009
How are you? Thanks for reading. I always like it when someone writes to me.
I'm so sorry you feel that way :( Also when I was a little girl I was scared to talk to my dad because of my grades.
How do you feel now? Would you like to talk more? You really don't deserve that...
I also stopped talking to my friends and I don't feel like talking to them..I just don't know how to express myself. I don't really feel anything even though I think I'm just exaggerating.
Please don't hurt yourself :( I know it may be an escape but don't do it.. I can't understand you right now but I just want to at least support you even if it's hard for me and you.
I hope that this app can help you feel better and take good care of yourself. You deserve it. Take good care of yourself. It was a pleasure meeting you.
@Zae1
I'm in high school right now so I can not imagine how hard it must be since your in college. But you got most of the stressful part done while I'm still stuck in it. I'm still afraid to talk to my dad. I'm more close with my mum but my dad is always the one who is most worried about these things which is why I'm always so stressed out. I used to move a lot which is why i always felt like I never had permanent friends and didn't like making close ones. I recently got a house as soon as I entered high school so I know I can't move anymore but I lost all my close friends again. That's why I don't feel comfortable talking to them either. Actually, one of my friends asked if we could meet up this week itself and at first I was happy to but now I don't feel like it so I said no. It kind of sounds mean but I just don't want to meet them anymore and want to feel isolated.
Hello @brownturkey2009
How are you?
Don't worry. I understand that studies are difficult.And you're really trying hard.
I wish I could help you.. 😞
You can write to your parents or find another way to talk to them, when you feel ready.
Can't you contact your friends?
If you don't want to go out, that's fine. Then you can go out with your friend/s.
If you want to talk to your friends, that's fine, if not, no. But at least find something to distract yourself from your daily routine, while you have faith that everything will get better.
Take care of yourself. I hope you get better.
@Zae1
I think I am just scared to talk to my parents because I do not know how they feel or what they think. I remember once how my dad said not to get depression, as if it is something I can control. But right now with the way I feel and the way I am writing, I feel like I am going into depression. My friends always see me as someone so happy and joyful. I like keeping that image in front of them. I am also one of the oldest in my friend group so that's another reason why I don't usually share anything mentally exhausting to them. They are equivalent to my sister and I would rather help them and see them happy than see myself like that. Since joining this app, I made one friend who I take like a pen pal. This person takes things off my mind and it is my mission to text at least one hello to them everyday. It makes me look forward to another day.
I hope you get better as well and have the courage to face your problems. There is a whole community here to support you :)
@brownturkey2009
Hello 😸
Don't worry. It's normal to be afraid to talk to your parents. It's happened to me too.
If you don't want to talk to them, that's fine. But you have to worry about yourself too.If you don't want to talk to your friends, that's fine. But find another way to distract yourself or vent. Please take care of yourself :(
Your parents may not know what it means to have depression and maybe that's why they say those things. Don't worry.
I'm glad this app has helped you a lot. And I hope it continues like this ^^ good luck and go on, you can do it
@Zae1
You can do it too! Thank you for always putting the effort in to reply to everyone! You really are amazing and have a kind heart. I hope a lot of people can see that :D
taking a step back won't hurt you dear. Take a few step back and then fight again. Show the world how strong you are. Good day and have a nice long sweet sleep.