brownturkey2009 Member Profile

...See more Have you ever felt like sh*t in your own household (Sorry for the cussing). I am writing this right now after a fight with my dad and though the fight may seem like a benefit for my own cause, in the end my mind can't take it that way. I am currently in high school and if you are at the same stage as me or passed it, you know how stressful and important these years are. i think high school will probably be the death of me at this point. The stress of taking good classes, maintaining good grades, having a good GPA, all to get into a college and then get into society. Everyday feels like living *** with my dad always putting pressure on me and I have not had a good days sleep in the past few months. I live in constant fear and stress. My grades sucked for marking period 1 which put me in even more distress. When someone else talks about their grades or their goals to my dad I just feel like being swallowed up by a hole because in the end I know he is going to come up to me and say these things as if I am bad and i am a disappointment. I don't think I have ever felt proud about myself let alone ever felt like I accomplished anything. Even as I am writing this I am trying not to shed tears but I probably will when I go to sleep. I always feared my dad and now I am scared of him even more, which is not a good way to have a relationship with any parent, but I don't think I can even have a proper relationship with him. He wants me to talk about what is going on and if i need help with anything but I can't even open my mouth because I am scared of what he is going to tell me in return. Today he told me how he was scared to look at my grades and how I should always aim for a 100, as if I am some sort of AI machine. He even asked me if I knew how GPA worked as if I was some sort of stupid idiot who doesn't know anything. Everyone dreams of A's as their grade but I am not smart enough to even get that for him. It makes me feel like a useless daughter and a useless person who is not even meant to be here. I am sorry that you guys have to read this but I just needed some space to vent. I don't have anyone to talk to so I always bottle up my feelings. I hope this message could allow others to open up their stories as well.

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