I just need to hear it’s still worth fighting
I’m usually pretty good about encouraging others. But I’ve done all I can do for myself it feels. Over a decade of my 24 years have been dedicated to trying to cope with what I now know is BPD among other things, and even in the years since I got my diagnoses, I’ve only gone downhill. I try to stay hopeful but I can’t handle the fact that I constantly push away the very few people that love me because I’m so terrified they’ll hurt me like other people have in the past. But I also don’t want to go through life alone. How do you allow yourself to let go of the fear of what could go wrong and just allow yourself to trust that it can be different this time?
@whimsychaser99
If your friends are R.E.A.L, they won't push you away, I was nervous about talking about my own issues with my friends for awhile, (bad encounters with CPS bc my siblings did the same and their friends broke that trust, gee wonder why?), but I found one friend, who's in turn shown me this website.
If you have a friend you REALLY trust, I'd recommend talking to them, it's not going to hurt to try, and I think you'll appreciate the connection.
@whimsychaser99
You know, when I was a kid, there were things like tape recorders. Me and my brother used it to record some music from the TV or radio stations. When we tried just to delete the old recordings, there was some noise on the cassette, and no longer needed melodies were quiet, but still barely recognizable. The best way was to record some new music on the tape.
I believe the memory of our past experiences may sometimes work this way.
I understand that some problems with your health might have limited your activities. But look, you've just tried some poetry. Occasionally, even bad things can bring some good results. So, maybe in a way, it is your time? 😊
@whimsychaser99
Hi Whimsy, fellow BPDer here. I understand your sadness, fear and frustration 100%. I went through the same thing feelings, and often, still do.
One of the biggest and unfortunately hardest things to grasp for me is acceptance of where I am on my healing journey. Just like with everything, BPD can affect each of its sufferers in various ways, and in various degrees. This means healing isn't linear and the timeline to remission is sometimes very long for some.
One of the ways I fill my cup and connect with others is through groups like this and other likeminded communities and groups. I am in a point in my BPD where in-person and large group connection doesn't work well for me (regardless of how badly I want it). I need to be ok with this. I need to throw myself into self-development full throttle above anything right now.
I'm not sure if this helps but I wanted to just share with you how i'm coping and accepting where I am at this time.
