Do you think it hurts to drown?

@callmeRM sits beside you and hugs you tightly ❤❤ just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off ❤

@callmeRM You know what doesn't suck?

Just breathing and not getting up when you don’t feel like it—some days, even small movements are victories.
Not being able to see the future, but knowing each moment is a thread weaving your story. The future may be blurry, but you’re still moving forward.
Not planning for the future because you doubt you’ll have one—yet you’re still here, breathing, surviving, which means there's a chance for tomorrow.
Drowning, but getting enough breath to survive—that means you're still fighting, and sometimes, survival is enough.
Not wanting to do anything—that’s okay. Rest is just as important as action.
Not wanting to be around anyone—that’s okay too. Sometimes, the most loving thing is to retreat and find peace alone.
Getting tired of existing—that sucks, but it signals a need for rest. It’s not the end; it's a moment, and you’re allowed to take a break.
Wanting to see a future but not seeing it—that means you're still searching, still hoping. Your soul hasn’t given up.
Being in a perpetual state of struggle—that sucks, but it shows resilience. You’ve weathered storms before, and you’re still here.

You know what doesn't suck?

Knowing there are people looking to you for guidance, even when you feel lost. That shows strength, even when you don’t feel it.
Losing yourself—that’s part of finding a new version of you. It’s a process, shedding old layers before something new emerges.

You know what doesn't suck?

Being in the dark—it’s where you grow. Darkness teaches us what light can’t.
How it’s been bad for so long—it sucks, but it proves you’ve survived this far, and you can make it through again.
Dissociating—it's a coping mechanism, protecting you. It’s temporary, and you'll reconnect when you’re ready.
The fear—it’s real, but it shows you care. Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s feeling it and moving anyway.
The breakdowns—they suck, but they lead to breakthroughs. Sometimes, you need to break to rebuild stronger.
The attacks—they feel like everything is crashing, but surviving them means you're still standing.

You know what doesn't suck?

If you can’t remember joy—it’s still out there, waiting for you. It hasn’t gone, just hidden, and you’ll find it again when the time is right.
If you can’t see a future to look forward to—it doesn’t mean there’s no future. It’s blurry for now, but you're still moving forward.
If you can’t remember your next steps—that’s okay. Not knowing is part of discovering what you want. You’ll find clarity when it’s time.

You know what doesn't suck?

All of it. Every struggle, every hardship, every doubt. It means you’re alive, still fighting, still breathing. You’re surviving, and that’s something to be proud of. You’re not drowning; you're learning to float, and one day, you’ll swim again—straight to a beautiful island where the sun is always shining, there’s an endless supply of coconut, and people are just waiting to hand you a chilled drink with a tiny umbrella in it. 🏖️✨

Guess I did something wrong. I tried posting a reply. Said I had to enter a code. Then it refreshed the page and my response still isn't here. One of the many reasons I avoid media and other platforms.

Long post summed up. I feel significantly similar to your post.

Why I have 30+ cats I take care of. Even though they are what's trapping me. Because I refuse to give up on them. They're all rescues.

wow i hate how relatable it is :(

@callmeRM

i feel and share in your pain. I hope you feel better soon. I hope life improves for you and you find  strength and resilience to keep living. I believe in you and the kindness you posses. 🫂 

I've had similar thoughts when I'm demotivated and feeling awful, however, instead of drowning, I've likened it to falling down an endless hole. Both are terrifying and it involves simply existing tormented by whatever is going through your head in the deep silence and void ( not literal but more like emptiness) where you eventually feel depressed as you acclimate to the situation where it feels you can do nothing or you don't feel like doing anything. There's a song from a famous Japanese composer called Kikuo called Hole Dwelling that portrays that feeling musically. In my mind being distracted is best during these situations however it will lead to eventually being confronted again by these terrifying thoughts once you're no longer distracted. To change this requires doing small things that will lead to big accomplishments and feeling ok with what you want and what you have now (enjoying the small things in life). Taking a chance on going out and maybe meeting people, learning things, enjoying and researching a hobby all give something to look forward to as well and will make you wish to get up. I hope that you will one day find something that will add a feeling of purpose to your life and finally give you a realization that you are a good person even if you don't believe you are. And if you need a place to vent then don't be afraid to post again.

- Sunnylake 

@callmeRM I related to every word of this so incredibly hard. I call it my quicksand. Feels like an unbeatable force is pulling me under. No amount of fighting helps, just makes it worse. 

I felt the part about giving up and just surrendering yourself to help others. I've always felt I was destined to be unhappy. Life threw too much at me and hasn't stopped. So if my life is already a wash, might as well help others be happy while I sink into my quicksand.

But the thing I recently realized is, it's okay to stop thrashing and making it worse. It's okay to be calm and know eventually someone will come by and throw you a rope. And it's not weak for you to grab it. We all need help, we all need a rope to grab once in a while. Just be patient. Once you're out of the quicksand, there's so many possibilities for love and joy to be in your life.