I wish I could tell everybody that...

I went back to him again, even though you all warned me not to....

I wish I could tell everybody that I'm worth more than how they actually treat me.

I'm angry with my past disrespect of myself

That I am non-binary.

I am more fragile then they think I am. That I am terrified out of my mind about almost everything. That I see him and his mates appearing infront of me and I can hear them talking about how they will attack me again. That I am going mad inside

That I am so close to breaking

I HATE THEM ALL

İ love someone who dont deserve me

I have feelings, I am emotional, I hide a lot of turmoil, I take things to heart and personally, I think - ok I over think, I have too big a conscience and it overwhelms and consumes me. I have a lot of guilt over past poor judgements and cannot seem to break an inapproiate coping mechanism. I attach too easily and alienate those that I rely on for support by smothering them with constant reassurance requests and yet I know I do this but then it elevates my anxiety when I try to deliberate stay away. On the plus side, it makes me not care about my safety and feel that if I enter a dangerous situation then I dont really care how it turns out so it gives me a false sense of security in an ironic way.

I wish I could tell everyone that something is wrong, but my paranoia is holding me down