One Sided Friendship?

@cloverisconfused

If you ever wanna learn about computers or get into gaming, you just have to let me know! And if it's the processing chip, then the keyboard's basically scrap... I appreciate your wishes for the best though!

I'm glad I was able to help, and I'm even more glad you were able to overcome your anxiety and send your text to her! I'm so proud of you!! <3 I'm also glad she got back to you so fast! I can only hope for the same when it's time for me to reach out for a conversation. I've never had boba before, but I really hope you two have the best conversation ever and both find your peace with everything! You really deserve it!

I agree that the "just about to text you", "missing you", and "makes it hard to reach out" seems almost gaslighty, but I do really hope it isn't! I'm glad she seems open to talk about it with you regardless though! You also shouldn't downplay anything you've been feeling, because it was very real to you and you shouldn't dismiss your emotions or else you're just gaslighting yourself. I know too well from experience. There's an episode towards the beginning on gaslighting, and I remember finishing it and saying "my brain literally gaslights me..." - it was such a groundbreaking realization for me, and I really don't want you to go through the same. Please be the kindest to yourself that you can be, because you truly deserve the world!

I'm sorry you're shaking, but I'm so glad you are able to have that release! I appreciate you keeping me updated, I really enjoy listening and helping you out wherever I can! You've been so supportive and sweet to me, and you've helped me out so so much - I really truly appreciate you so much!! You're nothing short of incredible!! <3 I will surely keep you posted with things on my end. Bye for now, wonderful friend!!

@Adam10999

I will! And jeez, that does suck. In that case, I really hope it's not the processing chip! 

Thank you! You really were the final push I needed to get that done, so thank you :) I hope your Alice responds fast as well when the time comes! And you should try boba - it's definitely weird at first but it grows on you lol. Thank you! I really appreciate that <3

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like it's a little off! At least I'm not going crazy lol. It just doesn't quite match her history, you know? If she was more like that the rest of the time I wouldn't doubt it so much, but... maybe hearing that from me was a wake-up call? Or just plain gaslighty? I have no idea. But I guess I'll find out on Thursday. And I'll have to check that episode out! I'm pretty sure I also gaslight myself a lot of the time, so it'll be interesting to listen to. I'm sorry your brain gaslights you - that is not pleasant and makes it hard to trust yourself. Thank you! You also deserve the world, so be good yourself as well :)

Thank you so much! You are also just amazing! You're very helpful and kind, and incredibly thoughtful. I'm so grateful I was able to find you as a friend. I look forward to hearing updates from you, and I'll keep you updated as well! <3 Bye for now, and you have a great day! 

@Adam10999

Hey! Just wanted to give a minor update. I've been thinking about thursday, and I'm having trouble figuring out what to say. It's like all my previous grievances are just... gone? Like, I still wish I got more from her. But I guess I'm finding more and more reasons it's because of my own insecurities and low self-esteem and clinginess.

I just don't even know what I would complain about anymore. I'm finding it hard to care, and I am embarrassed I even told her I wanted to talk in the first place because now I feel like Thursday is going to come and I'm not going to have anything to tell her. All I'll be able to say is that I've been lonely and feel like it's her fault when really I'm just sensitive and jealous.

Sure, she could have contacted me more or remembered to text me back. But the rest of it... was it really her fault? I'm becoming more and more convinced it was because I saw things (and honestly still do) through the lens of "anything that happens must be because I'm boring or annoying or something" so I felt hurt when nothing was intended, or perhaps even done. Maybe I have been relying on her too heavily these past years and now I've finally made a breakthrough. Maybe this is progress. Maybe the fact that I'm finding it harder to care is a good thing because I've emotionally distanced myself from her, effectively helping myself to stop relying on her. 

I wish I could take my emotions and go back to about a month ago when I wrote the first post on this thread. I want to remember why I was so angry and sad. I just can't feel it right now for some reason. I don't know why. I just feel humiliated at the idea of having to explain to her how emotionally reliant on her I have been and how I don't know what to say now because it's stopped. 

I wonder if it has to do with that cycle of depressive symptoms I told you about. The way I feel so lonely and sad and desperate then reclusive for a couple of weeks, then I feel fine for another couple of weeks. Maybe I was so hurt and everything because I was in that low point, but now that I'm "rational", so to speak, I can see that nothing was really wrong. 

I'm worried it'll be one of two things:

1. It is actually because the friendship is one sided. But because I find it hard to care, I'll fail to fully express my thoughts, feelings, and boundaries in this conversation, which means it'll have been for nothing and I'll embarrass myself anyways. Then we're back at square one.

2. It's not one-sided, and I've been seeing it that way because of that crazy emotional cycle. I won't be able to come up with reasons as to why I've been feeling neglected because she didn't actually do much wrong, and it's mostly because I'm sensitive and emotionally reliant on her. I'll embarrass myself because I made a big deal out of nothing, and then in a couple of weeks I'll be back at square one when I inevitably come back to that point in the cycle. 

I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should trust the me that wrote that initial post or the me now that can't find a legit reason the friendship could be one-sided. And if the me that wrote that initial post isn't trustworthy and framed things in a biased way, then you won't have the right information to help me understand which one is right. 

But maybe all of this is just overthinking. I just don't know where the line is between careful consideration and overthinking, you know? 

Ugh. Anyways. Thanks for letting me rant <3 I hope you're doing well! Were you able to figure things out with your keyboard? I hope so 🤞You're wonderful, and I hope you're having a good day :)

@cloverisconfused
Hey! I appreciate the update and I'm here for you <3
It could be partly because of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, but that doesn't change the fact that Alice hasn't been putting effort into your friendship. I think going over your initial post and our conversations might remind you of why you wanted to have this conversation with her, even though they've helped you become less emotionally reliant on her. Your feelings are still valid no matter what though <3 I think you're just in the stage of forgiving her for what she's done, but that doesn't mean the situation is any more your fault, and it doesn't change what you felt and that you felt that way for a reason. I think you're absolutely wonderful and I hope you show yourself the same kindness and compassion you have shown me and everyone you care about!

As for the conversation, it doesn't have to just be about what you currently feel, but should be about your entire journey of emotions, thoughts, and feelings over the past several months. Everything from you being extremely anxious about your friendship fading, to you becoming less emotionally attached. I would be open to improving your friendship with her, but let her know that it's going to take consistent effort on her part for you to do the same - if she stops putting in effort or just doesn't want to anymore, then that'll be that and you'll go your own separate ways.

Being less attached though, I get what you mean. I've become less emotionally reliant on my Alice too, and I think when the time comes to have my conversation I'll be in a similar situation of being like "you wanted me to be less emotionally reliant and now our friendship has little meaning to me. I gave you my time and effort but you didn't do the same. You didn't seem interested in staying friends, so I hope that's true because that's kind of how it's become" - which is sad because we wanted and put so much effort into making these friendships work, but our Alice's didn't reciprocate our efforts and now we're becoming okay with the outcome. Like, today marks a week since me saying I was sorry to hear about her loss, and this Thursday will be an entire month since we've had an actual conversation (aside from our dilemma 19 days ago) - but I'm also kind of okay with it being that long, so it hurts but doesn't hurt, you know?

I'm really sorry. I think you can kind of tell the moment part way through my response where my emotions changed and went into this state of non-caring too. Either that or it's because I took a break to fix my schedule for the start of the semester tomorrow, and that's really stressed me out. I share your cycle too though, and I also think that a mix of options 1 and 2 will be what mine is about. My Alice does have a lot of friends, and often times she would say she's best friends with people she hasn't talked to in quite a while. I don't know what to do either, but I think those who truly care about us will be understanding and compassionate through our difficult times - because no matter what we will have bad days and they will have bad days, but that's why we're here for one another, to provide love and support to make it through.

I always am interested in your thoughts and feelings, and what you have to say! Even just checking and seeing your username as a reply brightens my mood and makes everything a little better <3 As for the keyboard, I ordered some capacitors online that should come by the end of this week, then I just have to hope and pray that the capacitor is actually what's wrong with it, and not the processing chips. Until then I bought a keyboard for cheap from a friend, which'll hold me over until I can hopefully get mine fixed, of cough up the money to get another one when I can find a good deal. Changing up my class schedule has been really stressful though, I was on a waitlist for 3 out of my 4 classes, but I switched them up to only be 2nd in line for one of the classes and actually be enrolled in the other 3. This semester will only be 13 credit hours though instead of 17 like last semester, so I'll be able to actually get a part time job and make some money to help pay for school, and cover other expenses like car and computer mishaps lol. I would also actually like to start not being afraid to spend money on gifts or things I enjoy - that's always been really stressful for me.

I really hope your classes go smoothly, and that you're doing well! Thanks for listening to me rant about stuff too <3 You're so kind and such a great friend, Thank You! I can't wait to hear back from you soon!

@Adam10999

Sorry for the delay! Thank you for responding, your words really are so helpful :) I know my earlier reply was a rather emotional one, so I appreciate you being able to give me some clarity. You consistently show up and are just so kind and thoughtful. Thank you <3

And yeah, I know what you mean. It hurts, and doesn't hurt, and the fact that it doesn't hurt like it "should" hurts too. I'm sorry you're dealing with that as well. I'm going to do my best to keep my boundaries in mind when I have the conversation, and I hope you can as well when you talk to your Alice. 

And don't be sorry. You're allowed to feel that - I certainly have been as well. I'm sorry you're feeling that though - it is not fun at all. Also I'm sorry you're stressed about the semester - that is really anxiety provoking. If it helps at all, I was also feeling extremely overwhelmed about juggling my life, work, and my new semester, which is 17 credits, but after a few days I was able to fall into a routine and I'm feeling much less stressed about it now. Hopefully that is true for you too - good luck!

I'm sorry you're also feeling a little bit lost in this. It's a confusing situation on its own, and when you overthink as much as we do, it makes it 100x harder to figure it out. 

I don't know how much this will help you, but here's one thing I found out that helped a bit. I decided to make a list any time I thought of a specific behavior from her that made me feel neglected so I could remember to bring it up in conversation, and it was surprisingly helpful. I kept it to facts that even my overthinking can't dispute (ex. I initiate conversation more than her) so I can't deny it later. No "sometimes" or "feel like" or any extreme vocabulary like "never". I've gone over this post and the replies plenty of times but it wasn't helping as much as I was hoping it would, but maybe because things were written down differently my brain took it as new information. Idk, but whatever it was it helped more than I thought it would. Maybe it'll help you too. 

Aw that's so sweet. It honestly lifts my mood too to see a notification from you, so I'm glad it's mutual <3 I hope your new parts come soon! The schedule thing is super stressful, I'm sorry. But I'm glad you're down a few credits! That'll definitely be nice. I hope you can remember that you earned your money, and you're allowed, and encouraged, to spend it on things that make you happy. No matter what it is. 

I'm doing better, so thank you! I hope you're doing well too. Good luck with the start of your new semester - I hope your classes get figured out and that you can get settled into a routine you're happy with. And of course! I'm always here to listen. Thank you for listening to me as well! I'll talk to you later. Keep me updated! 

@Adam10999

I am greatly saddened to hear that. I ask all those who read this to take a moment of silence in honor of this terrible tragedy 😔 (in all seriousness though, that does suck, I'm sorry. good luck with your next keyboard!)

I've been good! I've been really really busy, so I haven't had much time to myself lately, but overall can't really complain lol. I was actually just offered a paid internship of sorts, which is awesome! To be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to make time for it, but it's a really good opportunity that'll help start me on the career path I want to be on, so I'll make it work somehow. I haven't had the chance to make any new in-person friends this semester, but I have been able to see some of the people I do know already which is really nice! 

I've missed talking to you too! It's so nice to come back online and see a new notification from you. But yeah, I definitely understand we've both been busy lol. Sometimes I get to the end of the day and realize I haven't even thought about anything besides my classes or work haha 😅 That's too bad about the class. I hate schedule changes, so to have been counting on it and it not work out does not sound fun. I hope it works out better next semester! I'm so glad you think you'll be able to get some part time work in - I know you were really hoping for that. That's cool about the group! I really hope you are able to make at least some casual friends there! 

Thanks for checking in! It's so good to hear from you :) Keep me updated about everything and I'll talk to you again soon! 

@cloverisconfused it's sad when things like this happens. I also had a similar situation recently last year with two friends who are a couple. After they no longer needed me their true colors showed up. My gut always felt like it was one sided and I thought that it was just insecurity. Now looking back I see how many times the took advantage of me and used my things without reciprocating. I also realized that they were manipulative and when I confronted them about the lies they were telling me they go so angry. I finally ended it but still feel bad how I did not do it much earlier when I felt it was not a good friendship. Now too much damage has been done to my trust that it will be difficult to repair or trust others. I just hope that you follow what your intuition tells you rather than wait for things to change.

@sympatheticOrange8782

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. That really is awful to feel used and then be treated like you're the one who did something wrong. I hope you can heal from that and remember that there are a lot of good people who would treat you well and can be trusted your faith in them. Thank you for replying and saying that as well - I'll do my best :) I hope you can too 

Hey everybody! So I'm getting ready to have that conversation with my friend sometime soon. I've realized that when I invite her to spend time together, it would probably be wise to invite her to talk as well so she can be ready when I bring it up.

The problem is, I just can't seem to find the right wording to say it. I don't want to make her anxious wondering about what it might be or what she's done wrong, and I also don't know how to give her the basics without really going into it before the conversation. I just don't want to create that feeling you get when you were a kid and your parents go, "Hey, can we talk?" - that's too anxiety inducing and leaves you wondering what you did or if they're angry or sad or what in the world could be wrong. I want to make sure she can prepare, just like I will, so we can both be in the right headspace to have the conversation. 

This is the best I could come up with, but I'm still not completely happy with it. One thing that sticks out to me is that "confused and sad" doesn't really do the situation justice, if that makes sense. If anyone can think of a different way to say it or any revisions I could make about any of it then I'd love to hear your opinions. 

Would you have time to talk sometime? I've just been feeling a bit confused and sad about our friendship lately and I wanted to talk to you about it. You matter to me, and that's why I think it's important that we talk so I can understand your side of things. 

Don't be afraid to tell me if you think there's something wrong with the way I'm saying it - I want to hear your criticisms. Thank you in advance! <3

Unsettled or unappreciated might also be good. For me it was hard to even have a talk as they blame me for feeling this way when I mentioned something is amiss. And if someone does not apologize or use things like "sorry you feel this way" or "you make me angry", they are probably gaslighting and manipulating you. I never knew these things until after I ended my friendship and reading articles on toxic friendships afterwards, I realized that it was going on for years which was why I always felt edgy while being around them.

@sympatheticOrange8782

Thank you for the tips! I'll definitely keep those in mind :)

@sympatheticOrange8782

I've been through exact same thing with a former friend. Gaslighting, manipulation, using me, crossing my boundaries, disrespecting me and my privacy... and so many other things. I heard things like

• you're overreacting
• I was just joking
• why are you always taking things so seriously

I'm sorry you've been through this but congrats on ending that friendship.♥️🍀🎉

@cloverisconfused

I think it's fine what you wrote as an example of your message to that friend. It's short, it says you want to talk about your feelings regarding your friendship, and you said you care about them.

I was gonna ask if you know what is assertive communication. Basically, it means talking about you and your feelings without attacking the other person. 

Also, your friend's reaction will tell you if they are worthy of your time, effort and friendship. If they care, they will be open to talk about, they will value your feelings and will want to fix things.

@blueSpring7541

Thank you for the response! I appreciate your feedback about it :)

I haven't heard anyone describe assertive communication using those specific words, but I get the concept. It's actually is something I've been working at improving in for years now - specifically when interacting with my family. However, I very rarely get upset with my friends (and whether that is because things generally go smoothly or because I'm a bit of a doormat is up for debate, but that's for another time) so I haven't had much practice in that arena. Thank you for the reminder though - it's something I definitely need to be reminded of when I'm going into a tough conversation with a friend. Thank you <3

I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thank you :)

@cloverisconfused

So, I had to go back and read your problem once again cause I forgot the details. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the thing is:

• she doesn't respect you
• you feel unimportant cause she makes you feel this way, you're not crazy
• she texts you when she wants to brag about something, but goes weeks without replying when you reach out
• you're not her first choice when she wants to share good news, celebrate something
• she doesn't remember your birthday and she doesn't text you first for Christmas, new year's or any other holiday

Considering all of this, your message is too nice!😂

I'd go with something like

Hey, I know we didn't talk much lately, but there is something I'd like to talk about when you have time.

And then maybe something like (probably in person)

I feel like our friendship has been one sided lately. I understand if you are too busy or going through something, but when you don't text me back in weeks, I feel like I don't matter, like I'm only here when it's convenient for you. If you want to put some distance between us or to end friendship for good, please say so, I think I deserve respect and honesty after all these years we've known each other.

@blueSpring7541

I appreciate you going back to reread my situation and then give me more feedback! You didn't have to do that, so thank you :) And yeah, you've pretty much got it. She's not like this all of the time, but this is a good description for a fair amount of it. 

Haha 😅 I can definitely see where you're coming from, and I really appreciate hearing your side of things. However, I'd like to introduce the problem to her before we actually talk in person so she can really prepare. Talking about "something" feels too ambiguous for what I'm going for here, if that makes sense. For this "invite text", I just need to figure out how to give her the basics of what my problem with her behavior is without going so deep into it that I might as well have just not asked if she was okay talking in the first place. I feel like I'm rambling, so does that make any sense?

I think that is pretty similar to what I'm planning on saying once we are actually face-to-face. Although none of this conversation is going to be easy, I know, I do think I'm more confident with what to say once we are about to really go into it. Again, I still feel like I'm not making much sense here, so let me know if I'm just talking nonsense lol

Thank you for the second response! I'm really grateful for your input, especially since you took the time to go back and reread so you can give better advice <3

@cloverisconfused

I think you're making sense, or at least I think I'm understanding you.

You could maybe use "uncertain" and "down" in place of "confused" and "sad", or say something along the lines of "I feel like we're becoming more distant, and that makes me uncertain about the longevity of our friendship going forward. If we could set aside some time to talk soon, I would really appreciate being able to communicate our feelings and understanding one another's perspectives." I hope that helps you find the right words.

I think it's a great "invite text" though, and I'm proud of you for sticking with it!
I wish you all the best!

@Adam10999

Good lol, because I hardly understood me. 

That does help, thank you! 

Thank you! I'll do my best :) And you too! 

@cloverisconfused

Sure, I understand you want to let her know in advance what's going on. Maybe just tell her

I'd like to talk about our friendship/communication lately. I've been feeling like it's one sided, but I'd rather discuss it in person when you have time.

I agree with Adam that you should avoid word "confused", cause there is no confusion there. It's pretty clear it's one sided and she's ignoring you.

Also, the fact that she is not like that ALL the time, is exactly what is the problem in toxic friendships and relationships! Of course people are nice sometimes, that is how they keep you hooked and invested! Have you heard of breadcrumbing in relationship? Google it!

@blueSpring7541

I like that. Thank you! 

And yeah, that's a good point about "confused". I think that must have been why it felt off - I'm not really confused, just uncertain. 

I have heard of breadcrumbing but I guess I haven't learned how to identify it! I didn't realize that was breadcrumbing. Thank you for helping me realize lol. 

I hope things are going smoothly for you. Thanks for the advice! 

Lovely

@cloverisconfused
I was able to keep my schedule at 3 days per week, but I had to swap out one of my classes that I wanted to take. I'm still on the waitlist for that one though, so hopefully a couple people will drop it and I'll be able to get in! Overall though I think this is going to be an easier semester than last. 17 credit hours AND a job is crazy, you're insane! Please don't overload yourself, and if it's too much for you to handle, there is absolutely no shame in dialing it back. I do wish you the best of luck with that though!

I will definitely start writing my feelings down like that too, I do that with most other stuff but just didn't think to do it in this scenario - Thank You! I'll always be here for you, and Thank You for always listening and providing the absolute best support! <3 Talk soon!

@Adam10999

That's too bad you had to swap classes, but I'm glad you were able to get your schedule to 3 days a week! I hope you can get into that one class 🤞And thank you - I appreciate it :) Honestly it's not too bad though - most of my classes are online which helps a lot. I'm definitely busy but it's manageable. I wish you luck with your stuff too! 

Of course! Thank you for everything you do. Talk soon! 

@Adam10999

So, it's Thursday, and... she canceled. It wasn't her fault, apparently she was saddled with babysitting her nephews (which she does a lot). Although I don't necessarily blame her I do feel frustrated, especially considering how I spent so much time today readying myself for the conversation.

But, what can you do lol. We rescheduled for next Thursday, so I'll update you then. How have you been?

@cloverisconfused

I'm really sorry to hear that. And to have prepared so well before hand too. I've got my fingers crossed for next Thursday, so hopefully nothing else will come up this time!

I've been doing alright. Mostly just organizing my school stuff, which I've almost got finished and will be working on tomorrow after class. Hopefully tomorrow my capacitors will get delivered and I can at least see if I can revive my keyboard - that would be so uplifting during this stressful first week of classes. Not having classes on Tuesday and Thursday is really nice though, I can catch up on sleep and still have the whole day to work on school work! I'm still on the waitlist for the class I want to get into... and the teacher said he's okay with it but I have to talk to the lady in charge, and all she said was that she can't skip over someone on the waitlist to add me. I thought about emailing back to see if she could push "first in the waitlist" into the class as well, but that's probably a useless attempt - my only hope is for 2 people to drop the class, which I don't see happening sadly.

I hope you've been doing well and your classes are going well too?! I appreciate the update as always, and I appreciate you as always <3 I look forward to talking with you soon!

@Adam10999

That sounds stressful, I'm sorry. That's too bad about the class - I feel like you had the drive to approach everyone you could to get into that class, and the people in front of you on the waitlist didn't. If the teacher is okay with it I don't see why you can't be added. Hopefully next time it'll all work out better. I hope your capacitors get delivered soon and that they properly revive your keyboard! I'm glad you're doing alright, but I hope you start feeling closer to good soon. Good luck, and keep up the good work! I look forward to talking to you too! 

@cloverisconfused
I am saddened to share with you the news of my keyboard's passing. The capacitor transplant was unsuccessful in its revival.

Time to put the "fun" in funeral though! How are you doing? Anything new going on with your classes? How's the homework load so far? How is the friend making going this semester?

To answer all those questions myself - I'm doing good, missed talking to you for sure, but I know we've both been busy with school haha. Still second on the wait list for that one class and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to get into the class. I figured out when all my assignments are due and made a calendar, so it looks like I'll definitely have room in my schedule to fit in some part time work! I got put into a group in my one class, so I'll be talking with them at least lol, otherwise I haven't talked to anyone.

I really hope you're doing amazing friend! <3 Talk soon!

@Adam10999

ummm I'm not sure what happened but somehow my reply for this was posted way above. I'm so sorry lol, I'll copy past and try again so you don't have to go searching haha 

Here's what I meant to post here:

I am greatly saddened to hear that. I ask all those who read this to take a moment of silence in honor of this terrible tragedy 😔 (in all seriousness though, that does suck, I'm sorry. good luck with your next keyboard!)

I've been good! I've been really really busy, so I haven't had much time to myself lately, but overall can't really complain lol. I was actually just offered a paid internship of sorts, which is awesome! To be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to make time for it, but it's a really good opportunity that'll help start me on the career path I want to be on, so I'll make it work somehow. I haven't had the chance to make any new in-person friends this semester, but I have been able to see some of the people I do know already which is really nice! 

I've missed talking to you too! It's so nice to come back online and see a new notification from you. But yeah, I definitely understand we've both been busy lol. Sometimes I get to the end of the day and realize I haven't even thought about anything besides my classes or work haha 😅 That's too bad about the class. I hate schedule changes, so to have been counting on it and it not work out does not sound fun. I hope it works out better next semester! I'm so glad you think you'll be able to get some part time work in - I know you were really hoping for that. That's cool about the group! I really hope you are able to make at least some casual friends there! 

Thanks for checking in! It's so good to hear from you :) Keep me updated about everything and I'll talk to you again soon! 

@cloverisconfused

That's so frustrating. I had same problem with my former friend when we were still friends. She would cancel last minute because her family asked her to do something for them. I did understand her, she couldn't set boundaries, but I was losing patience. Not having boundaries was her problem, but when it affected our friendship, then it became my problem too. 

Good thing is you have prepared yourself for that meeting! I hope she won't cancel again.

@blueSpring7541

That's exactly it! Her inability to set boundaries with other people is the problem - maybe she hasn't done anything wrong, technically, but in the end it's making it harder to be friends with her. She's making avoiding conflict her priority instead of me, which is understandable, but hurtful. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that in the past. 

I hope so too! I'll have to reprepare lol but I'm sure it'll be fine. It was good to hear from you! 

@cloverisconfused

At some point, you realize it's okay to understand someone's behaviour, but at the same time you don't have to tolerate that. Lack of boundaries explains her behaviour, but it doesn't justify her disrespecting you!

@cloverisconfused

Hey! I wanted to wish you the best of luck with your conversation tomorrow! Just a suggestion that if you haven't talked with her since last Thursday, it might be a good idea to remind her of your meet-up tomorrow.

I truly hope it goes well and you both come to a conclusion that is best for you! Talk soon!

@Adam10999

Ah, you beat me to it lol. I was just about to post about something that happened today - she texted me to tell me all the reasons why she's acting the way she is. For one thing, she's saying she's too busy. Okay, fine, I can't really argue with that, although I'm also very busy and I'm still putting effort into this friendship. Apparently there's something that's been going on for a long time, but she's just realizing that there's a few grievances she has with me. Namely, that she hates physical touch so she wants me to give her personal space, she feels stressed out when I text her a lot, and that she doesn't like it when I take the Lord's name in vain. For context, I live in an area with a very high concentration of a certain religion - one I don't belong to but she does. It's one thing if she would tell me as these things came up. I get it, you know? But I've always asked her before I do/say any of those things if it's okay, and she's said yes. It's so embarrassing and frustrating. 

I gave her my side of the story and I'm waiting for a response now. I don't think we'll meet up on Thursday - we might need to wait a bit before the tension dies down. 

But anyways... How have you been? How's your semester going?

@cloverisconfused

I'm so sorry to hear about all that. All you can do is ask if it's okay before doing it, which you did - if she doesn't properly express that it bothered her, she can't get mad at you for doing what she said was okay. Physical touch is a bit weird since that doesn't have to do with texting... The busy excuse also kind of upsets me because it takes only a few seconds to even send "hi" and let someone know you're thinking of them and you care - I get only doing it once in a while and then sometimes having more lengthy convos, but still. It definitely seems frustrating and I agree some time will probably be needed - at least tomorrow during that time might be free for you now though. I hope she sees your side as respectfully as you have seen hers.

My semester's been alright so far I guess - classes are becoming more and more stressful and I might be reaching my tolerance limit of school with this being my my 10th semester overall (4 from my associates in Welding Technology from 2019, 4 from my associates in Computer Information Systems from 2023, and this is my second semester towards my bachelors in Computing and Information Technologies)

As for me, my hip hurts cuz I wiped out hard this morning on my icy deck right before leaving for class. Landed right on my side and it still hurts a little, but I'm surviving. Didn't break anything, so that's good.

Minor update that my Alice and I have had a couple single-responses to one another, and I'm still contemplating whether I should have a convo with her or not at some point. I also keep pushing it off lol.

Lovely chatting with you as always! <3 I look forward to hearing her response to your message! Chat later friend!

@Adam10999

Yeah, same. She said she'd get back to me after she got off of work, but that was almost 11 hours ago and I know she has eight hour shifts, so I'm not sure what the holdup is. But I'll leave it to her - it's out of my hands now. 

Oh, boy that is quite a bit of school! I don't blame you at all for being tired. I'm sorry though - it's so frustrating when you want to just get things done but the exhaustion is setting in. 

And I'm sorry about your hip! It's getting icy where I am too and boy, is it brutal. I hope it stops hurting soon! 

I'm glad you've been able to talk a little bit. I don't blame you for procrastinating lol, it is a hard decision to make. Remember you deserve to treat yourself well, so do what's best for you - whatever that may be. 

Yes, it's been great to hear from you! I look forward to hearing her response too 🤣 I'll update you when I get it. Bye for now! Be safe out there! 

@cloverisconfused

Hey friend! I wanted to check in and see how you're doing?!

I hope the past few days have been amazing for you, and that you're remembering to take care of yourself - you absolutely deserve it! <3 Anything new and exciting happen the past few days?
On my end, my friend started doing a sub-a-thon on Twitch - to tease them I said that however many subs they get, that's how many nice things I'll type up and give to them haha! I fully mean it too, and they're up to 68 subs already haha!

Take care and I very much look forward to our next conversation! <3

@Adam10999

Thanks for checking in! I'm good overall, but my Alice still hasn't gotten back to me. I'm frustrated and hurt, but I'm doing my best to focus on other things and I think I'm doing a pretty good job! I decided that if she hasn't texted back by wednesday or thursday I'll contact her again. But until then it's in her hands. How have you been?

That's awesome! You're so sweet - I'm sure your friend will be really touched. Good luck with writing all of that! Congrats to your friend as well - 68 subs is a lot!! 

You too!! I hope things are going well for you. Thanks again for checking in - it's so nice to be thought of! I look forward to talking with you more! 

@cloverisconfused

It's completely understandable and okay to feel that way - she either doesn't know how to handle the situation/respond properly so she just isn't, or she's just not valuing your friendship like she should be - either way she isn't communicating that to you and that's on her. I'm glad you've been able to keep yourself busy and focused on other things, and I think that's very reasonable to give her about a week to respond on her own before following up.

Thank you for saying that! She still has about 7.5 hours left, and the timer goes up as she gets subs so I hope she gets a lot more! Crowwie_ is her Twitch handle, and you can tell her 'Scorchy' sent you haha.

Update on my end:
It's been 21 days since I offered my condolences for the loss of her family member, but last night my Alice messaged in her *** server to go wish a Happy Birthday to her friend who was streaming. I  joined her friend's stream chat and said Happy Birthday, and my Alice was super excited to see me in chat. We only briefly exchanged greetings before I headed to bed, but the feeling of her being excited to see me was so uplifting - I feel like I'm floating on a cloud! I still would like to have a conversation with her, maybe this weekend, about our feelings of the situation, how we plan to communicate better in the future, as well as get some clarity on a couple things she's done that seem a little weird (like warning me about certain people's behavior towards her, who are in our friend's *** server, and asking me not to talk to them - yet our mutual friend still talks to them and she seems okay with it). I haven't figured out how I want to word my outreach to her yet, but those are the topics I want to cover in our talk.

I really appreciate all your kind words <3 I look forward to talking with you more too!

@Adam10999

Thanks for saying that. You always help me feel a little less crazy lol so I appreciate it <3

Of course! I don't have a twitch account but I'll be cheering for her in spirit lol

That's great! It's always such a nice feeling when someone is excited to interact with you, so I'm glad you got a bit of that with her. And yeah, I think a conversation is totally reasonable, especially for those things you mentioned that seem a little weird. I agree it doesn't seem quite right, so I'm proud of you for recognizing that! Good luck with that when you have that. Let me know how scheduling it goes and everything! 

Talk to you later!! I look forward to it!!

@cloverisconfused

Hey friend! My week is over and onto the weekend wooh!
Sadly that weekend consists of a lot of homework lol
I figured out a few more things I want to do with my tower defense game and started implementing it yesterday! Still a really long way to go but it's coming together piece by piece.

I've been putting off figuring out what I want to say or how I want to word my request for communication, so that's going to be pushed off at least another week lol.

Always a pleasure m'lady, until next time! <3