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sympatheticOrange8782
4 3,087 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts154 Forum posts30 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 17, 2023
Recent forum posts
Coping with ending toxic friendships
Friendship Support / by sympatheticOrange8782
Last post
 December 5th, 2023
...See more Hi, I am writing to ask for advice about how to cope with guilt after ending toxic friendship. I struggle a lot to cope with it and Everytime I see them my anxiety goes through the roof. I ended this friendship after I found out that they lie to me and manipulate things to stress me out and then they ignore me when they are done using me for food and transportation. I ended it five months ago and they are a couple and the guy said he was so angry that he is shaking at me after I said I feel used by them. I immediately blocked them but still cannot fully clear my head. I saw them in a restaurant I did not expect to see them on Saturday and it triggered all kinds of emotions. I think that I am an empathetic and probably have borderline personality disorder and have often found myself feeling guilty for not doing enough for others. When I express myself often they guilt trip me and that was when I noticed the pattern of ignoring and using when not needed. I feel guilty that I did not tell them in person as I am terrified of confronting them. The guilt also because of feeling alone now and difficulty trusting anyone else. I was wondering if there could be coping methods that are very effective. I moved away as well last week to a place further from where they live. Hopefully that will help.
Difficulty moving on from friendship
Friendship Support / by sympatheticOrange8782
Last post
 September 26th, 2023
...See more Hi, I had two friends who are a couple and have known them for 7 years. Over the course of the friendship I always suspected they were using me as we were all doing similar jobs and they would ask for my help all them time. I even used to cook food for free for them when I had time and we used to go out during weekend in my car. They also used my travel pass during the weekend to travel by public transit. This year they started new jobs and I also did last year but I began feeling that they stopped spending time with me or lie about having too many things going on so cannot hang out although we live only 2 minds walk from one another. I actually was never the one to initiate the friendship and tried to distance from them in the past. Then this year I saw that when we do different jobs it is like they no longer need me. I found out the wife also ignores me but post on *** about how happy she is making new friends and attending weddings. I asked the husband but he keeps lying to me saying she has so many family problems and he is having issues at work. When I mentioned to the husband that I felt that the friendship was stressing me out he gaslighted me and deflected how I feel as my fault. When I confronted him about the lies he says I am making him so angry that he is shaking. On that day I ended the friendship and blocked them. Several times someone did ring the bell of my apartment but I never opened. It has been 3 months and I am struggling to move on. I keep checking if they are having fun and even reconsider if I should talk to them. However, over the course of the friendship I noticed that they never accept any wrongdoings and always put the blame on me or use things against me. I feel disappointed in myself that I was such a doormat and did not end it sooner. My emotions are all over the place but I am getting therapy which helps. I have major depression and anxiety and have been on medicine since 2010. And they are well aware of this. Sometimes I fear abandonment and could have borderline personality disorder. I currently cannot trust anyone other than my family. My main goal is to overcome the need for them and have been doing a lot of things like restaurant eating, cooking, and watching movies at cinema by myself. But the feelings of having been used and taken advantage makes me feel terrible daily. I am wondering how to better navigate through this phase. I am sure that it was the right decision to end this friendship which as probably just for convenience for them.
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