How do I help my friend?
This is about my best friend.
We've been best friends for 12 years, and complete opposites. Whenever I feel down/depressed, I usually keep to myself for about a day and then, spill my whole thoughts to her. I do this because I feel that is easy for me and keeping it in makes it difficult to talk to her, when things get way sad and I need help. She, on the other hand, shuts everyone out. She never talks if something bothers her. Only when she's feeling better, she replies to everyone and even then, when I ask her, she can't describe what set her off in the first place or why she felt down.
I usually just let her know that I'm there and that's all. I also have anxious attachment issues, but I don't bombard her with messages if she's not good.
Now, it's been almost 5-6 days and I haven't talked to her. We usually talk everyday. I've tried to not bombard her with texts. She isn't responding to my occasional check-ins. How can I help her?
@grayOwl035
@grayOwl035
So stop trying. ^^ When she has an issue that is overwhelming, that is so pervasive that she can’t quite get on top of it, that’s constantly occupying her mind; maybe for the time being, the last thing she wants is to talk about it even more…?
Maybe just invite her out to do something together to take her mind off things instead. Something that allows her to keep busy rather than thinking and ruminating and worrying and being absorbed in her problem. Something active, like a movie, or mini-golf. 😊 Let her confide in you whenever she wants. Make yourself available to her but don’t have any expectations.
CatsInTheCradle
@CatzInTheCradle The thing is, when I ask her if there's an issue that's occupying her mind, she says there's nothing.
When we were younger, I tried to talk to her and help her get her mind off stuff, but that backfired and we used to get in fights. So, since then, I've let her deal with it, but I've made sure that she knew I was available and willing to listen incase she wanted to rant/someone to talk to.
You have a need to help her. If you really want to help her without expecting anything in return, then let her be.
Some people need to withdraw to process. They need space. Any reaching out to them will only overwhelm them more, will feel like being pushed up to the point they totally close down to you
I found out the hard way, being the one who pushed.
Have you tried calling her or going to her house to check up on her?or do you have anyone she knows that you talk to to see how shes doing ? As her her bestfriend if you do care about her and value the friend I would let her be if she looks like she needs space to respect her boundaries . But you're being a good friend to try to be there for her in her toughest time. Just dont give up on here. I would try sending her a letter tho if you havent heard from her in a while
@millipede03
thanks for the idea! I will try a letter incase she's AWOL for a while.
As for going to her home, we live with our parents and we make plans in advance, incase we are going to meet. If I visit her just like that, it raises a lot of question from both our parents. Our parents aren't very knowledgeable on mental health issues, so it leads to further issues. :(
