I need some advice

@cyanOak9951

So as a young adult why are you letting anyone get to you?

your choice of diet/ course of study etc are yours no need to seek approval. some people cannot find a common area with family..... the term he used should not be taken personally have heard it used many times to describe people perhaps educated in a certain field but not in other areas......

if you feel you must list off what your are doing or have done resumes style....... i am in top of my class / my degree is so hard .... the great university i go to ....only a few could get in ........

what if they took that personally and felt you are/ were talking down to them? sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder to "show them"

sometimes people need to turn off their ego and learn to like people for who they are....

@cyanOak9951

My relatives also criticise me saying that i am not tough and call me naive that i will not survive work, all i can advice you that people's expectations for you are their problems and your expectations for yourself are what that matters the most, anyone should not force their opinions onto you from what I saw you are very good and your opinion on being an vegetarian is awesome too don't hesitate on your decisions good luck be brave be happy.

@cyanOak9951 I have some relatives who often belittle me. I just stay away for as long as I can. One of them is my aunt. She is 87 and I am her only relative. She never married and has no children. I would rather never see her again, but I'm the only one she rely on. I just endure it and try to limit contact a bit.

@cyanOak9951

A lot of people, even family, call others names in order to satisfy a part of them that feels insecure. I hope you don't see what he said as a reflection of his frustration with you, but rather as a frustration he has with himself. You yourself mentioned that you're at one of the best universities in the country, studying one of the hardest degrees to get accepted to, graduated high school at the top of your class and you'll be leaving for a year-long study abroad very soon. It sounds like they're nitpicking things to criticize just so they can feel better about themselves.

I hope you don't take things too personally, some people are just small. I know this must be hard, as they are family and perhaps they were sweet when you were younger. But it's easy to be sweet and kind to those whom you don't see as a potential threat to your ego. The problem is not you, it is them.

It sounds like you've always had a desire of leaving them behind, feel free to do so and don't mind their words!

The uncle is in the wrong here. He acts as if he is threatened by your diet choices and success in academics. That He feels the need to attack you directly is nasty and says alot about who he is.

If he cared that you might somehow harm yourself with your doet he could gently suggest that you make sure you are getting enough protien or something like that. But to ridicule is mean. If you had a close relationship, there might be room for some two way jetting. I had a friend who ate vegetarian for a time and we cmwould tease back and forth calling each other carnivore or omnivore and herbivore and silly things like that bit it was acceptance of differences not ridicule. We would discuss what he was learning about cooking and eating more legumes amd fermenting and things like that. I would tease him for eating fake meat like patties and such while I was bbqing.

Your uncle also likely feels threatened by the University and academic success. Again if he cared and knew you he might give a parental warning about losing yourself or loosing values or something like that not attack you directly.

If you don't know your uncle these comments should not hurt anymore than the rantings if a crazy acting stranger walking on the sidewalk. If the stranger said the same things they would not sting because there is no expectation of a relationship and being known or respected or loved.

Your uncle has shown you who he is and you should believe him. Your further relationship with him should be adjusted accordingly. Not saying you should not interact, but rather adjust your expectations of the relationship as well as limiting the fuel you pour on that fire. This is not someone I would trust with details about myself, and I would not give him any new material. I realize he might get it second hand.

The same consideration should be made of the information you trust other family members with.

I don't see that this has to do with conservative or being a farmer. I am very conservative and own two farm properties. I have a vegetarian living one with her kids to farm organic veggies and lease the other to an organic grass fed cattleman. I just moved the vegitarian there from across the state to start fresh after her work fell apart.

Your uncle is just rude and mean regardless of his politics or career etc.

Trust your feelings. You feel tense and nervous because you feel the wrongness of the abusive interactions.

On a website called outofthefog.net there is a resource called 100 Traits. It's sort of a list of all sorts of ways people can be abusive or manipulative. I found it useful to read through it and identify the various firms of abuse that were in my life and relationships. Then to learn tools and strategies to reduce it. Some were mine to own up as poor coping mechanisms I had adopted when dealing or when acting from a place if weakness. Many were easily identified as abuse I was suffering by those I let into my life ir by relatives.

Congrats on your academic success and being emotionally mature to understand that this was wrong of the uncle to say.

@cyanOak9951 Hi. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I think it is difficult to hear criticism even when intellectually we know that it is invalid or silly. Having it come from a family member makes it even harder to brush it off. My advice is to focus on the emotion and just acknowledge that it hurts and try not to get caught up in the “logic”, or in this case maybe more appropriately labeled, “lack of logic.” That said, this is where I think your uncle is coming from.

If he has to cut you down, then he probably feels intimidated by you--believe it or not.

@cyanOak9951 Hi, I'm Celine :) I feel like within the older generation especially, they can be very traditional and don't like all the change that's happening because they're unfamiliar with it. Honestly, you shouldn't have to care about your uncle's opinion because you being vegetarian doesn't affect him in any way, and it can actually be healthy for you. You have already done a great job with your studies, and I'm sure he feels proud of you even if he doesn't show it all the time. It's normal for family to constantly nag you about things, so just remember that you won't be able to please everyone.