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purpleFig7203
1,642 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts292 Forum posts77 Forum upvotes86 Current upvotes86 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2023 Member sinceJune 16, 2023
Bio

I married young into a family full of mental illness and personality disorders. It took decades to realize the amount of abuse I had lived with. I think having an abusive brother and others in my life as a kid helped me overlook red flags I should have seen.


I am realizing that there is some "damage" and that I have some unhealthy coping techniques that hold me back from accomplishing my own goals. I think I have more work to do yet.

Recent forum posts
Disenfranchised grief.
Grief & Loss / by purpleFig7203
Last post
 August 13th, 2023
...See more I realize I have had a lot of losses over the years that have put me in a situation where my grief was disenfranchised. By this I mean it was grief that was not acknowledged by those around me. Grief that was perhaps not expected. Not talked about, and not understood etc. I am guessing I am not alone in this. Have others here had such losses perhaps sharing might be helpful. One example for me, I had a close friend who was mentally ill. I knew him for decades. He found his way to become very successful in a career and he mentored many people toward theor own success even as he dealt with alot of issues. He passed in a tragic household accident after long struggles with mental and physical health. I was not living in his area when he passed and figured he was just going through a rough spot when we were out of contact as was normal occasionally in our decades long relationship. His sister called to inform me l, but she mostly wanted info that would allow her to handle his estate in a way that would maximize benefit to her. She was cold and disconnected from any loss in his passing. No funeral, no memorial post online, nothing. I don't know any of the coworkers he would have been close to it's just Poof and gone. Seems a shame when he did so much for so many despite his own struggles. Another was a friend I lost more recently after 12 years. This was a more typical relationship where we interacted on a day to day basis and my family and his interacted as well. He passed and they had a just for family funeral, and then a celebration of life way later. It all happened a weird way due to covid and there was no chance to chatter and talk with others who knew him. No one called or set a card or in anyway aknowledged my loss of such a close friend. I have always tried to do this for others. People I had this friendship in common with have never brought him up and it seems so awkward if I do. By this I mean casual things like E would have really liked this. Or E would have really fix this up and done it right like when..... Crickets. Maybe it's a regional/cultural thing but it seems strange to not remember and share in conversation about someone you lost when with others who knew them well also. Especially in the weeks after losing them. Am I off base on this? Anyone else experience similar?
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