New to the Eating Disorders Community in January 2019? Say Hello here!
It's January 8 and we haven't yet welcomed our new members in 2019! So without further ado, please introduce yourselves if you're joining our little community this month and let us get to know you!
Can't wait to hear from you and get to know you all better!
You can click here (press) to find a list of ways to get involved in the community!
Hey Im Angus. I recently developed an eating disorder and its kind of ruined my life since. I dont eat given a choice and when I do its barely anything. I go through bouts where I think Im anorexic but also at times I think Im bullimic. Im a guy so this has been really hard for me to deal with because of all the comments I get and people telling me to just get over it. My friends joke about it and it makes me feel horrible and honestly sometimes I just want to die. Anyway thats me
Hi Angus, I'm really glad you're here. I know it must be so difficult to be a guy and not just fighting the eating disorder, but also fighting all the stereotypes about them, but I promise you that your struggles are real and your feelings are valid. Eating disorders happen regardless of age, gender, etc. I promise you that if you want support, it is here and that there are people here who will believe and understand what you're struggling with and give support without judgment.
@Mychemicalme
Hello! I have recently relapsed with anorexia and am currently working on getting back on track :)
@Lindsthetrashbins
Hello and welcome! Progress is a great things and I am proud of you!
Hello everyone!! I'm 19 and in college. For as long as I can remember I have always let my body image and the food I eat consume my daily thoughts. I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but it has ruined relationships and I'm just looking for was to cope with it and try to get better.
@creativePeach6425 I'm always here if you want to talk about it! I'm in college and struggling a bit too <3
Hi, I'm new to this particular community. I've had binging/purging issues in the past, and I'm trying not to, but I've only seemed to stop the purging part. I keep binging. I restricted in November, then let myself eat in December for Christmas. I said I was going to go back to restricting in January but then I moved across the country and I'm living out of a hotel right now and eating so much. It's like I'm purposely eating so much that I hate myself even more. Like because I'm eating too much, I'm punishing myself even more by eating more and making myself hate myself even more. It doesn't really make sense. I guess I just hate myself and use food or lack thereof to "harm" myself. Yay But food is a comfort too. but makes me feel guilty every time I eat, so it's a double edge sword.
Hi there - welcome to the ED community! I can very much relate to what you've said - over my time with an eating disorder, I moved between times of restricting, purging, and binging, and when I was binging I definitely felt that confusing thing where it feels like as much as I'm trying not to do it, I'm also doing it as a punishment. A couple things that I found helpful were
1) recognizing that restricting was not a helpful reaction to binging and actually made me more likely to binge more than if I forgave myself and let myself eat normally
2) working on small victories - like if I had the urge to binge, delaying it by 15 or 20 minutes at a time to work on control even if I still ultimately did binge
3) learning and practicing other coping skills to deal with both the feelings of self hatred and the need for comfort that the food was helping me deal with
What are some coping mechanisms you might want to try?
@theseaseyes
Also new here. Im in my early forties and have been struggling with disorderd eating (mainly bulimia) since I was my early teens. Ive had periods of not actively engaging in destructive behaviors—due to therapy, medication, pregnancy and new mom responsibilities, major illness, sheer will, etc.—but Ive been relapsing for the past year and a half, with a consistent worsening since last August. Perhaps my current level isnt as severe as peculiarly. Right now, my habit is to eat well during the day, and then secretly order in takeout or bring home food that I then B/P while watching tv shows on my iPad after family asleep. Overall, I am a very balanced and happy person, eat well, love doing HIIT and working with weights; I dont have a weight problem, people call me lean and tone; my home life is good, for the most part; my job produces some stress, but Im not someone who gets too tied up in workplace/work as relates to my overall person. I want to stop, by I derive a great deal of comfort and pleasure from my secret, daily habit. I cannot figure out how to break the cycle. How do I replace this habit with something that also gives me comfort and pleasure? My neuropathways are firmly etched into this daily habit. Id be satisfied if I could get it down to three times per week, rather than seven! Not seeking perfection, just an improvement. There is no one with whom I can go to for support or to talk. Happy to have found this space.
Welcome! I'm glad you're here. I think the fact that you've recognized the pattern in this is already a good start - it sounds like daytime when you're busy or with other people you find it easier to control but at night when others are asleep it becomes easy to fall into this cycle again. Do you think that you could apply some of the same things that help make it easier to avoid in the day during those times? For instance, could you talk to a friend, a listener here, a hotline, etc. when you feel that urge to not feel as alone? Could you try mixing up your routine and taking something from the daytime into the evening? You mentioned wanting to replace the habit with something else that gives you comfort and pleasure - what other things make you feel that way? Identifying other options is a good place to start, even before you figure out how to break those into your new habits.
@Almond2019
@Anomalia
i should reach out to someone. Except for one person (with whom Im not comfortable addressing this issue), no one in my immediate sphere of friends and family knows. I dont want to tell anyone because Im embarrassed, ashamed, and dont want to admit that I have such a revolting habit. Plus, Im not necessarily someone who likes talking about personal issues outloud and with other people. Makes me so uncomfortable...really not helpful. So...I will give a listener a try! ;-) Im also hoping to pick up habit of reading in the evening, language study, or watching the news on the tv, doing a bit of yoga/meditation. It will take a Herculean effort as my brain pathways are well chiseled into the daily, evening B/P and i get anxious when I dont capitulate into the cycle. However, rationally, I know that if I can make it a few days, the next few days will be easier, and then the next after that, and so on and so on...
Hey there - I wanted to check in to see how the week has been going! Have you had any luck in adding in those new habits you mentioned or in finding someone to talk to when things get tough?
@Almond2019
@Anomalia
thanks for checking back. I havent talked to anyone, though it is still on my mind as something to consider. I managed to push through for a break in the everyday cycle. I didnt make a two-day streak, but i have to acknowledge what I was able to do. Today, I am also going for a B/P-free day, which would be another one-day break in what has become a daily habit. I think I will make it, but I dont want to get overconfident. Ive done a good job today of eating, so Im well-fueled and not as anxious as I might otherwise be. At this time, it doesnt take much to trigger me, so Im trying to be mindful of what Im eating, how I am thinking.
Im new here! These past few years have been a handful of different combinations of eating disorders. It started out with body dismorphia where I saw myself as fat and ugly when I really wasn't. I developed orthorexia. I wouldn't even come near a single piece of candy. I thought about everything I ate. When I would eat it, how much I would eat. I bought a scale and I would measure the exact amount of grams and log it into a health app to track calories and nutrients. I hoped I would lose weight, which I did a little. But then I started to cheat and eat unhealthy foods. I would be going so strong with healthy eating and then eat a single piece of candy or a small piece of pizza and then I would feel as if I had failed my diet and think "well I already had this unhealthy food so why not have more. I already ruined today" and Then I would go on a binge for the rest of the day, going through the pantry and the fridge eating anything I had ever saw as an "off limits" food on my "diet". After eating all that food I would feel super guilty about it and fat and disgusting. And it lead me to starve myself the next day and not eat enough thinking that I had to do something about all the food I just ate and lose the calories. This was a vicious cycle. My weight fluctuated a lot. At one point I had regained control of my eating disorders and I was living a happier and healthier lifestyle but i just relapsed recently into binge eating. My days start off with healthy foods like oatmeal and fruit and salad and then when I come home I have a small snack but being in the kitchen and seeing all the temptations is hard for me and after eating one thing, i can't help myself and I keep eating more and more and I find that Ive eaten so much by the end of it all, despite being not really being hungry. One time I had such a big binge that my stomach hurt and I felt sick and so I decided to purge it and it was difficult but at the end it took away a lot of the guilt and the next day I wasn't as bloated and fat as I would've been.and now it's gotten to the point where everyday is a binge and I purge everynight which is so bad for me and I want to stop but it's so hard. I think I have a sugar addiction.
@adaptableJar8333 - Hello there. Not easy stuff, eh? I'm a 45 year old yogi who's got a B/P-for-comfort habit and know that comforting "empty" feeling that the purge allows. Run as fast as you can away from that!...I'm doing my best to. It's deceiving. Horrible for our teeth. Horrible for our guts. Horrible for our throats. Very temporary relief. And we're in it for the long haul, ya know?
Just thinking...perhaps empty your pantry of the tempting stuff? Sounds like you have some delectible items in there that are hard to avoid. If they're not there, you can't eat them! Fill with things that provide good nutrition and energy for your body...fuel for your human machine! I find when I do this that I can't bear to purge those good quality calories away and just eat enough as I need.
Hello I am void and I have had anorexia for the past eight months. I have an auto immune disease which impairs most of the foods out there.
Welcome - I'm glad you're reaching out! It sounds like the auto immune disease makes the eating disorder even tougher to cope with because it already limits you in what you can eat. Have your doctors shared any information with you about what types of foods or meal plans are available to you, even when some foods are off limits? What do you think the next step you need to take is to work on this?
@TheVoidStiless
@Anomalia I'm not sure if I have a disorder or not...
That's okay - it can be hard to tell sometimes where the line is between unhealthy habits and a full-blown eating disorder, but to me, that part matters less. What matters is that if it's something you're struggling with, no matter to what degree, then it's something that warrants getting support with. You deserve to be happy and healthy and it's always okay to need some extra support to get there.
@Chickadee10
@Anomalia Ok...do you have any tips on how to gradually start eating more? I tried to eat an entire meal last night and almost threw up, so that's why I said "gradually."
It is definitely hard to jump from 0 to 100 all at once, so I think gradual is the key word there! A few things that can be helpful:
- Think about eating more often but in smaller amounts to add up to the total amount without ever having what feels like a huge meal at once
- Give yourself time for a meal - if you start feeling sick, take a break, let your stomach settle, and come back to it later
- Figure out what is easier or harder for you - e.g., if liquids are easier, find some nutrition-rich drinks to supplement your meal so you can drink more of it while you adjust - Ensure and Boost I think are common ones, but there are lots of options out there
- Think in general about if your struggles with full meals are about physically feeling ill from the volume or about feeling mentally bad from thinking about the foods you're eating - some people find it easier to find foods that are small in amount but high in nutrition/calories so that the volume is lower, others find it easier to focus on larger portions of things that feel less scary
- Be patient and gentle with yourself - strive for progress each day rather than jumping super suddenly and let yourself celebrate the small victories. If today you have a little more than yesterday, even if it's not a full meal, that's still a win. If you try something that used to feel scary or overwhelming, that's a win. Those small victories add up!
Hope that helps 
@Chickadee10
@Anomalia Thank you so much!! 
Hey everybody. Im currently living with anxiety and depression as well as type 2 diabetes. I did have it under control but I became obsessive over it and eventually started to have just overwhelming feelings of guilt and anxiety when it came to picking food and eating meals. Does anybody else here have that experience with diabetes and food guilt/anxiety?
Welcome! I don't have diabetes, but can definitely relate to the food guilt/anxiety side of things and I suspect many here can. One thing that has helped me a lot is reminding myself that all things in excess are harmful (even water), but that nothing in small amounts is going to make a huge difference. Thinking about balance and moderation has made it easier for me to break out of some of the thought patterns I've had before. I also think that challenging thoughts can help a lot or framing those things in terms of "how would I respond if someone else said this about themselves? Would it seem reasonable or not? If not, why is it different for me?"
@MikeM21
Hello. Ive had anorexia for a while now and I came here to try and get help as it is affecting my life and my relationships more and more now.
@Anonymous543
Hello and welcome! I am glad to hear that you are seeking support. We are here for you