What is relapse and what is recovery?
I first noticed I had an eating disorder when I started purging food, because thats obviously something that most people dont do. Im betting I had problems before that though, otherwise I wouldnt have felt the need to start purging. Now, I try not to purge as much, but I restrict a lot more. I have a hard time differentiating between what counts as overeating and whats just... eating. Does anybody have any tips as to what counts as a success? I consider it a success if I havent purged obviously, but I dont even know if a day where I dont feel obscenely guilty about food is a success or if it means I just starved myself enough. Maybe this doesnt make any sense but I dont really know whats logic and whats the ED speaking anymore...
@redLunch4107
Hm, this is a tricky question! Honestly I'm not sure that it's one we can answer because it's 50 shades of grey in terms of what you are eating, how you're feeling and how much you need to be eating to really give you the best advice.
I wonder if you can try and switch your language from "success" to "healthy" - so purguing would be a day with unhealthier coping and not purguing would be a day with healthier coping - that way you can try and change your mindset and not feel like it was "unsuccessful".
If you are feeling guilty about food, then that sounds to me like an unhealthier day. A healthy day would be being able to nourish your body, without food guilt and without any of that shame that comes with feeling like you haven't starved yourself enough.
Does this help?
@romanticthi3f I think so! Thanks! I just don
@redLunch4107
Hi! That's totally understandable, and I get that you're not ready to gain weight right now. I think there's kind of a balance between doing what's right for you while also taking care of your health so that you're not feeling worse (undernourished, lacking in vitamins, passing out etc).
Have you ever considered seeing a dietician or a counsellor? These can really be the go-to's in giving you the best information and helping you take on board what you need to know at your own pace. You may know logically what you need to do or eat but it's tricky putting that into practice!
And there's totally no need to be sorry! It's not an easy journey you're on so be kind to yourself 
I understand what you mean and im struggling with this as well. Usually if i feel a ton of guilt its because i DID eat that day, which makes me feel like i failed. Is that still considered a "good" day in terms of recovery? Because what feels like a good day is restricting a lot, and obviously that isnt a real good day. I dont know what recovery looks like either. Its all so confusing. Does the guilt ever go away? Is a good day of recovery just maintaining my weight from the day before? So many questions.
@Npepsicola Me too!! I have no idea how to be healthy because I only feel successful when I haven
@redLunch4107
I suppose a good day is eating a healthy amount, regardless of the guilt or other bad feelings. Its hard tho because restricting feels like failing at recovery and recovery feels like failing at restricting. Its a lot of thoughts that are back and forth. I dont binge but i understand how that would add even another variable into figuring out recovery. Its all a lot, and very confusing. Glad im not the only one who thinks so. Although im sorry you are struggling also.
I think its difficult to determine whether you have recovered as although physically i have gained weigjt and i no longer care about what i eat im still in the headspace and can see myself relapsing even though i say im recovered
This is a tough question to answer, even as someone who has restricted as well. For me, I've always viewed a "successful" or, like someone else suggested using the term "healthy", day as one in which I have told my eating disorder to basically sit down and not let it dictate my actions. If I can negate those negative thoughts in my brain as I sit down to a meal and eat at least something, then I consider that a success whereas relapsing is when the bad thoughts win and steer me away from giving my body what it needs. I feel like relapse vs recovery is also something you should speak with a doctor, therapist, and/or nutritionist about, as well, since the personal definitions can often be different than the technical definitions used by professionals so I absolutely encourage you to find a professional you feel comfortable with that fits your needs and ask them questions about this, as well, since they're trained in handling these things and it's their job to provide help :)