Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dieting
"Today I woke up and I hate myself." - Ozzy Osbourne
Hey, I'm writing this to reach out for support. I know I'm not in the world's most terrible place ever, but I feel like I could use some insight. As some background, I'm 32, female, a single mom, a working class hero and a grad student. I also hate my own guts and have been struggling with a lot of stress and going through a lot lately. I have been in recovery on and off (but mostly doing okay) for over ten years. At my worst, I was literally pronounced dead from heart failure, At my best, people tell me they would have never guessed I had an ED because I seem so "normal." In the past handful of months, I noticed myself slipping into some ARFID-y behavior with all the stress and changes going on... just eating the exact same specific things every day, very bland, but not restricting per say. Then one fine day, I decided buying a scale would be a good idea.
Needless to say, I did not feel my weight was low enough. It is on the low end of the healthy range, but I definitely feel like I want it to be lower and am terrified to gain even a pound. So I basically started a crash diet about ten days ago....and now I'm losing my *** because I have barely lost a single freaking pound. Ten days of headaches, weakness, dizziness, lack of focus etc. Basically just a super low calorie diet but also a limited range of due to AFRID.
Part of me thinks maybe I just need a multivitamin. Part of me thinks I need lipo. And part of me thinks I need a massive sanity check. So I'm asking the audience,
@ashwashere1336 Eat nutritious food. Put the scale in the trash bin. Put your focus on other things. Cultivate gratitude for all the good things in your life.
@hopefulPond6108 Thank you indeed, I appreciate your support FR. It sounds so simple and there's so much truth in it; yet, for people like me it can feel more complicated
@ashwashere1336
scales IMO are the cause of so much stress .......
i was heavier and began changing the scale never moved but my clothes fit better i could look at myself without disgust in the mirror etc ...... so what does a number on a scale really mean ?
Eat in a way where you feel ok ..... if not for you then your kids ......... forget the scale ....... ask yourself what does the right weight size look like ?
@toughTiger6481 Thank you for reminding me what's important. I know I want my son to grow up with a healthy relationship with food FR and never want him to have to worry about me or anything
Scales have always been the problem because they are always not truthful. You may see a number higher on the scale, but maybe you look in the mirror or someone takes a photo of you and you don’t think you look like that number on the scale or your clothes feel the same. The scale can be toxic. Don’t forget your weight fluctuates and especially if you’re a female still getting periods. Trying to get over my ED I never pay attention to the scale.
@ashwashere1336 I've been having a horrible time trying to figure out body image and accept my body at the size that it is. I constantly think about how much 'better' my life would be if I were in a smaller body, like my body size could make me happier or something. I have been told repeatedly by my support team that this is a fantasy and it isn't true. But I've found it difficult to un-learn those things and to shift my expectations and to accept my life and my body for what they are.
I couldn't offer any specific advice, just reaching out to share that I've had some really rough days recently when it comes to my body and I hope we can both find a way to accept ourselves without returning to restricting, and for myself, returning to bingeing.
Best of luck to you :)
@ashwashere1336 Hello! Firstly, I want to let you know reading your post, the first thing that came into my mind was that wow!! This lady is a fighter! You have faced so much and are still so self aware, you're looking for more ways to get better. I believe that is commendable! 👏
Secondly, I can understand how you feel. A lot of women feel the same way about their weight the way you do. From my personal experience, I would say that such things happen when we tend to care a lot about how others view us. The person who's view you should care about the most is "YOU". Remember the people that are genuine will always love you whether one is fat or skinny, any kind of physical traits do not effect your relationship with them. Try to offer yourself love and shower urself with positive compliments everyday. Self-love may not be easy to start but it would be a great way for you to feel comfortable in your skin and not undergo such kind of stressful thoughts. An exercise that you could start with is looking in the mirror everyday and saying things like:
▪️You're beautiful!
▪️Hey gorgeous! how are you doing?
▪️Look at that smile!
▪️You're one fighter, I'm so proud of you!
@healingblossombuddy
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this encouragement.
