My little disability space [TW]

@AvyIsKing physical therapy? Let's pray that helps you ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

Actually she's a psychologist who is gonna try and help me mentally (: 

Also isn't it late over thereeee sleep if you can 

@AvyIsKing oh yay ❤❤ that's awsome ❤ my psychologist is really nice ❤❤ and remember you don't have to talk or tell your mum, anything that is said during therapy ❤ praying it goes well for you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

i hope this one is nicer! Yeah i dont want my mum to know anything

i love you soooo much and i will reply when i wake up ❤️❤️ its late here 

@AvyIsKing goodnight angel ❤ sweet dreams ❤

No no no no no 

no no like i just cant 

all i can think right now is no

I've been waiting for this test since OCTOBER 

its finally tuesday

it was here

this was supposed to help

i was supposed to feel better

i was supposed to get better 

this was supposed to help

i just got a letter

4 days before the test

insurance isn't going to cover it 

i cant afford it 

*** 

like just ***

its medically unnecessary 

idek what to do 

@AvyIsKing

*hugs mop tight if okay, and sends lots of wuv and strength* :( 😔💜

@LoveMyMoonflowers

Big hugs ❤❤

@AvyIsKing wait what??? I don't really understand about insurance or medical stuff where you have to pay, in UK it's fre e. So what's happening?

@Tinywhisper11

The government basically said my test isn't necessary and jt won't do anything and basically they won't cover me having it done. Meaning we have to pay. 

It's really expensive

I can take my insurance company to court but it will cost so much money and time.

Basically I'm screwed and my mom called the hospital and since they are a research hospital they get a lot of donations and funding they can pay for most of it. If that doesn't work I'm probably not getting the test 

Update 

We don't have to pay and I'm still getting the test.

The hospital is a donation run children's hospital and basically we will never see a bill. Since insurance won't cover it, I'm just not getting charged at qll. 

I'm so lucky, genuinely 

@AvyIsKing Ohhh thats really good news!!! <3<3<3<3 :)

@AvyIsKing oh thank you God ❤❤ now relax and take it easy today if you can, yesterday must have been so scary and upsetting for you. But good things always happen to good people. Gives you a very happy, relieved giant tiny hug ❤ everything's back on track, it's all gonna be ok ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

one I love the profile pic!

Two yeah, yesterday was scary but I spent like 5 hours at band, 3 of which we just played volleyball. I'm really sore today , but i dont know if ive ever felt as safe and at home as i do at band 

@AvyIsKing aww I'm really glad you love band so much ❤ and feeling safe, well I wish you could feel safe everywhere😥 volleyball looks funnnnn😁 how's things at home like right now? I'm guessing not great😟 if it ever gets to the point where you feel your at risk, please phone for help! I love you, and I worry about you so much ❤gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ did you sleep well? How are your pain levels today?

@Tinywhisper11

Big big hugs! My pain is better today than it was yesterday. I didn't sleep great, lots of nightmares but that's usual for me! Today is mothers day here in the US so I made my mum breakfast and we made her a card and are getting ready for fun stuff later. I think me and my sister are going to watch my favorite movie now tho 🤭 

How are you feeling 

@AvyIsKing aww that's kind of you ❤ have fun with your sister ❤❤ I'm 🤔🤔 surviving

@Tinywhisper11

my test went ok, it was a fun experience. i get results next month.

my mom went through my phone and found cups and a social media site and basically im not allowed here anymore for the time being, ill try and sneak on when i can

@AvyIsKing 😥 did you explain that this is not really a social media site, but it's for people who are struggling with health reasons?, Cause surely, she wouldn't stop you using it for that, would she?? I'm so glad I never had parents

Yaay! Well done, I'm sure you've passed all your exams ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤

@Tinywhisper11

shes more mad that i had the social media site account, even though i used it to talk to a friend. im like not allowed home alone or near any device while alone and the only reason im sneaking on here now is cause my mom is cutting the grass and im in school

the like test for my foot went really well. the dr was so so nice. and apparently just from xrays, i have lots of issues :0 ones i didn't even know about so that's.... nice i guess aha 

@AvyIsKing oh no more health issues😥 that's just what you need!😞 although I'm pretty sure that will give you better chance to have surgery. I bet that plays on your mind alot, not knowing what help their gonna give you😟 there is no trust between you and your mum, it's very sad. Your a teenager, you need to live and explore, and in this day and age social media is common at your age. I'm sorry your going through this crap! In top of everything else your going through. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ keep holding on, in a few years life will be much different for you, in a good way ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

im just gonna keep holding on. i have around 670 days left here in whatever you wanna call this place i live in, then im out of here. i can breathe and relax. 

i went to a youth group on Wednesday and it was life changing and it made me feel so less... alone

@AvyIsKing youth group. Oh cool, did you make any friends?? What was it like?? What do you do there?? 

670 days countdown ❤❤

@Tinywhisper11

I went with a bunch of friends and met some more kids. it was life changing. i literally cried and i never do that xD

basically we got there and had pancakes and sat and talked awhile, then i played jenga with my friend. then we had sermon and literally it was just a bunch of teens singing and praising and it was so beautiful i literally cried at that point. then the pastor came up and we had the sermon and he basically said that its ok not to be perfect which was exactly what i needed to hear. then we broke up into groups and praised for something this week, then prayed for a struggle coming up 

@AvyIsKing awww sweetie that sounds like a lot of fun, I know you don't have band now, but know you have this youth club ❤❤ yaaaay! Hopefully this will be a fun distraction for you ❤ is it just once a werk?

@Tinywhisper11 is it just once a week*? And healthiest how have you been?

@Tinywhisper11

it is! but i cant go the next 2 weeks, im going to visit my grandma this week and next week i have a meeting. 

and idk how i am health wise. im hurting. i guess? i go see my dr this morning. mentally im a mess and its physically affecting me right now i guess 

@AvyIsKing  ❤ have a nice time with your grandma ❤❤ poor you😥 hugs you tightly ❤ I know cold weather affects pain levels, but is the heat making it any worse for you??

The heat is just unbearable at times. It's cause of this huge tight brace, that wraps tightly covering my stomach and all my back, it's so hot

@Tinywhisper11

the heat is worse for me because im allergic to water, and therefore sweat! it got like 90 degrees in my room last night and i woke up barely able to see and i threw up a lot and then had to sleep on the couch, not fun

but yeah my pain isn't doing well, but also im not taking care of myself. had a very bad week sadly. and i have to see my brother Friday, not sure if u know who he is or not. i kinda just wanna cry. the book i was reading was very triggering and also just taught me stuff i didn't wanna know. i finished it though

i cant straighten my leg without immense pain and idk whats wrong. i think im just failing at this point

how are you doing

my sister had her ingrown toenail removed yesterday and everyone is talking about taking care of her and saying how brave and strong she is and shes such a trooper and my grandma saw me limping and was like grow up. everyone is revolving around my sister and it sucks. shes making a huge deal over a mild medical thing, shes telling people she had surgery. its really disheartening because i don't get to do that. i just sit here barely existing. 

i haven't taken my inhaler yet today and breathing is really hard 

@AvyIsKing 😥 I'm so sorry sweetie, I wish it was different for you at home😞 I would just have to sit with you cuddling you all day and night. Doing everything for you, like you were the queen. That's the way you should be treated ❤ I hope you took your inhaler after writing this. Does weather effect asthma?? Cause I been really bad with asthma lately too. Your allergic to water😂😂😂 it could only happen to you😂😂😂 I'm not laughing😂😂 honest.

with all your illnesses and disabilities, and well me just me! If reincarnation was a thing, I bet in our last lives we were someone like hitler, and are now being punished😂😂

gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ I hope you'll be ok ❤ and your brother! He did bad things right? It's very sad you don't have the option not to go see him😥 I want to protect you so much, I wish I could. I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

if anyone is getting taken care of, its me taking care of you (: i will be 18 in 666 days... hmmm not such a lucky number ): but each number is divisible by 3, and if you add them together you get 18 which is 9 times 2, which makes me very very happy. i don't know if weather affects asthma, im not sure xD. i have what's called coughing-variant asthma so instead of wheezing i just cough like 40 times a day, and i get really bad coughing fits where i cant catch my breath. 

you go right ahead and laugh at me ok? please, i find it incredibly humorous as well. im a mess. and i really hope i wasn't hitler! i had family living over there during that time im pretty sure! maybe i was a cannibal... not much has changed. i know its not true but i like to sit here and just imagine that God created these struggles for me to test me, to show me how much is possible, so that when im an adult i can be happy and free and taken care of. i know that's not true, because both my mental issues and health issues will live with me for the rest of my life. but maybe ill get to the point where instead of waking up screaming and shaking and noticing im all by myself, maybe ill have someone to hold me. imagining the future kees me alive. 

why are my dogs running around like psychos? xD they are being insane and its so early in the morning 

yeah my brother is... a really really bad person and he did really bad things to me and i just don't like him. he reminds me every time i see him that i am a useless piece of junk and life would be easier if i d!ed. lots of fun fun fun stuff. i love you too <3 just so much <3

@AvyIsKing I'm with you there the future is gonna be great, and people like us will have a life worth living, a happy life. Where we can be free ❤ always hold on to the hope of 'one-day '. You your like Cinderella a really bad start, not loved it appreciated, but in 666 days, your life will begin, your a true Disney princess, and they always win, and live happily ever after ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

I woke up this morning with a feeling i haven't had in a while. i have hope. i find out about surgery in 19 days. i start therapy in a little over a week. im almost done with school for the year, i got one subject left. and if im a disney princess, so are you (: i love you too, hugssss

@AvyIsKing yesss! It's all starting to go the way it should for you ❤ I'm so happy to here your hope is back ❤❤hugs you tightly ❤

@Tinywhisper11

huge huge hugs (the gif sender isn't working on my end so I cant send you one ): )

i get to be home alone for a while today which im really excited for, just some time to relax, and not have to take care of anyone before my brother gets here 

@AvyIsKing you won't be alone with your brother will you??

@Tinywhisper11

i ended up being alone with him for a while. our trip went ok i guess. he's genuinely really concerned for my health because apparently its not normal to see your heart beating in your neck to the extent i do sometimes. he was a real jerk tho and screamed at me a lot and told me some nasty things but he also told me im smart so i dunno 

@AvyIsKing I'm glad he's concerned about your health. And you are very very intelligent. However don't listen to him, he's a bad guy. How's things going between you and your mum?  And how have you been feeling lately??

@Tinywhisper11

i had a really bad day friday, pain wise. like my mom almost called the dr even tho im 600 miles away. the past few days had been better, i actually went running both days again. today is a not so great day, both mentally and physically. i think the lack of sleep is catching up to me. my mom is still insane and shes driving me nuts and im so tired of everything