My little disability space [TW]
Hi! My name is Avy. I'm 15 years old. Basically I am going to use this space to rant about pain, the affects of my disability, and weird little things about it no one notices.
Let me explain my story a little bit:
So in 2021 I was playing soccer and I got stepped on, and then stepped on again early 2022. I went to my doctor and she sent me to an orthopedic doctor. That was when the surgeon said he was surprised I hadn't been to see him sooner. Because of my injury I ended up with severe tendinitis and arthritis in my foot. I was sent to physical therapy. Through months of intense physical therapy 4 times a week and going to the surgeon every 3 weeks, he figured this out. I have naturally high arches, it runs in my family. But for some reason the tendons in my foot stopped growing when I was about 7. Which explains why my feet have always hurt. As I'm getting older and taller it's getting worse and one day the tendons in my feet will snap. I also have tri-pod foot (that's what he called it) from my heels being misaligned. Basically only 3 really small points on my feet ever touch the ground. Not even my toes 😨. I've gone through 2 pairs of inserts, I do physical therapy every dang day, and nothings working. Basically now my only option is surgery. Since I've been limping for 2 years my knee has been affected and so has my hips. This whole process has been really isolating and discouraging. I kind of just want it over.
Anyway lots of weird things happen so I'll share them here!
@tinywhisper11 jeffy makes me feel very very loved <3 tomorrow is his 8th birthday :0 he's so old!!! i trust the doctors, i want them to help now, im no longer scared.
and yeah i have been doing a lot of crying lately, more in my bed at night alone. i got myself re-involved with someone pretty bad and its just been a long few weeks but crying helps
@AvyIsKing someone bad??😕
@Tinywhisper11
yeah ): my old ex who was a really bad person and did a lot of messed up things to me. we started talking again as friends but now he's like confessing his undying love and being really pushy and weird again and im scared
also don't u need sleep ? *hugs tightly* i love you
@AvyIsKing 😞😞 please be safe😞
AHHHHHH positive post
its officially my birthday!!! And boy does my nose hurt but I love it. TW when I turned 13 my brother told me id oof myself before I turned 15, but now I'm 16. I did it. I just did it. I caj barely walk but I did it
@AvyIsKing
hiii :) yaaayyy HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUU 🥳🥳🎉🎉🪅 oohh you're 16? I'm 16 too 😁 (older than u though hehe) I'm proud of you for making it this far ❤️ wish you the best for everything :) <3
Why does your nose hurt? not sure if you've already mentioned earlier sorry. Hope you're okay <3 have an amazing birthday!! :)
@tearstruck
ahhhh thank you!!!!
It hurts cause I got it peirced like an hour ago 🥲 lol
@AvyIsKing oohhhh that makes sense :D I'm glad you love it:) take care and have an amazing 16th! <3
@AvyIsKing yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
🎶🎶 happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah vodka 🎶🎶
but your only 16, so I'll just take that vodka😁 awwww! Your sweet 16th ❤❤❤ here's your balloons🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 *pop* *pop* oops! Sorry I like poping things😁 did your piercing hurt??? And yes you made it 😂😂😂 you sound like a old lady😂😂😂😂 'puts on old lady voice' "once I used to rock around the clock, now I hobble around the block"😂😂
anyway it's present time 🎁 open it. . It's a globe 🌎 cause you mean the world to me ❤❤ heres your other present 🎁let's open it... Oh look it's a new foot 🦶. Yaaaay! Now your all better ❤❤❤gives you the giantist tiny birthday hug evverrr ❤❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
lolllaaaaaaa this made me cry omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 thank you for the new foot! I love you so much *hugssss*
@AvyIsKing huggggs the birthday girl ❤❤ how is your sweet 16th going?
@Tinywhisper11
Hugggsss mom is being a butt, and I'm sad, but I'm having milkshakes with my friend at a cool restaurant
@AvyIsKing ooooo! Milkshake😋 strawberry ones are my favouritist😁 stupid mum! Don't let her ruin this day for you ❤ it's your sweet 16th, a milestone birthday ❤ you should get 3 milkshakes😋
@Tinywhisper11
I got a peach one!!!! My mom is being better now (: getting ready to go on a car trip now eheheheh
@AvyIsKing you got a peachy one haha! Me too🍑💨 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 oooo! A car trip, I wonder where you went🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 I'm glad your having a nice birthday you deserve it ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
im going to visit my grandma, all the way in new Jersey!!! (: I had the most amazing day. My mom didn't do much like at all, which big shock, I'm a big girl now, I guess happy birthday is enough lol aha. My sister and my friends planned a little surprise party and everyone made me gifts and it was so sweet I almost cried (:
@AvyIsKing awwww that's sweet ❤ have fun with grandma, I bet she'll be sooooo happy to see you and your sister ❤❤ and a little party with your sister and friends that sounds really nice ❤ homemade gifts are the best ❤❤❤
you know when you and your sister are a little bit older living fun, happy lives, perhaps starting families of your own, then your mum is gonna realise the damage she caused, she's gonna realise all those opportunities she missed out on and mistakes that was her own ignorant fault. In the end it's gonna be you and your sister that come out victorious in this whole situation ❤❤
how are you feeling? I bet your doors hurting quite a bit after today? Is your knee any less swollen yet?? And how is your nose? I bet it looks really great on you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
my grandma is happy to see me, but her health is failing. My knee hurts and so does my foot. I got really bad news today and I'm just sad and my irl friend who my life worth living is quitting band and I'm like
really upset
I might loose my granmda sooner than we thought 🥺😞 not having a good day at all ):
@AvyIsKing Ohhhh 😢 I'm so sorry to hear that ❤️🥺😞 take care 💕
@tearstruck
my grandma is like my mum and she's ill and has been for over 3 years but last we know she was doing good. Im so worried. If she goes back on chemo ill deferr my surgery to be here
@AvyIsKing ohhhh 😭😭😭 I understand, I'm so sorry ❤❤❤ I know thats must be really worrying and upsetting for you and you're very close to her and on top of that youre already going through a lot, and with your friend and that as well 😔 I'm sorry ❤ here for you if you need anything ❤ *hugs if okay*
@AvyIsKing 😞poor grandma. I'm so sorry sweetie😢 the thought of loosing your grandma, and a good friend, must be so hard😞 hugs you tightly ❤ sends healing rainbows 🌈🌈 to grandma ❤ unfortunately with life comes death, but it's what you left behind that makes you happily cross t hat bridge to heaven. And she has left alot, I bet her best, most proudest things she'll leave behind is the you and your sister, and the love she has for her family ❤ everything is gonna be ok sweetie, I'm right here for you ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
I know, and I know shes done fighting, this has been 3 years in the fighting. I'm just scared, and sad. Really really sad. I dont want to loose her. Ive lost every person ive ever cared about. They all say they wont go and then they do. I had a really good birthday but now im head deep in scary sadness again. I dont know if i can handle loosing both of them. I'm like attached to my friend, i was literally screaming at him last night. And my grandma is just... Shes my world.
@AvyIsKing being sad and scared right now is understandable sweetie 😞 hugggs you tightly. In any relationships, grandma or friend of other. We are all passing through this world making our own way. People will come and go all through out your life, but what matters is the memories you shared with them when you could. So instead of shouting at your friend do something memorable instead, like maybe one last giannnttt hug, and whisper in his ear, I love you and we'll meet again sometime ❤ and grandma isn't gone yet, you may not be able to see her as often as you like, but nice daily conversations on the phone, trust me it won't be a waste of time. Hugs you tightly ❤❤ offers a shoulder to cry on
@Tinywhisper11
i cant tell him i love him, even though i do. he has a girlfriend and his mom literally hates me. like she hates me for no reason other than i am the way i am. im gonna try and call my grandma more often, its just the idea of never seeing her again makes me so sad. i know people come and people go, but these are people that i consider my family. people i love with the entirety of my heart. i just don't want them to go. hugssss <3 im trying my hardest not to cry lol.
@AvyIsKing 😞😞 I'm so sorry sweetie 😢 I wish I was there to hug you in person. I've never had to deal with this kind of thing before, so I'm not sure how best to comfort you. Just remember it's safe here, you can vent and cry. You don't have to try and stay strong, when your not feeling it ❤ I love you and I'm right here for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I love you too, and thank you <3 i got some sleep and am feeling a bit better, im way less worried and scared <3 hugs
@AvyIsKing that's good sleep is good ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤ what about you how are you feeling with your pain levels??
I had my party.
I was hurting. If im not in physical pain im in mental pain because i cant eat really. Im so sick of this. I just want it to be over.
Ive never been in more pain in my life.
I just want it to stop
@AvyIsKing hugs you tightly ❤ I know how hard it is to manage physical and mental pain all at the same time. But you've come this far, it will get better I promise, your gonna be ok ❤ I love you ❤
I reminded my mom TWICE Tonight i needed my meds and when i finally said mom its 9pm i needed to take my meds at 5 she looked me dead in fhe eyes amd said fvck you. And then lectured me about being up to date with my meds
and so i felt stupid and useless so i folded the laundry to make her not angry and yell and i folded her socks wrong and she got so mad at me
😞😞 im really just so done
@AvyIsKing wraps you in a cosy blanket and cuddles you up ❤ I really wish you were in a safe, happy home. You suffer so much, and she does nothing to help😞 it's really sad. I'm sorry sweetie. Dw one day your gonna be pain free and living a life of luxury, cause your amazing and deserve only nice things ❤ I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
i love you too ❤️❤️ part of me wants to just leave. I got enough cash and i can grab food and meds and stuff. I'll just go and be on my own
@AvyIsKing *pulls worried face* I know that would be ideal. But you have to work there sort of discussion through first. But I really do understand that feeling. It's only a couple of years, then you will be free to go somewhere else and be safe at the same time. For now just hold on to all the hope you can. Let's get you physically well again first ❤
@Tinywhisper11 i dont even know if i have it left in me. i have 722 days left. its raining so i cant leave today (water allergy) but i probably will tomorrow. i don't know, im just so done. i can take care of myself i think. i don't really know.
@AvyIsKing
avy i really have no words to express myself i am sure you might musst be tired of hearing sorry and its gonna be okay sincerely i just wanna u to hang on it doesnt last what defines our life is the smiles and happy moments not the pains
@yellowThinker7831
hey ❤️ your words mean so much to me, seriously ❤️❤️ i know sometimes i get hopeless but sometimes i do have hope. ❤️ thank you 🥺
@AvyIsKing
i am glad i could make u feel better
@AvyIsKing hey sweetie ❤ how are you feeling now? I'm just gonna come down there and hide your sledgehammer. I hope you got some relief and managed to sleep ❤ I love you ❤
Sitting all day is terrible.
Im having a terrible pain day,but I'm in the car all day because my mom decided road trip for 0 reason.
I almost want to get a pin that people sell that says "I have an invisible disability" but people in public should just let me exist with what I need 🥲
@AvyIsKing 😞 feels your pain and frustration😥 gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ says a little prayer for you ❤❤I'm so sorry your suffering so badly, it's not fair. I wish those doctors hurry up and help you
@Tinywhisper11
hugs ❤️❤️ yeah I hope the doctors hurry up. Im loosing hope 😞
@AvyIsKing no don't loose hope, never loose hope. it's not easy going through the pain your feeling, it can break even the strongest person. ❤❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤I love you ❤ never give up ok?
@AvyIsKing ohhh! Please be careful with taking your meds ❤ I wish I could be there to just hug you ❤ are you managing to sleep ok?
@Tinywhisper11
not too much. We had really bad storms last night so no sleep for men
@AvyIsKing oh storms are scary 😥 sorry sweetie, I hope you can get some rest tonight ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ and a lollypop 🍭
@Tinywhisper11
im actually really excited because i might be going to a few of my friends church tonight :0 my friend said shed bring me a cupcake :0 big hugssssssss