My little disability space [TW]
Hi! My name is Avy. I'm 15 years old. Basically I am going to use this space to rant about pain, the affects of my disability, and weird little things about it no one notices.
Let me explain my story a little bit:
So in 2021 I was playing soccer and I got stepped on, and then stepped on again early 2022. I went to my doctor and she sent me to an orthopedic doctor. That was when the surgeon said he was surprised I hadn't been to see him sooner. Because of my injury I ended up with severe tendinitis and arthritis in my foot. I was sent to physical therapy. Through months of intense physical therapy 4 times a week and going to the surgeon every 3 weeks, he figured this out. I have naturally high arches, it runs in my family. But for some reason the tendons in my foot stopped growing when I was about 7. Which explains why my feet have always hurt. As I'm getting older and taller it's getting worse and one day the tendons in my feet will snap. I also have tri-pod foot (that's what he called it) from my heels being misaligned. Basically only 3 really small points on my feet ever touch the ground. Not even my toes 😨. I've gone through 2 pairs of inserts, I do physical therapy every dang day, and nothings working. Basically now my only option is surgery. Since I've been limping for 2 years my knee has been affected and so has my hips. This whole process has been really isolating and discouraging. I kind of just want it over.
Anyway lots of weird things happen so I'll share them here!
Just going to rant because im upset.
Because of my condition, I get ingrown toenails a lot. Like every 6-8 weeks. I didn't know til today that you usually go to a dr to get those removed... I just yoink em myself. Anyway my one toe is infected and hurts like crap, so yay /sarc
I'm so sick of this
@AvyIsKing hey sweetie ❤ I just read and replyed to your awssssome news post. I'm sooooooo proud of you ❤❤❤
Oh yeah come to think of it, 3 elderly people here at the carehome, actually have a nurse who comes out every like 6 weeks to clip their nails. Not sure if their ingrown, or if they just have trouble reaching. Why did your doctor not tell you this😞 you really need to come to UK, our health care sounds so much better than most countries, it's very sad. Hugs you tightly ❤ I wish I could have your pain instead of you, if I could have it off you I would. I'm glad your bf came over, you sound a cute couple ❤ please take some pain killers if you haven't already. Hugs you tightly ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 no i dont want you to hurt more 🥺 it's okay now, got some cream on it, trying to just make it better. I don't like pain meds I don't know why. My boyfriend is the best, he is amazing. Maybe I can get his permission to show you a picture 😁😁😁 hugssss ❤️❤️❤️ you are amazing lola buddy
not sure why but im in so much pain. i took pain meds almost an hour ago and its not helping and its making me cranky ): i don't even want to eat or take my other meds this morning
Tw-drugs
mixed my high strength pain cream and tylenol and it still hurts but I feel AWESOME like I feel floaty and everything feels wonderful
@AvyIsKing 😂😂😂 I'm glad your feeling high, and awsome. But that's probably not a good thing. I'm sorry your in so much pain😥gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
unfortunetly it didnt last very long, about an hour and a half later i was back to unbearable pain ): was up til like 7am, just woke up (1:30pm)
@AvyIsKing hugs you tightly ❤ I feeling your pain today😭 I just want to cry
@tinywhisper11 oh goshness lola that doesnt sound fun at all ): sending healing beams and huggies <3
might try and get my mum to get me to the dr today i dunno, pain is bad
@AvyIsKing yes that's good, the doctor will help you ❤❤ hope you feel better soon ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I took a different kind of pain meds I'm hoping it works
@AvyIsKing oh ok! The doctor have you been ones to try? I hope they helped you, even if just a little bit? Hugs you tightly ❤
Im going to go on a rant, no one has to read this. TW
Pain hasn't been so intense in so long. It hurts so bad. My friends are thinking about in college and I don't know if I'm going to be able to walk in 6 months. i might not even finish school. Im so done. Pain meds work for about 45 minutes, then it's back to unbearable pain. I was groaning on the couch because it hurts and my mom literally said "I know your foot hurts, but you arent sick, so stop being so dramatic" sometimes I just want love. Sometimes I just want someone to see how bad I struggle, I get it her stomach hurts but shes my mum, she should care. I feel like I'm the only one irl who cares about my health. I feel so insignificant and small. Ive spent the pqst 4 hours debating sewerslide. Im just so done. Im tired. All these people do is hurt me. They like watching me suffer. I cant be a normal teenager and worry about my hair and my makeup or go out with my friends because I just cant do it. I still take care of people. When will I stop taking care of people and finally get some love myself???
@AvyIsKing it's good to rant, get it all out ❤ I hear you and I feel for you. Being in constant pain, feeling alone. It's sometimes seems like the only option sometimes is ending it ourselves😞 but keep fighting please. You can do this, and it'll be worth the fight in the end. I really hope soon the doctors will move their butts, and make you all better ❤ it's horrible thinking your not like other teenagers, that other people are normal, and you can't be😥 I understand that, but don't let that destroy your mind. You are perfect and special in every way, oneday soon it's all gonna be ok ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
i guess part of me is just scared. what if this doesn't fix it? im just sick of being alone i guess
struggling with school today, having a hard time focusing.
my mom just came in and literally said 'well maybe your foot would feel better if you cleaned your room." and " i get it school is hard but afterwards to relax you can clean your room" i love the passive aggressive snides /sarcastic
i wish she would understand, or at least pretend to care
@AvyIsKing I know it's scary, but they will make you better ❤ and your mum... Damn!... That woman needs some talking too. Hugs you tightly ❤ how is your pain today?
@Tinywhisper11
pain is okay i guess. band was canceled so i got to sleep in a lot. its really exhausting to hurt all the time. my mum has been being real mean lately and she screamed at me last night and i like physically shut down. i ended up explaining to my best friend (idk if i told you, but she lives in a different state and i went to visit her xD) about what happened a bit in my childhood and shes a lot more understanding now.
im kind of glad i didn't have band because i cant really walk xD
hugssss
@AvyIsKing I'm so sorry sweetie 😞 I wish I was there to look after you properly. You don't deserve all this. Hugs you tightly ❤❤ I'm always here for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
thanks it means the world to me really. Just counting down the days til I can move in with a friend and then my bf (:
@AvyIsKing I love you ❤
I'm hurting today. I left my house for the first time today since last Monday. I got icecream and a stuffed animal for my boyfriend which I'm going to snuggle for him. Apparently my feet vend in when I walk which it's bad.
Just sore. I bruised the bone on my other ankle last night.
@AvyIsKing icecream??? I like icecream. Where's my ice cream???? I think it's time to get a wheelchair, wheelchairs are fun, you get to run people over😁 hugs you better ❤
@Tinywhisper11
thing about a chair is i only have 1 good hand ):
and its double chocolate with brownie bits and brownie batter
@AvyIsKing yaaay! Chocolate brownie ice cream is great, but not in batter😝 ok so no chair, damn! Girl you falling apart🤔🤔 ok your pretty small, I'll just get you a remote control car to ride in😁❤
@Tinywhisper11
I am falling apart. My wrist is actually a funny story (don't ask why I'm awake at this hour xD) so me and my sister got in a fight and she slammed the door on my beautiful right hand and blam
I wasn't allowed to tell anyone, idk how no one noticed aha. My whole right side is wackadoo.
Having issues with my sugar and my nerves tonight, no sure why I'm super dizzy and having waves of numbers, my friend is staying up with me
@AvyIsKing oh no😱 your poor hand. I hope your left handed. I'm glad your friend is staying up with you ❤❤becarful getting up when your having dizzy spells. I hope you can get some sleep soon ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@tinywhisper11 I will,she just went to bed so I will unwind before I call her all day tomorrow. Dont worry I am left handed (: miracle, because my left foot, my left hand, wnd my left ear are the better ones. Oh I'm not sure if you know but I'm half deaf. Autocorrect saying dead 🤭🤭 but I'm more bad eyed in my left eye.
Heres a weird fact I've learned while being on mostly bed rest. The technical term for the blob of toothpaste on a toothbrush is nurdle. Ive also been drawing and making all my friends custom Valentine's.
I got my bf a valentines gift today. Its a stuffed dog that says i woof you. Actuallyi think i told you already but oh well hehehe I'm really tired. But i got it early so i can snuggle it and sleep with it at night a couple nights before i give it to him, so it smells like me. Hehe he likes my smell (:
@AvyIsKing I'm sure you smell lovely ❤😂😂 nurdle hey!😂😂😂😂😂 thanks for that interesting fact😂😂😂 I don't want to be a nurdle, I'm gonna stick to bring a vegtable😎 goodnight sweet angel ❤ sleep well with woof ❤I hope when you wake up your pain will of eased ❤❤ half deaf, damn! Your worse than an old lady. Those elderly folk think they have problems😂😂 you should live with me in the old folks nursing home😂😂 you'd fit right in😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
😂😂I can read with all the old people! (: pain is better so far, fingers crossed for later. I love you so much
@AvyIsKing I'd cross my fingers for you too, but I can't. What's later???
@Tinywhisper11 hehe, its okay. i meant later in the day, i was on a call with my friend all day :0 it was lots of fun (:
the special hospital called this morning and wanted to know like super in-depth stuff about my childhood ):
@AvyIsKing were you able to tell them everything? Or was your mum with you?
@tinywhisper11 my mum woke me up to ask me a few questions, they wanted to know like developmentally -when I sat up when I started walking when I started reading, which is weird because none of my stuff got really bad til I reached adolescence. i dunno i didn't get to talk to them, my mum was on the phone. i don't really get to talk to my drs alone :/
@AvyIsKing when your 18 I think then you can talk for yourself properly. They are kinda odd questions😕 how are you feeling today?
@Tinywhisper11
eh had to run errands and my foot went numb and I came home and almost cried. I found out I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and I'm annoyed. I hate doctors, and last time they told me to go to an oral surgeon and I went and the oral surgeon was like go to these drs, but we have *** insurance.i just don't want 10,000 drs ):
@AvyIsKing hugs you tightly ❤ I wish I was a top doctor and surgeon and nurse, I would fix you up straight away. Would you trust me as a doctor??😂😂😂😂 I hope they help you soon. I only been to the dentist once. Good luck with that ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
i would absolutely trust you (: I told my boyfriend I've been to 4 different doctors in the 3 months we've been dating, its about to be 5 😔 I told him I was broken and i was sorry and he told me i might be broken but I'm his broken person and he loves me anyway.
I was telling my friend about my feet and issues snd stuff and he said *why don't you use a wheelchair* and i told him about my wrist and he said I'm being put in a bubble 🫧🫧
huggsss❤️❤️❤️
@AvyIsKing you and your bf are adorable ❤❤ and your friend as a good idea, either that or wrapped in bubble wrap. Oooo! Let's wrap you in bubble wrap, that would be fun. I'd be following you around *pop* *pop*. You trust doctor tiny!?!? Yaaay! I'll go get my surgery tools, don't worry I'll be careful with the chainsaw😁