My little disability space [TW]
Hi! My name is Avy. I'm 15 years old. Basically I am going to use this space to rant about pain, the affects of my disability, and weird little things about it no one notices.
Let me explain my story a little bit:
So in 2021 I was playing soccer and I got stepped on, and then stepped on again early 2022. I went to my doctor and she sent me to an orthopedic doctor. That was when the surgeon said he was surprised I hadn't been to see him sooner. Because of my injury I ended up with severe tendinitis and arthritis in my foot. I was sent to physical therapy. Through months of intense physical therapy 4 times a week and going to the surgeon every 3 weeks, he figured this out. I have naturally high arches, it runs in my family. But for some reason the tendons in my foot stopped growing when I was about 7. Which explains why my feet have always hurt. As I'm getting older and taller it's getting worse and one day the tendons in my feet will snap. I also have tri-pod foot (that's what he called it) from my heels being misaligned. Basically only 3 really small points on my feet ever touch the ground. Not even my toes 😨. I've gone through 2 pairs of inserts, I do physical therapy every dang day, and nothings working. Basically now my only option is surgery. Since I've been limping for 2 years my knee has been affected and so has my hips. This whole process has been really isolating and discouraging. I kind of just want it over.
Anyway lots of weird things happen so I'll share them here!
Just going to rant because im upset.
Because of my condition, I get ingrown toenails a lot. Like every 6-8 weeks. I didn't know til today that you usually go to a dr to get those removed... I just yoink em myself. Anyway my one toe is infected and hurts like crap, so yay /sarc
I'm so sick of this
@AvyIsKing hey sweetie ❤ I just read and replyed to your awssssome news post. I'm sooooooo proud of you ❤❤❤
Oh yeah come to think of it, 3 elderly people here at the carehome, actually have a nurse who comes out every like 6 weeks to clip their nails. Not sure if their ingrown, or if they just have trouble reaching. Why did your doctor not tell you this😞 you really need to come to UK, our health care sounds so much better than most countries, it's very sad. Hugs you tightly ❤ I wish I could have your pain instead of you, if I could have it off you I would. I'm glad your bf came over, you sound a cute couple ❤ please take some pain killers if you haven't already. Hugs you tightly ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 no i dont want you to hurt more 🥺 it's okay now, got some cream on it, trying to just make it better. I don't like pain meds I don't know why. My boyfriend is the best, he is amazing. Maybe I can get his permission to show you a picture 😁😁😁 hugssss ❤️❤️❤️ you are amazing lola buddy
not sure why but im in so much pain. i took pain meds almost an hour ago and its not helping and its making me cranky ): i don't even want to eat or take my other meds this morning
Tw-drugs
mixed my high strength pain cream and tylenol and it still hurts but I feel AWESOME like I feel floaty and everything feels wonderful
@AvyIsKing 😂😂😂 I'm glad your feeling high, and awsome. But that's probably not a good thing. I'm sorry your in so much pain😥gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
unfortunetly it didnt last very long, about an hour and a half later i was back to unbearable pain ): was up til like 7am, just woke up (1:30pm)
@AvyIsKing hugs you tightly ❤ I feeling your pain today😭 I just want to cry
@Tinywhisper11 noooo i hope you feel better ): maybe its cause the cold. ill take your pain (:
@AvyIsKing it is minus 5 degrees here tonight, so yeah the cold don't help. I have a chest infection and flu. I'm taking my second course of antibiotics and steroids, but the coughing with a broken spine, hurrrtsss 😭
@tinywhisper11 oh goshness lola that doesnt sound fun at all ): sending healing beams and huggies <3
might try and get my mum to get me to the dr today i dunno, pain is bad
@AvyIsKing yes that's good, the doctor will help you ❤❤ hope you feel better soon ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I took a different kind of pain meds I'm hoping it works
@AvyIsKing oh ok! The doctor have you been ones to try? I hope they helped you, even if just a little bit? Hugs you tightly ❤
Im going to go on a rant, no one has to read this. TW
Pain hasn't been so intense in so long. It hurts so bad. My friends are thinking about in college and I don't know if I'm going to be able to walk in 6 months. i might not even finish school. Im so done. Pain meds work for about 45 minutes, then it's back to unbearable pain. I was groaning on the couch because it hurts and my mom literally said "I know your foot hurts, but you arent sick, so stop being so dramatic" sometimes I just want love. Sometimes I just want someone to see how bad I struggle, I get it her stomach hurts but shes my mum, she should care. I feel like I'm the only one irl who cares about my health. I feel so insignificant and small. Ive spent the pqst 4 hours debating sewerslide. Im just so done. Im tired. All these people do is hurt me. They like watching me suffer. I cant be a normal teenager and worry about my hair and my makeup or go out with my friends because I just cant do it. I still take care of people. When will I stop taking care of people and finally get some love myself???
@AvyIsKing it's good to rant, get it all out ❤ I hear you and I feel for you. Being in constant pain, feeling alone. It's sometimes seems like the only option sometimes is ending it ourselves😞 but keep fighting please. You can do this, and it'll be worth the fight in the end. I really hope soon the doctors will move their butts, and make you all better ❤ it's horrible thinking your not like other teenagers, that other people are normal, and you can't be😥 I understand that, but don't let that destroy your mind. You are perfect and special in every way, oneday soon it's all gonna be ok ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
i guess part of me is just scared. what if this doesn't fix it? im just sick of being alone i guess
struggling with school today, having a hard time focusing.
my mom just came in and literally said 'well maybe your foot would feel better if you cleaned your room." and " i get it school is hard but afterwards to relax you can clean your room" i love the passive aggressive snides /sarcastic
i wish she would understand, or at least pretend to care
@AvyIsKing I know it's scary, but they will make you better ❤ and your mum... Damn!... That woman needs some talking too. Hugs you tightly ❤ how is your pain today?
@Tinywhisper11
pain is okay i guess. band was canceled so i got to sleep in a lot. its really exhausting to hurt all the time. my mum has been being real mean lately and she screamed at me last night and i like physically shut down. i ended up explaining to my best friend (idk if i told you, but she lives in a different state and i went to visit her xD) about what happened a bit in my childhood and shes a lot more understanding now.
im kind of glad i didn't have band because i cant really walk xD
hugssss
@AvyIsKing I'm so sorry sweetie 😞 I wish I was there to look after you properly. You don't deserve all this. Hugs you tightly ❤❤ I'm always here for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
thanks it means the world to me really. Just counting down the days til I can move in with a friend and then my bf (:
@AvyIsKing I love you ❤
I'm hurting today. I left my house for the first time today since last Monday. I got icecream and a stuffed animal for my boyfriend which I'm going to snuggle for him. Apparently my feet vend in when I walk which it's bad.
Just sore. I bruised the bone on my other ankle last night.
@AvyIsKing icecream??? I like icecream. Where's my ice cream???? I think it's time to get a wheelchair, wheelchairs are fun, you get to run people over😁 hugs you better ❤
@Tinywhisper11
thing about a chair is i only have 1 good hand ):
and its double chocolate with brownie bits and brownie batter
@AvyIsKing yaaay! Chocolate brownie ice cream is great, but not in batter😝 ok so no chair, damn! Girl you falling apart🤔🤔 ok your pretty small, I'll just get you a remote control car to ride in😁❤
@tinywhisper11 I will,she just went to bed so I will unwind before I call her all day tomorrow. Dont worry I am left handed (: miracle, because my left foot, my left hand, wnd my left ear are the better ones. Oh I'm not sure if you know but I'm half deaf. Autocorrect saying dead 🤭🤭 but I'm more bad eyed in my left eye.
Heres a weird fact I've learned while being on mostly bed rest. The technical term for the blob of toothpaste on a toothbrush is nurdle. Ive also been drawing and making all my friends custom Valentine's.
I got my bf a valentines gift today. Its a stuffed dog that says i woof you. Actuallyi think i told you already but oh well hehehe I'm really tired. But i got it early so i can snuggle it and sleep with it at night a couple nights before i give it to him, so it smells like me. Hehe he likes my smell (:
@AvyIsKing I'm sure you smell lovely ❤😂😂 nurdle hey!😂😂😂😂😂 thanks for that interesting fact😂😂😂 I don't want to be a nurdle, I'm gonna stick to bring a vegtable😎 goodnight sweet angel ❤ sleep well with woof ❤I hope when you wake up your pain will of eased ❤❤ half deaf, damn! Your worse than an old lady. Those elderly folk think they have problems😂😂 you should live with me in the old folks nursing home😂😂 you'd fit right in😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
😂😂I can read with all the old people! (: pain is better so far, fingers crossed for later. I love you so much
@AvyIsKing I'd cross my fingers for you too, but I can't. What's later???
@Tinywhisper11 hehe, its okay. i meant later in the day, i was on a call with my friend all day :0 it was lots of fun (:
the special hospital called this morning and wanted to know like super in-depth stuff about my childhood ):
@AvyIsKing were you able to tell them everything? Or was your mum with you?
@tinywhisper11 my mum woke me up to ask me a few questions, they wanted to know like developmentally -when I sat up when I started walking when I started reading, which is weird because none of my stuff got really bad til I reached adolescence. i dunno i didn't get to talk to them, my mum was on the phone. i don't really get to talk to my drs alone :/
@AvyIsKing when your 18 I think then you can talk for yourself properly. They are kinda odd questions😕 how are you feeling today?
@Tinywhisper11
eh had to run errands and my foot went numb and I came home and almost cried. I found out I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and I'm annoyed. I hate doctors, and last time they told me to go to an oral surgeon and I went and the oral surgeon was like go to these drs, but we have *** insurance.i just don't want 10,000 drs ):
@AvyIsKing hugs you tightly ❤ I wish I was a top doctor and surgeon and nurse, I would fix you up straight away. Would you trust me as a doctor??😂😂😂😂 I hope they help you soon. I only been to the dentist once. Good luck with that ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
i would absolutely trust you (: I told my boyfriend I've been to 4 different doctors in the 3 months we've been dating, its about to be 5 😔 I told him I was broken and i was sorry and he told me i might be broken but I'm his broken person and he loves me anyway.
I was telling my friend about my feet and issues snd stuff and he said *why don't you use a wheelchair* and i told him about my wrist and he said I'm being put in a bubble 🫧🫧
huggsss❤️❤️❤️
@AvyIsKing you and your bf are adorable ❤❤ and your friend as a good idea, either that or wrapped in bubble wrap. Oooo! Let's wrap you in bubble wrap, that would be fun. I'd be following you around *pop* *pop*. You trust doctor tiny!?!? Yaaay! I'll go get my surgery tools, don't worry I'll be careful with the chainsaw😁
